


Rock Stars: The Fall of The Crystal Gems

by soundlessAsdots



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Rock Stars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2018-11-15 22:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 93,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11240700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundlessAsdots/pseuds/soundlessAsdots
Summary: Steven discovers that his deceased mother's rock band, The Crystal Gems, were popular in the late 90s.With the help of his best friend Connie, Steven attempts to get them to reunite as he tries to uncover the reason for the band's break-up.





	1. Rose's Song

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so the gems' instruments don't match their leitmotifs on the show. If I did that, I wouldn't have been able to make them a punk rock band. So instruments have been altered. For example, Pearl is a guitarist instead of a pianist.
> 
> Tags have been updated. For Lapidot shippers, they don't come into play until way down the line in the story.
> 
> Anyway, hope everyone enjoys the first chapter. 
> 
> Also my "a" button is broken, so keep that in mind when reading and a typo pops up.

Steven’s father was a hoarder. This created a need for a storage unit on the edge of town. Although it was filled to the brim with useless junk, occasionally there were treasures buried in there. Steven scratched his head, kneeding his hands through his curly brown hair as he tried to configure his best point of entry into the storage unit. 

 

He inched his way into the storage locker, leading the way for his best friend Connie to follow him. They had a long weekend from middle school this week due to Memorial Day and Steven wanted to show Connie the video game _Earthbound_. Boxes towered all around them. Dust fell as they moved around, causing Steven to sneeze. 

 

“Gesundheit,” Connie said. 

 

“Thanks!” Steven said. He kneeled down in front of a worn out box. It was about to deteriorate. “I think my dad said the Super Nintendo is right near this box.” 

 

“How did he phrase it again? Connie asked. 

 

“He said it was near the worn out box that looks like old oatmeal,” Steven said. 

 

“I think this looks more like kind of old cream of wheat,” Connie said with a giggle. 

 

Steven let out a laugh and said. “Good one, Connie.” He handed Connie one box. “You can look through this one and I’ll look through the one underneath it.” 

 

Connie nodded. She opened the box and began to sift through what appeared to be some of his father’s old T-shirts with obscure band names on them. 

 

Steven’s box contained an old coin collection he was sure his father inherited from one of his many great-uncles. 

 

“No. Way,” Connie said. “Steven! Your dad has a picture of himself with The Crystal Gems!” 

 

“Well, yeah,” Steven said with a shrug as he observed the faded black and white Polaroid photo. His father was standing next to his mother with his arm around her. Next to his mother was Pearl, the lead guitarist, who was crossing her arms. Garnet, the bassist, was patting Greg on the head. Amethyst, the drummer, was sticking her tongue out at the camera. “That was my mom’s band.” 

 

“Your mom was that Rose?!” Connie said with wide eyes. 

 

“I don’t know what you’re getting at,” Steven said. His head cocked in confusion. He knew his parents met through their mutual bands, but he thought it was a small thing they did for fun. Connie seemed to be blowing this out of proportion. “I mean before she...well passed away. She was in a band and they were all best friends. Then she met my dad when they opened for him at a concert one night. Then she had me and then....” Steven trailed off. 

 

Connie bit her bottom lip. Steven knew he made it awkward and he felt badly about it. Connie didn’t mean to bring it up. 

 

“I’m sorry for bringing--” Connie said. 

 

“No worries,” Steven said. He managed to force a small smile and said, “So tell me what the big deal with my mom’s band is.” 

 

Connie giggled, but then got suddenly serious, “Steven, The Crystal Gems were like the greatest girl rock band of the late 90s! Well until they broke up in 2002 because--” 

 

“They didn’t break-up,” Steven said. “They took a break because Pearl broke her hand and then my mom got pregnant with me.” 

 

Connie’s face contorted into a concerned expression. Her brow was crinkled and she was biting her bottom lip. It concerned Steven. She seemed to know something he didn’t. “Yeah, that’s what I meant,” Connie said. “Anyway, have you ever looked them up on Youtube?” 

 

“I mean, my dad has all their CDs and most of their live videos saved on VHS, so I never really needed to.” 

 

Connie whipped her phone out and typed in “The Crystal Gems,” on the search bar of the Youtube App. 

 

A cheesy music video called, “The Other Night,” started to play. Steven saw that it was filmed in 1998. There was a close-up on his mother’s face smirking into the camera. Her hair was made up, taming her wild pink curls. She wore a baggy black and pink dress. 

 

The camera cut to the Amethyst. Her hair was short and dyed bright purple. She looked young. Steven thought she couldn’t have been older than fifteen. The Amethyst he knew, the one who came to his thirteenth birthday party last summer, had long brown hair with purple streaks in it. She began to start the tempo with the drums. 

 

Then the camera zoomed out to a medium shot, showing all of the members of the band standing on a makeshift stage in a dark living room at a house party. Garnet, besides looking about a decade younger, was the same as Steven knew her now. She wore dark sunglasses, a red tank top, and flared jeans. 

 

Steven almost did not recognize the other guitar player to his mother’s right. The woman had on loose, black bootcut jeans and a baggy, teal t-shirt. Her hair was short and dyed light pink. Her nails were short, but painted in an intricate turquoise and pink pattern. 

 

“Wow, Pearl looks weird,” Steven said. 

 

“What do you mean?” Connie asked. “I think she looks really cool.” 

 

“I mean, the Pearl I know has strawberry blonde hair that’s like at her shoulders. And she wears like no make-up and always has silk shirts from Italy on. She’s, um, proper? Yeah. She’s proper.”

 

Then Steven’s mother began to sing as she played rhythm guitar. 

 

_There’s a girl. I saw_

_The other night._

_I want to know her._

_She kills it_

_When she strums._

_I want to be near_

_Her all the time._

_And never let go._

 

_We’re best friends._

_Together all the time._

_Never apart. Never alone._

_Can’t you see._

_What this does_

_To me. Never alone._

_Never again._

_She's my best friend._

 

Pearl sang the harmony and played the guitar riff. Then she busted out with an intense guitar solo, making the song into something else, something more hardcore. It transcended the song. She jumped around on the small stage, before leaning against Rose's side, smiling up at her. Steven’s stomach churned out of nerves. He had never seen Pearl act like that. She gave him educational gifts like books and science kits. At his birthdy parties, she quizzed him on vocabulary. 

 

Throughout the music video. There were quick shots of The Crystal Gems walking around Beach City. Pearl and Rose sat on a bench. Pearl gave Amethyst a piggy back. Garnet stared into a store window. Steven paused the video halfway through. He didn’t want to see the rest. 

 

“90’s music videos are weird,” Connie said. “The music is awesome. Music videos on the other hand. Weird.” 

 

“Definitely,” Steven said absently. He scrolled down and started to read the comments:

 

**Bobbarkersson89 (1 year ago)**

 Rose was gorgeous and she sang like an angel RIP. 

 -668 Likes

 

**Monkeeballz (2 years ago)**

 Pearl was a freaking goddess on the guitar. where the hell did she go?

 -348 likes

  **\--Reply: Marigoesboom6008 (2 years ago)**

 --Pearl writes top forty songs now. Such a waste.

 --60 likes

  **\----Reply: Monkeeballz (2 years ago)**

 ----shit just googled her. she seems to be doing really well (apparently she’s dating a Victoria Secret model?!), but it really is a waste of talent for her to write songs for shitty bands like Maroon 5 and The Diamond Trio. 

 ----39 likes

  **\-------Reply: Marigoesboom6008 (2 years ago)**

 --------The Diamond Trio is garbage. 

 --------56 likes

 

 

**MartyMcFly (1 year ago)**

 Amethyst is the most underrated drummer of all time. Wish Crystal gems would get back together cuz her new band These Freaks, is not nearly as good. 

 -198 likes 

  **\--Reply: Pencildicks4598 (8 months ago)**

 --Take that back you asshole. These Freaks are the best indie rock band around right now!

 --5 likes

 

**KitKatzone94 (3 months ago)**

 I think we all know what this song is about ;) 

 -74 likes

**\--Reply: Mr.Robinson69 (1 month ago)**

\--wat is it about

**\----Reply: NahtABot1997**

 ----sex, dude. 

 -----105 likes

 

**CassandraseesTheFuture (1 year ago)**

 How does Garnet play the bass with sunglasses on when the lights are so dark? lolz

 -589 likes

 

**Hollabackgrl98 (3 years ago)**

 Can we all just think for a minute about how great Pearl is at the guitar? Top five female guitarists of all time, easily. 

 -143 likes

  **\--Reply:MarcherofMadness5321 (2 years ago)**

 --She’s in the top ten guitarists of ALL TIME regardless of gender. 

 ---208 likes

 

**BestMomEver1975 (5 years ago)**

 I remember taking a three hour Greyhound bus to see them play in Beach City back in 1998. It was the greatest concert I’ve ever been to. Music isn’t nearly as good now as it used to be.

 -45 likes

  **\--Reply: PinkKangeroo5730 (1 year ago)**

 --Tell that to Pearl. She’s writing the shitty top 40 songs now. She’s a traitor to punk rock. 

 ---15 likes 

 

**Mr.Robinson69 (1 year ago)**

 I want to fuck pearl. so sexxxxy YUM 

 -134 likes

  **\--Reply: halliegal3298 (1 year ago)**

 --She wouldn’t be interested ;) lolz

 --148 likes

  **\----Reply: Mr.Robinson69 (6 months ago)**

 ----Why is everyone laughing at me?” 

 ----53 likes 

 

Steven decided to never read a Youtube comment section again. He was sure he was now a visable green color. Ick. 

 

“Steven,” Connie said, “don’t mind the comments. They’re super lame. And misogynistic. And gross. And not very well thought out.” 

 

“People really like them,” Steven said. “I didn’t think they were popular.” 

 

“Well, this is their most famous song,” Connie said. “It was in some 90s movie. That’s why it has, like, five million views.” 

 

“One of Mom’s songs was in a movie?" Steven mumbled to himself. 

 

Steven looked at the related videos. Most of them were for a couple of their other songs. One was for a song by Amethyst’s new band These Freaks, called “I Wanna Follow You.” Another was an interview Garnet gave about gender in rock history. He clicked on a video called "Pearl LeBlanc - Letterman 1999," with a thumbnail that showed a pink-haired Pearl sitting on a couch on a talk show set. 

 

“I heard you were classically trained,” the talk show host said to Pearl. 

 

“I went to a performing arts high school. I studied piano and music composition,” Pearl said. 

 

“So you compose and write all the songs?” the talk show host asked. “Even ‘The Other Night’?”

 

“Rose wrote that one,” Pearl said. 

 

“Did she write it about you?” 

 

Pearl blushed. She laughed then said, “No of course not. Anyway, we write most of the songs together." 

 

“Someone told me you can play Bach on the guitar,” the talk show host said. 

 

Steven then saw another related video titled, “The Crystal Gems and Mr. Universe - "I Want to Let Go" - Chicago - 1999.” The thumbnail was Pearl and Rose on a stage, laughing at something. 

 

He hit play on the video. 

 

It was badly filmed. Most likely it was on video tape. The sound was not bad. He could hear almost everything perfectly. 

 

Pearl and Rose were on a tiny stage in what appeared to be a small venue. The stage had graffiti all over it. His mother wore a short, white dress. Her curly pink hair was pulled back into a pony tail. Pearl was dressed in baggy clothes; a large t-shirt and loose pants. Her strawberry blonde hair was simple and short, but long enough to be in her eyes. They both were holding guitars. Garnet was off to the side, chugging a water bottle. Amethyst looked bored at the drums, like she was waiting for her cue to start playing. 

 

The camera was shaky. The person zoomed in on Rose. She smiled into the audience and said, “We are so excited to be here with Greg Universe!” 

 

The small crowd cheered. 

 

The camera focused on Pearl, who was looking at the ground. Pearl forced a smile at Rose. When Rose returned the eye contact, Pearl began to laugh nervously. 

 

“So, guys,” Rose said. “Pearl drives the van to all our gigs. I know, I know. You’re all thinking, we have a hit single, why we don’t we have a bus?” 

 

Pearl leaned into her mic and said dryly, “The reason is Amethyst. She would store too much stuff in it.” 

 

Garnet then said something inaudible that made Pearl lose it. She began to crack up, while Amethyst rolled her eyes at Pearl. 

 

"This is 'I Want to Let Go,'" Rose said. 

 

Amethyst then began the tempo. The song was slow. It was sad. As his mother sang, she focused on the ground, not looking at Pearl. Pearl sang the harmony and played lead guitar. 

 

Steven realized as he listened to the lyrics that it was a break-up song. 

 

“This is a strange video,” Connie said. 

 

“I thought my dad might be in it,” Steven said. 

 

“Wait!” Connie said. “There he is!” Connie pointed to the corner of the screen. Steven’s father, now a middle-ged bald man, was a young man in his mid-twenties with long, flowing hair. The man looked uncomfortable as he stood in the crowd by the edge of the stage. “His hair looks awesome,” Connie said. 

 

“Yeah,” Steven nodded. “He used to have awesome hair.” 

 

Steven became confused. He didn’t know his mother’s band was so popular. He knew these women. They would come to his birthday party every year, except he never asked them about their past. He never asked them what they knew about his mother. He only knew about the stories his father told him. 

 

“You said the band broke up,” Steven said. 

 

Connie slowly turned her head away from the phone screen and locked eyes with Steven. “I read about it in a _Spin_ magazine article.” 

 

“What happened?” Steven asked. 

 

“I dunno, Steven. I mean, it’s all second hand gossip. Who knows what really happened. You should probably ask your--” 

 

“Please, Connie?” Steven asked. 

 

“Alright,” Connie sighed. “The Crystal Gems were supposed to play in Paris for a huge audience. Pearl and Rose got into a verbal fight at the hotel. Pearl somehow broke her hand. No one knows if a mirror fell on her hand or if she punched it. Or if...” 

 

“Or if what?” Steven asked. 

 

“Someone else broke her hand,” Connie said. 

 

Steven stared at the paused video on the phone. His mother looked so sad. He wondered if she always felt that way. Music should make you happy, right? 

 

“Forget about the Super Nintendo,” Steven said. “I need to ask my dad what happened.” 

 


	2. The Diamonds' Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments/kudos! When it comes to the songs, I will probably only write one verse and a chorus (writing lyrics is hard). This chapter is basically filler, but it's necessary to set-up the story.

Steven could taste the salt water in the wind as he and Connie rode their bikes down the Beach City boardwalk. They zoomed and weaved through the hoards of Memorial Day tourists as they passed by the pier’s amusement park. He could smell fried dough. Normally, he would have stopped, but he heard a pop song sung by The Diamond Trio: 

 

_You are my paradise_

_Paradise, Paradise_

_Meet me in my backyard._

_We can make our own vacation._

 

_You’re my boy_

_Nothing will change that._

_It’s not a ploy_

_Let’s laugh and smoke_

_Let’s love under the stars._

_I don’t joke. I don’t joke._

 

For some reason, this made Steven push the pedals harder. The summer sun beat down on his face as he tried to get to his father’s car wash. 

 

“Steven!” Connie yelled. “Slow down a bit!” 

 

“Sorry,” Steven said as he quickly glanced back at Connie. 

 

In the distance, he could see his father. Greg Universe was a slightly balding man desperately trying to hold onto his flowing rock star hair. He was washing a Cadillac. Greg bobbed his head up and down as he listened to a song on his iPod. 

 

“Dad!” Steven said. He jumped off his bike and threw it onto the grass. 

 

Connie slowly stopped her bike, got off, and parked it so it was leaning against a tree. 

 

Greg did not hear Steven. He tossed the drying rag onto the wet Cadillac and started to mime a guitar solo. 

 

“Dad!” Steven said. He waved his hands in front of his father’s face. 

 

Greg’s eyes widened. He smiled, took off his headphones, and said, “Hey, bud! What’s going--” 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me Mom’s band was famous?!” Steven said. He waved his hands in the air. “Or that Pearl’s hair used to be pink? Or that they had a song in a movie? Or...or that Pearl is rich and wrote like half the songs on the radio? Or that--” 

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Greg said with a calming voice. He motioned his hands down, signaling Steven to talk more slowly. “One question at a time.” 

 

“Mom’s band was popular,” Steven said. “You never told me that.” He looked down at the ground. 

 

Greg’s smile faded. He put his hand on Steven’s shoulder and said, “I didn’t know if you would understand. I mean, yeah they had a hit song, but they’re only really famous in some niche indie rock circles.” 

 

“Pearl was on Letterman,” Steven said. “That’s like the widest possible audience ever.” 

 

“You saw the Letterman clip?” Greg asked. “Did you see Pearl play Bach on the guitar? It’s amaz--” 

 

“Dad!” Steven said.

 

“Okay,” Greg shrugged. “I suppose they _were_ popular. But that was over a decade ago. I didn’t think you would care about fame, Steven.” 

 

“I don’t care about fame,” Steven said. “I-I care about knowing about Mom.” 

 

Greg’s eyes welled up. He was disappointed in himself. “You’re right, bud. I should have told you.” 

 

Steven stared down at the grass. Ants were making a colony on the edge of the sidewalk. “Pearl’s hair used to be pink?” 

 

“They were in a punk band,” Greg said with a shrug. “They all dyed their hair crazy colors.” 

 

“And they had a song in a movie?” Steven asked. “Why haven’t I seen this movie?” 

 

“It’s not that great of a movie,” Greg said. “It’s about a girl and a boy pretending to date so they can win prom king and queen. They fall in love at the end. It’s a pretty standard 90’s flick. Nothing special.” 

 

“Fine,” Steven said. “Then why haven’t you told me Pearl is rich and writes like half the songs that are on the radio?” 

 

“Eh, it never came up?” Greg said with a nervous laugh. He cringed. “Up until now you were kind of young. You wouldn’t have understood the significance of having a small, dedicated audience that loves your music or what it means to have a song in a movie. I guess I should have normalized it. I’m...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep anything from you.” 

 

Steven looked back at Connie. She nodded at him, signaling for him to ask the last question. 

 

“But you did keep something from me,” Steve said. “You said Mom’s band went on a break so she could have me. But they didn’t go on a break. Pearl got in a fight with Mom. Pearl broke her hand. Then the band broke up. You...you never told me that.” 

 

Greg looked away toward the ocean. “I...I don’t know what happened, Steven.” He then shifted his focus toward Steven. “That’s something only The Crystal Gems know. And trust me.” He put his hand on Steven’s shoulder. “It’s not something they will easily spill their guts about. Otherwise, I would already know.” 

 

Steven wondered if his father was telling the truth. It would be easier if people just told him things. “All right. Thanks, Dad,” Steven managed to say. 

 

“If you have any other questions, you can always ask me,” Greg said. 

 

Steven nodded. 

 

After the discussion with Greg, Connie suggested to Steven that they go to the Big Donut to talk about it. 

 

Normally Steven would stand toward the glass display case so he could marvel at all the colors and flavors of donuts. Today he leaned with his back against the case. 

 

“You sure you don’t want two donuts?” Connie asked. 

 

“I’m only feeling one glazed today,” Steven said. 

 

“You okay, Steven?” Sadie, the short blonde cashier, asked from behind the counter. “Usually you’re all giddy when you decide on which donut to get.” 

 

“I’m fine,” Steven said. He crossed his arms. 

 

Connie gave Sadie an empathetic look and shrugged. 

 

The song “Backyard Paradise” by The Diamond Trio began to play on the Big Donut’s radio. 

 

_You are my paradise_

_Paradise, Paradise_

_Meet me in my backyard._

_We can make our own vacation._

 

_You’re my boy_

_Nothing will change that._

_It’s not a ploy_

_Let’s laugh and smoke_

_Let’s love under the stars._

_I don’t joke. I don’t joke._

 

“Not this song again,” Steven mumbled to himself. 

 

Lars, a skinny, tan guy in his late teens came out the back room storage door. He was carrying some boxes. “This stupid song again?” he asked with frustration. His voice was whiny. He hung his head back in exasperation.   He ran his fingers through his bright red mohawk. “Sadie, please change the radio station in here. They play this every five minutes. I’m going insane.” 

 

“Sorry, Lars,” Sadie said. “I don’t have control over the station. Corporate doesn’t let us change it.” 

 

“Then can you turn it off then?” Lars asked. 

 

“Nope,” Sadie said.

 

“The lyrics are garbage,” Lars said. 

 

“I know, right?” Steven said. 

 

“Steven?!” Lars asked with confusion. “Did you just really say that. You usually like everything.” 

 

“Usually I do, but this time, it’s like the person who wrote it didn’t try,” Steven said, shaking his head. 

 

“Don’t worry, Lars,” Sadie said. “It’s one of those songs that’s O.K. the first time you listen to it. Then it becomes excruciatingly annoying every time you hear it. And then it becomes amazing again.”

 

Lars made a groaning sound and mumbled something about going to the back to take a nap. 

 

“Do you think Pearl wrote this song?” Steven asked Connie. 

 

“Pearl?” Sadie asked. 

 

“She’s um...my aunt?” Steven said. 

 

“We can Google it,” Connie nodded as she picked up the take out bag filled with donuts from the counter. 

 

They thanked Sadie and then left the store to go and eat their donuts on the beach. 

 

Steven took off his sandals and dug his feet into the sand. “So did she write it?” 

 

Connie nodded as she took a bite from her strawberry frosted donut. “Looks like she’s written most of The Diamond Trio’s songs since 2003.” 

 

“Weird,” Steven said. “Those songs sound nothing like The Crystal Gem’s songs.” 

 

“Wow,” Connie said. “She has three ‘Song of The Year,’ Grammy awards for some of The Diamond Trio songs she wrote.” 

 

Steven leaned over to get a better view of the phone screen. There was a picture of Pearl wearing a simple, black cocktail dress on the red carpet. Her face and hair were all done up. A slightly taller brunette woman with what Steven could only describe as “mermaid hair,” had her arms around her and was kissing a giggling Pearl on the cheek. The photo caption read, “Model Felicia Vasquez and girlfriend, five time Grammy nominee singer-songwriter and former lead guitarist of The Crystal Gems, Pearl LeBlanc.” 

 

“That photo caption says, ‘former guitarist,’” Steven said sadly. “That worries me.” 

 

“Me too,” Connie said in agreement. 

 

Steven’s mind raced. He found it oddly upsetting that his mother’s band broke up. He thought about how he had not seen The Crystal Gems since his birthday last year. He wondered if that was the last time they saw each other. He found that notion upsetting. 

 

“I think we should try to talk to Garnet,” Steven said. “She teaches Gender Studies at William Dewey College and lives right on campus.” 

 

“Isn’t that the liberal arts college on the edge of town?” Connie asked. Her brow crinkled. “I don’t think my mom is going to let me ride my bike to the edge of town.” 

 

“It’s okay,” Steven said. “I can go alone if--” 

 

“Aw Steven, I don’t want you to go that far alone. I’ll go with you. I think it will be okay if we get back before five.” 

 

“You sure?” 

 

“Yeah,” Connie said with a smile. 

 

This made Steven melt. He blushed. “Thanks,” he said shyly. 

 

They hopped on their bikes and took off, driving inland and away from the ocean. Steven hoped Garnet could explain more. 

 

The sandy dunes of the beach and the tall grass of the marsh transformed into cornfields. 

 

When the roads became deserted from cars. Connie and Steven practiced riding their bikes with no hands. They laughed as they almost lost their balance. 

 

Soon they arrived in front of a large Victorian house painted an array of colors. The yard was well landscaped. Steven took out his phone and texted Garnet. 

 

Steven: Here. 

 

Garnet: Great :) Come on in. 

 

Steven and Connie rested their bikes in the driveway. They were greeted at the door by Garnet, who was smiling. She was tall, and wore a red, short sleeved shirt and jeans. As usual, she was wearing sunglasses. “Steven!” she said before scooping him up into a hug. “How are you?” 

 

“I’m okay,’ Steven said. “Um, this is my best friend Connie.” 

 

“Nice to meet you,” Garnet said. She extended her hand to Connie. 

 

Connie’s eyes widened. She nodded eagerly and shook Garnet’s hand. “Hi” she whispered to the tall woman. 

 

While they sat in the living room, Garnet served them cookies, which Steven knew were from a box, but he didn’t care. He nibbled at the chocolate chips as Connie just stared at a photo of The Crystal Gems from 1995. They were all smiling to the camera. Pearl’s hair was light green. Her face was buried into Rose’s chest as she clung onto Rose’s leather jacket lapel. Amethyst was laughing at the camera while she gave an unsuspecting Pearl bunny ears. Garnet looked cool as ever. She was crossing her arms with a giant smirk on her face. Steven assumed she was looking at Amethyst, but she was wearing sunglasses, so he could not tell. 

 

“It’s nice to see you,” Garnet said with her British accent. “We really need to be better bout saying hello on days that are not your birthday.” 

 

“Yeah,” Steven agreed. He looked around the room, unsure of how to breach the topic. 

 

“Something seems to be on your mind," Garnet said. She crossed her legs as she sat on the couch. 

 

“I um, I came to find out why The Crystal Gems broke up,” Steven said. “Besides, well...” he trailed off. 

 

Garnet looked down on the ground. She lowered her sunglasses, so Steven could see into her brown eyes. “That’s a good question.” 

 

She did not follow up with any answer. 

 

“And?” Steven asked. 

 

“And it’s a good question,” Garnet said. 

 

“Is there an answer to it?” Steven said with a nervous giggle. 

 

“I’m sure there is,” Garnet said. 

 

“Do you have the--” 

 

“Only Pearl knows,” Garnet said. “That night in Paris, Rose came into my hotel room and announced that she and Pearl were quitting. You can’t have a band where both of your guitarists and singers quit.” 

 

“Oh...” Steven said. He sighed. 

 

“Pearl's a steel trap. You’d be better off finding Jimmy Hoffa,” Garnet said. 

 

“Who’s Jimmy Hoffa?” Steven asked. 

 

“Not important,” Garnet said. 

 

“You guys were awesome, though,” Connie said. 

 

“Connie likes your music,” Steven said. 

 

“We were awesome,” Garnet smiled to herself. 

 

“It’s just that...it seems sad for you to never see your best friends,” Steven said. 

 

Garnet was quiet for a moment. “Sometimes that’s how it is. Sometimes you outgrow people.” She looked at her phone and asked, “What time do you two need to be back?” 

 

“Five,” Connie said. 

 

“I’ll drive you back,” Garnet said. 

 

In the car, Garnet did not play the radio. She did not put in a CD. She did not connect her iPod. Steven found this strange. He was too intimidated to asked Garnet why. 

 

Garnet asked him some generic questions about school. Who his favorite teacher was (Mrs. Lancaster). What his favorite subject was (English, he loved to read). 

 

After the twenty minute ride, they made it to the car wash. Steven and his father lived in the apartment upstairs from the front office. 

 

Garnet took the bikes out of her hatchback. Steven’s father saw them as he waxed an Audi. garnet walked over to him. He greeted Garnet with a hug. Connie and Steven observed them talking from afar. Unfortunately they could not hear them. 

 

“Can you read lips?” Steven whispered to Connie. 

 

“No. Can you?” Connie asked. 

 

“No,” Steven said. 

 

“Hey, Steven!" Garnet then yelled. “Do you and your friend want to go to Amethyst’s show tomorrow in Ocean City? I’ll take you."  

 

“You mean for her band These Freaks?” Steven asked. 

 

“That’s the one,” Garnet said. 

 

Steven and Connie exchanged looks. “Do you think your parents would be okay with that?” Steven asked. 

 

“I hope so,” Connie said. She giddily added, “I’ve never been to a concert before!” 

 

“Maybe Amethyst knows something,” Steven said. 

 

“Maybe,” Connie nodded. 

 

“Yeah!” Steven yelled back to Garnet. “We totally want to go!” 

 

Steven wished adults could talk in front of him so he could hear.


	3. Amethyst's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos!

Steven sat in his room at his desk. He held his red and black Gibson Junior Single Coil electric guitar as he watched a Youtube video on his laptop. It was called, “How to Play The Crystal Gems’ ‘The Other Night’ on Guitar.” 

 

“This song is very difficult to play,” the Youtube host said. “There are a lot of skipped strings, alternate picking, chord variations, and it has eight notes per a second. Pearl and Rose met when they were attending a classical music conservatory, so there is a complex arrangement to this song.” 

 

Steven followed the directions of the video, quickly discovering his hand was cramping and he was having trouble moving his hand down the fret of the guitar. “Wow this is hard,” Steven mumbled. 

 

“Steven!” He heard his father’s voice yell from the kitchen. “Garnet is here!” 

 

Steven paused the video and went into the kitchen of their apartment. Garnet was standing in the doorway. 

 

“Ready?” she asked. 

 

“Definitely!” Steven said. 

 

“You’re going to have so much fun, bud!” Greg said. “I’d go, but I have to man the car wash.” 

 

Garnet drove Steven to Connie’s house. He sat in the backseat so he could sit next to Connie. 

 

They sat in the car outside the condo. He texted Connie, asking why she was taking so long. 

 

Steven: Where are you?

 

Steven waited for Connie’s response. 

 

Connie: One minute. Sorry!

 

“So I’ve been thinking,” Garnet said as she tapped the top of her steering wheel. “You had a point about The Crystal Gems.” 

 

“I did?” Steven asked. He leaned forward so he could see Garnet better. 

 

“We were best friends. We were so close, saw each other every day. I think we do need to reunite. It’s...It’s what...It’s what your mother would’ve wanted.” 

 

“Really?” Steven asked with excitement. 

 

“I’m going to see if Amethyst would be down for it. She’ll be easier to convince than Pearl.” 

 

Steven sat back. He wondered why Pearl would be the most difficult to convince. Perhaps it had to do with her breaking her hand or the fact that she wrote songs for The Diamond Trio. 

 

Connie ran out of the house, waving goodbye to her mother. 

 

“Have a great time at the movies!” her mother said. 

 

“Thanks, Mom!” Connie said. 

 

There was silence when Connie entered the car. 

 

“Connie,” Steven asked. His words were slow and cautious. “Does your mom think you’re going to the movies?” 

 

“She’d never go for it!” Connie said with desperation. “I hate lying. It’s just that...that--” 

 

“It’s okay,” Garnet said. 

 

“Seriously?” Steven asked. 

 

Garnet looked back in the driver’s seat. “Back when the The Crystal Gems first started, Amethyst and Pearl were still in high school. When we had shows in Empire City, we’d tell Pearl’s parents we were going to a special night event at the Empire State Museum of Art. We’d go and take photos there and everything to make the lie real. So, I understand.” 

 

“Thank you, ma’m,” Connie said in disbelief. 

 

“Make sure you know what happened in ‘The Film,’ Garnet said. 

 

As they drove, Steven told Connie about the plan to reunite The Crystal Gems. 

 

“Are you serious?!” Connie said with a squeal. Then added with a dreamy tone, “This is going to be amazing.” 

 

Garnet parked on a side street. They walked toward a club with glowing neon letters called, “Paradise Rock Club.” The billing read, “Tonight: These Freaks.” Garnet handed the bouncer tickets and said, “We’re here for Amethyst.” He nodded and let them in. 

 

Steven and Connie stood in the small rock club. It was dimly lit. There was a bar in the back. They were next to a small stage. Most of the other concert goers were pierced and wore black.

 

Red and blue lights illuminated the stage, revealing Amethyst standing in front of the microphone with a guitar. She wore a black tank top, ripped jeans, and combat boots. 

 

“I thought Amethyst played the drums,” Steven said. 

 

“For The Crystal Gems, she plays the drums,” Garnet said. “For These Freaks she plays guitar and is lead singer.” 

 

These Freaks began to play. As he listened to the songs, it became clear to Steven, These Freaks were an indie pop band. The lyrics were deep and depressing, but the melody was rhythmic, upbeat, and had simple chords, making it obvious a former drummer wrote them.  Amethyst danced around the stage, kicking into the air as she played guitar with a huge grin on her face. Her long, purple streaked hair fell over her eyes. When the song was over, she pointed toward the crowd with both her hands. Her guitar hung around her shoulder. No instruments started to play. Amethyst just sang into the mic, “ _Hey, hey girl. We’ve been here before--”_

 

The crowd then began to sing along without the instruments. “ _We’ve been here before/ We’ve been here before/ I can see it in your eyes./They’re quick to criticize. Quick to criticize_.” 

 

Steven and Connie exchanged looks of amazement. They seemed to be the only people there who didn’t know the lyrics. 

 

Amethyst then played a chord on her guitar, signaling for the rest of the band to start playing. Amethyst sang the chorus again. Then she sang the first verse, “ _You think I don’t know what I’m doing/Babe, we’re way past the stage of wooing/ Let’s drive way in your car/ And never look baaaaack.”_

 

She sang the chorus and another verse. The crowd jumped up and down to the beat of the music. Connie stood with her mouth agape, mesmerized at how exhilarating this felt.   Steven tapped her on the shoulder and motioned for her to start jumping with him and the rest of the crowd. 

 

“Everyone jump for the last part!” Amethyst said into the mic. She sang the bridge, “ _I can feel you staring/Even when you’re not here caring/Can’t you accept me?/Tell me what you feaaaar”_ And then sang the chorus one last time, “ _Hey, hey girl. We’ve been here before/We’ve been here before/ We’ve been here before/ I can see it in your eyes./They’re quick to criticize. Quick to criticize_.”

 

“Thank you, Ocean City! Buy our merch in the back!,” Amethyst said before exiting the stage. 

 

“That. was. awesome!” Connie said. 

 

“I know!’ Steven said. “I didn’t know Amethyst’s band was that great! That was just so much fun!” 

 

Garnet smiled at them and said, “Let’s get a table so we can talk to Amethyst.” 

 

They all sat in a booth and waited. 

 

“Garnet, do you think she’ll agree to do it?” Steven asked. 

 

“Not sure,” Garnet said. “She can be hard to read.” She lowered her sunglasses as Amethyst, now with her hair piled on top of her head in a bun, walked over to the table. 

 

“Guys!” Amethyst said. “Steven!” She gave Steven a big hug before enacting some complicated, secret handshake with Garnet. She plopped down in the booth and sat on her knees. “I am so psyched you came!” 

 

“You were awesome!” Steven said with his arms in the air. 

 

Connie nodded nervously. 

 

“This is my friend, Connie,” Steven said. 

 

“Your ‘friend,’ Steven?” Amethyst said with a smirk. “Nice to meet you. The name’s Amethyst.” She held her hand out for Connie to shake. Connie grabbed the tips of Amethyst’s fingers. 

 

“That last song was a catchy one,” Garnet said. 

 

“It’s number 15 on the alternative charts and climbin’,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Who’s it about?” Garnet said, crossing her arms. 

 

“An incredibly annoying, uptight person,” Amethyst said. She cleared her throat. 

 

“Really?” Garnet said with false disbelief. “You think that person has heard the song?” 

 

“I really hope they have,” Amethyst said through gritted teeth. “Although they may be too busy getting it on with under--

 

“Do not continue that sentence with children around,” Garnet said. 

 

Steven panicked as he saw the tension between Amethyst and Garnet. If they got in a fight now, they would never work together to convince Pearl to join the group again. 

 

“Amethyst!” Steven interjected nervously. His voice was shaky. “I’m so happy I came to see you play.” 

 

“Me too, dude,” Amethyst said. “You finally came to one of my shows!”

 

“Well,” Steven said, “there’s a reason we came other than to see you play. We were--” 

 

“About that,” Garnet interrupted. “Steven brought up a good point.” 

 

“Which was?” Amethyst asked. She leaned back in the booth and put her feet up on the table. 

 

“The Crystal Gems used to all be best friends,” Steven said. 

 

“And your music was awesome!” Connie said. 

 

Garnet lowered her sunglasses and looked at Amethyst in the eyes. “Steven thinks The Crystal Gems should reunite.” 

 

Amethyst paused for a moment before erupting into hysterical laughter. “Ahaha! Good one, Garnet. You’re hilarious!” 

 

“I’m serious,” Garnet said. 

 

“No effing way,” Amethyst said, then added quickly, “Sorry, Steven. No offense to you.” 

 

“Don’t you miss playing the drums?” Garnet asked. 

 

“I play them in my living room every night. That’s enough for me,” Amethyst said. She crossed her arms. “Besides, you actually think Pearl would ever agree to this? She sold her soul to the devil so she could fuck models.” Amethyst cringed when she realized Connie and Steven were present. “I mean, ‘date,’ models. She has literally no incentive to reunite.” 

 

Garnet remained silent. She looked down at the ground. 

 

“And who’s going to sing?” Amethyst asked with a whisper. 

 

Garnet sighed. “My singing voice is too high to sing lead if we’re going to keep the same sound as before.” 

 

“I’m signed to an indie record label. There’s no way in hell they would let me sing lead for another band,” Amethyst said. 

  

“Pearl would have to do it. Her voice is low enough to hit the notes,” Garnet said. 

 

Amethyst rummaged through her purse and handed Steven a twenty dollar bill. “You two want drinks?” she asked. 

 

Steven and Connie looked at each other, confused by Amethyst’s random gesture.

 

“Can you get me a coke if you don’t want one?” Amethyst asked.  

 

Steven took the twenty. He and Connie began to walk toward the bar. Then Steven made a split second decision. He knew they were going to talk about something they didn’t want him to know. He grabbed Connie by the hand and led her into a crowd. They hid behind the row of booths so they were close enough to hear what Garnet and Amethyst were saying.  

 

“We tried that, G. Remember?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“I think she’ll be okay,” Garnet said. “It’s been thirteen years.” 

 

“After Rose...passed and we tried to reunite, Pearl couldn’t even sing or play through thirty seconds of ‘I Want to Let Go,’ without completely breaking down. She’s not going to agree to this. She can’t do it without crying,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Perhaps she needs to actually cry about it,” Garnet said. 

 

“Everyone has their own way of grieving,” Amethyst said. 

 

“You two did not go about it in a healthy way,” Garnet said. 

 

“Rose was gone. You went back to college. We were alone. And hooking up made us feel better. You fucking left us alone,” Amethyst said. 

 

Steven was confused by this news. He was not aware that Pearl and Amethyst ever had some sort of relationship that surpassed a platonic one. 

 

“It’s caused a series of problems for all of us,” Garnet said. “To the point where because of you two, I can only see both of you at once, once a year, at Steven’s birthday.” 

 

“Me and Pearl fucking after Rose died has nothing to do with that. It’s what she did, Garnet. She took that record deal with Diamond Records. And now she’s writing pop songs for The Diamond Trio.” 

 

“You were both about to get evicted from your apartment. What was she supposed to do?” Garnet said. “Someone dropped a million dollars on her lap to sign the record deal. You really think she’d turn that down.” 

 

“She should have gone back and lived with her parents like I did. She should have found an indie label like I did!” 

 

“Now you and I both know Pearl couldn’t go back to her parents,” Garnet said. “She did what she needed to do at that time. You can’t penalize her for that.” 

 

Amethyst sighed. She rested her elbows on the table and buried her face into her hands. “Fiiiineee,” Amethyst said. “I’ll do it if we can convince Pearl.” 

 

“They’re going to reunite!” Connie whispered with excitement. 

 

“Ye-ah,” Steven said. His voice was reluctant. “Maybe we should go get those cokes Amethyst wanted?” 

 

Steven and Connie went up tot he bar and ordered three cokes. As they waited for the bartender, Connie said, “Did you eh...know about--” 

 

“No.” Steven shook his head. 

 

They grabbed the drinks and walked back over to the table. Steven set a coke in front of Amethyst before he and Connie sat back down. 

 

“Thanks, dude!” Amethyst said.

 

“Guess what?” Garnet said with a smirk. 

 

“The Crystal Gems are gonna give it a shot!” Amethyst said with a forced grin. Then she added, “Pending the approval of Pearl.” 

 

“Awesome!" Steven said, also with a forced smile. He sensed he was getting into something over his head. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview: Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven take a day trip to Empire City's South Village to visit Pearl at her brownstone and persuade her join the band again.


	4. Pearl's Song for The Diamond Trio

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diamond names/colors: Whitney (White), Blaine (Yellow), or Livie (Blue).
> 
> Thanks for comments/kudos! I really appreciate them.

The next day, Garnet and Steven drove down the Jersey Turnpike to Empire City to visit Pearl. Connie’s mother did not let her go. “She did her medical residency in Empire City,” Connie had told Steven over the phone, “after seeing the injuries in the ER there, she’d never let me go.” 

 

Steven stared at the Jersey barrier and trees as they cruised down the highway. 

 

“What do you think she’ll say?” Steven asked. 

 

“We’re going to have to be careful in the way we approach this,” Garnet said. “One plus is that she’s going to be excited to see you.” 

 

“Really?!” Steven asked. 

 

“Of course,” Garnet said. “Amethyst on the other hand...Well, I’ve made a list of rules for Amethyst to follow. She’s going to meet us there since she lives just over the bridge in Lookland, the borough next door.” 

 

As they approached the city, Steven marveled out the window at the tall, glass buildings. He thought bout all the people that were living their lives there today. 

 

Garnet parked the car in a garage. She had a sternly worded argument with the parking garage manager about the price of parking for the day. 

 

When they left the underground garage, the light stung Steven’s eyes. He looked up at the buildings as people passed by. 

 

‘We’re meeting Amethyst at a coffee shop down the street,” Garnet said.

 

Steven followed Garnet down the cobblestone streets. The closer they got to the coffee shop, the cleaner the streets got and the restaurants became more expensive. 

 

Amethyst was leaning against a colorful bench outside of a coffee shop. The hood of her sweatshirt was up and she was drinking an iced coffee. “Yo,” she said. 

 

“Just woke up?”Garnet asked with a smirk. 

 

“You know it,” Amethyst said. “Hey, Steven. Twice in one weekend. We gotta keep this up. Once a year isn’t enough.” 

 

“Definitely!” Steven said. 

 

“My point exactly,” Garnet said. “Which is why I’ve come up with a series of rules for you to follow to make sure this visit goes as smoothly as possible.” 

 

“Yeah. Not gonna do that,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Oh, yes you are,” Garnet said. She crossed her arms and said, “To prevent conflict with Pearl, you need to avoid the following topics: what she’s wearing--” 

 

“What if I like what she’s wearing?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Don’t care,” Garnet said. “Let me continue my list: her girlfriend, any ‘publications or catalogues,’ you may have seen her girlfriend in, the age difference between her and her girlfriend, the decor of the house, how you think it’s unnecessary waste of space for only two people to live in an entire brownstone--” 

 

“It fucks with the housing and renting market!” Amethyst said. 

 

“I am not done,” Garnet said. “Any songs you may have heard that’s she’s written, any songs she is currently writing, The Diamond Trio, either as a single entity or separate entities, which means no mentions of Whitney, Blaine, or Livie.” 

 

“Fine,” Amethyst said. She kicked an empty plastic cup on the sidewalk. 

 

“One last thing,” Garnet said. “Do not talk about the Porsche. Do not ask to drive the Porsche.” 

 

“Garnet, please just give me the Porsche!” Amethyst said. She leaned her head back in frustration. “It’s like the perfect symbol of everything Pearl used to resent about capitalism! The ultimate Riot Grrl has become the millionaire. The very thing she used to write songs condemning.” 

 

Garnet shook her head. “No.” 

 

“What the hell am I supposed to talk about with her then?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Have you seen _Hamilton_?” Garnet asked.

 

“Of course I have,” Amethyst said. “I don’t live under a rock.” 

 

“I’m sure Pearl has seen it at least twice,” Garnet said. “Talk about that.”

 

Amethyst loudly sighed in protest before walking down the street. She signaled with a hand gesture for Garnet and Steven to follow her. 

 

As Steven walked, the stores and restaurant signs became fancier. The garbage on the street slowly began to disappear. 

 

They stopped in front of a brownstone with a cherry blossom tree out front. 

 

“Do you want to do the honors or shall I?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Garnet remained silent and crossed her arms. 

 

Amethyst leaned her head back and sighed. She walked up the steps. Garnet motioned for Steven to follow. While they all stood on the steps, Aamethyst rang the doorbell. 

 

“If _Lil Butler_ answers this door, I’m gonna lose my shit,” Amethyst said, trying to contain her laughter. 

 

“ _Lil Butler_ references are banned,” Garnet said. 

 

“No! Come on!” Amethyst said. 

 

“What’s _Lil Butler_?” Steven asked. 

 

“It’s the greatest sitcom of all time,” Amethyst said. She tightened the drawstring on her hood. “Jeeze. Where the hell is Pearl?” 

 

Suddenly Pearl opened the door. For a quick moment, Steven was afraid of who, exactly, would answer the door; would it be the Pearl he’s always known or the pink-haired guitarist? 

 

But she looked ‘normal.’ Her strawberry blonde hair was cut right above her chin in a bob. She wore a light blue silk shirt with pink and yellow designs, skinny jeans, and navy ballet flats. She smiled widely and gave Steven one of her famous hugs that were so tight they nearly suffocated Steven. “Steven!” she said. “I’m so happy Garnet took you all the way here to visit me! I never get to see you!” She stood up and giddily said, “We are going to have the best day! I promise.” 

 

“I thought you’d be excited,” Garnet said. 

 

Pearl embraced Garnet before she crossed her arms and nodded to Amethyst. She merely acknowledged the shorter woman and said, “Amethyst.” 

 

“Pearl,” Amethyst said with a wide grin.

 

“Looks like you had a fun night,” Pearl said. 

 

“Oh I did,” Amethyst said. Amethyst’s eyes focused on Pearl’s hands, which made Steven’s gaze examine them. Her left hand was covered with dark, faded scars, which made her perfectly manicured pink nails stand out. Steven never paid much attention to this until now. He wondered if she punched the mirror back in 2002 and then he suddenly felt sad. 

 

“Nice manicure, P,” Amethyst said with a knowing smirk. “Short, round, smooth, perfect for--” 

 

“Get in the house!” Pearl cut her off and pointed to the door. Pearl’s face was noticeably red with embarrassment. 

 

“I was going to say playing the guitar,” Amethyst said with false innocence as she winked at Pearl and walked through the doorway.

 

“I forgot to put that on the list,” Garnet mumbled to herself as she followed Amethyst inside. 

 

Houses like this were made for architecture magazines. Rooms looked as if no one lived in them. Steven followed Amethyst and Garnet through Pearl’s living room. He saw pictures of pretty brunette woman embracing Pearl from behind. He then realized it was that woman, Felicia, that he and Connie saw with Pearl on the internet. 

 

“Steven there is so much to do here,” Pearl said. “We could go sightseeing. There are two zoos. There’s the old theme park in Lookland. It’s not safe there though. Rickety roller coasters. Maybe we should avoid that. Oh! We could see a Broadway show. I could try to make some calls and get some _Hamilton_ tickets. I know the agent of the guy who plays Aaron Burr. And there’s improv comedy if you’re into that sort of thing. And--” 

 

“Let the kid breathe, would yah?” Amethyst said. 

 

“I just want Steven to have fun,” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst walked up to Pearl, leaning in a bit too close and opened her mouth. Before she could say anything, Garnet gently pulled at Amethyst's hood and directed her toward the hallway and away from Pearl. 

 

“I’m just happy I get to see you,” Steven said with a smile. 

 

Pearl’s eyes welled up a bit. “Aww Steven!” She then hugged him again. “I need to see you more.” She released him from the hug and asked, “Are you hungry? I went out and got some food you like, like juice and sandwich stuff. Felicia’s been on a cleanse for this photo shoot so I haven’t been eating much lately. I’ve been so busy in the studio, so I don’t really do the shopping.” 

 

Steven nodded. 

 

“I’ll be right back,” Pearl said before disappearing into the kitchen. 

 

He followed the others out of the living room. Steven walked down the hall. He stopped short when he saw a framed photo of The Crystal Gems he’d never seen before. It looked more professional than any of the others he had seen before, which were mostly candids. They were all on a rooftop. The skyline of Empire City was behind them. His mother was standing in the middle, holding a pink Gibson guitar. Her hair was tamed, curled perfectly in loose coils. She wore pink pants and a white blouse. Pearl was next to his mother on her right. She wore a light blue collared shirt and black pants. Her guitar was at her side. Amethyst stood next to Pearl. Her hair was long and styled. She wore a black t-shirt with skulls on it. Garnet was next to his mother, on her left, sitting in a chair. Garnet, as always, looked similar to now, besides looking noticeably younger. They all had serious expressions. 

 

“We took that before the world tour in 2002,” Garnet said. 

 

“Oh,” Steven said. “I haven’t seen it before.” 

 

“I haven’t seen it in a while,” Garnet said. 

 

“I hate that picture,” Amethyst said. “We look like jerks. Pearl knows how much I hate that picture.” 

 

“Are you saying that Pearl putting this up is a personal attack on you?” Garnet said with a laugh of disbelief. 

 

“No,” Amethyst said. “Just wanted to acknowledge that she knows I hate it.” 

 

“Steven!” Pearl’s sing song voice said from the kitchen, “I got you some of those ice cream snacks you like so much!” 

 

“Cookie Cats?!” Steven said before disappearing down the hallway. 

 

“Crap,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Crap what?” Garnet asked.

 

“She’s bribing him over to her side with ice cream,” Amethyst said. 

 

“There are no sides, Amethyst,” Garnet said. “We’re all on the same side.” 

 

“You’re only saying that because you didn’t--” 

 

“Forbidden topic,” Garnet said. She paused for a moment and added, “Fingernails are now also a forbidden topic.” 

 

“Come on! It was all I had,” Amethyst said. 

 

“You can’t bother her. We set her off and no Crystal Gems reunion,” Garnet said. “I know getting her all riled up makes you...I’m looking for the appropriate word. Excited?” 

 

“Ew,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Just leave her alone,” Garnet said. Then she walked down the hallway into the kitchen. 

 

Amethyst looked to her left. There was a large, black and white framed photo of a gorgeous brunette woman walking in the park. Upon closer look, Amethyst realized the woman was Pearl's girlfriend Felicia. Amethyst tilted the photo so it was crooked. “Whoops,” Amethyst said before she followed Garnet into the kitchen. 

 

Steven sat on a stool at a kitchen island eating an ice cream bar. Pearl was leaning against the island. 

 

“How’s school,” Pearl asked. 

 

“It’s okay, I guess,” Steven said with his mouth half-full. “We’re reading _A Separate Piece_ in English.” 

 

“What are you reading on your own?” Pearl asked. 

 

“I’ve just started _The Hobbit_ ,” Steven said. “Connie really likes it.” 

 

“Connie?” Pearl’s eyebrows rose. She smiled, “Who’s Connie?” 

 

“My best friend,” Steven said, nodding. 

 

“Have you been playing music?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Is she questioning you like you just stole the Hope Diamond?” Amethyst said. She grabbed a Cookie Cat bar and opened the wrapper. 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes at Amethyst.

 

“What? He’s a kid, Pearl. Let him be a kid,” Amethyst said wit her mouth full. 

 

“I’m just asking him about his life, Amethyst,” Pearl said with slight frustration. 

 

“Let’s talk about something else,” Garnet said. 

 

“Shoot!” Pearl said. She looked at her watch. “I need to finish recording a rough demo for one of my clients. It will take five minutes max. I’m just going to go downstairs into the recording studio and--” 

 

“You have a recording studio!?” Steven asked with wide eyes.

 

“Of course,” Pearl said as if this was a normal thing a person has in their house.

 

“Can--can I go too?” Steven asked. 

 

“You want to watch me record a rough demo?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Uh, yeah!” Steven said. 

 

“That’s so great!” Pearl said. She went to a door in the kitchen and opened it. “It’s right downstairs in the basement!” Pearl’s voice carried down the stairs. 

 

Just as he was about to follow, Amethyst grabbed Steven by the shoulder. 

 

“You don’t know what you just got yourself into, dude,” Amethyst said with worried eyes. 

 

“What?” Steven asked. He crinkled his forehead. 

 

“I would normally call Amethyst out,” Garnet said, “but she’s right about this.” 

 

“Pearl is nuts when it comes to recording stuff,” Amethyst said. “When we recorded our second album, the record company gave Pearl complete creative control even though she was like nineteen. They thought she was some kind of prodigy and she kinda was, but that's not the point. ” 

 

“She kept us in the recording studio for twelve hours a day,” Garnet said. “Or until we got the song right.” 

 

“But usually twelve hours a day,” Amethyst said. “Your mother’s hands felt like leather from fingering the guitar fretts so much. It was nasty” Amethyst cringed as she shook her head. 

 

“This will not take five minutes,” Garnet said. 

 

"I already said I would go though," Steven said with wide eyes. 

 

They went down into the basement and into a recoding studio. 

 

“Shit, this is amazing,” Amethyst said as she observed the large control desk and a glass, soundproof booth for recording. There were some instruments set up, like an electric guitar and a drum set. 

 

Pearl stood in front of a mic. She turned on a recoding of an acoustic guitar. Then she began to sing. 

 

_Without you I don’t see the point_

_The void haunts me. Feeling nothing._

_I’m gonna get drunk on Captain Morgan._

_See where I am. Tag your location on Instagram._

_I don’t see the point anymore._

_Where do you go? Without me._

 

 

_Someday it wont hurt. I'm sore._

_You’ll be gone. Forever. No more._

_I want this feeling to end._

_I want to stop almost hitting send._

_How can I cope when you’re gone._

_When you’re gone. When you’re gone._

 

Pearl looked bored. Her eyes were glazed over. Her voice had little emotion. 

 

When the song ended, she ran over to her laptop and listened to the song through the recording software via her headphones. “Eh,” she said. “It’ll do.” 

 

Pearl hummed to herself as she typed on the keyboard. Behind Steven, Amethyst was slowly seething from rage, pulling on the drawstrings of her hoodie, tighter and tighter.  

 

“And, done,” Pearl said as she typed up an email. The recipient was Whitney.Hammond@dmail.com. 

 

“Are you kidding me?!” Amethyst said loudly. Her eyes were filled with anger. 

 

“What is wrong now?” Pearl asked with frustration. “You’ve been in a horrible mood all day and I know it’s not just the hangover.” 

 

“You did one take? One. Take.” Amethyst said. “Are you kidding me?” 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes. “It’s a rough recording. It’s not like my version is going to see the light of day anyway. My client--”

 

“You mean Whitney Hammond,” Amethyst said. 

 

“My CLIENT,” Pearl said, “will do whatever she pleases with her version of the song. It probably wont even sound the same.”

 

“1999,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Not this again,” Pearl said, crossing her arms. 

 

“Drop it!” Garnet said. 

 

Amethyst looked over at Steven and said, “We’ve been recording the SAME SONG ALL WEEK FOR TWELVE HOURS A DAY. Because Pearl doesn’t think it’s perfect. It’s the night of my prom. And what does Brian Wilson Jr. over here do?” She gestured to Pearl. “She wont let me leave to go to MY PROM!” 

 

“The Brian Wilson comparison is a bit extreme,” Pearl said. 

 

“No, P. You went all _Pet Sounds_ on us!” Amethyst said. “We almost lost our minds! And here you are, doing ONE TAKE?!”

 

“Amethyst, please calm down,” Garnet said. 

 

“I will not calm down!” Amethyst said.

 

“You didn’t even want to go to your prom,” Pearl said. "You technically weren't even a student. We were on tour so much, so I helped you get your GED the year before." 

 

“I wanted to go and complain about how I was too cool to go!” Amethyst said. "Everyone else in my class, that I grew up with, got to go! I ws only sixteen years old!" 

 

“This is a bit immature to react about right now,” Pearl said. 

 

“I gave up so much for this! I gave up my high school years for The Crystal Gems,” Amethyst said with tears in her eyes. “I missed so many things to the point where music is the only thing I know how to do! And here you are doing one freaking take for a shitty Diamond Trio song!” 

 

Everyone was silent. Steven and Garnet stared down at the floor. 

 

“They’re only worth one take,” Pearl said with a slight whisper in her voice. Her eyes were red and puffy. 

 

“Then what’s worth more than one take?” Amethyst asked. She walked into the recording booth and picked up a guitar. “Show me!” Her voice was muffled by the glass. 

 

“Get on the drums,” Pearl said through the mic. “Garnet get on bass. I’ll get the looper pedal for...for-for Rose’s guitar parts. I’m not stupid. I know why you came here.” Pearl stood up and flashed Steven a weak smile before she rummaged through a closet. She emerged with a looper pedal. 

 

“We can still go to the zoo,” Steven said. 

 

“I would like that,” Pearl said, nodding. Her voice wavered. She then went into the booth with Amethyst and Garnet. 

 

Steven felt like this was a mistake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter preview: Will take place in 1995 at The Crystal Gems' first show at a college party.


	5. The Crystal Gems' First Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Thanks for comments and kudos! 
> 
> This chapter is a flashback (it takes place in 1995). Any chapters that are flashbacks will have the year listed at the beginning of the chapter.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **1995**

 

Pearl sat on Rose’s bed. Rose stood over her, painting eye-liner to the bottom of Pearl’s eyes. Pearl’s eyes fluttered as Rose applied the mascara. She could see the punk band posters like The Stooges and The Pixies hanging all over the room. Behind her was a poster of Lita Ford. 

 

The Violent Femmes played on the stereo. 

 

Pearl had just started her sophomore year. They were both still in high school. Rose was a senior and after seeing Pearl practice guitar in one of the private music rooms at school, Rose had convinced her to start a band. Their bassist, Garnet went to the local college, William Dewey College, where their first show was going to take place that night. 

 

To prepare for their first show at a college party, Rose asked Pearl to come over, so they could give her more of a punk rock look. They both still had their natural hair colors; Pearl a strawberry blonde and Rose a brunette. 

 

“Can I rip off the sleeves?” Rose asked. She was referring to Pearl’s floral button-up dress that reached the floor. The sleeves went to her elbows. It was a dress that could only be described as dowdy. 

 

“My mom will kill me,” Pearl said. 

 

“Come on,” Rose said. She smiled, pleading with her eyes. This made Pearl melt. All she needed to do was give Pearl a look with her large brown eyes, and Pearl would submit to Rose’s will. “Please? Please, please please? Please let me rip the sleeves off!” 

 

Pearl sighed. Her brow furrowed. “Okay.” She nodded. 

 

“Hell yeah!” Rose said. She rummaged through her desk, taking out a pair of scissors. Her black and pink dress flowed with her as she moved. 

 

Pearl felt the cool metal of the blade on her shoulder. Then she heard the slicing sound of fabric. Rose’s fingers brushed her skin as Rose ripped the sleeve off. Pearl kept her eyes closed. She did not want to witness the desecration of her Gap dress. 

 

“Can I shorten it?” Rose asked. 

 

“What?!” Pearl asked. Her eyes were still closed. 

 

“It’s too long. How are you going to move around on stage?” 

 

“Fine,” Pearl said. “It’s already ruined. Shorten it.” 

 

Pearl heard the scissors slicing the fabric. 

 

“Now we’re talking,” Rose said. 

 

Pearl opened her eyes. Rose was smiling at her. Pearl wanted to kiss the smattering of freckles across Rose’s nose. “It looks okay?” Pearl asked. 

 

“You look hot,” Rose said. “Everyone's going to be drooling all over you.” 

 

“Really?” Pearl asked. There was a sight panic in her voice. 

 

“One last thing,” Rose said. She put Pearl’s shoulder length hair half up with a black scrunchie. “Alright. Take a look in the mirror.” 

 

Pearl looked at herself in Rose’s floor length mirror. She did look hot, to the point where she couldn’t recognize herself. Her make-up was heavy, her lips were dark red, and her hair was messy in a sexy way. Her shoulders were exposed, but removing the sleeves did breathe new life into the dress. The only thing that stood out were Pearl’s bright white Ked sneakers. 

 

“We’ll pick you up some Doc Martens on the way,” Rose said, giddily. She put her arm around Pearl and squeezed her to her side. ‘We better go. We’re meeting Garnet at her dorm and Amethyst’s mom is dropping her off at the beginning of the show, so she can take her home right when it’s over.” 

 

“Don’t you think people are going to laugh at us when they see our drummer is fourteen years old?” Pearl asked. She wanted to bury her face into her hands. She wanted to go home and play the piano alone. 

 

“She was the only one who responded to the ad for a drummer,” Rose said, shrugging. “Also she’s pretty freaking awesome.” 

 

“She plays well for her age,” Pearl said. 

 

Rose nudged Pearl's shoulder, smirking. "You're like barely a year older than her."

 

"I'm at least a sophomore. She's in eighth grade! That's junior high. How is she going to be able to go to half of our gigs?"

 

“Her mom is cool with it, as long as we’re up front with everything,” Rose said. 

 

“Gee it must be terrible to have parents you can be upfront with,” Pearl said with sarcasm. 

 

“Hey,” Rose said. She took Pearl in an embrace, facing her. Her hand tucked Pearl’s hair behind her ear. “Someday The Crystal Gems will be so freaking awesome that we’ll get a record deal and you’ll never have to be at home again.” 

 

“Or I could go to college very far away,” Pearl said. 

 

“Yeah, that too. A record deal sounds more fun though,” Rose said, laughing. She bit her bottom lip. “We gotta go.” 

 

Rose picked up her pink Gibson Les Paul guitar and put it into the guitar case. Pearl picked up her own guitar case and followed Rose downstairs. 

 

“Bye, Mom!” Rose said as they left the house. 

 

They got into Rose’s red 1980 Passat. Rose put in a cassette tape, playing The Clash, and took off. 

 

“What if they think we suck?” Pearl asked. 

 

“We don’t,” Rose said. 

 

“But what if they think that--” 

 

“My Pearl,” Rose said. They were at a stop sign. She grabbed Pearl’s hand and said, “You’re great. Always remember that. Fuck anyone who thinks otherwise.” 

 

“Yeah,” Pearl said, smiling. Her voice wavered. “Fuck anyone who thinks otherwise.” 

 

They arrived at Garnet’s dorm, waiting in the hallway for Garnet to open the door. Loud techno music was blaring through the door. 

 

“Garnet listens to techno?” Pearl asked. 

 

“I don’t think she does,” Rose said. She knocked on the door again and yelled, “Garnet! We’re here!” 

 

Garnet finally opened the door. She had soundproof headphones on. She wore a red t-shirt and black, flared jeans with rips in the knees. Behind her a muscular, blonde woman was doing an intense exercise routine of sit-ups and jumping jacks. 

 

“Hey,” Garnet said she pulled one earphone away from her ear. She looked Pearl up and down and said, “Pearl, you look hot.” 

 

“Thanks,” Pearl said, blushing. 

 

“What’s with the techno?” Rose asked. “You moonlighting as a raver?” 

 

“My roommate is on the track the team,” Garnet said. “The beat helps her with cardio.” 

 

“In other words, we should go to the party as soon as possible?” Pearl asked. She leaned her guitar case against the wall. Then she whispered, gesturing to Garnet’s roommate, “To leave her alone?” 

 

“We can’t go to Bill’s house until nine,” Garnet said. She took her sunglasses off and rubbed her eyes. “Let me grab my bass and we can get coffee or something before we go.” Garnet disappeared into a corner of her dorm room not visible from the door. 

 

As Pearl leaned against the concrete wall in the hallway, Rose poked her head into Garnet’s room. “Hey!” Rose said. “I’m Rose, this is Pearl--” Rose grabbed Pearl by the shoulder, gently moving her into the doorframe. 

 

“Hi,” Pearl said reluctantly. 

 

“Jasper,” the blonde woman said as she did sit-ups. 

 

“Nice to meet you,” Rose said. “Are you gonna go to the show?’ 

 

“I hate punk music,” Jasper said. “Too much guitar rambling shit.” 

 

“I think that’s a ‘no,’ Rose,” Pearl said dryly. She rolled her eyes, slightly offended as the lead guitarist largely responsible for that, “guitar rambling shit.” 

 

Garnet emerged out of the corner of the room with her bass and put it into its case. “Let’s go,” she said. 

 

As they walked to the coffee shop, Garnet lit up a cigarette. 

 

“You’re going to get cancer,” Pearl said. 

 

Garnet ignored the comment and said, “So you finally let Rose give you a make-over?” 

 

“It’s only for tonight,” Pearl said. “It’s back to gingham and Keds tomorrow.” 

 

“Doesn’t she look awesome?!” Rose asked, beaming. She grabbed Pearl by the shoulder and pulled her close, kissing her on top of the head. 

 

“I’m going to have to tell my mother that I spilled something on this dress,” Pearl said. 

 

“It’s worth it,” Rose said with a sing-song voice. 

 

“Where does she think you are tonight?” Garnet asked. 

 

“She thinks I’m sleeping at Rose’s,” Pearl said. 

 

“It’s half true,” Rose said. “We’re going to sleep in the hatchback of my Passat.” 

 

Garnet smirked. “I suppose it is.” 

 

Rose and Garnet ordered coffees at the local cafe. Pearl got a tea, which she slowly sipped as they sat at the table. 

 

“So this show isn’t past Amethyst’s bedtime?” Garnet asked. She had a slight grin. 

 

“Her mom is really supportive,” Rose said. “She’s taking her home right when our set is over.” 

 

“It’s weird,” Pearl said. 

 

“She’s really good,” Garnet said. “It’s like we got our own miniature Keith Moon.” 

 

Pearl nearly spit out her tea, laughing. “Should I let her have a kickass drum solo in the next new song I write?” 

 

“Most definitely,” Garnet said. She paused, noticing Pearl cracking up. “Pearl, I’m serious.” 

 

Pearl stopped laughing. “Of course.” She nodded, adjusting her posture. Garnet was not wrong. Amethyst was a great drummer. She was young and was only going to get better. 

 

Rose noticed the time and said, “We need to meet Amethyst in front of Bill’s house.” 

 

They walked down the tree lined streets of the college neighborhood. They arrived in font of an older, bungalow style house. A minivan was waiting outside.  

 

A short, brunette girl wearing a short sleeved purple shirt and torn jeans, and her mother were removing parts of a drum kit from the van. 

 

“There’s Amethyst!” Rose said. She waved. 

 

“Guys!” Amethyst said. She almost dropped her snare drum as she jumped in excitement. She put the case on the ground and ran over to the other Crystal Gems. “Oh my God, Pearl you look great!” 

 

“Thank you,” Pearl said. 

 

“No, I mean it. You look like Nina Gordon,” Amethyst said. “She’s awesome! Have you seen her play the guitar? I saw her on MTV the other day and--” 

 

“That’s nice, Amethyst,” Pearl said, dismissing her. 

 

“Pearl,” Rose said, nudging Pearl’s shoulder, “be nice.” 

 

“Can I take a picture?” Amethyst’s mother asked. “First concert!” 

 

“Mom!” Amethyst sighed. “You’re so embarrassing. It’s a show, not a concert.” 

 

“Can I take one anyway?” Amethyst’s mother asked. 

 

“We’d love to Mrs. Ruiz!” Rose said. 

 

They posed, taking a picture together. Amethyst’s mother then said, “Where’s the responsible one?” 

 

“That’s Pearl,” Amethyst said with a large grin. 

 

Mrs. Ruiz walked up to Pearl and said, “If anyone lays a hair on her in there, I’m holding you personally responsible. You’re to bring her outside immediately after the set is over. Got it?” 

 

“What? Me? There are three of--” Pearl said. 

 

“You’re apparently the most responsible,” Mrs. Ruiz said. 

 

Pearl didn’t want to be the most responsible. She was tired of people perceiving her this way. 

 

“I’ll make sure she’s okay,” Pearl said. 

 

Garnet glanced at her watch.”We better go set-up.” 

 

“Good luck, girls!” Amethyst’s mother said as they walked into the house. They all helped Amethyst bring her drum kit inside. 

 

“Is she going to wait in the car?” Pearl asked Amethyst. 

 

“Probably,” Amethyst sighed. “She’ll read a Nora Roberts novel in there until it’s over.” 

 

“At least she wants you to play,” Pearl said as she plugged in an amp. 

 

“Yeah,” Amethyst said. She gave Pearl a weak smile. “You’re a badass, you know.” 

 

“What?” Pearl asked. They were standing in the middle of an empty living room. 

 

“You’re not even supposed to be here, yet you are here,” Amethyst said with wide eyes. “That’s freaking awesome.” 

 

“Thanks,” Pearl said. Her grip tightened on the handle of her guitar case. She set the case down and took her guitar out, plugging it in. 

 

“Ladies!” they heard a man’s voice say. 

 

Pearl turned around and saw a tall, conventionally handsome guy. He wore a navy polo and cargo shorts. She immediately recognized him as Bill Dewey, the guy throwing the party. 

 

“Hey,” Bill said when he saw Pearl. He rose his eyebrows at her. “What’s up? 

 

“Tuning my guitar,” Pearl said. 

 

“You good?” Bill asked. 

 

“You’re the one that asked us to play. Shouldn’t you know that already?” Pearl said. 

 

Bill laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I should know.” He stood there, waiting for Pearl to respond, but she just stood there, tuning her guitar. “New look?” he asked. 

 

“Trying it out,” Pearl said. 

 

“I think it looks--” Bill started to say. Pearl then played an out of tune note, which loudly screeched through the amp--“good,” he said.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Pearl said. This was a lie. She didn’t want to interact with him. “Maybe we can talk later? I kind of have to tune my guitar.” 

 

“Oh, of course,” he said, embarrassed. “You girls do whatever you need to do!” 

 

Pearl stood next to Rose in the make-shift stage in the corner of the living room as people flooded the room. 

 

“I hate when he calls us, ‘girls,’” Pearl said, narrowing her eyes at Bill Dewey. “He’s like only a year or two older than us.” 

 

“Don’t worry about him,” Rose said. For a moment, she rested her chin on Pearl’s shoulder. She then whispered in Pearl’s ear, “You’re going to do great.” 

 

Pearl bit her lip, trying not to smile. “You are too.” 

 

“Now, can we kick ass tonight?” Rose asked. Rose walked up to the microphone. Her guitar slung from her shoulders. She then said, “How’s everyone doing tonight?” 

 

The house was full. Some people stopped talking for a moment. Most people went on with their business. 

 

“We are The Crystal Gems!” Rose said with enthusiasm. Barely anyone paid attention to them. 

 

Rose nodded to Garnet who started strumming the strings on her bass. A low beat of notes radiated through the amp. Garnet then made eye contact with Amethyst who started a wild, intense beat on the drums. Her hands moved so fast they were a barely visible blur. 

 

Pearl and Rose began to play on their guitars. Pearl jumped into the air as she played the first chord. Rose sang the lyrics as Pearl sang the harmony. 

 

_I got to the party late. So what._

_You ask me about my guitar._

_Don’t follow me to my car._

_Weirdo. Can’t you see it’s over._

_You say you’re better than Kurt._

_You can’t even play the Cliffs of Dover._

 

_Baby can’t you see I’m not here for you._

_I’m here for me. I’m here for me._

_Because it make me feel. Makes me feel._

_Like you never left._

_Like I’m wandering through an abyss._

_Like we just had that kiss._

 

After Rose sang another verse, Pearl then started her guitar solo. Her hands moved up and down the fret of the guitar as she spun around like an amalgamation of  graceful ballet dancer and Pete Townshend from The Who. When it was over, she stood next to Rose, who was smiling at her as she sang the song’s bridge. Pearl was too busy smiling back to have noticed that every guest at the party’s focus was on the band. 

 

When the song was over, the small crowd cheered. Couple guys yelled, “That was sick!” or “Gnarly!” “You’re hot!” 

 

Rose whispered into Pearl’s ear, “Told you we didn’t suck.” 

 

Pearl smirked. They didn’t suck. 

 

When their set was over, Pearl smelled weed. Pearl and Garnet immediately began packing up Amethyst’s drum set. 

 

“Come on, Ame,” Pearl said, motioning for Amethyst to follow her outside with the equipment. 

 

“So you guys are going to stay...without me?” Amethyst asked. 

 

They stood outside on the front lawn. Pearl readjusted the drum she was holding in its case. 

 

“Sorry, you can’t stay,” Pearl said. 

 

“Someday I will though, right?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl nodded. “Someday.” 

 

Amethyst nodded back. She and Pearl put the rest of the drum equipment into Amethyst's mother’s van. “You were freaking, awesome, P. You should have seen all the guys watching you during your solo,” Amethyst said. “They thought you were amazing.” 

 

“Oh,” Pearl said. “That’s cool, I guess.” 

 

Amethyst’s mother then called her to get into the car. She hugged Pearl and then said, “See yah at practice!” 

 

Pearl waved goodbye and then went back inside to the party. The house was crowded. She scanned the room for Rose, who was talking to a group of guys across the way. Pearl weaved her way through the crowds. When Rose saw Pearl, she excused herself from the group and ran over to Pearl. 

 

“That was awesome!” Rose said. She hugged Pearl, picking her up and spinning her around. “You were so awesome. Oh, my god. Our voices sound great together. Am I wrong?” 

 

“No, you’re not wrong,” Pearl said, giggling. 

 

She put Pearl down and said, “Those guys want to talk to you.” 

 

Pearl glanced over at them. They waved at her. 

 

“I think we should go somewhere else though,” Rose said. 

 

“Yeah?” Pearl asked. 

 

“If that’s okay,” Rose said. 

 

“It’s more than okay,” Pearl said with a smirk. 

 

Rose pecked Pearl on the lips and said, “Today, Bill Dewey’s shitty house party in Beach City. Tomorrow, Paris!” 

 

“Paris?” Pearl asked with a laugh. She felt Rose grasp her hand as they exited the house. 

 

“Dreaming never hurt anyone,” Rose said. 

 

At the time, Pearl didn’t realize that seven years from the date of The Crystal Gems’ first show, Paris would be the end of everything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter Preview: Steven sees The Crystal Gems perform in Pearl's recording studio. Pearl's girlfriend Felicia comes home in the middle of the recording session.


	6. Pearl and Rose's Break-up Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments and kudos!
> 
> We're back to the present.

Pearl stood in the middle of her recording studio with a red and wood colored Gibson Les Paul electric guitar hanging from her shoulder. She glared at Amethyst, who was intensely staring at Pearl as she twirled the drumstick in her hand. Garnet stood quietly as she tuned her bass guitar. Steven watched from the control room. He could feel the tension between the three women. 

 

“Which song are we playing?” Pearl asked. 

 

“That Kiss,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl cringed. She shook her head. “I hate that song.” 

 

“You wrote it,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I was sixteen when I wrote it. That was over twenty years ago. It’s horrible,” Pearl said. 

 

“Well, it’s just as shit as the songs you’ve been writing recently that are always playing on the fucking radio,” Amethyst said. “I see no difference.” 

 

“Give me a tempo,” Pearl said through gritted teeth. 

 

Steven watched from the control room. Pearl looked irritated, like she was doing this out of obligation. 

 

“Is the prodigy not able to play rhythm guitar without a tempo?” Amethyst said snidely. 

 

“Just give me a fucking tempo, Amethyst!” Pearl said. She then suddenly shook her head and waved to Steven with a forced smile. “Sorry, Steven! This is so much fun!” 

 

Steven’s forehead crinkled. Pearl looked uncomfortable. This was not what he imagined. He spoke through the mic at the control panel so they could hear him in the booth. “It’s okay. We can go to the park or something!” 

 

“We’re going to play,” Garnet said suddenly breaking her silence. She started playing her bass guitar. 

 

“That’s not the tempo to ‘That Kiss,’” Amethyst said. 

 

“We’re not playing that,” Garnet said, still playing her bass guitar. 

 

Pearl and Amethyst exchanged looks. Amethyst locked eyes with Pearl, who appeared to be panicked. 

 

“Don’t make her play that,” Amethyst said. 

 

“We have to get over this,” Garnet said. “It’s the only way.” 

 

“No!” Amethyst said. “You know what Pearl wrote that song about! Are you a freaking sociopath!?” 

 

Pearl was staring at the ground. She knew the exact song Garnet wanted her to play. 

 

“Garnet,” Amethyst said. “We didn’t even discuss with Pearl what we wanted to---” 

 

Pearl then played a chord on her guitar. 

 

Amethyst was frozen, paralyzed by what Pearl just did. 

 

As Pearl played, Steven saw her foot stomp down on the looper pedal, recording the rhythm guitar part. 

 

Pearl then sang: 

 

_Do you care that I tried?_

_Everyday you and I couldn't agree._

_This part of me feels empty now._

_Peaceful loneliness haunts my days._

 

Pearl’s hand then moved down the fret of the guitar quickly, adding the lead melody of the guitar. Amethyst then started playing the drums, keeping a steady beat, locking in with Garnet’s bass. 

 

_I did not mean for this to happen._

_Life goes on and I can’t stop it._

_I did not mean for this to happen._

_Life goes on and you can’t stop it._

 

Steven then realized this was the song he heard his mother sing on the poorly recorded youtube video, called “I Want to Let Go.” It sounded similar, only Pearl’s voice was less harsh and more refined than his mother's voice. He knew this was a break-up song. He wondered who it was about.  

 

_You and I had more than fun._

_I wish I could have you still._

_But I can’t be your rock._

_Now the scent of your pillow haunts my days._

 

_I did not mean for this to happen._

_Life goes on and I can’t stop it._

_I did not mean for this to happen._

_Life goes on and you can’t stop it._

 

Pearl then teared up as she got to the bridge. Tears fell from Pearl’s eyes. They were the quiet kind of tears; the ones that flowed without control or a show or intense emotion. These tears, in Steven’s opinion, were the worst kind of tears. They were the sadness of a person who has felt too much to the point where they don’t have the energy to cry properly anymore. 

 

Amethyst and Garnet paused.  Pearl then sang without any instruments. 

 

_I stand alone in the kitchen, looking out the window._

_I want to hate you. I want to let go._

_But I can’t._

 

Garnet and Amethyst then started playing again. Pearl then played a solo on her guitar. She stayed in place, her foot pumped up and down on the looper pedal. She did not display any of the wild enthusiasm Steven saw in the old youtube videos of The Crystal Gems’ performances in the 90s. 

 

_You did not mean for this to happen._

_Life goes on and we can’t stop it._

_We did not mean for this to happen._

_Life goes on and we can’t stop it._

 

When the song ended Amethyst asked, “You okay, P?” 

 

Pearl nodded, weakly smiling at Amethyst. 

 

“Cause holy shit that was pretty good!” Amethyst said. “Who said you need to practice every day? Joking about the practice part, but like, wow that felt good.” 

 

“It was okay,” Garnet nodded. 

 

“Tempo slowed down too much in the second verse,” Pearl said. “I screwed up a note in the guitar solo.” Pearl then managed to smile as she wiped underneath her eyes with her fingers, “But then again it’s been a very long time. I have missed it.” 

 

Amethyst stood up on her stool and said, “Yes! Let’s play something that’s not ridiculously depressing then!” 

 

“The Other Night?” Garnet asked. 

 

“The arrangement is too complex for a looper pedal,” Pearl said. 

 

“What if we don’t need a looper pedal?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“I don’t understand,” Pearl said. She crinkled her forehead. 

 

Amethyst then used her drum sticks to point to Steven in the control room. 

 

“Steven?!” Pearl said with a yelp. 

 

“Let him borrow something from that sick guitar collection of yours,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl made eye contact with Garnet, who shrugged and said, “It’s not a bad idea.” Pearl sighed. She put her guitar down on a stand and walked out of the recoding booth and into the control room. 

 

“Follow me,” Pearl said to Steven. 

 

“What’s going on?’ Steven asked. 

 

“Would you mind playing the guitar for us?” Pearl asked as they walked up the stairs, leaving the basement and entering the kitchen. 

 

“Seriously?” Steven asked with wide eyes. He couldn’t believe it. He had been trying to learn that song through a Youtube how to video. 

 

“Of course,” Pearl said. “You can borrow one of my guitars.”

 

They moved through the hallway. Steven followed Pearl to the third floor of the brownstone. 

 

“Just so you know,” Steven said with a nervous laugh in his voice, “I’ve been trying to learn ‘The Other Night,’ but I’ve been having a hard time.” 

 

Pearl paused in front of a closed door in the third floor hallway. Steven notice a picture of his mother hanging on the wall behind Pearl. She was sitting on a stoop, playing her guitar. Pink curls fell over her face, slightly obscuring it. She was laughing. 

 

“Have you been trying to do this by watching a how-to video?” Pearl asked, crossing her arms. 

 

Steven nodded, embarrassed. His cheeks turned bright red. 

 

“Well of course you’re having a hard time. I’ve seen that video,” Pearl said. She rolled her eyes. “It’s horrible. I’m going to teach you. You’ll be playing it better than that guy in the video.” 

 

“Really?” Steven asked. 

 

“Of course,” Pearl said. She laughed to herself as she opened the door. “I mean I co-wrote the song. I’m the best person to teach it to you.” 

 

When Steven followed her into the room, he paused in amazement. His mouth hung open in disbelief. On the walls at least thirty guitars of various colors hung from the wall. He saw Gibsons, Fenders, Stratocasters, twelve strings, seven strings, acoustics, semi-acoustics. Steven couldn't believe what he was seeing. He wondered if his father had seen this. Greg would think this was heaven. 

 

Pearl took a blue and purple Gibson Les Paul off the wall and handed it to Steven. “This should work.” She then gave him a black guitar pick. 

 

“It’s so shiny!” Steven said, referring to the guitar. 

 

“It also has a great sound,” Pearl said. 

 

“Pearl,” Steven said in a high pitch voice,”this place is amazing.” 

 

She smiled and said, “Yes, it is.” She gestured for him to follow her. “We can look at the others later.” 

 

Steven took a moment to look around again. He allowed himself to stared at the twelve string guitar for a moment before he followed Pearl back downstairs to the basement. 

 

When he entered back into the recording studio, Amethyst stood up on the stool behind her drum set and said, “Which one did she get yah?” 

 

“A Gibson Les Paul,” Pearl said. 

 

“Hell yeah! Let’s freaking teach this kid how to play ‘The Other Night,’ then!” Amethyst said. 

 

Steven noticed Amethyst had become noticeably less moody since Pearl sang. He slung the guitar strap over his shoulder and got into position to play. 

 

Pearl did the same and gave him a quizzical look. Her eyelid was twitching. “You are um...” 

 

“What?” Steven asked. 

 

Garnet began to laugh. 

 

“I don’t get it,” Amethyst said. 

 

“He’s holding the guitar low like Greg,” Garnet said in between her laughter. 

 

“Oh shit he is,” Amethyst said. She also began cracking up. 

 

“He’s the one who taught me how to play,” Steven said, shrugging. He had no idea why this was amusing. 

 

“When Pearl wanted to be like Joan Jett, she used to play with her strap really low,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Amethyst!” Pearl said. She blushed. 

 

“Then she saw your dad play and completely changed how high her guitar strap was,” Amethyst said, cackling. 

 

“That’s not why,” Pearl said, rolling her eyes. She turned to Steven and said, “It’s better for your back.” 

 

This comment made Amethyst lose it with laughter. She nearly fell off her stool. 

 

“Also,” Pearl said, ignoring Amethyst. “It’s easier to play, especially for how much thumb picking you’ll have to do in this song. It’s not about looking cool. It’s about sounding cool. Especially if you are of, um-short stature. When you get taller, it will be easier to play low. I’m sorry, Steven, I just don’t want your hand to cramp up.” 

 

Steven looked down at the guitar and said, “Oh, okay.” He nodded and adjusted the height of the strap. 

 

Pearl showed him the chords he would need to play. She was patient as she watched Steven attempt the rhythm guitar part and corrected him on many mistakes. After practicing for a couple hours, Pearl gave him a large grin and said, “Very good!” 

 

Garnet read a book in the corner. She sat against the wall, slowly turning the pages. 

 

Amethyst was on her phone. She looked up and asked, “Is he ready yet?” 

 

“I think so,” Pearl said with a wide smile. 

 

They all got into their positions. Garnet started the song by playing a rare chord on the bass before establishing the rhythm and tempo. Amethyst joined in playing the drums. 

 

Pearl and Steven began playing the guitar. Pearl was nodding to him with the rhythm, watching him play. His hand then cramped up. He played an incorrect chord. 

 

Everyone stopped playing. Pearl must have seen Steven’s mortified look because she then said, “It’s okay. That’s why we practice. Garnet is here to guide you with the chords. Okay? As long as you listen to what the bass is trying to tell you, the less error will occur.” 

 

Steven smiled, “Yeah, you’re right.” He massaged his hand before they started the song again. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Felicia Vasquez readjusted her beanie as she sat on a bench in Washington Square Park. She held her phone out as she attempted to snap a selfie of herself with the famous arch. With 978K instagram followers, she was sure to post at least once a day. It was a part of her job that annoyed her, but it was necessary as a model.

 

As she walked home, she took her time. Pearl was probably holed up in her recording studio, hunched over the equipment as she edited a song. 

 

At twenty-six, Felicia enjoyed the perks of her modeling career; the free clothes, trips, make-up, and other beauty products. However, what played in her favor was meeting people she had only dreamed of ten years prior. 

 

She was thirteen when she first heard The Crystal Gems. Her older brother Manny was obsessed with punk rock to the point where he dyed his hair bright red and only wore black jeans and t-shirts with band names on them. One night, he played “Good Girls,” The Crystal Gem’s second album as he cleaned his room. That night, she sat in the hallway outside of her brother’s door, listening. This album was considered their best and most experimental one. Felicia had read in a _Pitchfork_ magazine article that the record company gave Pearl LeBlanc, the lead guitarist and songwriter, complete creative control. Felicia fell in love with the guitar riff of “The Other Night,” a punk rock masterpiece. 

 

When Felicia googled, “The Crystal Gems” for the first time, the first photo that came up was one of Pearl and Rose sitting on a stoop of a run-down brownstone. Rose rested her head on Pearl’s shoulder. Next to Rose, Pearl had her guitar resting on her knee. Pearl's shaggy, pink hair fell over her eyes. A cigarette hung from her mouth, which was curled into a giggly half-smile. She wore a t-shirt that said, “The Yardbirds: Shapes of Things,” which Felicia would later learn was a song that contained Pearl’s all time favorite guitar intro. What Pearl did not know, was how this photo made Pearl Felicia’s all time favorite crush. 

 

At twenty-two, Felicia read a magazine article, where Pearl Leblanc described her love for the Empire State Museum of Art. Pearl was on the board of a non-profit having a fancy fundraising event for the foundation, which funded the music department of inner city schools. 

 

Felicia begged her agent to get her tickets to the fundraising gala so she could meet Pearl. At the event, Felicia approached Pearl in front of an art exhibit. They hit it off, despite Pearl being a decade older. 

 

Now, four years later, they were living together. 

 

Felicia stood next to the cherry blossom tree in front of their brownstone. She loved this house. Pearl, she could tell, thought it was too big. “We only need the first floor,” Pearl had said last year when they were apartment hunting. 

 

“This is the kind of place you buy when you’re ready to settle down forever,” Felicia had said. 

 

Felicia entered the house. It was empty, quiet, and clean with the exception of some ice cream bar wrappers strewn about the quartz counter tops in the kitchen. It was strange. She put her purse down on one of the kitchen chairs and decided to check on Pearl in the basement. 

 

As she descended to the basement she heard what sounded like, “The Other Night.” 

 

Pearl never played Crystal Gem songs. In fact, Felicia never had seen Pearl play a Crystal Gem song live. She had to hunt old clips of Pearl’s famous guitar solos on Youtube to see her play music like that. Usually Pearl played acoustic versions of the songs she wrote, which later became radio pop hits sung by the Diamond Trio. 

 

When she made it down into the control room, she saw the entire band in the recording booth. Felicia’s heart raced. She had literally dreamed of this moment to happen. 

 

A small teenaged boy was playing with them, quite well in fact. She assumed this was Steven, Pearl’s ex-girlfriend and bandmate’s son. Felicia knew they had dated because there was a song on their last album that was rumored to be about their break-up called, "I Want to let Go." Rose had passed away in 2002. Pearl never talked about it. Felicia would ignore the dozens of photos of Rose around their apartment. Love allowed Felicia to blind herself when it came to the photos of Rose hanging on the walls. Felicia assumed that Rose passing away was why Pearl never played these songs, yet here she was singing the chorus to “The Other Night.” 

 

Pearl played passionately, biting her lip. Felicia had never seen her play like this live. It was intoxicating. She couldn’t help herself. She took out her phone and started filming. 

 

_There’s a girl. I saw_

_The other night._

_I want to know her._

_She kills it_

_When she strums._

_I want to be near_

_Her all the time._

_And never let go._

 

The band paused, allowing Amethyst to have a drum solo. They all looked at her, waiting for their cue to play again. Pearl was smiling at Amethyst as a strand of strawberry blonde hair fell over her face. 

 

Pearl then sang into the mic, practically yelling, “One, two, three, four!” Then she jumped up into the air, playing a chord on her way down, transitioning into her guitar solo as Garnet strummed notes on the base. 

 

The only person who noticed that Felicia had entered the control room was Amethyst whose eyes narrowed at her, making Felicia feel uncomfortable, like she was invading a sacred space. 

 

When the song ended, Pearl’s attention focused on the kid. “Steven!” Pearl beamed. “That was so great! You played very well!” 

 

Felicia then posted the video to instagram with the caption, “<3 my love killing it on the guitar.” 

 

“Yo, P,” Amethyst said. “Shouldn’t your girlfriend be half-naked on a beach somewhere with some dude taking pictures of her?” 

 

“What?” Pearl asked. Her hand pushed back her sweaty, messy hair. “That is inappropriate and...” 

 

Amethyst motioned to the control room. 

 

Pearl’s head turned. Felicia let out a half-nervous laugh and waved to Pearl. 

 

Perhaps Felicia did invade a sacred space. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter preview: 
> 
> The Crystal Gems deal with the aftermath of Felicia posting a video of them performing on instagram.
> 
> Knowing how detrimental it would be to lose their songwriter, Blayne (Yellow Diamond) of The Diamond Trio sees what legal action can be taken against Pearl performing a Crystal gem song.


	7. The Diamonds' Plan for Pearl's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments and kudos! Everyone's feedback is really helpful. I hope everyone is enjoying the story. Everything is still a bit tumultuous between the Crystal Gems right now, but everything will settle down in later chapters.

Lapis Lazuli sat at her desk cubicle in the offices of _Torch_ magazine, a publication focusing on music. As she scrolled down her Instagram feed, she came across what she could only describe as insane. It was a fifteen second video posted by the Victoria Secret model Felicia Vasquez. 

 

Lapis clicked play on the video. She played with her long necklace’s charm. Her hands ruffled through her blue hair. “The Other Night,” was playing. Only it was slightly different, more refined, well tuned; less punk rock, more pure rock. Lapis realized that the individual singing at the mic was Pearl LeBlanc, who then busted into an intense guitar solo. 

 

“No fucking way,” Lapis said. She refreshed the video so she could watch it again. 

 

Her co-worker, Chris, a typical bearded music nerd who only wore t-shirts with band names on them, walked by her cubical and said, “That doesn’t sound like Rose.” 

 

Lapis smirked. “That’s because it’s not Rose.” She spun her office chair toward him and leaned back so her hands were cradling the back of her head. “It’s Pearl and it was recorded today.” 

 

“No way!” Chris said. “Let me see.” He stood over her shoulder as Lapis played the video again. 

 

“Who’s the kid?” Chris asked. 

 

“Not sure,” Lapis said. “But in my opinion he looks like a miniature--

 

“Greg Universe,” Chris said. “No fucking way. This has to be a publicity stunt.” 

 

“I know,” Lapis said, smiling. 

 

“I want this story.” 

 

“It’s my story.” 

 

“Do you know how much I love The Crystal Gems?” Chris asked. 

 

“Do you know how much I love them?” Lapis said pointing to a poster of the Crystal Gems' album cover for _Good Girls_ behind her, which was a photo of the Crystal Gems standing in a police line-up. “Besides, how do you think it would look for some straight white male to do an article about the epic reunion of a lesbian punk band?” 

 

“Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst are the only lgbtq band members,” Chris said.  

 

“Are you kidding me? That's three quarters of the band. Also, Pearl and Rose were totally fucking for like the first five years the band existed,” Lapis said. 

 

“That’s neither confirmed nor denied,” Chris said. 

 

“You’re so naive,” Lapis said, rolling her eyes. “You think it’s a coincidence the band broke up in Paris in 2002 and then less than a year later Rose has a baby with Greg Universe? Also the best song on their final album is about their break-up.” 

 

“‘I Want to Let Go,’ isn’t about Rose and Pearl breaking up.” 

 

“Oh you sweet summer child,” Lapis said with a sigh. 

 

“If you’re going to insult me with _Game of Thrones_ references, can you at least give me a byline?” Chris asked. 

 

“Give me one good reason why I should,” Lapis said. 

 

Chris smirked and said, “Pearl signed a recording contract with Diamond Records back in 2004.” 

 

“And?” 

 

“And it was a fifteen year contract for ten million dollars,” Chris said. “She’s still under contract with Diamond Records, meaning she can only release new albums produced by them.” 

 

“So you’re saying for a reunion to happen, Whitney fucking Hammond, would have to allow for Pearl to record and release an album?” Lapis asked. 

 

“Yup,” Chris said. 

 

“Perfect,” Lapis said with a sigh. “And why does this mean I should give you a byline?” 

 

“I can get you an interview with Whitney Hammond,” Chris said. 

 

“How?” 

 

“I happen to know Blaine Hammond’s assistant.” 

 

“She’s a pleasant one,” Lapis said with sarcasm. “She hangs up on me on a daily basis when I call in to get confirmation for articles.” 

 

“I’ve been on a couple dates with her,” Chris said, embarrassed. “I’ve been meaning to break it off, but I’m willing to keep it going if it means you letting me write this with you and getting that interview with Whitney Hammond.” 

 

“How gentlemanly of you,” Lapis said, rolling her eyes. 

 

“Lapis, I want this reunion to happen,” Chris said. “The Crystal Gems are the reason I got into music. When I was a freshman in high school, I had a crush on this girl Talia Price, who was obsessed with them, so naturally I became obsessed with them. But it lead to me loving other music, Radiohead, Dinosaur Jr., Pavement, the Pixies, Sleater-Kinney.” 

 

Lapis sighed. It wouldn’t hurt to share the article with Chris. “Alright. We can share it.” 

 

Chris did a fist pump. “Thanks! You wont regret this. We are gonna have the greatest time writing this together.” 

 

“Maybe we’ll fall in love,” Lapis deadpanned. 

 

“I’m sorry, Lazuli,” Chris said, “but if I wanted my life to be like a shitty Ben Affleck move, it would be _Armageddon_ not _Gigli_. You know, cause I’d get to go into space.” 

 

“Awww shucks, I wanted to be J-Lo,” Lapis said as Chris walked back to his cubicle. 

 

She plugged her headphones in and re-watched the clip of The Crystal Gems again. 

 

* * *

 

 

Blaine Hammond sat in a board room. Her sister, Livie, sat across from her. Zelda Zircon, their lawyer, nervously paced back and forth as they waited for the speaker phone in the middle of the table to ring. 

 

Since the rough video of Pearl was posted on Instagram, the Diamond Trio called an emergency meeting, with Whitney calling in from the West Coast. 

 

When the phone did ring, Zelda jumped. She practically leaped across the table as she pressed the button to answer the call. 

 

“You have ten minutes,” the voice on the phone said. 

 

“Whitney,” Zelda said. “I’ve read over the recording contract. May I ask why you haven’t released any of Miss LeBlanc’s albums? It looks like she’s kept up with her obligation and has been submitting a solo album once every two years for release, but you have shelved all of them.” 

 

“She was, at the time, not marketable,” Whitney Hammond said over the speakerphone. Her voice was cold. “I signed her for her songwriting abilities. It’s cheaper to have her write tracks for us through that contract than to go through a music publishing company. The album stipulations were just an incentive to get her to sign the contract.” 

 

“Understandable,” Zelda said. Her voice was shaky. She frantically looked through her notes. “And unfortunately there is nothing you can do about this video posted. Miss LeBlanc’s contract was written in 2004, back before videos were on the internet in the form they are today.” 

 

“Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” Whitney said. “Tell me what I can do.” 

 

“You can disallow her from releasing anything in the form of an album or a produced song on the radio or on the internet for monetary gain,” Zelda said. “That’s it. Anything that’s free on the internet or a live performance are fair game.” 

 

“I need more than that,” Whitney said. 

 

“I have a proposition,” Blaine said. “We have a demo for a song Pearl recently wrote for us. The one called ‘Someday it Won’t Hurt.’ We sacrifice this one song. We have Peridot tweak the demo Pearl sent us and release it on the radio, Spotify, Apple music, Youtube, everywhere that’s freaking possible.” 

 

“It is the perfect summer hit,” Livie said.

 

There was silence. Everyone in the board room waited for Whitney to speak. 

 

“What you’re proposing is that we release the pop single sung by Pearl instead of by us?” Whitney asked. 

 

“Yes,” Blaine said. “See, the other Crystal Gem band members would see it as a betrayal. They wouldn’t reunite. Pearl blows up as the second coming of Halsey or something.” 

 

“Zelda, can we do whatever we want with the demo?” Whitney asked. 

 

“Yes, ma’m,” Zelda said. 

 

“Take it Peridot. have her rush this one. We need to release this as soon as possible,” Whitney said. “Blaine be there when they produce the song. Make sure they keep the guitar parts in.” 

 

Blaine’s forehead crinkled. “Why are we keeping the guitar parts in?” 

 

“When this stupid single gets played on the radio all over the place, people are going to want to see it live. We keep the guitar in as part of the marketing,” Whitney said. “We might not be able to prevent Pearl from playing Crystal Gem songs, but we can force her to play this one.” 

 

 

* * *

 

 

If there hadn’t been a strap attached to his guitar, Steven would have dropped it onto the floor. In front of him was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life. Her long, curly brown hair cascaded down to her shoulders. She was tall. He cranked his neck back to look up at her. She wore a beanie, a grey v-neck, and jeans.  Her legs were long, like they could go on forever.

 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Felicia said. 

 

Pearl was still breathing hard. “No worries. We need a break anyway,” Pearl said. She picked up a water bottle next to her foot and took a sip. She set her guitar down on the stand and pecked Felicia on the cheek. “You already know Garnet and Amethyst.” 

 

Amethyst rolled her eyes. She crossed her arms, still holding her drum sticks like a shield. “Nice to see you,” she said with a forced smile. 

 

“Hey,” Garnet said, nodding. 

 

“And this,” Pearl said with a beaming grin as kneeled down and put her arm around Steven, “is Steven.” 

 

“Nice to meet you!” Steven said. 

 

“I have heard a lot about you,” Felicia said. “Very happy to finally meet you.” 

 

“Cool,” Steven nodded. He was not sure what to say. Pearl rarely talked about her. He assumed this was because the only time he ever saw Pearl was at his birthday and amethyst was there. He had learned Pearl’s relationship with Felicia was a point of contention between the drummer and the guitarist. Maybe Pearl avoided the subject so she and Amethyst wouldn’t argue on his birthday. 

 

“So, _Sports Illustrated_ ,” Amethyst said. She jumped off her stool and approached the much taller woman. 

 

“Don’t call her that,” Pearl said with a sigh. 

 

Amethyst ignored Pearl and said, “You always barge in here whenever you feel like it?” 

 

“I didn’t realize--” Felicia began to say. 

 

“It’s her home, Amethyst,” Pearl snapped. She buried her hands in her face and said, “Two minutes ago we were fine and now--” 

 

“Now we’re still fine,” Amethyst said, knowing to back off. She rose her eyebrows and said, “I guess I’ll go upstairs to eat more ice cream bars.” 

 

“Oh, you don’t want ice cream bars,” Felicia said, waving her hand. 

 

“Are you suggesting I eat kale?” Amethyst said, horrified. 

 

“No,no, no,” Felicia said, waving her hands. “What I mean is, it’s getting pretty late. We should all get dinner. I never get to see any of you and I would love to get to know everyone better!” 

 

Pearl’s eyes widened in terror. “Um, I don’t know,” Pearl said with a nervous laugh. “Amethyst probably has plans and Garnet and Steven probably have to get back to Beach City. I bet he has school tomorrow.” Pearl looked at Amethyst with pleading eyes, like they were begging for Amethyst to decline the offer. 

 

“You know what?” Amethyst said, pretending to look at her phone. She shrugged. “I don’t have any plans!” 

 

Garnet and Steven exchanged looks. Garnet shrugged, letting him know it wasn’t a big deal. “Steven doesn’t have school tomorrow,” Garnet said. “I can let Greg know I’ll be bringing him back late.” 

 

“Doesn't have school tomorrow? God, how long was I in the studio? I thought it was Sunday.” Pearl said as if she was talking to herself. She stood up and rested her chin in her hand. Steven noticed it was her scarred hand. He suddenly remembered why he came here. 

 

“It is,” Steven said. “It’s Memorial Day weekend. We have Monday off.”

 

“Yay! Felicia said, as she gave Pearl a side hug and startled Pearl in the process. “There’s this great place down the street.”

 

As they walked to the restaurant, Steven kept pace with Pearl. Felicia was ahead talking to Garnet. Amethyst hung back, walking behind everyone with her hands in her pockets. 

 

“Felicia is really nice,” Steven said. 

 

“I know,” Pearl said with a weak smile. 

 

“I’m happy I get to spend some extra time here with you and Amethyst,” Steven said. 

 

“You are?” Pearl asked. Her forehead crinkled. 

 

Steven nodded. There was a brief silence. He finally mustered up the courage to ask, “Why does Amethyst get mad about your house and stuff?” 

 

Pearl’s head jerked back slightly like she was thrown off by the question. “I never wanted a large house or anything like what I have now,” Pearl said. “I don’t necessarily need it, but Felicia likes it and that’s what you do when you love someone. You understand their perspective and what they want.” 

 

Steven wasn’t really satisfied with Pearl’s answer. However, he realized she would probably not elaborate. 

 

The restaurant was dark and full of distress wooden tables. They sat in a large booth. Pearl glared at Amethyst when they all chose their seats, warning her to not sit next to Felicia.  Amethyst sat on the end next to Steven, who sat next to Garnet. She stared at her phone. 

 

The waitress walked up to them. When she saw Felicia’s face her eyes widened. “Hello, my name is Amy and I’ll be your waitress tonight. Can I get you some drinks to start?” 

 

“Sierra Nevada IPA,” Amethyst said absently. She was texting vigorously, like she was arguing with someone.  

 

After they ordered drinks, Pearl slumped back in her seat. It was clear she did not want to be here. 

 

“So, what grade are you in, Steven?” Felicia asked. 

 

“Eighth,” Steven said. 

 

Amethyst’s cell phone rang. “Fuck,” she muttered. “I’ll be right back.” She got up and walked toward the restrooms. 

 

“So you and Garnet live in Beach City?” Felicia asked. 

 

“We do,” Garnet said as she read the menu.

 

“Are you like one of those beach kids who’s been surfing since they could walk?” Felicia asked. 

 

“Uh, not really,” Steven said. “I wear sandals a lot though.” 

 

Felicia giggled. “Thats a good one.” 

 

Pearl was biting her nails. Steven wondered why she suddenly became so nervous. “Next time you should bring your friend Connie,” Pearl said with a smile. 

 

“I don’t think her parents would let her come to Empire City,” Steven said. As he was about to continue, Amethyst stormed out of the bathroom and held her phone up in front of the table. 

 

“What the hell is this?” Amethyst said. The entire restaurant was staring at them. A clip of Pearl playing the guitar from earlier today was playing in the phone. “This is all over the freaking internet!” Amethyst said with rage. “My agent just called and my band is freaking the fuck out because they think I want to go on hiatus to be in The Crystal Gems!” 

 

Pearl leaned forward to get a better look at the video. Her brow crinkled, like she was holding in either rage or frustration. She swallowed hard and said, “It’s just a video, Amethyst.” 

 

“Pearl, your girlfriend posted this and now no one in These Freaks wants to talk to me!” Amethyst said. 

 

“Just explain to them it was for fun,” Pearl said. 

 

“Oh I’m sure they’ll believe that!” Amethyst said with a dismissive laugh. “And you know why this happened? It’s the same reason everything has happened. You were thinking with your dick, P and now my life is going down the tubes. AGAIN!” 

 

“You have no right to be angry at me,” Pearl said. She shuffled out of the booth and stood next to Amethyst, staring at her in the eyes. 

 

“I don’t?” Amethyst said. “When I met you, you would have thought this was all shit. You would have _hated_ this restaurant. You would have been ripshit about this. You would have NEVER signed a record deal with the Diamond Trio. And you never would have cared about the mountains of cash. You made good music. You really just wanted the material shit just as much as everyone else did. Your anti-capitalist, feminist rants were all bullshit!” 

 

Pearl’s eyes watered. “I grew up. You didn’t. That’s the difference.” 

 

“Maybe you’re just scared and I’m not. Maybe that’s the difference. You never thought about how any of your decisions would affect me or Garnet.” 

 

“You wouldn’t understand,” Pearl said. 

 

“I’ll never understand why you broke your hand on purpose?” Amethyst said. “Even though you wont admit it, I know you did. Back in 2002, you wanted to end the tour. I know you did it on purpose.  It’s the same with the Diamond Record deal. You took that deal so you wouldn’t have to write real music. You are afraid of writing about how you feel. You’re fucking scared. Cause let’s face it, Pearl. You haven’t written a good song since Rose died.” 

 

Pearl shook her head. “Come on,” she motioned to Felicia. She rubbed underneath her nose and said, ‘We need to leave.” Felicia grabbed her purse and left to go outside. 

 

Pearl walked over to Steven and gave him a hug. “I’m sorry about this,” she whispered in his ear. “I promise I’ll try to visit you in Beach City.” 

 

Steven just nodded. He didn’t know what else to say. He looked down into his glass of soda on the table. 

 

“Or maybe Marty was just right about you,” Amethyst said. “Maybe you just don’t care about writing a good song. Maybe you really do just want the girls, the money, and the car? Cause you gave up everything we had for it.” 

 

“Just when I thought you couldn’t push this any further,” Pearl said. 

 

“I looked up to you and everything you were” Amethyst said. “And you threw it all away. Everything we worked for, you just said fuck it to write crap music and be rich.” 

 

“Paul Simon is an underrated guitarist,” Pearl said, holding back tears. “His work sounds so simple. It’s deceptive. When you try to replicate it, you see how difficult it truly is. Try playing a Paul Simon song and then tell me how you don’t understand the choices I had to make.” 

 

Pearl then exited the restaurant. 

 

“Great job,” Garnet said with sarcasm. 

 

Amethyst stared at Steven. She saw him looking down at the table. “Steven I’m--” 

 

“Why do you hate Pearl so much?” Steven asked. 

 

“I don’t hate her,” Amethyst said. “It’s complicated. Especially for a kid to--” 

 

“If you love her, Amethyst, you shouldn’t treat her this way,” Steven said. “No matter how mad you are at her.” 

 

“He’s right, you know,” Garnet said. She stood up and motioned for Steven to do the same. She set some money down on the table to pay for the drinks. “Steven, let’s get something quick to eat and then go home.” 

 

Steven nodded. When he got home, he planned to learn a Paul Simon song on the guitar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter Preview: Takes place in 1997 on the road of The Crystal Gem's first tour. Pearl helps Amethyst out with a problem. Pearl and Rose discuss the future of the band.


	8. Paul Simon's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! This one is a flashback. Thanks for comments/kudos!

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **1997**

 

 

Pearl inhaled her cigarette. She had taken up smoking to relieve stress from The Crystal Gems going on tour. Once she realized she didn’t want to live forever, the consequences of what would happen to her later in life were put on the back burner. 

 

She sat on the bed of a hotel room on top of the sheets.  She always removed the comforter. Her feet were curled up, criss cross style. The band had a show later that night in Chicago. They were staying at a motel in some rural town an hour outside of the city. 

 

Her acoustic guitar rested on her lap. She dabbed her cigarette out in an ashtray on the bedside table and started to play, “Love Me Like a Man,” by Bonnie Raitt as she quizzed Amethyst on GED questions. 

 

Amethyst was laying on her stomach at the end of the bed. In front of her was a notebook and a GED study guide. 

 

“So I own a cleaning company,” Pearl said. 

 

“That could be a viable post rock star career for you, P,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Pay attention,” Pearl said. “I own a cleaning company. I have to give price quotes to my  potential customers. There’s a $25 base charge. I add $8 for each bathroom and $4 for each regular room. If I use ‘P,’ to represent price--” 

 

“P! That’s your name,” Amethyst said. She rolled over to her side and smiled at Pearl. “I’m gonna call you Price Tag. P for Pearl. P for price tag.” 

 

“Ame,” Pearl rolled her eyes. “Pay att--” 

 

“Pay attention. I know,” Amethyst said. “I just don’t see why this is important. I’m already making more money than my Mom does.” 

 

“Because someday we might not be doing this anymore,” Pearl said. “You need a GED.” 

 

Amethyst laughed. “I can’t imagine you or me doing anything else.” 

 

“That’s because you’re fifteen,” Pearl said. 

 

“Getting tired of being awesome on stage?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl smiled and said, “No. Just getting worried.” 

 

After their first album was deemed successful and they started selling out shows on tour, Marty, their manager, sought out a larger record label to release their second album. The larger label, Stereo Records, offered the band five million dollars to produce their next album. An independent label called Sneeple Records offered them $900,000, but would give Pearl complete creative control: she would get the final word on the version of their album that would be released. Stereo Records would have the right to change anything they waned in the song. 

 

Pearl did not like it when she wasn’t in control. 

 

“Is it about the second album?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“We can go with Stereo Records and get a five million dollar advance or we could go with,” Pearl rolled her eyes, “Sneeple Records and get a $900,000 advance and complete creative control. Marty wants us to go with Stereo Records.” 

 

“That’s because he gets a cut,” Amethyst said. 

 

“If Marty gets 20% of his clients’ profits and one of his bands, The Crystal Gems, is being offered a 5 million dollar advance, how much does Marty profit by exploiting them?” Pearl said sardonically. 

 

“I guess I really do need to know how to do equations.” Amethyst began to crack up. “Marty might be a jerk of a manager, but his girlfriend Vidalia is pretty cool.” 

 

Pearl’s face dropped. She set her guitar aside. “Have you been hanging out with Marty?” 

 

“Sometimes,” Amethyst shrugged. “Like I said, his girlf--” 

 

“Have you been alone with him?” Pearl asked, panicked. She placed both of her hands on Amethyst’s shoulders, squeezing them as if Amethyst would float away. 

 

Amethyst shook her head, “No.” 

 

Pearl sighed with relief. “Stay away from Marty.” 

 

“P, I don’t understand. He’s our manager.” 

 

“Hopefully not for long,” Pearl said. She paused and then added, “Just stay away from him.” 

 

“So you don’t want to be a millionaire, P?” Amethyst asked. “You don’t wanna Scrooge McDuck swim in piles of money and have a hot girlfriend?” 

 

Pearl smirked and said, “I already have a hot girlfriend.” She laughed. “I don’t give a damn about the money. I’d rather sleep on a mattress on the floor of an empty studio apartment than sign with a major record label. I don’t care about being famous or rich. I just want to make music I care about. Corporations have no right to determine how _I_ sound.” 

 

“I don’t care if we’re millionaires either,” Amethyst said.

Pearl smiled and looked away, embarrassed. “Good.”  She rolled up the sleeves of her Led Zeppelin t-shirt. Pearl had opted for a more androgynous look after she realized men were not taking her seriously as a guitarist. She started to wear baggy t-shirts and jeans. She cut her hair short and dyed it pink. Suddenly it became ‘cool,’ she could play the guitar that well instead of, ‘hot.’ She then added, “I want them to take us seriously. I don’t want to marketed as some sort of anomaly.”  

 

“Because a girl shredding on the guitar is such an anomaly,” Amethyst said, rolling her eyes. 

 

As Pearl was about to respond, there was a knock on the hotel room door. She got up and looked through the peephole. Rose was waving to her. Pearl opened the door, letting Rose into the room. Rose wore a loose fitting dress with a floral patter on it. 

 

“How are you--” Rose began to say suggestively until she saw Amethyst sitting on the bed. “Hi, Ame!” 

 

“Whattup?’ Amethyst said. 

 

“My um -- guitar needs to be restrung and I need Pearl to help. You should go have fun in your room,” Rose said. 

 

Amethyst gave Pearl a blank stare. Clearly she did not buy a word of what Rose just said. “Then where’s your guitar?” 

 

“Amethyst just listen to Rose,” Pearl sighed. 

 

“P, you’re supposed to give me a guitar lesson. That’s our deal. One hour of GED studying gets rewarded with one hour of a guitar lesson.” 

 

Pearl walked up to Amethyst and picked up Amethyst’s studying materials, only to shove them into Amethyst’s arms. 

 

“Tomorrow we can skip GED and do two hours of guitar lessons instead,” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst looked down at the books in her hand and said, “But that’s not our deal. That’s what you tell me every time I want to ditch GED lessons!” 

 

Pearl rubbed her temples. “Ame, please leave. We can do two hours of guitar tomorrow.” 

 

Amethyst huffed. She swore under he breath as she left the hotel room. 

When the door closed, Pearl felt Rose’s arms wrap around her waist. As Rose kissed Pearl’s neck, Pearl could feel Rose’s long, pink, curly hair tickle her arm. “I’ve been thinking,” Pearl said. She couldn’t help herself as Rose sucked on her soft skin, causing her let out a moan. “I don’t think we should listen to Marty.” 

 

Rose pulled away and ask, “You want to go with the indie label?” 

 

“They’ll give us complete creative control,” Pearl said. 

 

“We can barely pay our rent,” Rose said. 

 

“The only reason we have to pay rent is because I can’t live at home like Amethyst and Garnet do,” Pearl said. 

 

“Don’t make it out like that,” Rose said and then added with a whisper, “I love living with you. I love falling asleep with you every night.” 

 

Pearl’s lip curled into a grin. “We’re still going to get some money from the indie label.” Then she added with a small murmur, “Just not millions. 

 

Rose cupped Pearl’s cheek and drew Pearl’s face closer to her own. Pearl leaned her head into Rose’s hand. Rose’s skin was so soft. 

 

“Is this really what you want to do?” Rose asked. 

 

“I’d have to be dead inside to take and record deal from a major label,” Pearl said. 

 

“Okay,” Rose said. She nodded. “We go with the indie label.” She then kissed Pearl deeply, pushing her backward toward the bed.

 

Pearl felt the back of her knees hit the mattress. She collapsed backward with Rose on top of her. As Rose began to unbutton Pearl’s pants, Pearl said, “Well, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be.” 

 

“You didn’t think I’d agree with you?” Rose asked. She was kneeling between Pearl’s legs, holding Pearl’s pants in her hand. 

 

“I don’t know,” Pearl said. At that moment she realized she would never completely know another person. 

 

“I care about this,” Rose said, motioning her hand back and forth between them. She tossed Pearl’s pants on the floor. Rose rested her head on Pearl’s stomach and kissed Pearl’s hip bone. “More than _anything_.” 

 

Later Pearl lay in bed next to Rose, they were facing each other. 

 

“Our show is in two hours,” Rose said. “ We’re going to have to leave soon.” 

 

“I’m so tired,” Pearl said. 

 

“The tour’s almost over,” Rose said. ‘We’ll get a little break before we have to start working on the second album. We can hermit together then and do absolutely nothing.” She pulled Pearl closer so their noses were almost touching. 

 

“I’m getting hot,” Pearl said. “I’m going to open a window.” As Pearl tried to get up, Rose squeezed her embrace around Pearl harder. 

 

“Don’t get up,” Rose whispered with a giggle. 

 

Pearl pecked Rose on the lips, then she threw on a t-shirt she found on the floor so she could open the window. When she partially pulled back the shade, she saw Amethyst and Marty walking out into the parking lot together. Pearl opened the window and yelled, “Amethyst!” 

 

Amethyst paused and looked back. Pearl contemplated jumping out the window, but she realized she wasn’t wearing any pants. Pearl grabbed her jeans off the floor and began to rush to put them on, which caused her to almost trip and fall over. 

 

“What’s going on?” Rose asked. 

 

“Amethyst is being irresponsible,” Pearl said with gritted teeth. “What else is new?” 

 

“You need help?” Rose asked. 

 

“I’ll take care of it,” Pearl said. She stormed out of the hotel room and ran down the hallway barefoot. 

 

She made her way to the parking lot. Gravel caused sharp pains in her foot. She hoped there wasn’t any glass around. 

 

Amethyst was talking fast, rambling. “I-I think there should be like a way to eat a burrito, but only like without the burrito part. Like a burrito salad. Like you could put as much guac on it as you want -- Oh, hey, P! Were you just yelling out the window because...” 

 

Pearl tuned Amethyst out. Her anger was seething. She saw the small, violet-haired girl’s eyes. Her pupils were the size of her irises and her nose was running. Pearl’s stomach turned. 

 

“What the actual fuck?” she said as she glared at Marty. 

 

“Relax, Pearl. It’s no big deal,” Marty said. He was a skinny, blonde guy. He reminded Pearl of a rat. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his leather jacket. He smelled like weed and aftershave. 

 

“You’re fired,” Pearl said. 

 

“You can’t fire me,” Marty said. 

 

“Oh yes, I can,” Pearl said. 

 

“I’m not fired until Rose says--” Marty said. 

 

“Get the hell out of here!” Pearl said. She pointed to the highway in the distance. 

 

“You’re using this as an excuse, Pearl,” Marty said. He leaned toward her. “By firing me, you can rationalize not taking the deal from Stereo Records.” 

 

“I’m firing you because you gave a fifteen year old kid cocaine,” Pearl said. 

 

“You have a show later and she said she was tired,” Marty shrugged. “That’s what a good manager does. They make sure you have a sick show!” 

 

Perl buried her face into her hands. “I don’t even know how to respond to that. You’re fired. I don’t even care what Rose thinks about me making the decision without her.” 

 

“Face it, Pearl,” Marty said. “You want it, no matter how much you put on that anarchist rocker chick act. You want the house, the girl, and the car. You just can’t let yourself accept that part of you; the part that wants money and fame. You’re so close. Don’t you want it?” 

 

Pearl grabbed Amethyst by the hand and said, “Leave, Marty.” 

 

“You fucking bitch,” Marty said as Pearl dragged Amethyst away. 

 

“Wait!” Amethyst said, slightly pulling Pearl back toward Marty. “Did you hear what he just called you?” 

 

Pearl pulled Amethyst away from Marty and back toward the hotel. “Keep walking,” Pearl said. 

 

As Amethyst paced around the hotel room, Pearl heated up water in the coffee maker. 

 

“P! You can’t let people talk to you like that! He’s such a scumbag asshole. I can’t believe I was hanging out with him!” Amethyst kicked the dresser, only to recoil in pain. She sat on the floor and rubbed her foot. 

 

Pearl poured the hot water int a mug and allowed a tea bag to steep. 

 

Amethyst stood up. She was now standing on the bed, ranting and swearing about Marty. “Like, seriously fuck that guy! Pearl we should have kicked his ass for what he said about you!” 

 

Pearl stood up on the bed next to Amethyst. She was holding the cup of tea. She didn’t say a word. She put her hand on Amethyst’s shoulder and pushed her down slowly and gently until Amethyst was sitting on the bed. Pearl handed her the cup of tea and said, “Drink.” 

 

They sat in silence as Amethyst sipped the chamomile tea. Pearl hunched over and buried her head into her hands. 

 

There was a knock on the door. “Pearl? Ame?” Rose said from behind the door. 

 

“Please don’t tell Rose or Garnet,” Amethyst said with a whisper. 

 

Pearl peered through her hands, looking at Amethyst, who was now crying. Pearl reached out to Amethyst and wiped away a tear streaming down Amethyst’s face. 

 

Pearl stood up and answered the door, creaking it open so only Pearl’s face was visible to Rose. 

 

“Is everything okay?” Rose asked. “You’ve been gone a while.” 

 

“Ame is sick,” Pearl said. She sighed and said, “We’re going to have to cancel the show.” 

 

“Over my dead body,” Rose said. 

 

“Well she can’t play,” Pearl said, shaking her head. “She’s puking all over the place.” 

 

“Is she drunk?” Rose said with anger.

 

“Food poisoning,” Pearl said. “She ate a bad burrito.” 

 

“We can still have a show,” Rose said. “You can play the drums. Before we got a drummer, you’d record yourself playing so we could practice.” 

 

Pearl closed her eyes in frustration. ‘Then who’s going to play lead guitar?” 

 

“Greg Universe is in town. He has a show tomorrow night in Chicago. I bet he’d fill in,” Rose said. 

 

“What?” Pearl’s forehead crinkled. “But--but I’m lead guitar and--” 

 

“Don’t tell me you think he’s going to play better than you?” Rose smirked. Then she suddenly kissed Pearl. She pulled away so their faces were inches a apart. “Because that’s be impossible.” 

 

“I’ll meet you back in the room,” Pearl said. 

 

“So you’ll fill in for Ame on drums and we get Greg to play guitar for this one show?” Rose asked. 

 

Pearl sighed. “Yes, fine, whatever.” 

 

“Great,” Rose said with a smile.

Pearl closed the door. When she turned around, she saw Amethyst in tears. 

 

“I’m sorry you had to lie to Rose,” Amethyst said, sniffling. 

 

Pearl sat next to Amethyst on the bed. “Come here.” She wrapped her arm around Amethyst’s shoulder. Amethyst buried her face into Pearl’s chest. Pearl rested her chin on Amethyst’s head. Then she started to sing 

 

 

_I’d rather be a sparrow than a snail_

_Yes I would_

_If I could_

_I surely would_

_I’d rather be a hammer than a nail_

_Yes I would_

_If I could_

_I surely would_

 

 

When Amethyst fell asleep, Pearl went back into her room. Rose was sitting on the bed reading a magazine. The TV was on in the background. 

 

“How’s Ame feeling?” Rose asked. 

 

“A little better,” Pearl said. “I made her some tea.” Pearl walked over to the bed and gracefully fell onto the mattress. She lay on her back and stared at the ceiling. “I fired Marty.” 

 

“What?!” Rose said. She dropped her magazine onto the floor. 

 

“He’s a creep,” Pearl said. 

 

“Pearl, you can’t do that without consulting with me! Who’s going to be our manager?” 

 

“We can just get a new one,” Pearl said. “I-I had to do it.” 

 

“Why, exactly, did you have to?”

 

“He was...” Pearl’s eyes shifted. “He was ripping us off.” 

 

That day was the first time Pearl lied to Rose. 

 

That night she saw Greg Universe play her guitar solos as she watched from afar on the drums. He held his guitar low.

 

Pearl changed the way she held the guitar. 

 

The next year, the Crystal Gems made their best album, _Good Girls._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview: 
> 
> Steven and Connie research fan forums to find out more about the Crystal Gems. 
> 
> After re-reading her recording contract, Pearl visits Amethyst in Lookland for the first time since 2004. 
> 
> Lapis gets an interview with Whitney Hammond (White Diamond). 
> 
> Peridot, the sound engineer, helps Blaine (Yellow Diamond) master Pearl's rough demo so it can be released on the radio.


	9. Felicia’s “Runway” Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is only 1/4th of the chapter preview I gave last chapter. There was too much, so I just focused on Pearl.

Pearl woke up to the smell of cinnamon tea. Felicia was an early riser since she always had to go to a morning workout with her trainer. Pearl turned over and saw a cup of tea in a Kate Spade insulted travel mug on the bedside table. Pearl was naturally a morning person, but she had insomnia the night before from her argument with Amethyst. She felt like sleeping in today and she decided to take the day off from songwriting. 

 

She got out of bed and went into the walk-in closet. Pearl put on a Greenday _Dookie t_ -shirt and red shorts. She looked in the mirror and smirked at herself. She looked like a Christmas elf. 

 

Pearl walked down the hall to her office while she sipped the lukewarm tea from the travel mug. She opened the bottom drawer of her desk and took out a slim packet of paper. Then she went back into bed, surrounded by pillows and began to read her contract with Diamond Records. 

 

She wrote some options down on a yellow legal pad: 

 

  1. Wait two years until her contract term was over. 
  2. Pay the Diamonds 10 million dollars so she can buy out her own contract.
  3. Ask them nicely to release her from her contract. (Hah, yeah right!)
  4. Breach the contract. Pay legal fees and then pay the Diamonds 10 million dollars. 



 

Pearl started to read an interesting paragraph regarding live performances for monetary gain vs live performances for charity, but she heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Felicia must be home from working out. The bedroom door opened. Felicia’s hair was messy. Dewy sweat dampened her Lulu Lemon workout gear. 

 

“Hey! You’re up!” Felicia said. She walked over to Pearl and planted a quick peck on her  lips. She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Baby, I just need to say this again. I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to cause any problems with you and Amethyst.” 

 

“Amethyst’s whole life is just one problem after another,” Pearl said dryly. “We’ve always been at odds with one another. I’d rather not get into it.” 

 

Felicia lay her head on Pearl’s shoulder. Pearl could smell Felicia’s expensive shampoo, which Pearl did steal to use on occasion. Felicia always smelled amazing, even after working out. 

 

“You okay though?” Felicia asked. She put her hand on Pearl’s cheek. Then she brushed away a strand of Pearl’s hair. 

 

Pearl stared into Felicia’s brown eyes and for a moment she forgot whose eyes they were. 

 

“You look kind of down,” Felicia said. 

 

Pearl gestured to the papers on her lap. “I was trying to see if I could get out of my contract with Diamond Records.” 

 

“I can tell you don’t like writing songs for the Diamonds,” Felicia said. 

 

“You can?” Pearl asked. 

 

Felicia nodded and said, “Yeah.” 

 

“The only reason I took the contract was because they said I could release a solo album every two years...They didn’t like the albums, so they shelved them. And eventually it evolved into me only writing pop songs.” 

 

“I want to help you,” Felicia said. “How much do you need to buy out the contract?” 

 

Pearl pursed her lips. She hated it when Felicia tried to offer her money. Pearl was far from destitute, but Felicia made a lot more money than she did. Pearl once read in a magazine article that Felicia made 5 million dollars last year. Sometimes, Felicia thought a problem could be easily solved with money. 

 

“Too much,” Pearl said. “I’m going to talk to my agent about it. She’s called me at least six times since she saw your Instagram video of me.” 

 

Felicia took Pearl’s hands in her own. She pulled Pearl’s scarred hand up to her lips and kissed it. Pearl had never told Felicia why it happened, only that she punched a mirror. Pearl was, in fact, the only person on Earth who knew why she punched the mirror that night back in 2002.

 

“Look, baby I’ve seen you play thousands of times since we’ve been together,” Felicia said, “and I’ve never seen you happier playing than I did yesterday.” 

 

Pearl took a moment for it to sink in. Felicia was right. Yesterday was electrifying. She couldn’t remember the last time she jumped into the air and played a chord. She was probably on stage with Rose when she did. Pearl had been numb for so long and yesterday she actually felt something when she played the music. 

 

“Maybe you should talk to Amethyst?” Felicia asked. 

 

Pearl restrained herself from letting out a short, spiteful laugh. “I should talk to her, but it is difficult to reason with her. It always has been.” 

 

“Can I ask why?” 

 

“She doesn’t see other people’s perspectives. She’s always been like that. She also holds onto grudges for a ridiculously long time.” 

 

“I think someone else does that as well.” Felicia looked up at her with her large, brown eyes. 

 

“Yeah, I can be like that too” Pearl whispered. She nodded. “You’re right. I should go over there today and talk to her about it. She’s just right over the bridge.” Pearl thought about how sad that was; Amethyst was less than three miles away, separated only by a river, and they never saw each other. 

 

“I think you’d feel better,” Felicia said. “In the meantime though, I’m going to cheer you up.” 

 

“You’re going to cheer me up?” Pearl asked. She bit her lip. 

 

Felicia nodded. She disappeared into the walk-in closet. Pearl heard her shuffling things around. 

 

An electronic dance music song began to play. It was the one Felicia had been obsessed with for the past week. It was what they called a “punk infused EDM,” song by a duo, although Pearl saw hardly anything punk about the music style. Pearl had mixed feelings regarding EDM, but she had mixed feelings on every music genre. 

 

Pearl then saw Felicia’s smooth, tan, right thigh poke out of the door frame to the closet. Her knee was bent and her calve was slightly obscured. On her foot was a black stiletto, which she slid the bottom of across the door frame before she kicked forward. 

 

The high pitch, synthesized voice said: 

 

_I want to see you every night._

_Baby you’re right._

_The world is better when_

_I get to see you at home._

_At home. At home. At home._

_Baby I want to see you at home._

 

“It’s the Victoria's Secret Fashion show!” Felicia said with a low voice, imitating a man. Then she impersonated the sound of a crowd cheering. 

 

Pearl started to laugh. She loved it when Felicia acted like a goof. 

 

Felicia emerged from the doorframe and struck an over-exaggerated pose with her hands on her hips, her lips pursed, and her chin high. She wore a lacy black thong and Pearl’s old Led Zeppelin shirt that Pearl found in a Goodwill when she was seventeen. Felicia’s hair was down in a messy, but incredibly sexy way. Felicia started to confidently walk across the room; her feet placed strategically so she strut with grace.  When she got to the foot of the bed she struck a pose and blew a kiss to Pearl while winking. 

 

Still imitating the announcer, Felicia said with fake horror, “What is Felicia Vasquez wearing? That’s not a 3 million dollar fantasy bra. An old t-shirt? Perhaps it is her lover’s old t-shirt!” 

 

Felicia turned around and began to walk away from Pearl. She suddenly stopped walking and bent over, so her behind was high in the air and her legs were in  a wide stance. 

 

Pearl was red in the face, but she was also giggling 

 

Felicia locked eyes with Pearl, staring at Pearl through her legs. “You look nervous,” Felicia said slyly in her normal voice. “Your shirt smells like you, you know. I love it.” 

 

Pearl tossed her contract on the nightstand and said, “Come over here.” Pearl’s heart raced as Felicia approached her. 

 

“Does Felecia Vasquez have any other talents besides walking down a runway, posing for photos, and making love to her girlfriend?” Felicia said as she crawled on top of the bed and then on top of Pearl. Pearl could feel Felicia grinding herself on Pearl’s thigh. Felicia leaned forward and kissed Pearl deeply. Felicia pulled away and whispered, “Does it matter if she doesn’t?” 

 

Pearl did not say anything. She just slid her thumbs underneath the Led Zeppelin shirt Felicia was wearing, pulled it over Felicia’s head, and took it off her girlfriend's body. 

* * *

 

 

That afternoon Pearl went jogging. She put on her Kink’s t-shirt and a pair of Nike shorts. She navigated around Empire City’s South End until she made it to the Lower East Side. On her iPod, she listened to the Pixies. 

 

She stopped in front of the Lookland Bridge. She bent over with her hands on her knees breathing heavily. The bridge loomed in the distance. It was built almost a hundred years ago and was meant to connect people from different boroughs. Instead, Pearl and Amethyst had been using the bridge as a buffer which kept them apart.

 

Pearl saw the path for walkers, joggers, and bikers to go across the bridge. She made a split second decision and ran toward the bridge. 

 

The breeze of the river tickled her cheeks. She was actually jogging to Lookland. Pearl weaved through the crowds of people biking, walking, jogging, and standing in everyone’s way to take pictures. 

 

The closer Pearl got to Amethyst’s apartment, the faster she ran. Her stomach felt nauseous. She wanted to just get this over with

 

Pearl slowed down as she made it to Amethyst’s neighborhood. She went past trendy coffee shops and used book stores. Rows of brownstones lined the streets. She made it to Amethyst’s apartment. She lived on the second floor of a brownstone. 

 

Pearl buzzed the doorbell with the last name "Ruiz" taped above the button. 

 

“Yo,” the voice said through the box. 

 

“It’s Pearl,” she said. Pearl waited a moment. Suddenly she heard the buzzer sound. 

 

Pearl opened the door and made her way to the second floor. Amethyst was standing in the door frame. 

 

“Hey,” Pearl said softly. 

 

“What are you doing here?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“I want to talk,” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst looked Pearl up and down. “Nice shirt,” she said and then softy sang, “ _Dirty old river lets you keep rolling, rolling into the night_.”

 

“ _People so busy. Makes me feel dizzy. Taxi lights shine so bright_ ,” Pearl then sang back. 

 

“ _But I don’t need no friends._ ”

 

They both then sang, “ _As long as I gaze out on Waterloo sunset I am in paradise_.” 

 

“Remember that one week you were obsessed with this song?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl began to laugh. “It drove Rose mad. We were driving from San Francisco to Salt Lake and I had this mix cassette tape that only played this song for one hour.”

 

“Ah the days before repeat existed,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I was writing a song and I was obsessed with ‘Waterloo Sunset’s’ bass note intro and the lyrics. God those lyrics,” Pearl said. 

 

 Amethyst smiled and said, “Come on in.” 

  

Pearl entered Amethyst’s apartment. Clothes were strewn about the living room. Empty beer bottles littered the countertops and the coffee tables. 

 

“Sorry bout the mess,” Amethyst said with a yawn. “But you’re not here to, you know, help me organize my shit.” She sat down on the couch and asked, “What do you want to talk about?” 

 

Pearl saw crumbs on the couch. “Do you have a handheld vacuum?” 

 

“I have a handheld device in my nightstand, but it’s not a vacuum.” 

 

“That’s not what I had in mind,” Pearl said, rolling her eyes. 

 

“Not yet,” Amethyst said, winking. “Now, why did you bring yourself across the bridge for? It wasn’t to serenade me with Waterloo Sunset, was it?” 

 

Pearl wiped off a couch cushion, spraying Dorito crumbs onto the wood floor, and sat next to Amethyst. “I want you to know I’m not just scared.” 

 

Amethyst sat up. She adjusted her seating position so she was on her knees and eye level with Pearl.

 

“I’m stuck,” Pearl said. “I have two years left on my contract.” 

 

“You could buy them out,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I don’t have ten million dollars to pay them back with.” 

 

“Shit!” Amethyst said with wide eyes. “That’s how much they gave you?” 

 

Pearl nodded. 

 

“And they haven’t released a single album you’ve made? Because for that kind of cash, they definitely required you to make an album.”

 

“They’ve shelved all six of the albums I’ve made.” 

 

“P! that’s like almost eighty songs.” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. “Very good.” 

 

“Did you just compliment me on my math skills?” Amethyst said. 

 

“It was a reflex,” Pearl said with a laugh. 

 

“I can’t believe you’ve been writing and recording albums in addition to writing those shitty pop songs.” Amethyst then stared up at the ceiling. “Ten million dollars,” she said to herself. ‘Damn, P. You really sold out, didn’t you?” 

 

 “I’ll admit it,” Pearl said. “I sold out for ten million dollars and it’s how much I owe them to get out of the contract early. I basically screwed myself.” 

 

Amethyst shook her head. “You never should have taken that record deal, P!” 

 

“What was I supposed to do? You and I were getting evicted from our apartment. We were pretty much homeless. The song royalties from the Crystal Gem songs were only enough to cover our food. We had two weeks until eviction.” 

 

“I told you we could stay with my mom!” Amethyst said. 

 

“You don’t understand,” Pearl put her head between her legs. “I told her I would take care of you and I didn’t. I couldn’t do it. I took the record deal because it was the easy thing to do.” 

 

Amethyst rolled her eyes. “You told her you would take care of me when I was fourteen and we were playing douchy college parties.” 

 

They were silent for a moment. 

 

“I was ripshit when you came home that day and told me you signed that record deal,” Amethyst said. “It just seemed so against everything we stood for. It wasn’t that I felt like you betrayed me...I felt like you betrayed all of us.” 

 

“I was so tired,” Pearl said. “I needed a steady income. I was just so tired of worrying all the time. It felt like that was all I did. Worry, worry, worry.” 

 

Amethyst put her hand on top of Pearl’s scarred hand, which was resting on the couch. “I love you, you know? And I want to forgive you so bad. I want to. But--” Amethyst began to cry. “There’s this part of me that feels like you’re so much better off without me and forgiving you would stop me from staying away. It just eats me up inside.” 

 

“No,” Pearl shook her head. He eyes became red. She squeezed Amethyst’s hand and said, “Don’t think that.” 

 

Amethyst leaned toward Pearl so their faces were almost touching. The tip of her nose grazed the tip of Pearl’s nose. Her hand grabbed the back of Pearl’s head gentle, but firm enough for Pearl to feel Amethyst pulling her head toward her own. 

 

But Pearl shook her head and whispered, “I can’t.” 

 

“I know,” Amethyst said, closing her eyes. They stayed like that for a moment; Pearl’s lips just inches away from Amethyst’s lips. 

 

“I want the band to reunite,” Pearl said after she pulled away. 

 

“But we can’t record an album if you’re still on contract with Diamond Records,” Amethyst said. “I mean, I know my label will be fine with me recording with The Crystal Gems, but...the Diamonds? No way in hell they’d let you record with the Crystal Gems” She sighed. 

 

“I found a loophole,” Pearl said with a smirk. “Live albums.” 

 

Amethyst’s eyes widened. “You don’t need permission from the record company to make a live album because it’s not recorded in a studio?” 

 

“They didn’t put it in the contract. Oversight on their part,” Pearl said. “We can release the full concert online. We just can't get any monetary gain from it.” 

 

“Free concert?” 

 

“We charge for tickets and album downloads. We donate all the proceeds,” Pearl said. 

 

“To... ourselves?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“No. A charitable cause,” Pearl said. “I’ve done a lot of work with a non-profit that provides funding for inner city schools’ music department.” 

 

“That’s sounds kind of awesome,” Amethyst said. She stood up with a big smile on her face. “Are we doing this?” 

 

“We’re doing this,” Pearl said, returning the smile. 

 

“Wait until we tell Garnet that the Crystal Gems are back! Man, she’s gonna be so psyched!” Amethyst said. She walked over to the drum set in her living room and started banging on the drums and cymbals. “You hear that, Perrogi?” she yelled. 

 

“It has no timing to it,” Pearl said. "It's just noise." 

 

“I know. That’s because it’s the shitstorm we’re brewing for Diamond Records.” Amethyst said with a smirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview: 
> 
> Steven and Connie research fan forums to find out more about the Crystal Gems.
> 
> Lapis gets an interview with Whitney Hammond (White Diamond).
> 
> Peridot, the sound engineer, helps Blaine (Yellow Diamond) master Pearl's rough demo so it can be released on the radio.


	10. Peridot's Version of Pearl's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I thought these updates would take a lot longer, but I had some time in my schedule this week to update frequently. The last two chapters were mostly plot based. Relationship wise this story is definitely a slow burn. I promise everything will pay off though. Thanks for comments/kudos and such!

Steven sat on the floor of Connie’s room. They had the day off for Memorial Day weekend. He decided to go over and tell her about his trip to Empire City to see Pearl. 

 

“I got to play with them,” Steven said. 

 

“No way!” Connie said. “That sounds insanely awesome!” 

 

“It was,” Steven said. “Pearl was really great about teaching me the song. She’s really patient. I just -- I didn’t find anything out about my mom. I mean, I saw pictures of her everywhere at Pearl’s house, but we never talked about it. Then her and Amethyst got into this really big fight about Pearl taking a record deal like thirteen years ago.” 

 

“Wow, I’m really sorry it’s like that, Steven,” Connie said. 

 

“They don’t tell me anything. It’s either I’m too young to understand or they give me a really vague answer.” 

 

“You know what we have to do?” Connie said. 

 

Steven shook his head. 

 

“Do some investigating on our own,” Connie rose her eyebrows. She opened the laptop on her desk and opened the web browser. Steven stood behind her, looking over her shoulder. “What do you want to know?” she asked. 

 

“Why the band broke up,” Steven said. 

 

Connie typed “Why did the Crystal Gems break-up?” into the search bar. 

 

The first result was a summary of a Wikipedia article which said: 

 

 

> The Crystal Gems never officially announced a break-up. The tour for their third album was cancelled after Pearl LeBlanc, the lead guitarist broke, her hand. During the hiatus, lead singer and rhythm guitarist, Rose Quartz (Cortez) died from complications after giving birth. 

 

“Oh, Steven, I didn’t realize--” Connie began to say. 

 

“It’s okay,” Steven said, nodding. His brow was furrowed. “It’s why I’ve never googled this before, but I’m going to...I’m going to have to deal with the fact that people are going to bring it up when we’re researching.” 

 

Connie nodded back. She scrolled down the webpage. There was a link to a thread on a Crystal Gems' fan forum titled, “Can we speculate what happened in Paris?” 

 

“Let’s try that link,” Steven said. They landed on a webpage with a banner of the cover to the Crystal Gems’ second album, _Good Girls._ It was a picture of the Crystal Gems in a police line-up. His mother was looking down at Pearl, smiling. 

 

**markishere wrote:**

 

Pearl punched a mirror because she wanted out of their contract with Sneeple records so she could go solo. Totes obvious.

 

**Prancingrudolph wrote:**

 

Pearl has never released a solo album tho 

 

**markishere wrote:**

 

That’s because Diamond records wont release her stuff. Such a freaking waste. We’re being deprived of some awesome music. 

 

**TheRocksArePeople wrote:**

 

It’s pretty obvious what happened. You’d have to live under a rock (pun intended). 

 

Pearl and Rose were dating. They broke up when Rose took up with Greg universe.  Pearl couldn’t handle it when Rose was preggers. She broke the mirror out of being upset. Like seriously check out this video. 

 

 

Steven saw the link to the Youtube clip, which was titled, “ 1997, Chicago - The Crystal Gems and Greg Universe - Pearl plays the drums *RARE*” 

 

He clicked on the link. He was redirected to a Youtube video. It was shot on videotape. His mother and father were standing on stage together with their guitars. Steven smiled. It was nice to see them together being happy. He noticed Pearl was sitting at the drums with a frown on her face, while Garnet was in her usual position as bass. 

 

“Where’s Amethyst?” Connie asked. 

 

“Maybe she was sick?” Steven said. He read the video summary which said, “Chicago 1997.” 

 

His mother began to sing while his father played the lead guitar. In the back, Pearl was playing the drums. She wore a Led Zeppelin t-shirt . It wasn’t anything spectacular. You could feel she wasn’t into it like Amethyst was when she played the drums. 

 

Greg and Rose exchanged grins throughout the song. As their flirtation on stage progressed Pearl began to play more and more intense on the drums. Her hands were barely visible and sweat was dripping down her forehead. She nodded along with the beat. 

 

Steven began to feel uncomfortable. He clicked on the “back,” button and went back to the fan forum page. 

 

**markishere wrote:**

 

Dude. Pearl and Rose were never together. You are projecting your fantasy onto them. 

 

**hellotherecarol wrote:**

 

Is there an instrument Pearl can’t play like a legend? Damn she’s pretty great on the drums.  BTW, where was Amethyst?

 

**monsterhouse4534 wrote:**

 

My buddy was a roadie on their second tour. Let’s just say there was some attendance issues with Amethyst because she was into some...stuff. 

 

**hellotherecarol wrote:**

 

No! I don’t want to believe amethyst was into drugs!

 

**monsterhouse4534 wrote:**

 

Afraid so....also pearl and Rose were totally together. My buddy said Pearl and Rose had been together since they were in high school so rose wanted an arrangement where they had an open relationship. Pearl didn’t act on it. rose on the other hand...

 

**figettogether4567 wrote:**

 

Thats kind of sad. 

 

**markishere wrote:**

 

this is all bull crap. Word in the rock journalism circles is that Pearl had a disagreement with their new manager Paisley Hammond about the sound of the band. Paisley wanted them to have more of a pop rock sound like The Donnas or Good Charlotte. Pearl wanted to go into hard rock and blues. Sneeple Records (now defunct) was getting absorbed by Diamond Records. Pearl broke the mirror so the label would drop the Crystal Gems as a band before their contract was owned by Diamond Records. 

 

It’s freaking ironic that Pearl signed with Diamond Records in 2004. She must have been hard up for the money or had no soul due to Rose’s...passing. 

 

 

Steven then clicked out of the window, closing it. 

 

“I feel like I know even less than before,” Steven said. 

 

“Me too,” Connie said with wide eyes. “Wh-what do you think happened?” 

 

“I feel like we’re missing a piece of the puzzle,” Steven said. He stood up and saw Connie’s to-do list written on a white board. “Can I use this?” 

 

“Of course,” Connie said. She tossed him a white board eraser. 

 

“I’m going to write down what we know for sure,” Steven said. 

 

Steven erased Connie’s list and wrote down a timeline: 

 

 

1994: Pearl meets Mom at their performing arts high school. They become best friends. 

 

1995: Amethyst joins the band. 

 

1995: The Crystal Gems play their first show. 

 

1996: They record their first album _Not a Necklace_

 

1996-1997: The Crystal Gems go on tour for their first album. 

 

1997: Mom meets Dad when the Crystal Gems open for him at a show in Los Angeles. 

 

1997: Amethyst is missing from a show in Chicago. Pearl fills in on drums. Dad fills in on lead guitar. Pearl looks sad. 

 

1997: The Crystal Gems sign a record deal with Sneeple Records. 

 

1998: Paisley Hammond (? Related to Diamond Trio?) becomes their manager.

 

1998: The Crystal Gems record their second album _Good Girls_

 

1999: That weird video where Mom and Pearl are awkward on stage is filmed. 

 

2000: Mom and Dad start to officially date. 

 

2001: The Crystal Gems record their third album called, _Battlefield._

 

2002: Pearl punches the mirror. The world tour ends early. The band goes on indefinite hiatus. 

 

2003: The independent music label Sneeple records is bought by the major label Diamond Records. 

 

2003: I’m born. 

 

2003: Garnet goes back to college. 

 

2004: Pearl signs a record deal with Diamond Records. 

 

2005: The Crystal Gems start coming to see me on my birthday

 

2006: Pearl wins her first Grammy award for writing a song for the Diamond Trio. 

 

2008: Pearl wins another Grammy. 

 

2010: Amethyst starts her new band These Freaks. 

 

2013: Pearl starts to date Felicia. 

 

2014: Pearl wins another Grammy award. 

 

2016: Pearl and Felicia buy a house together. 

 

2017: These Freaks' song "We've Been Here Before," reaches #4 on the alternative music charts. 

 

 

“We have a lot of gaps,” Connie said. 

 

“I know,” Steven said as he stared at the timeline on the white board. “I--I think we’re going to need some help from someone who knows what they’re doing research wise.” 

 

“Do you have money for a private detective?” Connie asked. 

 

Steven shook his head. He sighed. “Maybe we should take a break from this for a day and then reconvene.” 

 

“Agreed,” Connie said. She turned to him and said, smiling, “There’s a new DogCopter movie playing.” 

 

“That sounds fun,” Steven said, blushing. 

 

* * *

 

Lapis Lazuli waited on the street in uptown Empire City for Chris to arrive. She played with the semi-precious stone charm on the end of her long necklace. Her ex-girlfriend Jasper gave it to her. Jasper was a personal trainer to famous people and she never failed to mention it in any conversation she had with a stranger. It used to drive Lapis insane. 

 

Right now, Jasper was supposed to be packing up her stuff from their apartment. 

 

Lapis discovered Jasper was fooling around with one of her clients. So Lapis kicked her out. 

 

Lapis leaned against the skyscraper with the Diamond Records logo behind her. It was four triangles, one yellow, one white, one blue, and one pink. Each was supposed to represent one of the Hammond sisters, even though Paisley Hammond had retired to run a farm in Nevada or something weirdly obscure like that. No one had heard from her in years. Lapis knew that at the beginning of Paisley Hammond’s music business career, she was the manager of the Crystal Gems. Lapis had a feeling she was going to, at some point, track down Paisley Hammond in the middle of nowhere Nevada. She was not looking forward to it. 

 

But she would worry about that part of the story later. 

 

Now, Chris had used the magic of the evils of the universe to finagle an interview with Whitney Hammond. 

 

Lapis wanted to smoke. She was nervous. Whitney Hammond was notorious for giving the worst interview answers so the journalist would barely have anything to work with for their story. 

 

As she waited for Chris, she looked at herself in the glass windows. She hoped she looked professional enough in this blazer. 

 

Chris finally arrived. He ran up from an underground subway station. “I’m here!” Chris said. He was all disheveled. His shirt was wrinkled and half tucked into his jeans. There was a hot sauce stain on his collar. He obviously had not shaved in at least two days.

 

“You look like a person who fell into a dumpster,” Lapis said. “You can’t interview Whitney Hammond like this.” 

 

“I--I---That’s fine. i’ll wait out here. Look!” Chris began to breathe heavily. “I found some shit out!” 

 

“You did?” Lapis said patronizingly. She crossed her arms. “What’d yah find out Bernstein?” 

 

“I found the roadie!” Chris said. “The one who was on the Crystal Gems’ second tour!” 

 

Lapis lowered her sunglasses and looked Chris in the eyes, “The roadie? How is a roadie a legitimate source? How am I supposed to have confidence that a middle aged stoner who probably just wants attention is telling the truth?” 

 

“How about this?” Chris said. “I now believe Rose and Pearl were totally hooking up!” 

 

“Chris, did you actually interview this man or did you just spend the past two days holed up in his apartment smoking weed and gossiping about the Crystal Gems?”

 

“Lazuli,” Chris said. “I know we have different interview styles, but I found some shit out!” 

 

 “What did you find out then?” Lapis asked with a sigh. 

 

“So, Paisley fucking Hammond,” Chris said with excitement. He was pacing back and forth with a large grin on his face like he just solved the reason for the existence of the human race.  “She wanted the band to be more of a pop rock punk band. Think like Simple Plan or Bowling for Soup. Which would have been great marketing wise and success-wise. But Pearl didn’t want to have any of that. Pearl wanted to be more like Zeppelin or Dinosaur Jr. They were at odds with each other. And! And! get this.” He suddenly became serious. “Pearl punched the mirror to get out of their contract with Sneeple Records! She was out of commission for eight months dealing with hand surgeries, which was conveniently during the same time Rose was pregnant.” 

 

“And then Rose died,” Lapis said sadly. 

 

“See, this isn’t the story about the band’s break-up and reunion. This is a story about how record companies screw over artists!” 

 

Lapis paused for a moment. “Yeah, I like the story about a band’s reunion better.” She started walking toward the revolving doors to the office building. Chris started to follow her. She turned around and said, “If Pearl wanted out so bad, then why did she sign with Diamond Records in 2004?” 

 

“Money.” Chris said. “Apparently her and Amethyst were living in a studio apartment in Lookland. Like before Lookland was gentrified. No one was buying Crystal Gem albums anymore, so they weren’t getting enough royalties to support themselves.” 

 

Lapis sighed. “I’ll consider this piece of information. For now, I’m going to put it on the back burner and interview Whitney Hammond to see if she is going to release a Crystal Gems reunion album.” She walked through the doors as Chris waited on the sidewalk. 

 

* * *

 

Peridot nervously fidgeted in the recording studio. She readjusted her headphones as she contemplated how to make this song work as instructed. She had two versions: a rock version, which was what the song was clearly intended to be despite she shitty lyrics, and a pop EDM piece like most popular music was now. Blaine Hammond wanted a combination of both. Peridot was having a hard time making something marketable that combined both genres. 

 

Suddenly someone tapped her on the shoulder. Peridot jumped and covered her hand over her chest. “Yikes!” She turned around and saw Blaine Hammond and her assistant Monica towering over her. Blaine was dressed in a blazer and jeans. Her assistant wore a yellow dress. 

 

“Is it ready?” Monica asked. 

 

Peridot nodded. “Kind of.” 

 

“What does ‘kind of,’ mean?” Blaine asked. 

 

“What you want me to do is kind of difficult,” Peridot said with a gulp. 

 

“How?” Blaine asked. 

 

“I mean, in the recording you gave me, which was like top notch quality wise by the way--” 

 

“Don’t care about that. Just make the song work,” Blaine said. 

 

“Anyway, the way Pearl sings in this recording makes it hard for it to work in a pop song arrangement,” Peridot said. “Could we get her into the studio to record some other parts so--” 

 

“She can’t come in,” Blaine said. “Make it work or I’ll find someone else who can.” 

 

Peridot’s eyes widened. “I-I can do it!” She sat up straight and started to work again. 

 

Blaine then grabbed a pair of headphones and listened to the pop infused EDM version. “Add a guitar to this,” she said. “Make it work somehow.” 

 

She heard Blaine and Monica leave. When the door was closed and she was sure she was alone again, Peridot slouched in her chair and sighed. 

 

She started to get sick of listening to Pearl Leblanc’s voice. 

 

 

_The void haunts me. Feeling nothing._

_I’m gonna get drunk on Captain Morgan._

_See where I am. Tag your location on Instagram._

_I don’t see the point anymore._

_Where do you go? Without me._

 

 

_Someday it wont hurt. I'm sore._

_You’ll be gone. Forever. No more._

_I want this feeling to end._

_I want to stop almost hitting send._

_How can I cope when you’re gone?_

_When you’re gone. When you’re gone._

 

 

 

God, Peridot thought, these lyrics were just...they didn’t match the music arrangement. The chorus wasn’t that bad. It could be fixed. If she could only get Pearl into the studio like how it’s supposed to be when an artist records, this could be a great song. This was highly unusual. 

 

Peridot decided to leave her cave of a recording studio and get a cup of coffee. She took the elevator up to the fortieth floor where the break room was located. People didn’t really know who she was up on the fortieth floor. Most people who worked there were in Marketing or Distribution or something. She was just some sound engineer nerd holed up in the studio. After making coffee, she left the break room. As she turned a corner, she saw Whitney Hammond escorting a woman with blue hair down the hallway. Normally Peridot would have been in awe of Whitney Hammond, who was rarely spotted around the office. Instead her eyes were focused on the gorgeous blue haired woman. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Paisley Hammond is Pink Diamond. 
> 
> Next Chapter Preview: 
> 
> Lapis interviews Whitney Hammond.
> 
> Peridot musters up the courage to talk to Lapis 
> 
> Pearl tells Felicia she will be spending the rest of the summer at their beach house in Delmarva to work on writing new songs for the Crystal Gems' live album with Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst.


	11. Lapis' Interview with Whitney Hammond

Lapis Lazuli sat in a real leather chair in a glass office. Out the window she could see Central Park. Her heart beat fast. This could possibly the interview of her career. Art prints decorated the room. A photo of the Diamond Trio performing at the Grammy Awards was hanging above Whitney’s desk. If Lapis wanted to get technical, Whitney sang lead while Blaine and Livie were backup. 

 

Whitney Hammond was the lead of the Diamond Trio. They had been the most popular music group on the planet since the early 2000s. 

 

Lapis could remember her mother singing along to their R&B song “Ride in Your Car” when she was a kid. 

 

_Baby I wanna ride in your car._

_I know I’m your only lady_

_You are far from shady._

_Baby I wanna ride in your car._

_Why you never take me anywhere?_

_Cause you know it’s not fair._

_Baby I wanna ride in your car._

 

 

Whitney Hammond started her own record label. It grew as it swallowed up smaller, indie labels. Whitney thrived on finding smaller bands with a cool sound, tweaking the sound and giving them the publicity to become stars. 

 

It was based on what her sister Paisley tried to do and failed to do with the Crystal Gems. Everyone in the music community knew Pearl Leblanc and Paisley Hammond did not get along, which is why they failed with creating a more pop-friendly sound from the Crystal gems. Lapis wondered how they would be okay with signing Pearl back in 2004 if that was the case. It had to be because of her song writing abilities. 

 

Lapis had mixed feelings on this business practice. But she was here to be objective.

 

She sipped on a water bottle one of the assistants gave her. 

 

Whitney Hammond then gracefully walked into the room. She walked like she was floating. Her bleach blonde hair cascaded down her back. She wore a white dress. 

 

“You must be Lapis Lazuli,” Whitney said with a forced smile as she extended her hand to Lapis. 

 

Lapis had to remind herself to stand up. Although she was stunned, she managed to stand up and shake the other woman’s hand. Lapis had met Beyonce before. She shouldn’t be this scared of someone. 

 

“Nice to meet you,” Lapis said. She sat back in the chair and smoothed out her shirt. She took out a recorder from her backpack. “Can I record this?” 

 

“You may not,” Whitney said. 

 

Lapis’ mouth hung open. Hardly anyone said no. “O-kay.” She took out her notepad and a pen. “I just want to tell you that I grew up on your music and I’m excited to get to know you better.” 

 

“Let’s skip the pleasantries. Shall we?” Whitney said. “I have ten minutes.” 

 

“So,” Lapis said as she cleared her throat. “Pearl Leblanc is signed to Diamond Records, correct?” 

 

“Miss Lazuli, if you have questions about Miss Leblanc, then maybe you should be interviewing her instead. Or I can direct you to public relations.” 

 

“I just--I saw the video of the Crystal Gems playing ‘The Other Night,’” Lapis said. “Are you planning on releasing a reunion album?” 

 

Whitney Hammond was silent. Her hands were folded underneath her chin. She leaned forward and said, “I have no plans for a Crystal Gems reunion album.” 

 

“Oh, okay,” Lapis said. She could feel herself sweating. She was blowing this. This had to be the second worst interview she ever conducted. 

 

“I do have plans for something else though,” Whitney said. 

 

“A reunion tour?” Lapis asked, raising one eyebrow. 

 

Whitney shook her head. Lapis wondered how Whitney applied her liquid eyeliner so expertly. She probably had someone do it for her. 

 

“I can tell you something, but you can’t print it or post it until next Friday.” 

 

Lapis nodded. “Okay.” 

 

“If you post it before then, I will make sure you’ll be writing articles at a local paper for pennies.” 

 

“Understood,” Lapis said. 

 

“Pearl will be releasing solo work.” 

 

“Under you guys?” 

 

“Where else could she release it?” Whitney asked. “We have her under contract for two more years and hope to renew it when the time is up.” 

 

“So, just Pearl?” Lapis asked. 

 

“Just Pearl,” Whitney nodded. She looked at her phone and asked, “Are we done now?” 

 

“Can I hear some of it?” Lapis asked. 

 

“I can arrange for a sample to be sent to you on Friday at 12:00am.” 

 

Lapis walked down the hallway of the offices of Diamond Records. She felt dumbstruck and therefore was not paying attention when she nearly ran over a short blonde person in front of her who was drinking a cup of coffee in the middle of the hallway. “Crap! Sorry,” Lapis said. “I didn’t mean to--” 

 

“It’s alright. Not a lot of people see me,” the woman said. “I think it’s because I’m so short.” 

 

“It’s not necessarily a bad thing,” Lapis said. 

 

“You say that now. When you can’t reach half the stuff on the shelves at the grocery store, think again.” 

 

Lapis smiled and said, “So are you in marketing?” 

 

“Do I look like a person who’s in marketing?” the woman asked. 

 

Lapis looked her up and down. She was small and blonde with a green and black plaid shirt and glasses. “At this place? No. Doesn’t mean you’re not cute though. You know..because most girls in marketing are cute.” Lapis cringed at how lame that compliment was and she wanted to smack herself in the face. This, her lack of flirtation skills, was one reason she stayed with Jasper way longer than she should have. 

 

“I’m a sound engineer,” the woman said, blushing. “My name is Peridot. I occasionally come up here to get coffee.” 

 

“Sound engineer? Lapis asked. Her forehead crinkled. This Peridot person might know something about the sample Whitney Hammond was going to send Lapis. “Are you...um, working on anything interesting? I don’t work here, so all of this absolutely fascinates me.” 

 

“Actually...”Peridot looked around the office to check and see if anyone else was around or listening. “I just got this project to work on where I have to take a rock song and turn it into a pop-EDM song by the end of the day. Pretty challenging. Nothing I can’t handle though.” 

 

“Really?” Lapis’ eyebrows rose. “That’s an odd request, don’t you think?” 

 

“Eh,” Peridot scratched the back of her neck. “Kind of. I mean, the weird part really is that I can’t get the singer-songwriter in to re-record anything.” 

 

“Too much of a prima donna?” Lapis asked. 

 

“Not sure,” Peridot said. “She was in some band in the 90s and early 2000s. I googled her. She’’s won some song of the year Grammys for having a writing credit. So maybe thinks she’s too good to come in.” 

 

 _Jackpot_ , Lapis thought. This had to be Pearl’s song. “You don’t like 90s music?” 

 

“I like EDM,” Peridot said. “The good kind though. Like The Knocks, Justice, and Daft Punk.” 

 

“Nice,” Lapis said with a smile. “You’re very interesting.” 

 

“I--I am?” 

 

Lapis nodded. “Can I get your number?” 

 

“To call me?” 

 

“Or text you. Whatever you prefer,” Lapis shrugged. She opened her notebook and ripped out a page. She handed it and a pen to Peridot. 

 

“Um yeah of course!” Peridot said. She started to write her number down. 

 

“Is coffee good with you?” Lapis asked. 

 

“Coffee is good,” Peridot nodded with a smile as she handed the paper back to Lapis. 

 

“Cool,” Lapis said. “I’ll text you.”  Lapis took the piece of paper and folded it into her blazer pocket. “My name is Lapis by the way.” She walked away and into the elevator. 

 

Lapis exited the revolving doors of the skyscraper. Chris was talking to a hot dog cart sales guy. 

 

“No way. You can’t just say you like U2 because you like one song,” Chris said. “For example, I like one song of Cher. ‘Gyspy, Tramps, and Thieves.’ But does that mean I like Cher? No. I just like the one song.” 

 

“That’s a great song,” the hot dog cart salesman said. 

 

“Best use of music in any _X-Files_ episode,” Chris said. 

 

“Even better than the use of 'Wonderful, Wonderful' in ‘Home,’?” Lapis asked as she put her sunglasses on.

 

“Yes,” Chris pointed back at her. 

 

“Debatable,” Lapis said. 

 

“Whatcha find out, Diane?” Chris asked. 

 

“Well, Charlie,” Lapis said, matching his _Good Morning America_  reference. “I found some shit out.” 

 

“Better shit than my shit?” 

 

“All shit is better than your shit,” Lapis said. 

 

“Debatable,” Chris said. 

 

Lapis looked up and down the street, “Pearl is releasing some solo work.” 

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” 

 

“I kid not,” Lapis said. “Confirmed by Whitney. Also, I talked to this cute sound engineer.” Lapis held up the piece of paper with Peridot’s number on it. “She says she’s been on a project which involves taking a rock song from some artist from the 90s and making it into a pop-EDM song.” 

 

“So Pearl has no fucking idea that they’re releasing a song,” Chris said in disbelief. He took a bite of a hotdog and shook his head. Some relish fell onto his shirt, which made Lapis queasy. 

 

“I bet you she has no idea,” Lapis said. 

 

They started to walk down Second Avenue. 

 

“So we need to find Pearl,” Chris said. 

 

Lapis nodded. 

 

“She’s a fucking recluse, you know,” Chris said. “She goes to the Grammys when she’s nominated and then this one event a year for her charity which already happened in April.” 

 

“Fully aware. She’s like sighting a white whale,” Lapis said. “Her girlfriend isn’t though.” 

 

“True,” Chris said. “She’s literally everywhere.” Chris looked back as they walked and said, “Hey I think I just saw her in that jewelry store window ad.” 

 

“I can track the real life Felicia Vasquez down. Hopefully we can get a short interview with her and find out what Pearl is doing.” Lapis said as she laughed. 

 

“You can get a free interview with her?” Chris asked. 

 

“Unfortunately,” Lapis narrowed her eyes. “Jasper trains one of the Victoria Secret Angels.” 

 

“We have to stop using our lovers for leads,” Chris said with his mouth full. He stopped eating his hotdog and said, “Was the model the one she--” 

 

“No,” Lapis said. “It was some actress.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Chris said. “That seriously sucks.” 

 

“I’ll do literally anything for this story,” Lapis said. “I can manage to ask Jasper for a source.” 

 

They walked down second avenue for a while. “You should call that cute sound engineer,” Chris said. 

 

“Yeah, she might have more info,” Lapis said. 

 

“No. I mean, like to go out with,” Chris said. 

 

“I’ll call the sound engineer for a date when you dump Blaine Hammond’s assistant.” 

 

Chris took out his phone and started typing. “Done.” 

 

“What? You broke up with her over text?” Lapis asked. This was the worst way to end a relationship. 

 

“Yeah. Just now.” He showed her the text exchange. 

 

 **Chris** : hey, like youre awesome and stuff, but I’m in love with my writing partner.

 

 **Monica (not from Friends):** Very funny

 

 **Chris:** i’m serious. I can’t date you while I continue to love her

 

 **Monica (not from Friends):** stop joking

 

 **Chris:** I’m not we are done. I’m deleting you from my contacts

 

“You’re an asshole,” Lapis said with a laugh. 

 

“I know,” Chris said. “But she sucks.” 

 

“She does suck,” Lapis said. 

 

“Crap,” Chris tilted his head back. “Now I feel like an asshole.” He started to type frantically on his phone. 

 

“You’re telling her it’s a joke and I’m gay, aren’t you?” 

 

“That is exactly what I’m doing.” Chris nodded. “So....you gonna text the sound engineer?” 

 

“That wasn’t the deal,” Lapis said. “You were supposed to break up with her.” 

 

“I’m going to later. I just can’t make a joke out of it while I do it.” 

 

“That’s going to be hard for you.” 

 

“It is going to be so fucking difficult” Chris said. “You deserve a cute sound engineer though.” 

 

“And you deserve a decent girlfriend who will appreciate your sloppy eating and fucked up sense of humor.” 

 

“Just text the sound nerd,” Chris said.

 

Lapis began typing on her phone. She texted the number and wrote: hey :) It’s Lapis.

 

“Nice,” Chris said. “So we’re in agreement that I’m the one who gets to interview the smoking, hot model girlfriend since you got  to interview Whitney Hammond?”

 

“Right now you look like someone who woke up in a dumpster in Jersey. That’s why you didn’t get to help me interview Whitney Hammond.” 

 

“I mean, I guess I can share the interview with you,” Chris said in a joking tone. He paused for a moment. “Jack White and Karen Elson. Pete Doherty and Kate Moss. George Harrison and Pattie Boyd. Eric Clapton and...Pattie Boyd. Why do lead guitar players get all the hot models?” 

 

“Finger stamina,” Lapis deadpanned as she held up her hand and wiggled her fingers. 

 

“Never thought of it that way,” Chris said. “Pattie Boyd knew what was up. I got to work on my finger stamina.” He started to wiggle his fingers. 

 

“Ew please stop or I’m reporting you to HR,” Lapis said between giggles. 

 

Her phone vibrated. She looked at the message. 

 

 **Peridot** : Hey! You still up for that coffee? 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Pearl packed a suitcase as she stood in her walk-in closet. 

 

“Is this mine or yours?” Pearl asked as she held up a blue blouse to Felicia. 

 

“Don’t know. Don’t care,” Felicia said. “Just take it.” Her arms were crossed. She leaned against the shelves on her side of the closet. Her eyes narrowed as she watched Pearl fold the shirt and put it into the suitcase. “I don’t understand why you have to go to the Beach House in Delmarva all summer to do this.” 

 

“It’s closer to Steven and Garnet,” Pearl said. 

 

“It’s just that we use the Beach House for two things. For us to see your parents every other Christmas and for you to visit Steven on his birthday,” Felicia said. She tilted her head in realization. “We don’t even use it as a Beach House.” 

 

“So I’ll actually use it for its intended purpose,” Pearl said as she was folding a bunch of dark t-shirts. 

 

“You’ll get sunburned,” Felicia said with a smirk. 

 

Pearl laughed. “Probably.” She kneeled on the ground and started to go through her shoes. “Honestly I’m going to be holed up inside the entire time.” 

 

“Are you going to see your mom?” 

 

“Don’t have much of a choice. Once word gets out I’m in town, she’ll be mad at me for coming back while also be simultaneously mad at me for not coming to see her right away.” 

 

“That’s exactly why it’s better when I’m with you,” Felicia rose her eyebrows. “I’m a great buffer.” 

“You are,” Pearl said. She stood up and pecked Felicia on the lips. Then she kneeled down again. 

 

Felicia paced back and forth. “Will you be staying alone?” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. 

 

“Where’s Amethyst staying?” 

 

“With Garnet,” Pearl said. 

 

Felicia sat on the jewelry display table in the middle of the room. For a moment she was quiet as she watched Pearl pack. 

 

“I can’t believe you forgave Amethyst,” Felicia said. 

 

“I didn’t forgive her,” Pearl said. She tossed a knit hat into her suitcase. Sure Pearl almost kissed Amethyst, but she had not forgiven her for the years of crap she put Pearl through. It was fucked up and complicated, Pearl knew that. “She’d have to apologize in order for me to forgive her. It’s a business decision. Her and I have this weird...” Pearl’s brow furrowed, “chemistry when the band writes a song together. Once we improvised an entire pop-punk song together.” 

 

“The Crystal Gems released a pop-punk song?” 

 

“No,” Pearl said with a grin. “Our new manager wanted us to change our music style and it was our way of telling her to fuck off. I was twenty. She was eighteen. And it was immature. Pretty awesome at the time, but immature looking back.” 

 

“Are you sure this overall is a good business decision?” Felicia asked. 

 

Pearl looked up at the tall, tan woman in front of her. “It’s the best idea I’ve ever had.” 

 

Felicia kneeled down next to Pearl and said, “Baby, Diamond Records is the most powerful record company in the world.” 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. She restrained herself from rolling her eyes. 

 

“They’re going to sue you if you do this,” Felicia said. 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. She threw a pair of black Van sneakers and a pair of neon New Balance running shoes into her suitcase. “They have no case though.” 

 

“Just,” Felicia looked down and bit her lip, “I don’t see why you can’t let me help you.” 

 

“Because it’s 10 million dollars,” Pearl said. 

 

“I don’t care,” Felicia said. 

 

“I do though,” Pearl said. “There are a lot of more useful things to do with 10 million dollars than get me out of a record contract.” She stood up. She started to bite her nails as she looked around the closet. She thought about what she might be forgetting. Her phone vibrated on the jewelry display table in the center of the closet. She picked up the phone and read the text message. 

 

 **Amethyst:** pick me up from These Freaks show in Jersey on your way? 

 

 **Pearl:** Why should I? I highly doubt you and I can survive four hours in the car together without one of us killing the other one. 

 

 **Amethyst:** because without me you can’t keep tempo. 

 

 **Pearl:** I’ll use a metronome. Also you’re forgetting who used to sub in on drums for you. 

 

 **Amethyst:** just come...I promise it will be worth it. 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes and put her phone down. 

 

“Are you okay?” Felicia asked. She inched her way toward Pearl until she had her in an embrace. Her head rested on Pearl’s chest. They rocked back and forth for a moment. 

 

“I’m okay,” Pearl said. 

 

“I’m going to miss you,” Felicia said. 

 

“You’re going to visit me next week though, right?” Pearl asked. 

 

“I know, but it doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss you,” Felicia said. She looked up so she was eye level with Pearl. “I’m gonna miss falling asleep with you. Getting up with you. Making you tea. Cuddling with you on the couch.” Her nose rubbed against Pearl’s before Pearl kissed her. 

 

“I’m going to miss you too,” Pearl whispered. 

 

“Why wont you let me give you the money?” Felicia asked. 

 

“Because....” Pearl struggled to form the words. “I don’t want you to regret it.” 

 

“I wouldn’t regret it,” Felicia said. 

 

Pearl thought about how Felicia wouldn’t regret it now because she was twenty-six. When you’re that young, you think everything is a good idea. Pearl feared the day when Felicia turned thirty-two and realized Pearl was old and washed up. She kissed Felicia on the forehead and said, “I’ll Facetime you tonight.” 


	12. No Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks for comments and kudos! 
> 
> This chapter is a flashback.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **1999**

 

 

Pearl paced back and forth in her small, tiled kitchen in Empire City’s North Village. She was dressed up to go out, wearing tight, black flared pants and a black, silk tank top. On her back, she had a strategically placed nicotine patch no one could see. Her strawberry blonde roots were beginning to show against her artificial pink locks. 

 

If she spread her arms put, she could touch the walls. The apartment was cramped, the walls were slanted dormers. It was a studio that barely fit a full sized bed. Normally, she would not care about the size of the apartment, but her anxiety was getting to her. 

 

Rose had not come home in three days. 

 

Pearl knew Rose would be gone for a couple days, but some time within the past six hours she started to go insane. They had been living together for two years. For the first year and half Pearl never had to worry about where Rose was or what she was doing or who she was doing it with. But now, Pearl knew Rose was with Greg and it was slowly killing her inside. She hummed “El Condor Pasa,” to herself. 

 

Rose suggested they open the relationship considering their circumstances; they had only been with each other, they were so young, and they couldn’t imagine being apart. Rose didn’t want a “break,” from Pearl. She loved Pearl, but she also loved Greg. Pearl struggled to understand this as she only loved Rose and could not imagine herself feeling that way about another person. 

 

Pearl felt like an idiot waiting in the kitchen for something to happen. She crossed her arms and watched the tea kettle on the stove boil to a whistle. 

 

As the kettle hissed, Pearl grabbed a mug from the cabinet. She filled it up with the steaming water and waited for the earl grey tea bag to steep. She closed her eyes and sipped the hot beverage in the kitchen. 

 

The door then opened. It startled Pearl, whose reflexes made her grab the empty tea kettle by the handle. She held it up high for the perfect striking position for an intruder. 

 

When Pearl saw a head of curly pink hair poke through the door, she put the tea kettle back on the stove. 

 

Rose, looking a bit disheveled wearing a wrinkled skater dress, walked into the small apartment. She hung her keys on the hook, dropped her overnight bag on the floor, and said, “Hey.” 

 

“Hi,” Pearl said, avoiding eye contact with Rose. 

 

Rose walked up to Pearl and embraced her. “I’ve missed you.” She kissed Pearl on top of the head. 

 

Pearl buried her head into Rose’s chest and inhaled. Rose smelled like Irish Spring soap. 

 

“I’m gonna take a shower, then we can watch _Friends_ reruns or something and spoon,” Rose said. 

 

Pearl didn’t want to do that. She had been in the apartment watching sitcom reruns alone all weekend. She should have written a song instead, but she couldn’t bring herself to write anything. The musty smell of Irish Spring haunted her. She pulled away and said, “I have plans with Amethyst.” 

 

“Plans with Amethyst?” Rose asked. Her brow furrowed.

 

“Yeah,” Pearl nodded. “We’re supposed to go out.” 

 

“But we have band practice tomorrow,” Rose said. “We’re going to start writing songs for the new album. If Amethyst comes in hungover Paisley is going to lose her shit.” 

 

Pearl grabbed her grey leather jacket off the coat rack. “I don’t give a crap what Paisley thinks.” 

 

“She has some good ideas,” Rose said. “And she’s not a total creep like Marty.” 

 

“She wants to compromise our artistic integrity to sell badly written, boring music,” Pearl said. She placed her hand on the doorknob. Rose was staring her down. “We are not transitioning into performing pop-punk songs. It’s not us. If anything we should be doing hard rock.” 

 

“I want more than this,” Rose said, gesturing around the apartment. “Don’t you? We need to sell more albums. We need a wider audience.” 

 

“Of course I do,” Pearl said. “Just not this way.” Pearl sighed and said, “I’ll be back later tonight.” 

 

“Can’t you cancel?” Rose asked. Her eyes became watery. “I missed you.” 

 

“Then you should have come home sooner,” Pearl said. She then walked out the door and into the apartment hallway. She started to speed walk down the stairwell, hoping Rose would not follow her. 

 

Pearl meandered down the street. People stumbled out of bars. Teenagers smoked weed on stoops. Groups of girls giggled as they pretended they were characters on _Sex and the City_. She made her way to an Irish pub. Amethyst lived upstairs above the bar. Pearl pushed on the door buzzer. Over the voice box, Amethyst said, “Yo.” 

 

“It’s Pearl.” The door beeped, allowing Pearl to go upstairs. Amethyst was waiting in her doorframe, wearing a tank top and pajama pants. 

 

“Look who’s all gussied up,” Amethyst said with a smirk. “I’m flattered, P, but I’m currently attached.” 

 

“You’re dating a semi-pro skateboarder you see once a month,” Pearl said, rolling her eyes. “I think we all know how serious that arrangement is.” 

 

“Uh, Travis is an actual pro now. He got into the X-games and he’s going to be sponsored by Vans. Free sneakers galore! Let me know if you want some,” Amethyst said. She checked out Pearl. Her eyes moved up and down Pearl’s body. “We have practice tomorrow. You seriously want to go out?” 

 

“You bet I do,” Pearl said. 

 

“You got your fake?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl nodded. “Of course.” Her eyes were intense and her mouth was curled into a frown.

 

“Man, Rose must have pissed you off good,” Amethyst said. 

 

“She smells like Irish Spring,” Pearl said. Her voice wavered.

 

Amethyst breathed in deep. “Let me change real quick. Come on in for a sec.” 

 

Pearl walked into the small, studio apartment. It was even tinier than Pearl and Rose’s. Amethyst did not even have a kitchen. She had a mini fridge and a hot plate. Beer bottles and clothes were strewn about all over the floor and tables. Pearl reluctantly sat down on Amethyst’s bed. 

 

Amethyst took off her pajama pants and began searching her floor for a suitable pair of jeans. “Have you talked to her about it?” 

 

Pearl nodded. Her eyes became red. She swallowed hard. 

 

Amethyst hopped into a pair of ripped jeans and said, “It’s not going to work, is it?” 

 

“I can’t do it,” Pearl said as she erupted into tears. “I can’t stand being with her while she loves someone else.” 

 

“She loves you too though,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. “Call me selfish, but I can’t do this arrangement.” She wiped underneath her eyes. “I’ve never even been with anyone else, even though we agreed I could. I just can’t do it.” 

 

“Come here,” Amethyst said. She walked up to Pearl and took her into a hug and stroked Pearl’s soft, pink hair. She then whispered, “I don’t think you’re selfish.”

 

“Thank you,” Pearl said. 

 

After Amethyst found a clean shirt, they left the apartment and started to walk down the street. 

 

“Where do you want to go?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl shrugged. Her hands were in her pockets. She looked down at the dirty, garbage filled sidewalk. 

 

“Let’s go to Homeworld,” Amethyst said. 

 

“The gay bar?” Pearl asked, raising her eyebrows.

 

“We’re gonna get you some V,” Amethyst said. She did a little dance as she said “V.”  

 

“I don’t want ‘V,’” Pearl said with disgust. 

 

“Look, you don’t have to marry her--” 

 

“Not like I could if I wanted to,” Pearl said. She rolled her eyes.  

 

“Let’s stop being negative,” Amethyst said. “I know you’re not over Rose and you probably wont be for, like, a really long time, but--BUT trust me, doing the bare minimum of flirting with a girl and getting her number is going to make you feel awesome.” 

 

Pearl did not think this was a good idea. She had never approached another woman. Sure, fans would come up to her after a show, but she usually rebuffed them because she had Rose. 

 

“I--I,” Pearl cleared her throat, “I’ve never had to--” 

 

“Woo someone?” Amethyst said with a roaring laugh. 

 

Pearl’s face turned bright red. “I was fourteen when I met Rose and I was fifteen when we started getting romantic. And we were friends first and then one day I just had to tell her how gorgeous she looked when--”

 

“Can I show you for a sec?” Amethyst said. She stopped walking. 

 

Pearl stood still. She looked down at Amethyst and reluctantly said, “Fine.” 

 

Amethyst smirked and bit her bottom lip. She took Pearl’s hand and lightly rubbed Pearl’s knuckles with her thumb. “Hey,” Amethyst said. “I like your hair.” 

 

“Um,” Pearl gulped. “Thanks?” 

 

“No problem.” Amethyst then pushed Pearl’s hair away from her face and said, “Can I buy you a drink?” 

 

Pearl nodded. Her mouth was half open. “That’s it? It works after that?”

 

“If you’re hot as you are and in a popular band, yes,” Amethyst said. She let go of Pearl’s hand and gestured her to follow. 

 

Pearl jogged down the street to catch up with Amethyst. “You think I’m hot?” 

 

Amethyst looked up at Pearl and noticed the taller, pink-haired woman was smiling at her. “Have you looked at yourself?” 

 

Pearl shook her head. “I can assure you I have looked at myself.” She laughed and then asked, “Did this method of flirtation work on the semi-pro skateboarder Tra-vis?”

 

Amethyst didn’t answer the question. Instead she joking, gently pushed Pearl. Pearl laughed and then pushed her back. They stopped in front of a bar with a sign that said, “Homeworld.” In front was a large, gruff bouncer. 

 

Amethyst grabbed Pearl’s hand and walked up to the bouncer. 

 

“IDs,” the bouncer said. 

 

Amethyst and Pearl took IDs out of their wallet and handed them to the bouncer. 

 

He looked at Pearl and then her ID, back and forth for about a minute. “Rachel?” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. 

 

“You ain’t Rachel,” the bouncer said.

 

“You are incorrect. As you can see on my driver’s license I--” Pearl said. 

 

“You’re that Crystal Gem chick,” the bouncer said. “You’re like nineteen.” 

 

“You listen to the Crystal Gems?” Pearl asked, crossing her arms. 

 

“My girlfriend does,” the bouncer said. “You got a wailing lady as your lead singer.” He cringed. “Not a fan.” 

 

“Which is why you should let us in,” Amethyst said. “You know like half out fanbase is--” 

 

“I don’t care,” the bouncer said. “You two are like twelve. I’m not letting you in. Do you know what ECPD would do? They would shut us down.” 

 

“I’m eighteen!” Amethyst said. She shook her head and sighed. “Give me my ID back then.” 

 

The bouncer started to laugh. “You think I’m gonna give two underaged girls their fake IDs back?” 

 

Pearl remained silent and turned around. As she walked away, she could hear Amethyst swearing at the bouncer.  “We’re women not girls!” Amethyst said. She ran toward Pearl and walked next to her. “Fuck this shit.” 

 

“I know a place we can go to,” Pearl said as she walked to the edge of the sidewalk and hailed a cab. 

 

As they rode in the cab, Amethyst complained, “Kings? You want to go to a fucking Dave And Buster’s in Kings? You want to go to an adult Chuck E. Cheese in the third worst borough in the city?” 

 

“They don’t card me there,” Pearl said. “Plus I’m really close to winning enough tickets for a Nintendo 64 at the prize counter.” 

 

“P, you definitely have enough money to buy a Nintendo 64.” 

 

“It’s not about that. It’s about the chase of getting the Nintendo 64,” Pearl said as she looked out the window while they crossed the Kings’ Bridge over the Hudson River. 

 

The cab dropped them off in front of a mall. The red lights of the neon Dave and Buster’s sign shined down onto Amethyst’s face. 

 

“We can get drunk and play skeeball,” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst began to crack up. “Whatever you say, Perogi.” 

 

They walked into the dark arcade. Amethyst noticed that Pearl was looking around, like she was trying to spot a particular person. 

 

Pearl walked toward the skeeball machine. Amethyst followed. As Pearl put in some coins, someone tapped her on the shoulder. 

 

“Hey,” the voice said. 

 

Pearl nervously recoiled. She turned around and saw a tall pink-haired woman with a nose piercing in front of her. Amethyst wondered how a waitress at Dave And Buster’s got away with a nose piercing. 

 

“How-how are you?” Pearl asked. She held the skeeball behind her back, clutching it with all her strength. 

 

“Doing great now that you’re here,” the woman winked. “Can I get you and Amethyst drinks?” 

 

“You know who I am?” Amethyst asked with a furrowed brow. 

 

“She’s a fan of the band,” Pearl said with a nervous giggle. 

 

“Ohhh,” Amethyst said, beaming at Pearl. “Gotcha. We’re gonna do shots of tequila.” 

 

“Tequila shots?” Pearl said with wide eyes. 

 

“You said you wanted to get drunk.” Amethyst shrugged. 

 

“Two shots of tequila each,” the waitress said. She then walked away. 

 

“You gotta get her number,” Amethyst said. 

 

“She just likes the band,” Pearl said. 

 

“And you like tall, pink-haired women with huge tits. Go for it.” 

 

“Must you be so vulgar?” 

 

“In this situation? Yes. Get. Her. Number.” 

 

“If it doesn’t work out, I wont be able to come back here,” Pearl said. 

 

“Why would you want to come back here?” Amethyst asked, confused. "We're in Kings for christsake." 

 

“To win enough tickets for a Ninten--” 

 

“It’s never been about the Nintendo! Buy a fucking Nintendo!” Amethyst said. “How often do you come here?” 

 

“Once a week,” Pearl said. She would go when Rose was with Greg. 

 

“See! You wanna get all up in that and the Nintendo is your reason for justifying coming here.” 

 

Pearl sighed and ignored Amethyst. She started playing skeeball. 

 

The waitress came back with a tray of five shots. “Two for each of you and one for me,” she said, raising her eyebrows. Amethyst handed the shot glass to Pearl and grabbed one for herself. The waitress looked around, making sure she was not in sight of her manager. 

 

“To Dave And Buster’s,” the waitress said dryly. 

 

Pearl and Amethyst repeated “to Dave And Buster’s,” before downing the shots and finishing them off with lemons. 

 

For a moment, everyone was silent as they awkwardly stared at each other. Amethyst elbowed Pearl. She grabbed her second shot and a lemon before she walked way into the darkness of the arcade. 

 

Pearl was alone with the waitress. She took her second shot off the waitress’ tray and downed it. She sucked on her lemon. As the waitress was about to turn away Pearl blurted out, with the lemon still in her mouth, “I like you hair!” She took the lemon out, embarrassed. 

 

The waitress grinned and bit her lip. “Really?” 

 

“I--um,” Pearl moved closer to the waitress and took a strand of the waitress’ hair between her fingers. Her eyes locked in with the waitress’ reading to see if this was okay. “Is this okay?” Pearl asked. 

 

The waitress nodded. “More than okay.” 

 

“I love how your hair shines in the red lights of the arcade. It becomes an indigo blue swirled with pink and you blend in with the light. It’s like staring into a Berthe Morisot painting. Really beautiful.” 

 

“Thank you,” the waitress smiled. “Do you, like..you know wanna hang out sometime?” 

 

Amethyst stood afar, sipping a margarita as she watched Pearl try to hit on the waitress.  At first it looked fine, but then Pearl went and touched the other woman’s hair like a total weirdo. Amethyst shook her head and sighed. 

 

However, Pearl walked back toward Amethyst with a wide smile on her face. 

 

“Why you smiling?” Amethyst said with smirk. 

 

“I got her number,” Pearl said, holding up a receipt with a phone number written on it. 

 

“That’s awesome!” Amethyst said. She jumped in the air and did a subtle fist pump. “What did you say to her?” 

 

“Just that in the light from the arcade games, she looked like a Berthe Morisot painting.” Pearl’s forehead wrinkled. She buried her face into her hands. “God that was weird, wasn’t it?” 

 

“She gave you her number! She must have liked it for some reason!” Amethyst began to laugh. “You referenced some nerdy painter and she liked it! That would only happen to you, P.” 

 

“She probably just likes the band. I mean, the number could be fake,” Pearl shrugged. “It’s too bad we’ll never know.” 

 

“You’re not going to call her?” 

 

“I’m with Rose,” Pearl said. 

 

“But you two have an open relationship,” Amethyst said. “Besides aren’t you going to break up with her anyway?” 

 

“It’s not...It’s more complicated than that,” Pearl said. “Let’s just go home.” 

 

As they waited on the sidewalk for a cab, Amethyst said, “You should do what makes you happy. Even...even if it messes up the dynamic of the band. You shouldn't stay in a relationship you don't feel happy in just for a band. I mean, the Whites still have The White Stripes. You can work it out on a professional level. I know it.” 

 

“I don’t think I’m in the position to be happy right now. It's not really about keeping the peace with the band, it's how I feel about her,” Pearl said. “I don’t want to be woe is me or anything. I know what I need to do. It’s just that it’s...it’s so...hard to do.” Tears fell from Pearl’s eyes. “Please don’t tell Rose, Ame. I’m so conflicted. I know what I should do, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I love her. She’s the only person I’ve loved like this.” 

 

Amethyst held Pearl’s hand. She rubbed her thumb in circles in the palm of Pearl’s hand. “I wont say anything.” 

 

When Pearl arrived back at her apartment, Rose was asleep. She stealthily navigated the apartment in the dark and undressed. She put on her Led Zeppelin T-shirt and got into bed, lying down next to Rose. 

 

Rose mumbled, “Hey.” 

 

Pearl turned over so she was facing Rose. “I missed you,” Pearl said. 

 

Rose’s lips curled into a smile. She opened her eyes and kissed Pearl. She then took Pearl into her arms, cuddling with her. “I missed you too,” Rose whispered. 

 

“I should have spent tonight with you,” Pearl said. 

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Rose said. “I have you with me now.” 

 

Rose’s embrace became tighter. Pearl rested her head on Rose’s chest. She smelled like flowers now. 


	13. An Old Song from Half a Vintage Band

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for comments/kudos! Next update might not be for a while.

Lapis sat in a hipster coffee shop, sipping a latte. Next to her at the table, Chris had headphones in while he was eating a chocolate croissant. He stared at his computer screen. He had a dopey smile on his face.

 

“What are you watching?” Lapis asked. She grabbed his laptop and saw he was watching a video promoting the 2016 Victoria Secret Fashion show where the models were lip syncing in their underwear. 

 

“Perv,” Lapis said. 

 

“Me and twelve million other people according to this video,” Chris said. Lapis gave him a dirty look. “I googled Felicia Vasquez and this is what came up,” he said. 

 

“How convenient for you,” Lapis said. 

 

“You don’t like watching pretty ladies be goofy and lip sync in their underwear?” 

 

“I don’t like promoting unrealistic beauty standards,” Lapis said. “It’s all about looking sexy for a man. It’s not about being sexy during sex.”

 

“Well, your feminist music hero is dating the epitome of unrealistic beauty standards,” Chris said. 

 

“There must be more to Felicia Vasquez. Otherwise Pearl wouldn’t be with her,” Lapis said. 

 

“Excuses, excuses,” Chris teased as he shook his head. 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“You want to think your feminist hero is, exactly that--a feminist hero -- When in fact, I just watched a video of the 2016 fashion show, which cut to Pearl clapping in the audience as her girlfriend walked down the runway.” 

 

Lapis took a second to digest this information, then she said, “Show me.” 

 

Chris navigated Youtube back to the video. Ed Sheeran sang as the models walked the runway. Felicia walked out, wearing pinked jeweled lingerie. The crowed began to cheer. As she began to glide down the runway, she smiled at Ed and then blew a kiss to someone in the audience. The camera cut to Pearl sitting in the second row. She wore a simple blue dress. For a quick second her bored demeanor changed. Her eyes became alive as she clapped. She mimed catching Felicia’s kiss with her left hand marked with scars. She pressed her hand to her mouth like she was placing the blown kiss there and then her lips curled into a wide smile before the camera cut back to Felicia on the runway. 

 

“We got to find out how she fucked up her hand,” Chris said. 

 

“That and can we talk about how this exchange was one of the cutest fucking things I’ve ever seen,” Lapis said, tilting her head. “The show still promotes unrealistic beauty standards though.” 

 

Chris tilted his head as Felicia stopped at the end of the runway and flipped her hair. He then admitted, “Yeah it does. How about we take a break from research?” He shut his laptop closed and took his headphones off. 

 

“You call that research?” Lapis asked. She rolled her eyes. 

 

“Rank your favorite Weezer albums,” Chris said. 

 

“I’m not ranking every Weezer album,” Lapis said. “Half of them are complete crap. Besides we get into the same argument every time we do this.” 

 

“So you haven’t changed your opinion on _The Blue Album_?” Chris said. 

 

“No,” Lapis said. “My number one is _The Blue Album_ \--” 

 

“I just can’t believe how stubborn you are!” Chris said. He put his croissant down on a plate. “You’re seriously still ranking _The Blue Album_ over _Pinkerton_?!” 

 

 As Lapis stared out the window, she saw a tall woman with long, bleach blonde hair walking toward the door to the coffee shop. She wore tight athletic leggings and an Under Armour t-shirt. “Jasper is here,” Lapis said. Her voice became shaky. 

 

The athletic blonde woman nodded to Lapis and sat down across from her at the table. 

 

“I gave you all your stuff back,” Jasper said. 

 

“It’s not about that,” Lapis said. 

 

“Who’s this?” Jasper asked. She narrowed her eyes at Chris, whose eyes widened. 

 

Lapis shook her head. “He’s a friend.” She rubbed her temples. “I-uh-I need a favor from you - for a story.” 

 

Jasper’s mouth curled into a nefarious smile. She leaned back in her chair and rested her hands behind her head. “What kind of favor?” 

 

“I’m doing a story on the Crystal Gems,” Lapis said. 

 

“Ugh, the Crystal Gems? That band you used to play all the time?” Jasper cringed. “God I hate their music. Their guitarist is so smug. The drums are a noisy mess. Their lyrics are like someone's reading a seventeen year old girl’s diary out loud and--” 

 

 “I get it,” Lapis said. “You hate them. We’re not here to shit on my music preferences. Felicia Vasquez is what I want to talk about.” 

 

“Felicia Vasquez?” Jasper narrowed her eyes. “Are you going to pull some sociopathic move and ask me to hook you up with her? Cause that is a new level of--” 

 

“Like I’d have a chance in hell,” Lapis said. She rolled her eyes. “She’s dating Pearl LeBlanc.” 

 

Jasper crinkled her forehead. She had no idea who Pearl was. 

 

Lapis sighed. “The smug lead guitarist of the Crystal Gems.” 

 

“...oh” Jasper nodded, clearly faking she knew Pearl. 

 

Lapis shook her head. “You still have no idea who she is?! We had their fucking poster hanging in our room.” 

 

"She's the one with pink hair," Jasper said facetiously. 

 

"Both of the guitarists have pink hair," Lapis said with clanched teeth. 

 

“Just get on with the favor you need from me,” Jasper said. 

 

“So I’ve gone through every other channel to find out this information. I’ve called Pearl’s agent, several times. I’ve called her manager. I’ve asked Diamond Records and no one is letting me schedule an interview with her. BUT Felicia Vasquez is a client of yours.” 

 

Jasper’s mouth hung open. “No.” She shook her head. “No way. Do you know how hard it is to get to the point where you can start training Victoria’s Secret Angels? I am not risking my reputation so you can chase this wet dream of an interview.” 

 

Lapis cringed. She then looked into Jasper’s hazel eyes and said with desperation, “Please. I need this story. It’s the only thing keeping me going right now.” 

 

Jasper looked around the coffee shop before her gaze froze so she could stare at the floor. Mechanically, she took out her phone and said, “Felicia Vasquez: 889-564-9990.” She then got up and left the coffee shop. 

 

Chris frantically wrote down the phone number on a napkin. 

 

Lapis looked over at Chris and said, “Thank you for being quiet.” 

 

“I’ll do anything for a story,” Chris said.

 

“Apparently I will too,” Lapis said. Her phone vibrated. She hoped the text was the cute sound engineer, but it was a series of texts from Jasper. 

 

 **Jasper:** beg more baby 

 **Jasper:** You can at my place tonight 

 **Jasper** : while you lie down on the bed and I kneel in front of you 

 **Jasper:** I’ll make you really beg then

 

* * *

 

 

As Pearl walked down the hallway on the first floor of the brownstone, she noticed a picture of Felicia was hung up crooked. She put her bags down and straightened the picture. Symmetry was important to her. It drove her nuts when something was out of place. 

 

She grabbed her grey leather jacket from the coat rack. She was sure to take the grey one. It was her favorite and it matched everything she owned. 

 

Outside, she hailed a cab and told the driver to take her to a parking garage near the seaport. 

 

She walked into the garage and up the stairwell to the third floor. In her hand, she clicked on the automatic start to her car, a Tesla Model S. Last summer Pearl traded in her Porsche. She got into the car and drove. 

 

After hours of listening to an audiobook detailing the history of the band, The Replacements, Pearl pulled off an exit from the Jersey turnpike. She drove down to the main street of the city. In front of the music hall there was a valet. She pulled up to the curb. The teenaged the valet gawked at her car as she handed him the keys. 

 

“Hell yeah,” the valet said. “Elon is going to get us to Mars, am I right?” 

 

“Sure,” Pearl said. She walked up to the bouncer and said with a sigh, “Pearl LeBlanc.” 

 

“Amethyst wants to see you backstage, if you’re okay with that,” the bouncer said as he read from his clipboard. 

 

“Whatever,” Pearl said. She entered the music club and went down a dark, dank hallway leading to the backstage area. She missed the musty smell of theaters and music halls. As she inhaled, she relished in the musty scent. She made her way to a door with Amethyst’s name taped on it. “Ame,” Pearl said as she knocked. 

 

Amethyst, dressed in ripped jeans and a nice purple top, embraced Pearl and said, “You came!” 

 

“You were quite adamant that I should,” Pearl said as she returned the hug. 

 

“Come on in!” Amethyst pulled Pearl by the hand into the dressing room and gestured her to sit down on a couch. Posters of former performers decorated the walls. “I’ve been doing some soul searching,” Amethyst said. “Like how I treated you and Garnet and Steven so badly. Fuck, I was a jerk to Steven!” 

 

“And Felicia,” Pearl said, crossing her arms and legs. 

 

Amethyst was quiet for a moment. She stared into Pearl’s cyan eyes. Amethyst felt like she could lose herself in them. “And her,” Amethyst nodded. “I...I ruined us. And then after I ruined us, I just kept driving it into the ground until we became dust.” 

 

Pearl didn’t say anything. Her eyes began to water. “You did.”

 

Amethyst rubbed the back of her neck. “I’ve been immature.” 

 

“You have been,” Pearl said. 

 

“If you could disagree with me once, it would be--” 

 

“Go on,” Pearl nodded. “With the apology, not the dissent.” 

 

Amethyst smirked and said, “I’m not great at expressing this kind of stuff. I--I miss you and I hope you can forgive me for being an inconsiderate ass for the past decade. I know you didn’t take the record deal with malicious intent. I know Felicia didn’t post the video on purpose and--and it’s a fucking stupid thing to freak out about. I mean, it’s a video.” 

 

“Exactly,” Pearl said. 

 

“And you rocked in it.” 

 

“If that’s what you thought,” Pearl said. She leaned her elbow on the armrest and rested her chin in her hand.

 

“Once we get to Beach City, I’m gonna take Steven and Garnet for donuts or something and apologize.” Amethyst sat on a stool in front of Pearl. She leaned forward. Her long, purple hair fell over her face. “But also, I want you to come up with The Freaks tonight and we can play ‘The Other Night’ with you singing and plying lead guitar.” 

 

Pearl’s eyes widened. “What?” She shook her head, her hand was over her mouth. “I haven’t been on stage in a decade and I look like a disaster.” She gestured to the plain t-shirt and old, baggy jeans, and converse sneakers she was wearing. 

 

“You look fine!” Amethyst said. She stood up on the stool and said, raising her eyebrows, “And don’t worry, you’re a sexy disaster.” 

 

“Amethyst, must you be suggestive?” Pearl asked, frustrated. 

 

“Can you blame me?” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. 

 

“Fine. I’ll stop being suggestive,” Amethyst said. “But I will not concede to the fact that you wont come up on stage! You were freaking awesome in that video!” 

 

“That’s because I had no idea Felicia was filming.” 

 

“P, you gotta get back up there, otherwise our live album will be a disaster.” 

 

Pearl stared at the _Redbook_ magazine on the coffee table in front of her. The cover’s headline article was some anti-aging tips and an interview with Jennifer Love-Hewitt. “You’re right,” Pearl nodded. She leaned forward and brought both her hands toward her mouth, making a fist. “How about I stay in the audience for the entire show--” 

 

“That’s not--” 

 

“Let me finish,” Pearl said. “Then for the last song, you introduce me and then I go up and play ‘The Other Night,’ with you.” 

 

Amethyst gave a wide smile. “Oh hell yeah. That’s a great idea!” She walked up to Pearl and stood in front of her. She gestured her arms out for a hug. 

 

Pearl stood up and embraced Amethyst. For a moment, Pearl felt like they were twenty-three and in their studio apartment in Lookland slow dancing to Patti Smith. Nothing else seemed to matter. Pearl let go and said, “I’ll see you on stage.”  She nodded and left the dressing room. 

 

Pearl made her way to the bar. She ordered a glass of tequila straight and waited for the show to start. Two teenaged girls, whose hands both had red dots signaling the bartender to not serve them, were staring at Pearl. One of them mustered up the courage to go up to her, “Are-are you Pearl LeBlanc?” 

 

“I am,” Pearl said. 

 

The two girls exchanged looks with wide eyes.

 

“We love you,” the bolder girl said. “Like, you are freaking awesome!” 

 

“I am?” Pearl asked. 

 

The shyer girls nodded. 

 

“I have a Crystal Gems poster in my room above my bed. I love vintage bands,” the bolder girl said. 

 

Pearl wanted to go and hide somewhere. Vintage bands were Pink Floyd and the Velvet Underground, not the Crystal Gems. 

 

“And--” the bolder girl elbowed the shyer one in the side. 

 

“And,” the shyer girl said with a soft voice. “I started playing guitar because of you.” 

 

“Really?”Pearl asked with a slight smile. “That’s so awesome.” 

 

Both girls nodded. “My name is Samantha and this is Hailee” the bolder girl said. “I play the drums right now and Hailee is on guitar, but we totally want to start our own band and add a bass player and maybe a second guitar. And---this might be, like really awkward, but can we take a picture with you and have you sign our shirts?” 

 

“Of course,” Pearl said. She took a sip of her tequila and stood in between teh two girls. Samantha held her phone out to take a selfie of all of them. Then Pearl signed their shirts. 

 

Pearl felt awkward. She hated this stuff. She knew it was supposed to feel exhilarating. Amethyst would always say how cool it was to find out someone really appreciated something you made. “Music is such a personal thing,” Amethyst once said. “Most of the time you’re alone when you listen to it. We associate it with it being a social activity, but to find another person who loves a piece of music as much as you do, creates this beautiful, instant connection. I guess it’s probably that way about all pieces of art.” 

 

For a moment, Pearl zoned out after she signed the sleeve of Samantha’s t-shirt. 

 

“Are you here to see Amethyst?” Samantha asked. 

 

“Something like that,” Pearl said. 

 

The two girls thanked her and then disappeared giggling into the crowd. Once she was like that. Once she thought it was so easy to play music with your friends. 

 

The stage illuminated at Amethyst walked out. As the band played their set, Pearl smiled at the crowed singing and swaying along. 

 

Then Amethyst pointed to the crowed and sang, not playing her guitar, “ _Hey, hey girl_ \--” The crowd then joined her, singing, “ _We’ve been here before. We’ve been here before/ I can see it in your eyes./They’re quick to criticize. Quick to criticize_.” 

 

Pearl looked around the music club as the entire venue sang along to the first line of the song.  She shook her head and began to laugh. A part of her could not believe Amethyst wrote a song that was clearly about their relationship and that the entire audience knew every word by heart.

 

_You think I don’t know what I’m doing_

_Babe, we’re way past the stage of wooing_

_Let’s drive away in your car_

_And never look baaaaack._

 

_Hey, hey girl. We’ve been here before_

_We’ve been here before. We’ve been here before_

_I can see it in your eyes._

_They’re quick to criticize. Quick to criticize_

 

_You say it’s the circumstances._

_Babe, keep giving me chances._

_Now stop overthinking_

_And listen to your heart._

 

 

Amethyst then sang the chorus gain. Pearl began to take longer sips of her drink. Once the song was over, she would have to go on stage. The last time she performed was in Brussels, Belgium in 2002. That was the last show the Crystal Gems played before Pearl broke her hand. 

 

Amethyst’s song ended. Her eyes locked in with Pearl’s across the crowd. She smirked and said into the microphone, “You guys ready to lose your shit?” 

 

The audience cheered. Pearl loved how much Amethyst owned the stage. 

 

“Oh, cause you are about to have a once in a decade experience!” Amethyst yelled. “Please scream your heads off for the badass who taught me how to play the guitar! Pearl Leblanc!” 

 

A light shined onto Pearl, which caused her to flinch. The light blinded her eyes. She breathed in deep and walked up to the stage. When she got up there, Amethyst’s lead guitarist handed her his Gibson. Pearl put the strap over her shoulder and stared out into the sheering crowd. 

 

Next to her Amethyst placed her hand on Pearl’s back. She smiled at her and said, “I gotchu on rhythm guitar. Just play.” 

 

Pearl nodded and played the melody line of “The Other night.” Then she heard the audience begin to go nuts, which made Pearl smile. She cleared her throat and said into the mic, “This is ‘The Other Night.’” 

 

Before Pearl sang the first line, she noticed an array of bright white square lights which did not exist the last time she played on a stage. The audience was filming this. Pearl chose to look away from the lights in the crowd. She stared at her scarred left hand around the neck of her guitar and analyzed the faded, red lines like she was trying to find a pattern or reasoning to the incident which caused her to break up the band. 

 

Pearl snapped out of her trance and gazed over at Amethyst. Pearl sang, “ _There’s this girl I saw..._ ”  

 

Pearl did not lose herself in the song as she had once done. Instead of jumping around with confidence, she stood still. She wasn’t used to this band and she was unsure of how she felt about Amethyst playing the guitar next to her instead of Rose. To Pearl, a person who loved order and puzzles, this felt like someone threw a puzzle out the window and was now trying to put the pieces together outside on their driveway. Amethyst was nodding the beat to her as she sang the harmony. 

 

When it was time for her guitar solo, Pearl realized she forgot one of the melodies and started to improvise. In the back of her head, she kept telling herself that J Mascis of Dinosaur Jr. always improvises his solos and Stephen Malkmus of Pavement always went off-book. 

 

However it seemed like the crowd didn’t even realize she forgot anything. When she was done, they started to applaud. It felt like a jolt of electricity traveling up her back. 

 

Pearl made it through her first live performance in the past twelve years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter preview: Amethyst, Steven, and Garnet piece together Diamond Records' plan as they eat donuts. Lapis finagles her way into interviewing Felicia Vasquez. After Peridot is finished sound mixing Pearl's song, she meets Lapis for a date.


	14. The Radio Version of Pearl's Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for kudos! This chapter ended up being way longer than I expected, but I wanted to move the plot along faster.

Pearl waited in the middle of Amethyst’s dressing room as Amethyst picked up her clothes from the floor. 

 

“I don’t see why you had to unpack your entire suitcase and throw everything everywhere,” Pearl said. She crossed her arms and leaned against the wall. 

 

“Feels like home this way,” Amethyst said as she sat on her suitcase to zip it up. “Also the shirt I wanted to wear for the show was packed at the bottom.” 

 

“If you’re going to wear a shirt shortly after you pack it, it should be folded on the top,” Pearl said. She let out an over exaggerated sigh. 

 

“Well you ain’t around to pack my bags anymore,” Amethyst said as she struggled with the zipper getting caught on a piece of clothing sticking out of the suitcase. 

 

“It’s been a decade, I’d like to think that you’d be able to do your own organizational tasks by now,” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst stood up and picked up her suitcase’s handle. “Over a decade? It’s been that long since we lived together?” 

 

Pearl rose her eyebrows facetiously and nodded. “Twelve years.” 

 

“Damn,” Amethyst rubbed the back of her neck. “Twelve years ago, Felicia was taking her SATs. Or wait, she probably wasn’t even old enough to do that. She was probably in junior high.”

 

“I’m not taking the bait,” Pearl said as she shook her finger in front of her face. “What happened to you not acting like a jackass?” 

 

“It’s a work in progress,” Amethyst said. “I’m sorry. Really, I am.” Amethyst’s brown eyes looked sincere and concerned. Pearl nodded.  

 

As they walked down the hallway to the building’s side exit, Amethyst said goodbye to the other band members and the crew. When they got to the sidewalk outside, Pearl handed her ticket to the valet. She looked at her watch, it was past eleven at night. 

 

“You still have a watch, Pierogi?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“It’s easier to look at your wrist than to fish your phone out of your bag,” Pearl said. 

 

“Whatevs,” Amethyst said. “Man, didn’t that feel good? When we were up there?” 

 

“It was...interesting,” Pearl said.

 

“You did a really good job! And you improvised the solo! Was that on purpose?” 

 

“No,” Pearl said. She shook her head. “I forgot the notes.” 

 

“It sounded great. Couldn’t tell,” Amethyst said. She rocked back and forth on her feet. Pearl looked into the street. “The harmony was okay. It’s gonna sound, like, a thousand times better when Garnet sings it though.” 

 

Pearl took out her phone. She had a text from Felicia. 

 

 **Felicia [10:26pm]:** Hey :) Let me know when you want to Facetime. 

 

Pearl put her phone back into her pocket. 

 

“You okay?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl nodded. “Yes. I just feel weird is all.” 

 

“Cause it’s different?” Amethyst asked. She looked down at the ground and started to dig into some dirt on the sidewalk with her shoe. 

 

“Mmmhh,” Pearl said. 

 

“I know what you mean,” Amethyst said. “It’s like you’re expecting to look up from whatever you’re doing and see her singing or playing her pink Gibson or smiling at you, but when you do, she’s not there. And it’s like, she should be?” 

 

“Exactly,” Pearl whispered. For a moment, she shared a look with Amethyst. They both understood how it felt to lose Rose. 

 

“I wish I could say you get used to it, but...” Amethyst said. 

 

“You don’t?” Pearl asked. 

 

Amethyst shook her head and said, “No. You don’t.” 

 

Then the valet pulled up with Pearl’s black Tesla.

 

“No way!” Amethyst said as she jumped up in the air. “When did you get this?” 

 

“A couple months ago,’ Pearl said. 

 

“Can I drive it?” Amethyst asked. She stuck her tongue out between her teeth. 

 

Pearl paused for a moment and mentally went over what her insurance policy covered. She then nodded, “Yes.” 

 

“Seriously?” 

 

“You thought I’d say no?” Pearl asked. The valet handed Pearl the keys. She tossed them to Amethyst and got into the passenger seat. 

 

When they got into the car, Amethyst sat in the driver’s sear. She pulled the seat position all the way up so she could reach the pedals and started the car. The engine was completely silent. “I didn’t hear anything!” Amethyst said giddily.  As the dashboard lit up, revealing a computer screen, Amethyst added, “This car is a computer.” 

 

Pearl smiled to herself. “When was the last time you actually drove a car?”

 

Amethyst tilted her head, “Uhhh...let’s see. I dunno, like four years ago.” 

 

Pearl buried her face in her hands and said, “Go ahead. Drive.” 

 

“It’ll be okay, P. I’ll get you to Beach City in one piece.” 

 

For the one hour drive back Pearl gripped her car seat as Amethyst drove. Periodically, she would say, “Speed limit!” 

 

“P, I think we both know you never follow the speed limit,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Yes, but I’m actually a good driver,” Pearl said. 

 

Pearl dozed off for the remainder of the drive. When Pearl woke up, Amethyst was pulling into Garnet’s driveway. 

 

When Pearl and Amethyst entered Garnet’s house, they saw Garnet sitting in a chair, silently reading. 

 

“G!” Amethyst yelled. She kicked her suitcase to the side. “Put the book away. We need to discuss some stuff.” 

 

“You and Pearl made up?” Garnet asked as she closed her book and set it on the coffee table. 

 

“How’d you know?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Garnet smiled. She took out her phone and showed a video of Pearl playing “The Other Night,” a with These Freaks. 

 

“Dude! that’s why I wanted you to come!” Amethyst said. “But you had that conference thing and I was like skip the conference and you were like, but that’s how I earn a living. And then I was like--”

 

“What’s earning a living?” Pearl interjected with a dry tone. 

 

“Exactly!” Amethyst said with a giggle. She then suddenly became serious. “Anyway, G. I feel like an ass for how I freaked out on everyone. Don’t worry, I’m going to apologize to Steven tomorrow. But I just want to let you know, I shouldn’t have freaked out. I’m--I’m just, like processing everything and how it’s changed and usually I like to think of myself as someone who can go with the flow, but when it comes to stuff with the band, I’m, like, extra emotional. I’m sorry.” 

 

“Thank you,” Garnet said with a smile. “I’m happy you figured out it was out of line.” 

 

Pearl’s phone started to ring. She closed her eyes and cringed. “I have to go and Facetime, Felicia. I was supposed to be at the beach house like three hours ago.” 

 

“Am I the only one who thinks it’s fucked up that me and Garnet have never been to--” Amethyst then put on a snobby voice, “Pearl’s fabulous beach house?” 

 

“You are not,” Garnet said. 

 

“Let’s go then! Crystal Gem party at Pearl’s beach house!” Amethyst said. “G, you can drive the Tesla. It’s freaking awesome! Zero to sixty in less than three seconds and it doesn’t even make a sound! No sound!” 

 

“I don’t think that’s--” Pearl began to say. “I don’t know if it’s the best idea to Facetime Felicia while you guys are over.” 

 

“Do it upstairs while we’re downstairs!” Amethyst said. She opened her suitcase and started to look through the messy pile of clothes she packed. 

 

“Do not make this room your dumping ground,” Garnet said. “You have a guest room for that.” 

 

“I’m just getting pajamas,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Why do you need pajamas?” Pearl asked with caution. 

 

“Cause we’re gonna drink so much tequila that no one’s going to be able to go anywhere,” Amethyst said. 

 

“It’s past midnight,” Pearl said. 

 

“When did you become a grandma?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“She’s always been one,” Garnet said. 

 

Amethyst began to crack up. “Good one, G.” She slung a pair of plaid pants over her shoulder and said, “Let’s go!” 

 

“Guys, I don’t think that--” Pearl said. 

 

“Are you going to have sexy facetime with her or something?” Amethyst asked jokingly. 

 

Pearl turned red. 

 

“She totally was,” Garnet said. 

 

“P, you literally saw her this morning. I think you can go one night celibate,” Amethyst said. “I know it’s probably difficult to not get up all in that, but you’re gonna have to take one for the team.” 

 

“I was not going to-to do...that,” Pearl said. “And don’t refer to Felicia as, ‘getting all up in that.’” 

 

“Pearl’s right,” Garnet said. “She should go home.” 

 

“Fine, but you owe us a night, P!” Amethyst said. 

 

“I will see you guys tomorrow,” Pearl said. She nodded and left Garnet’s house. 

 

Garnet looked down at Amethyst’s clothes strewn about the floor. “You better contain yourself to one room.” 

 

Amethyst sighed. “I’ll clean it up.”  She got on her knees on the wood floor and began tossing her clothes back into the suitcase.” 

 

“She missed you, you know,” Garnet said. 

 

“I know,” Amethyst said. She started to lug her suitcase upstairs. “Too late now though. To be like we were before.” 

 

“Probably,” Garnet said. 

 

* * *

 

Peridot tried to remember the last time she left the recording studio. It was either five hours ago to go to the bathroom or six hours ago to go to the bathroom. The day had become one, big blur. Although she had been working for fourteen hours non-stop, she now believed she had exactly what Blaine Hammond was looking for. 

 

Blaine entered the recording studio followed by her assistant. She sat down next to Peridot and said, “You look like hell.” Blaine’s head tilted as she examined Peridot’s messy, greasy blonde hair and stained green shirt that Peridot had spilled coffee on earlier in the day. 

 

“I’ve been working really hard on this,” Peridot said. “I think I have exactly what you want.” 

 

“Let’s hear it then,” Blaine said. She put the headphones on and Peridot hit play. Blaine’s lips crept up into a small, unsettling smile. When the song was over, she took off the headphones and said, “There are four guitar parts.” 

 

“She can play them all with a looper pedal. Three are layered. One’s a solo. I made sure it was possible,” Peridot said. 

 

“Good. That’s going to be amazing to see live,” Blaine stood up and said, “Good job. Take tomorrow off. Before you leave, send it to my assistant so she can release it to the press.” 

 

When Blaine left the studio, Peridot sighed and sat back in her chair. She felt free for the first time in three days. She finally took out her phone and sorted through all the texts she received while she was working. 

 

Mom: Can you send me the Netflix password?

 

Sour Cream: Did she like the chiptune?

 

Lapis: Hey :) 

* * *

 

 

Lapis Lazuli was on her way to the Upper West Side to Jasper’s apartment. It had happened so fast and she regretted telling the driver to take her there instead of back to her apartment in Kings. She cursed herself for reading those text messages and now it was almost midnight and she was on her way to sleep with her ex-girlfriend. 

 

But then she got a text message: 

 

Peridot: Sorry! I’ve been working on a song for the past three days! I didn’t want to get fired for screwing it up. My boss is really sensitive. 

 

Lapis smiled to herself. 

 

Lapis: No worries :) I understand. 

 

Peridot: You still want to hang out sometime?’ 

 

Lapis: Most definitely ;) 

 

Peridot: cool! How about tomorrow night? We can go to Fitzgerald’s Tavern? 8 good?’ 

 

Lapis: See you at 8 tomorrow!

 

 

Lapis most wrote “cutie,” but she erased it. She was horrible at texting. 

 

Then she got an email notification from Blaine Hammond’s assistant. She put on her headphones as it was an encrypted link to a song. It was a new song, but after listening to the voice accompanied by distorted guitars and chiptune sounds, Lapis realized this was a new song released by Pearl LeBlanc. She immediately called Chris. 

 

“Did you get the email?” Lapis asked, exasperated, “Please tell me you got the email!” 

 

“Got it! What did you think?” 

 

“It’s like oddly good, but in a way that’s not reminiscent of Pearl LeBlanc,” Lapis said. “The lyrics could be better as well.” 

 

“I now! I actually liked it! It’s like Kanye and Weezer and Ariana Grande had a baby and that baby is this song! But this whole release is weird considering the video,” Chris said. 

 

“Felicia posted that last week, probably to gain hype,” Lapis said. 

 

“Oh, I’m talking about the one some random dude from Delmarva posted TONIGHT!” Chris said. “It’s an instagram video of Pearl performing ‘The Other Night,’ on stage with These Freaks!” 

 

“Guerrilla marketing?” Lapis asked, unsure. 

 

“I’m thinking more of, Pearl has no idea this song has been released,” Chris said. “Also, get this. I was at the library today and found some public records showing Pearl owns a house in Beach City. I’m gonna go there tomorrow and see if I can find out anything.”

 

“So I’m Empire City and you’re going to do the Beach City stuff?” 

 

“For now,” Chris said. “Told you this was a two person job.” 

 

After Chris hung up, Lapis looked up at Jasper’s apartment building in front of her. She then started to walk away toward third avenue to hail a cab home. 

 

 

* * *

 

As he stood outside of the Big Donut, Steven read Instagram comments on his phone from a video featuring Pearl performing on stage with Amethyst’s band. 

 

 **watchtower95:** Rose sings it better

 

 **_jamie_takes_pics_:** I like this version :) 

 

 **rebblerocks89:** Pearl can still shred after all these years. 

 

 **pictures_fromJen762:** Reunion please? 

 

 **maplewoods596:** wheres garnet 

 

 **_maxine.connnors:** shameless publicity for Pearl’s new song 

 

Steven’s forehead crinkled. He wondered what new song this person was talking about. Pearl didn’t release songs. She didn’t tour. She didn’t perform, save for this surprise at Amethyst’s show. She sat in her basement and made music she didn’t care about. 

 

“Steven!” he heard a voice say. He looked up from his phone and saw Amethyst waving at him. She was dressed in a baggy, purple zip up hoodie and ripped jeans. Garnet followed her, taking her time to walk over to Steven. 

 

“So,” Amethyst said. “I just wanted to tell you I shouldn’t have freaked out on Pearl like that in front of you. Like, it wasn’t my finest moment and I said some pretty horrible things to Pearl. I apologized to her, but I thought you deserved an apology too.” 

 

Steven managed a small smile. “Thanks, Amethyst.” 

 

“I’m also gonna buy you a bunch of donuts to make up for it,” Amethyst said. “Not that you should forgive me if you don’t want to. Like, me buying you donuts shouldn’t change how you feel.” 

 

“It seems like you’re really sorry,” Steven said. He then gave her a hug, which Amethyst returned. 

 

“Thanks, dude,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Hi Garnet!” Steven said.

 

“Hey, Steven,” Garnet said. She put both hands in her pockets. 

 

When they entered the Big Donut, it looked like Sadie had the day off, which was rare. 

 

“You guys sit down,” Amethyst said. “I’m just gonna get two of every kind.” 

 

Steven sat down with Garnet at the plastic tables. Garnet took her sunglasses off for a moment to rub her eyes. 

 

“Did Pearl forgive her?” Steven asked. 

 

“I would say they are on the best terms they’ve been on in twelve years,” Garnet said. 

 

“So that’s a good thing!” Steven said. 

 

“I suppose it is,” Garnet said with a slight smile. 

 

Amethyst came back with a box of donuts and a coffee for Garnet. “That dude with the mow hawk is a little shit.” 

 

“That’s Lars,” Steven said. “He hates his job here.” 

 

“Never would have guessed,” Amethyst said with sarcasm. 

 

“Where’s Pearl?’ Steven asked. 

 

Amethyst cleared her throat. Before she could say anything, Garnet said, “She had to straighten up her house and go shopping because she had no food.” 

 

“To be able to have a house you never use!” Amethyst said dryly. “Imagine how inconvenient that is?!” 

 

As they began to eat their donuts and Garnet took a sip of her coffee a song began to play on the radio. An intense, catchy guitar rift began to play. A repetitive chiptune melody and a drum machine were added to keep the beat. Then, unexpectedly, a second guitar melody was added. 

 

“This is kind of cool. It sounds like they’re laying guitars. If it were performed live, the performer could use a looper pedal for all the guitar parts,” Amethyst said. “Is this the radio?” 

 

“I don’t listen to the radio,” Garnet said. “I must admit, this is catchy. I like the distortion they’re using on the guitar rift.”

 

“I do too. The guitar power chord rift is reminiscent of something Kanye would do,” Amethyst said.  

 

“Sadie says they play the radio all day. It’s a company policy or something,” Steven said. “I’ve probably heard this before, cause it sounds like I have.” 

 

“It does sound vaguely familiar,” Amethyst said. 

 

“It does,” Garnet said. 

 

“Yeah, I’ve heard this before,” Steven said, nodding. 

 

Then they herd a female voice sing: 

 

_Without you I don’t see the point_

_The void haunts me. Feeling nothing._

_I’m gonna get drunk on Captain Morgan._

_See where I am. Tag your location on Instagram._

_I don’t see the point anymore._

_Where do you go? Without me._

_Someday it wont hurt. I'm sore._

_You’ll be gone. Forever. No more._

_I want this feeling to end._

_I want to stop almost hitting send._

_How can I cope when you’re gone?_

_When you’re gone. When you’re gone?_

 

An electric guitar solo then started to play.

 

“Oh fuck no,” Amethyst said as she stood up. She was seething with anger. 

 

“Ame!” Garnet said. She grabbed Amethyst’s arm and said, “When would she have had the time to make this? She’s been with us for the past three days and we saw her send the clean demo with none of this extra stuff in it. The demo was just her and one acoustic guitar.” 

 

Amethyst then slowly sat down. “You’re right. She’d never use a drum machine. She would insist on recoding live drums herself.” 

 

“This is Pearl?” Steven asked with wide eyes. 

 

“She doesn’t know about this, does she?” Amethyst asked Garnet. 

 

“I don’t think so,” Garnet said. 

 

Lars then emerged from the back room carrying some boxes. He was singing along with the song’s second verse: 

 

_We had it all. I threw it away._

_It’s easier to try and forget. If only I could._

_Come back to me. You’re gone for days._

_How can I know? Are we all for show?_

_I don’t see the point anymore._

_Where do you go? Without me._

 

_Someday it wont hurt. I'm sore._

_You’ll be gone. Forever. No more._

_I want this feeling to end._

_I want to stop almost hitting send._

_How can I cope when you’re gone?_

_When you’re gone. When you’re gone._

 

 

Lars plopped the boxes down and mimed the air guitar. He turned around and froze when he realized Steven was watching. 

 

“Oh, ah, um, hey, Steven!” Lars said. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was just, you know--” 

 

“When did that song start playing on the radio?” Steven asked. 

 

“Um...this morning?” Lars said. “Usually I hate this station, but this song, man it’s catchy and sad and relatable and--man! The guitar and the EDM stuff mixed in, so awesome!” 

 

Amethyst shoved a jelly donut in her mouth and shook her head. “The Diamonds fucked us.” She cringed and said, “Sorry for swearing, Steven.” 

 

“What do you mean that The Diamonds, ‘screwed us’?” Steven asked, confused. 

 

“They found out about the Crystal Gem reunion and now they’re having Pearl release a single, make it become popular, and then force her to make and tour an album for them.” Garnet said. 

 

“Emphasis on tour,” Amethyst said. “They’re gonna want this to be on everywhere. Late Night shows. SNL. Daytime TV. Good Morning America. Spotify Sessions. Other shit I’m missing. Damn! This is gonna be sick to see her perform it live with all the guitar looping.” 

 

“Pearl’s popularity is going to blow up and she’ll be contractually obligated to do what is asked of her to fulfill her obligations to Diamond Records,” Garnet said. 

 

“Otherwise she has to pay Diamond Records ten million dollars,” Amethyst said with clenched teeth. “Those mofos.” 

 

Garnet sat back in her seat and sighed. “We have to tell her to mentally prepare her.” 

 

“G, she probably already figured it out! If the mainstream radio is playing her song this much, her agent has probably already called her at least a dozen times this morning.” 

 

“She doesn’t do well with publicity,” Garnet said. 

 

“That’s what Rose was good at,” Amethyst said. “Pearl’s going to want to avoid this shit storm as long as possible.This is going to make her agoraphobic again.” 

 

“She’s practically agoraphobic now,” Garnet said. 

 

“Pearl was agoraphobic?” Steven asked. 

 

“After..um...the hand incident,” Amethyst said, “she didn’t leave her apartment for five months. Except for hand surgeries. But that ended when, well--” 

 

“When you were born,” Garnet said with a forced smile. 

 

“It doesn’t help that her girlfriend is smokin’,” Amethyst said, changing the subject. She forcefully bit off a piece of a maple frosted donut. 

 

“Why does that matter?” Steven asked. 

 

“The media likes good-looking people together. It makes their audience buy magazines,” Garnet said. 

 

“They’re gonna get invited to everything,” Amethyst said. 

 

“The Empire City Art Museum Ball,” Garnet said. 

 

“Weddings to celebrities they met one time,” Amethyst said.

 

“Every music award show,” Garnet said. 

 

“This just sucks. We’re over. The reunion is over. Pearl isn’t going to have time to help us write a new album,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Maybe it wont be that popular,” Steven said. He didn't want this reunion to be over. It had just started. 

 

“Even that weird kid with the red mow hawk is listening to this!” Amethyst said, gesturing to Lars. “I hate to admit it, but I even like it. The lyrics leave much to be desired, but the song is sick. Everyone and their grandmother is going to eat this crap up.” 

 

“What if Pearl doesn’t want to do any of that stuff?” Steven asked. 

 

“She has to pay Whitney Hammond ten million dollars,” Amethyst said. 

 

Steven shook his head, “I don’t understand how someone has to do things they don’t want or they’ll have to pay ten million dollars. Isn’t Pearl rich?” 

 

“Pearl’s kind of rich,” Garnet said. “It’s complicated to explain.” 

 

“She blew all the money. See the record company gave her ten million up front and she has to either wait fifteen years or pay it back to end her contract early,” Amethyst said. “She bought that stupid brownstone and now she can’t get out of her contract unless she sells it -- which she wont because Felicia loves that house and Pearl loves Felicia.” Amethyst rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t be surprised if--” Amethyst flipped her hair way from her face dramatically and said with a posh voice, “If Felicia wanted to help her get out of the contract, but Pearl was too proud to take it.” 

 

“Don’t speculate,” garnet said. 

 

“You do it all the time,” Amethyst said. “The woman makes like seven million a year having people take pictures of her in her underwear. For some weird reason she likes Pearl more than anyone else on earth and that’s the kind of stuff you do for your favorite person on earth.”

 

“Amethyst you can’t judge a person for their chosen profession,” Garnet said. “Especially if it’s what they enjoy doing.” 

 

“If I enjoyed being a hitman, would you support me?” Amethyst asked with flippancy. 

 

“Let’s talk about something else!” Steven interjected. He laughed nervously. “Um...” 

 

They all awkwardly looked at each other, fully knowing they all wanted to go over to Pearl’s house and tell her what they herd on the radio.

 

“I’ll drive,” Amethyst sighed. They all stood up. Amethyst waited at the exit as Garnet threw out their trash. While Amethyst was texting Pearl letting her know they were going to come over, a woman in her mid-sixties entered the Big Donut. 

 

The woman, dressed in perfectly ironed pants at the seam, did a double take when she saw Amethyst. 

 

“Shit,” Amethyst said under her breath. 

 

“Hello, Amethyst,” the woman said. 

 

Steven crinkled his forehead in confusion, wondering how Amethyst knew this woman. 

 

“How are you? How’s your garden?” Amethyst said with an intense, excessively polite tone that Steven had never heard from her before. 

 

“Fine,” the woman said. “What brings you to Beach City?” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion like she was trying to catch Amethyst in a nefarious plot. 

 

Garnet then walked over and stood behind Amethyst, towering over both women. 

 

“Visiting Garnet,” Amethyst said. 

 

“How are you?” Garnet asked. 

 

“Very well, thank you,” the woman said to Garnet. 

 

“We have to get going,” Garnet said. She put her hand on Steven’s shoulder and started to usher him out of the Big Donut. “Nice to see you.” 

 

When they left, the woman, not allowing her intense eye contact to leave Amethyst asked, “Are you the only one visiting Garnet?” 

 

“I am,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Really?” 

 

“Really,” Amethyst said with clenched teeth. “Well, I better get going cause--” 

 

“How long has she been here?” the woman asked. 

 

As Amethyst was leaving the Big Donut, she shrugged and said, “I haven’t see her. She must be in Empire City” 

 

Amethyst practically ran to Garnet’s car and said, “Go, go go!” She got into the driver’s seat and asked, “You buckled up, Steven?” 

 

“Who was that?” Steven asked. 

 

Amethyst sighed, “My arch nemesis.” She allowed herself a half-laugh. 

 

Garnet turned around from the front passenger seat and said, “She’s Pearl’s mum.” 

 

“Pearl is not going to be happy her mom knows she’s here,” Amethyst said. “She usually likes to avoid her mom for the first couple days she’s here.” 

 

“Why is Pearl’s mom your nemesis?” Steven asked. 

 

Amethyst cleared her throat as she drove out of the parking lot. “Let’s try a different subject. Like literally any other subject.” 

 

“Okay,” Steven nodded. “Do you know why the Crystal Gems broke up?” 

 

“You mean what happened in Paris?” Amethyst asked. She rose her eyebrows and flipped her hair away from her eyes. 

 

“Yeah,” Steven said. “Everyone seems to not want to tell me.” 

 

“I told you I didn’t know,” Garnet said. 

 

“Let me rephrase that,” Steven said. “Pearl doesn’t seem to want to tell me, but you said you knew why she broke her hand.” 

 

“I was just messing with her,” Amethyst said. “People say horrible things to each other when they’e fighting. Sometimes you don’t mean what you say.” 

 

“You have an idea of what happened,” Steven said. 

 

“I do,” Amethyst said. “But I don’t think--” 

 

“Tell him what you remember,” Garnet said. 

 

“You told me not to speculate,” Amethyst said. 

 

“What do you remember?” Steven said. His eyes were filled with desperation. 

 

“I’m equally as curious as Steven is,” Garnet said. She lowered her sunglasses and added, “We’ve never talked about this. I know you used to hang out with Pearl a lot back then.” 

 

Amethyst looked into Garnet’s eyes and said, "Fine. I’ll tell you what I remember. But you have to keep in mind, it’s only what I remember happened that night.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Amethyst tells Steven what she remembers happened at their last concert in Paris.


	15. Amethyst's Version of What Happened in Paris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind this is only what Amethyst remembers. I will reveal the entire night objectively later on in the story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **2002**

 

 

Amethyst had Pearl pinned down on the couch in Pearl’s dressing room. They had been play-fighting, something they occasionally did when they got bored before shows. Pearl’s short, shaggy hair fell across her face. She blew from her mouth to move the strands away from her eyes. Her hair was strawberry blonde now. She had grown out the artificial pink color after she and Rose broke up. 

 

“Face it, P” Amethyst said. Her smile was smug. “I’m stronger than you.” 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes. “I don’t think you are.” 

 

“Then explain why I’m the person pinning you down right now.” Amethyst allowed herself to get a short glimpse of herself on top of Pearl in the large mirror on the wall above the vanity. 

 

Pearl was wearing sweatpants and her Led Zeppelin 1975 tour T-shirt. Amethyst gazed down at the image of Icarus flying too close to the sun. What Amethyst loved about this image was that Icarus was falling, but he was triumphant and reaching for the sun despite that. There was some accomplishment in failures. 

  
“Are you wearing this shirt to the show?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Paisley thinks I should wear a dress,” Pearl said. She then swiftly overpowered Amethyst, switching their positions so Pearl was now on top of Amethyst, holding Amethyst’s arms in place above her head as Pearl sat on her stomach. “Not so strong now, are we?” 

 

Amethyst giggled. “I give up.” 

 

Pearl loosened her grip away from Amethyst’s wrists and shifted off Amethyst’s stomach. She sat on the couch, upright with perfect posture. 

 

“You mind wearing a dress, P?” 

 

Pearl shrugged. “Not really. I kind of like the idea that I can show everyone a woman can shred while still being feminine.” 

 

“Never used to like that,” Amethyst said. She sucked the inside of her cheek and made a pop sound. 

 

“That was back when we first started and no one took us seriously,” Pearl said. “They would comment on how hot I apparently was instead of my skills as a player.” She sighed. “Besides, I’m going to comply to the point where I can say, ‘no,’ to her requests that we record more ‘radio friendly music.’” 

 

As Amethyst was about to respond, there was a knock on the dressing room door. As the door creaked open, Rose emerged, carrying her pink Gibson guitar with her. 

 

“Hey, Ame,” Rose said. She nodded and then said, “Pearl.” 

 

“Sup,” Amethyst said. 

 

“My guitar needs to be restrung. I need Pearl’s help,” Rose said. 

 

Amethyst’s eyes narrowed at Rose. “Really?” 

 

For the past month and a half, Rose had been acting strangely. Any coldness she once had toward Pearl since their break-up a year and a half ago, had disappeared.

 

Amethyst knew what this was code for. “I’ll help,” she said. “I know Pearl still has to pick out something to wear.” 

 

“No need,” Pearl said. She sat down at the vanity and cleared the contents of make-up and other beauty products by dumping them into a make-up bag. Rose set the guitar down on the vanity. 

 

Perhaps, Amethyst thought, Pearl was actually helping her restring the guitar. Maybe this wasn’t code for sex. Amethyst really hoped it wasn’t code for sex. She remembered how broken Pearl was when Rose started to see Greg. 

 

Pearl started to loosed the strings from the guitar as she twisted the tuning keys. Without looking away from the guitar, Pearl said dryly, “Ame, don’t you have to get ready for the show? In your own dressing room.”

 

Amethyst looked down to the ground. Her long, purple streaked hair fell over her left eye. “I um--I...” Amethyst didn’t know what to say. She rubbed the back of her neck. “Can I talk to Pearl for a second?” 

 

Rose appeared puzzled. The spot between her eyebrows and above her nose wrinkled. “Um, okay. I’ll wait outside for a minute.” 

 

As Rose left the dressing room, Pearl glared at Amethyst. Once Amethyst heard the door close, Pearl said, “What?”

 

“Are you sleeping with Rose again?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl let out an audible, frustrated sigh. “This is none of your business.” 

 

“Don’t you remember how you felt before?” 

 

“It’s different this time,” Pearl said. 

 

“Different? Different how? How the fuck do you feel differently than you did two years ago?” 

 

“You wouldn’t understand,” Pearl said. 

 

“Why?” Amethyst asked. Her tone was harsh. 

 

“Because you’ve never been in love with someone before,” Pearl said. 

 

“How do you know I haven’t!” Amethyst said, pointing to herself. “Huh? You’re so preoccupied with writing songs and being sad over breaking up with Rose! You don’t know how I felt in my past relationships.” 

 

“Amethyst, this is my decision to make and I am happy to make it,” Pearl said. She then said loudly, “Rose, you can come back in!” 

 

Rose opened the door and stood awkwardly in the middle of the dressing room. She played with a bracelet around her left wrist. 

 

“Bye, Ame,” Pearl said. 

 

“You know Rose wants us to sign to a major label?” Amethyst suddenly announced. 

 

Rose shot Amethyst a glare. Pearl’s face dropped. “What does she mean?” Pearl asked, looking up at Rose. 

 

Rose cleared her throat. “Sneeple Records is being bought by Diamond Records.” 

 

“Are you kidding me?” Pearl said. She began to blink rapidly, controlling her anger. “Gee, I wonder how the fuck that happened,” she said with sarcasm. 

 

“It’s not Paisley who did it,” Rose said. “It was her sister Whitney’s idea.” 

 

“For some reason I find that hard to believe,” Pearl said. Her eyes were engulfed with anger. “She did this on purpose. She had her sisters buy the indie record label we were signed to so she could hold the contract over our head. Diamond Records is not going to release anything we record unless it sounds how Paisley wants it to! So she can make us into a female version of Bowling for Soup or some shit! I will not be reduced to a gimmick.” Pearl stood up and began pacing back and forth as she ruffled her hands through her hair. “Ame, leave!” She pointed at the door. 

 

“But Pearl, I--” Amethyst began to say. 

 

“Leave my dressing room! Now!” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst could feel tears forming in her eyes. “Pearl, I’m sorry for bringing this--” 

 

“Please leave,” Pearl said with a hoarse whisper. Amethyst could tell Pearl was about to break down and cry. 

 

Amethyst left the room. She walked down the dank hallways of the backstage area. Around her people were speaking in French, preparing for the show and the soundcheck. She went into her dressing room to lie down on the couch. She stared at the water damaged ceiling until she fell asleep. 

 

Later, Amethyst woke up to Garnet nudging her. Her eyes were crusted with the remnants of her tears. Garnet said softly, “Pearl broke her hand. The show’s been canceled. The--uh,” her voice cracked, “the band is probably over.” 

 

Amethyst sat up, “What do you mean?” 

 

“Pearl can’t play with her hand,” Garnet said. “Rose wants to take a long break.” 

 

“Define ‘long break,’” Amethyst said. 

 

Garnet shrugged. She knelt on the floor next to the couch. 

 

“What am I supposed to do now?” Amethyst whispered. 

 

“What are any of us supposed to do now?” Garnet said. 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **Present**

 

 

“So....” Amethyst said. Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. “It’s--it’s probably all my fault.” 

 

In the backseat, Steven was sitting in silence with his head tilted. 

 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Garnet said. 

 

“If I didn’t blurt that out before the show, Pearl might not have--” 

 

“There’s no way to know what happened behind those closed doors after you left,” Garnet. 

 

Amethyst’s eyes began to water. “You think so, G?” she asked with a whimper. 

 

Garnet nodded back at Amethyst and flashed her a sympathetic, closed lipped smile. 

 

“I have some questions,” Steven said. 

 

“Shoot,” Amethyst said. 

 

“If this happened in October of 2002, and my birthday is in April, then my mom was already pregnant with me,” Steven said. 

 

“Yup,” Amethyst said. 

 

“And my mom and Pearl were girlfriends?” Steven asked. 

 

“Yup,” Amethyst said. “You didn’t know that, dude?” 

 

“I mean, kinda?” Steven said. “I guess I didn’t consider it a possibility until recently?” 

 

“Pearl loved your mother very much,” Garnet said. 

 

“That I understand. What I don’t, is how was my mom with my dad, but also with Pearl at the same time?” 

 

“Um,” Amethyst gave Garnet a quick look. “...Yeah. That's the arrangement they had. Like they were both with Rose.” 

 

“Some people do that,” Garnet said. “It’s what makes them happy.” 

 

“Oh,” Steven nodded. He still appeared confused. After thinking for a moment, he shrugged and said. “Okay. Okay.” 

 

They sat in silence for a moment before turning into Pearl’s driveway. The house was a small cottage with weathered cedar shingles. Amethyst considered it to fit Pearl’s personality much better than the brownstone. 

 

They got out of Garnet’s truck and walked up to Pearl’s front door. Amethyst had to ring the doorbell several times before they could hear footsteps approaching the door. 

 

“She’s probably freaking out right now,” Amethyst said with a sigh. 

 

Pearl opened the door. A bass guitar was hanging around her neck. She held the neck of the guitar with her scarred left hand. “Hello! How’s everyone doing?” She was cheery, which was not what Amethyst was expecting. 

 

“We're okay,” Garnet said slowly. “How are you doing?” 

 

“Amazing! I’m working on this great descending bass line for a new song for us!” Pearl said. “Hi Steven!” she bent over and gave Steven a tight side hug with her right arm. 

 

“Hi Pearl,” Steven said. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Pearl asked. 

 

Amethyst then eyed the watch on Pearl’s wrist. She started to giggle nervously, knowing Pearl had not looked at her phone since she woke up this morning. 

 

“P, when was the last time you looked at your phone?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Let me see,” Pearl said. “I suppose I texted Felicia when I woke up this morning.” 

 

“Check again,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Have you been calling me?” Pearl asked. 

 

“I don’t think we’ve been the only ones,” Garnet said. 

 

Pearl tilted her head to the right. “I’m confused.” 

 

“Check yo’r phone,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl froze with panic for a moment. She then suddenly turned way and rushed into her kitchen. Amethyst, Steven, and Garnet followed. Pearl’s eyes widened as she picked up the iPhone plugged into the wall charging. 

 

“How many missed calls do you have?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Ov-over a dozen from my agent. Five from Felicia, two from you, one from my mother?!” Pearl took off the bass guitar’s strap from her shoulder and set the instrument on the kitchen table. “Twenty! Twenty missed calls? That’s insane.” 

 

Steven looked around the room. Everything was spotless. The kitchen cabinets and countertops were outdated compared to Pearl’s magazine-ready kitchen back in Empire City. Above the doorway to the backdoor was a painting of his mother. 

 

“Ame, does my mother know I’m here?” Pearl asked with panic in her voice. 

 

“P, there are way worse problems for you to worry about than your mother right now. It’s not like she can kick you out of her house again.” Amethyst sighed and added, “I saw your mom at the Big Donut. I told her you were in Empire City, but I don’t think she believed me.” 

 

“Now on to the even worse problem,” Garnet said. “Go on Youtube on your phone.” 

 

‘Why?” Pearl asked with suspicion. 

 

“Just do it,” Amethyst said. She looked down at the linoleum floor. 

 

Pearl began typing on her phone. “I’m there.” 

 

“Type your name in the search bar,” Garnet said. 

 

As Pearl was on her phone, Steven took his time to walk around the first floor of Pearl’s beach house. It was small. In the living room, pictures of Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, and his mother lined the walls. There was a sliding glass door that led to the beach. He could hear the calming crashes of the ocean waves. A make-shift music studio was set up in the corner on Pearl’s desk. He walked over and noticed a picture of Pearl and his mother. They were both young, in their early twenties. Pearl wore a grey leather jacket. His mother’s arms were draped over her, holding Pearl from behind. 

 

“Why-why is there a Youtube video of that song I made for the Diamonds, with my name listed as the artist?” Pearl asked. Her voice was shaky. 

 

“We were wondering the same thing,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl must have pressed play on the video because the sound of layered guitars and Pearl’s voice filled the small cottage. 

 

“There are over 500,000 views,” Pearl stated with dread. “And it was only posted this morning.” 

 

“We think they made this with the demo tape you sent them,” Garnet said. 

 

Pearl slouched back in the kitchen chair. She covered her face with her hands and kept repeating, “No. No. No. This can’t be happening.” 

 

They all kept their silence in the kitchen as Steven walked back in. 

 

“What’s going to happen?” Steven asked. 

 

Pearl looked at her phone. Her finger moved with grace as she navigated through her text messages. “My agent wants me to go on The Tonight Show tomorrow.” 

 

“You have to do it,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I just got back though,” Pearl said. “I was writing a new song for us.” Her eyes started to fill with tears. “I didn’t want this.” 

 

“We know,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl wiped beneath her eyes and said with intense confidence, “I will make this work.” 

 

“What?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“How though?” Garnet asked. 

 

“I’m going to just have to manage my time efficiently. This is not going to stop us from putting on that live concert,” Pearl said. “I will do the bare minimum that is required of me by Diamond Records and we will still reunite to do the Live Album.” 

 

“I don’t think Whitney Hammond is going to like that,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Most definitely not,” Garnet said. 

 

“That’s too bad for her,” Pearl said with a smirk.

 

“Can we just pay her the money to get Pearl out of her contract?” Steven asked. 

 

Amethyst tried not to laugh. 

 

“Ten million dollars is a lot, Steven,” Garnet said. 

 

“I don’t have it,” Pearl said. She looked down at the ground. "I never intended this to happen. I was just supposed to sell one song to get us on our feet again after the band ended. And--and I got carried away with the easy money and signed the stupid ten million dollar record deal."

 

“It’s okay, P,” Amethyst said. “We will figure this out. No matter how popular this stupid song becomes.” She put her hand on Pearl’s shoulder and stared down at Pearl’s scarred hand resting on Pearl’s lap. 

 

 


	16. Just One Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I added chapters 15 and 16 on the same night. So make sure you read 15 before 16. Thanks for comments and kudos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **2003**

 

 

A small, tan boy sat next to Pearl on the piano bench. She was teaching him scales. Her hair was long, down to her shoulders, and strawberry blonde. Her bright red sweatshirt was baggy and her eyes were tired. 

 

They were in a music room of an old classroom with water stains all over the ceiling. The floors were an off-white yellow color. Black and purple scuff marks scarred the tiles. 

 

“Pearl?” the boy asked. 

 

“Yes, Jake?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Can you play something instead?” 

 

After the Crystal Gems disbanded and Rose...died, Pearl got a job at a non-profit where she taught kids music lessons after school and on the weekends. The residuals from the Crystal Gems’ albums were minimal. One week, Pearl pooled both hers and Amethysts’ royalty checks together. They could barely afford the groceries. 

 

Pearl then had to get this job to pay the rent. Amethyst paid for the food with what she made from bartending. Garnet was back in college and Pearl was starting to regret her choice to stay in Empire City with Amethyst instead of enrolling at William Dewey College with Garnet. Amethyst needed her though. College could wait. 

 

Once, when they were younger, Pearl told Amethyst one day they would not be in the band anymore. They would have to do something else. That day had come. Pearl did not think she’d only be twenty-three. She thought she would be older. She thought Rose would be with her. This situation was not what she expected. 

 

“What would you like me to play?” Pearl asked. Her hands hovered above the keyboard. Her left hand had fresh, pink scars scattered all over. Since her hand surgeries had recently finished and she no longer had a cast on, Pearl was getting used to the sight of the permanent scratches. 

 

“Usher!” Jake said. 

 

“Usher,” Pearl deadpanned. 

 

Jake nodded with a wide smile. “He’s so awesome.” 

 

“He is,” Pearl said, returning the smile. 

 

The young kid gave her a toothy grin and nodded.

 

Later that day, Pearl taught a girl violin, another girl piano, a boy the drums, and finally Mikey, who she taught the guitar. 

 

“I’ve been practicing,” Mikey said as he sat down on the chair. He pulled his guitar out from the case. They rented the instruments to students. 

 

“You have?” Pearl asked as she tried to contain her excitement. When Mikey first started taking lessons, he was combative and declared the acoustic guitar as ‘fucking stupid.’ Eventually, Pearl managed to persuade him that the acoustic guitar was freaking cool. 

 

Mikey began playing “Blackbird,” for Pearl, who smiled as he played. The song was simple, so she taught it to the beginner students. 

 

“That was so good!” Pearl said. She stood up and walked toward a locked file cabinet. “This means you earn a gift certificate to Panera Bread!” 

 

“Seriously?!” Mikey said. 

 

“You’ve improved immensely. You know I don’t give these out frequently!” Pearl said. She handed the plastic card to Mikey. The non-profit allowed her to give these out to well deserving students. Once in a while when Amethyst and Pearl were out of food, she contemplated stealing one of the gift cards, but she never did. 

 

“Nice!” Mikey said. “Thanks, Pearl!” 

 

Later, Pearl left the building and started to walk down the gritty streets of Kings to the underground entrance of the subway to take her back to Lookland. 

 

“Pearl LeBlanc?” she heard someone call her name. Pearl looked around. It was dark and she became uneasy. She had a pocket knife on her key chain. She held the closed knife in her hand.

 

“You’re not in danger,” the voice said. A white-blonde head poked out of the backseat of a black Lincoln Town Car. “Care for a ride back to Lookland?” 

 

Pearl walked towards the car. As she got closer, she realized the person in the car was Whitney Hammond, the lead singer of the singing group The Diamond Trio. 

 

“How do you know I live in Lookland?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Not important,” Whitney said. “You want a ride or not?” 

 

Pearl reluctantly opened the door to the car. She slid into the backseat next to Whitney. Whitney wore a spotless white peacoat and long grey dress pants that were flared at the bottom. Her shoes were black and shiny. Pearl concluded they must be Prada.  

 

“I hear you have a knack for writing songs,” Whitney said. 

 

“Well, you heard wrong,” Pearl said. “I suppose you are aware that Crystal Gem albums are not selling.” 

 

“Not those kind of songs,” Whitney said. She turned her head toward Pearl. Her mouth curled into a half-open grin.  “I want--scratch that. I know you can write a song my group would sing.” 

 

“And why do you ‘know,’ that?” Pearl said. Her brow furrowed. 

 

“My sister said you’re a songwriting genius. You have formulas for every genre.” 

 

“That was a joke,” Pearl said. “I was messing with her.” 

 

Whitney handed Pearl a business card. “Write me a song everyone will listen too. We both know you can. I know you need the money. Imagine the royalties you’ll get from one hit song.” 

 

Pearl took the business card. The car stopped in front of her apartment. She stared at the Georgia font and the Diamond Records logo: four triangles, one pink, one white, one yellow, and one blue in the shape of a diamond. She thought about it for a moment. A nice, one bedroom apartment crossed her mind. She could still work at the non-profit and afford rent. Maybe she could go to school too. Maybe she could even help Amethyst afford school. Then she realized Amethyst would never go for this. She would tell Pearl taking this deal would sacrifice her artistic integrity. 

 

Pearl started to hand back the business card to Whitney, but Whitney refused it. 

 

“Give me a call when you figure out you’ll never make enough money for a one-bedroom apartment teaching kids piano scales and cashing in on Crystal Gems’ album residuals,” Whitney said as the driver opened the backseat door, signaling for Pearl to exit the town car. 

 

As Pearl exited the car, she felt Whitney grab her arm.  It was her left hand. Whitney took a moment to examine Pearl's scars. 

 

“I just want to let you know, before you leave, that I am sorry for your loss,” Whitney said. Her sad eyes appeared to be genuine. “Sepsis complications from a botched C-section. I can’t imagine what that was like.” 

 

Pearl gave her a half-nod. “Thank you,” she whispered. Whitney then let go of Pearl’s arm, allowing her to leave the town car. 

 

Pearl watched the town car leave as she stood on the sidewalk. She shoved the business card in her purse and entered the apartment building. She walked up the five flights of stairs to her and Amethyst’s studio apartment. She opened the door and saw Amethyst sprawled out on the couch eating chips. 

 

“Hey,”Amethyst said. From an upside down position, she looked at Pearl. 

 

“Hi,” Pearl said. She took off her peacoat and hung it up on the coat rack. She sat down next to Amethyst and leaned forward. Amethyst sat up and inched her way toward Pearl. 

 

“You okay?” 

 

“What?” Pearl asked. She turned her head so she was facing Amethyst. Amethyst looked concerned. 

 

“Are you okay?” Amethyst asked. She moved so she was sitting behind Pearl, who sat on the very edge of the couch. 

 

“I guess so,” Pearl said. 

 

“Guess so?” Amethyst asked. She rested her chin on Pearl’s shoulders. “I don’t think that’s a good enough answer.” 

 

Pearl managed a smile before she could no longer feign happiness. “I-I just miss...her” 

 

“I do too,” Amethyst whispered. 

 

“I-I feel so lost,” Pearl said. She suddenly erupted into sobs. 

 

“Shhhh,” Amethyst said as she stroked Pearl’s hair. “So do I.” She took Pearl’s scarred hand in her own hand. Amethyst brought it up to her lips to kiss the scars. “It’s okay to feel lost.”

 

Pearl allowed herself to slowly melt into Amethyst’s arms until she was leaning against Amethyst’s chest. She could feel Amethyst’s heart beating. Amethyst’s embrace was so warm and comforting. She closed her eyes. 

 

When she woke up it was 2:30 AM. She wondered whose arms were wrapped around her and realized it was Amethyst. 

 

“Ame!” she whispered harshly. “Ame! Did you have to work tonight?” 

 

“Relax,” Amethyst said, not opening her eyes. She let out a small groan. “It’s Monday. The restaurant is closed.” 

 

“Oh,” Pearl said with a whisper. She fidgeted as she gained a sense of her surroundings. She realized she was on the couch. 

 

Amethyst opened one eye. “You gonna go back to sleep or keep waking me up?” 

 

Pearl leaned back into the couch cushions. Her head sunk into the pillows. “I don’t know.” 

 

“We could do something else...”Amethyst sat up. She then traced her fingers slowly up Pearl’s bare arm. 

 

“We said just one time,” Pearl said. Her voice was soft, but firm in warning Amethyst. 

 

“I don’t believe in ‘just one time,’ in situations like this,” Amethyst said. Her breath was hot against Pearl’s skin. 

 

Pearl had goosebumps. She breathed in deep. “It wouldn’t be---It would make everything complicated.” 

 

“I don’t care,” Amethyst said. With her right hand she played with a stand of Pearl’s hair. “It’s complicated if we do it. It’s complicated if we don’t. So why do you give a fuck?” 

 

As Amethyst leaned in, Pearl didn’t pull away, allowing their lips to crash together. 

 

The next morning Pearl woke up in the bed behind the couch. Usually one of them would take the couch and the other would take the bed. They switched off every night.

 

But this time, Amethyst was next to her. She looked at the time. It was past noon. Pearl shook her head and got up to go and take a shower. Pearl emerged from the bathroom dressed and ready for the day. She sat down on the bed next to a sleeping Amethyst and lightly nudged her arm. “Ame,” she said. 

 

Amethyst woke up and smirked at Pearl. “Hey,” she whispered. 

 

“Hi,” Pearl said. “Last night was um...” 

 

“Fun?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl allowed herself a smile and shyly said, “Yes.” Then she added, “I’m just worried about how this will affect--” 

 

“A band that doesn’t exist anymore?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“No. Us,” Pearl said. She looked into Amethyst’s warm, brown eyes and thought about how she always managed to adorably bat her eyelashes. 

 

Amethyst grabbed Pearl’s scratchy, blue sweater and pulled her in for a kiss. “Let’s just not worry then.” 

 

Pearl kissed Amethyst. It felt oddly comforting feeling Amethyst’s soft lips on her own. Pearl stopped worrying. “Okay,” Pearl whispered as she pulled away from the kiss. She grabbed her portable CD player and left the apartment for work. 

 

As she sauntered down the street, Pearl stopped listening to the Ramones’ album that was in the player and changed the CD player to it’s radio function. Since she was in a large city, she usually had no trouble getting the radio. 

 

“This week in the charts!’ the DJ said. “The Diamond Trio’s newest single is falling hard. Last week it was number 3 and now it’s at 73. They have never fallen from the top forty that fast. Critics have agreed their newest song, “I Got You,” is lackluster in comparison to their previous hits. Which is too bad, really. I enjoy listening to them. Next up is ‘Crazy in Love.’” 

 

Pearl took mental notes of the songs. “Crazy in Love,” by Beyonce, “Ignition” by R.Kelly, “Miss Independent,” by Kelly Clarkson, “Are you Happy Now?” by Michelle Branch, and “Suga, Suga,” by Baby Bash. 

 

Pearl concluded that it’s all about the hook. But that shouldn’t take an apparent “songwriting genius,” to figure that out. The pre or post chorus verse was also very important. In pop songs, the bridge was minimally important. The bridge should be short and repetitive. Which was unfortunate to Pearl, because the bridge was usually her favorite part of a song. 

 

She didn’t have a lesson booked until four. She took the chance to sit with a notebook an her guitar and maybe try to write a song.

 

A couple hours later, Mikey came in for his guitar lesson. 

 

“Hey miss!” he said as he set his guitar case down. 

 

“Hi Mikey,” Pearl said. “Would you listen to something for me?” 

 

“Okay, what?” 

 

“I’m writing a song,” Pearl said. 

 

“Nice!” Mikey said. “But I thought we both agreed I hate your type of music.” 

 

Pearl cleared her throat and said, “This isn’t my type of music.” She walked up to the key board and looped a beat using the drum samples. 

 

She sat down with her acoustic guitar and started to play a repetitive guitar melody. 

  

_Keep going, keep going._

_Try to play me without me knowing?_

_Apologize. You’re telling lies._

_Pack up. I don’t want to see your stuff._

 

_Baby, baby, baby, where were you last Friday night?_

_Not with me. I know. Get out of my sight._

_I know what you’re gonna do._

_Deny, deny, deny, deny._

_Baby, I know you’re telling me lies._

_Yet you deny, deny, deny, deny._

 

When Pearl finished the song, Mikey had a huge smile plastered across his face. “That was so awesome! Like mad sick, girl. If your band played that kind of music, you’d be rich.” 

 

“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear,” Pearl said with a beaming grin. 

 

After Mikey’s lesson, she used the non-profit’s equipment to make a rough demo. She then called Whitney Hammond, who surprisingly invited Pearl to meet her at Whitney’s apartment on the Upper West Side so she could listen to the demo. 

 

Later that night, Pearl walked across the street from work and used a pay phone to call Amethyst. 

 

“Hey, it’s Pearl,” Pearl said. 

 

“Hey, P! Just getting ready for work. What’s up?” Amethyst said. Her voice sounded distracted. Pearl imagined that Amethyst was probably trying to find clean clothes. 

 

“I’m going to be home late tonight,” Pearl said. 

 

“Alright,” Amethyst said. “I guess I’ll see you when I get home from my shift?” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. “You will. I’ll probably be asleep though.” 

 

“Can I wake you up?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl could sense the smirk on Amethyst’s lips through the phone. She leaned her back against the phone booth.  

 

“I don’t think I would mind that,” Pearl said with a giggle. 

 

Pearl took the subway into Empire City proper. Her guitar case rested in the seat next to her on the subway. It was the smallest island, but it had the largest population. She took the subway all the way uptown. As she walked down the cobblestone streets lined with designer stores and fancy restaurants she couldn’t even afford a bread basket at, she suddenly stopped at a tall apartment building made of glass. A doorman opened the door for her as she walked into the lobby. The security guard at the lobby front desk asked for her name. 

 

“Pearl LeBlanc here to see Whitney Hammond,” Pearl said. Her stomach tightened. She felt like she was doing something illicit. In a way, she was. If Amethyst knew where Pearl was right now, she would have a conniption fit. 

 

“Penthouse,” the security guard mumbled. “She’s expecting you. I’ll walk you over the elevator so you can have access to the penthouse.” 

 

Pearl followed the guard to the elevator. He gestured her to enter into the elevator cabin. She did so and stood there, staring at all the buttons. The guard put a key into a keyhole, turned the key, and then pressed the penthouse button.  He exited the elevator. He stood in the lobby and stared at Pearl in the elevator cabin as she nervously picked her cuticles. 

 

“Enjoy the view,” he said as the doors closed. 

 

As she progressed up the floors, her guitar felt heavy on her back. She started to breathe faster. Pearl closed her eyes. She wondered what Rose would think of her now. Pearl, the one member of the band resistant to changing their sound, now pitching a pop song she wrote to Whitney Hammond? Rose would find it upsetting. 

 

But Rose wasn’t here. She didn’t have to pay rent. She didn’t have to buy food. She didn’t have to live day by day, struggling to figure out what she could afford that day. 

 

The elevator made a ping sound. As Pearl opened her eyes, the elevator doors opened to the foyer of a two-floor penthouse apartment. 

 

Whitney Hammond was standing in the middle of the foyer in front a centerpiece on a pedestal. She held a glass of white wine in her hand. 

 

“Welcome,” Whitney said. 

 

Pearl took a small step out of the elevator and into the apartment. When the doors closed behind her, a shiver was sent up her spine. 

 

“Do you want a drink? It’s a Domaine Ramonet Montrachet Grand Cru, 1992.” 

 

With wide eyes, Pearl nodded. “Okay,” she whispered. She looked to her right and into the living room. Through a large, glass window she could see the glowing city scape of Empire City glisten in the distance. She walked toward the window for a better view of the city. 

 

Whitney emerged into the living room and handed Pearl the glass of wine. Pearl took a sip and couldn’t remember the last time she had wine this good. Occasionally, Amethyst would steal bottles of wine from work, to Pearl’s irritation, but it was never the expensive stuff. “They don’t notice when the cheap booze is gone,” Amethyst had said after Pearl chastised her for stealing. 

 

“Nice view,” Pearl said. 

 

“It is,” Whitney said. She tilted her head at Pearl and then asked, “Are you performing it for me?” 

 

“What?” Pearl asked. “I have a demo CD I made.” 

 

“Oh, it’s just that you have a guitar on your back,” Whitney said with slight disappointment. 

 

Pearl looked over at her shoulder. “Oh.” She had forgotten it was there. “I just came from work.” 

 

“Teaching music lessons?” Whitney asked. 

 

Pearl nodded. She stared at the angular, perfectly symmetrical face of Whitney Hammond. Her blue eyes were piercing. Her long, blonde hair was loose and wavy. She was, uncharacteristically, dressed in jeans and a grey cashmere sweater. Pearl thought the sweater looked cozy, softer than any sweater she had worn in her life. 

 

“Shall we get to it then?” Whitney asked. 

 

Pearl set her guitar down and leaned it against the couch. She then ruffled through her bag and dug out a CD case. She handed it to Whitney. 

 

Whitney walked over to her large, priceless sound system and put the CD into the player. Pearl took a nervous sip of her wine. Her hand was shaking as she brought the glass to her lips. 

 

As the music started to play, Pearl’s voice echoed throughout the apartment. Pearl tried to read Whitney’s face for a reaction, but the other woman’s expression remained stoic. 

 

“You have a very pretty voice,” Whitney said. 

 

“Thank you,” Pearl said. She started to blush. She didn’t know why she was shy about this. People had told her this before. 

 

“Why didn’t you sing lead?” 

 

“Excuse me?” Pearl asked. Her forehead crinkled. 

 

Whitney walked closer to Pearl and tilted her head. “You sang the harmony. Why was Rose the lead instead of you?” 

 

“Because we were a punk band and Rose had the most unique sound,” Pearl said. “My voice hits the notes too well. Garnet’s voice was too soft. Amethyst was too young.”

 

Whitney Hammond was uncomfortably close to Pearl. She crouched down slightly so they were at eye level. “I don’t understand. Wouldn’t you want to hit all the notes?” 

 

“Our music was supposed to raw. A DIY-esque sound. Anyone can sound like me. No one sounded like Rose,” Pearl said. She frowned at the notion that no one sounded like Rose. She would never hear Rose sing live again. Her voice was preserved on their albums. 

 

“I disagree,” Whitney said. “Not everyone sounds this lovely.” 

 

Pearl maintained a moment of contact with the other woman. Whitney's ice blue eyes seemed to see into Pearl's soul. 

 

“I like the song,” Whitney said. “Very much.” 

 

“You do?” Pearl asked. 

 

Whitney nodded. “Catchy.” She turned away and motioned for Pearl to follow her.  Pearl put her wine glass down on a coaster on the coffee table and followed Whitney. She lead Pearl into an office. She opened a desk drawer and handed Pearl a three page document. 

 

“This is the contract for this song and this song only,” Whitney said. “I would like you to write more. If they turn out well, then maybe we can create a more permanent arrangement.” 

 

Pearl took the contract from Whitney’s perfectly manicured hands. 

 

“Okay,” Pearl said with a whisper. 

 

Whitney smiled and said, “If this is a hit, then maybe you wont have to live in squalor anymore. Imagine the royalties.” 

 

Pearl nodded. Her mouth was parted slightly. 

 

“I’ll show you out,” Whitney said. “Unless you want to finish your glass of wine?” 

 

Whitney’s expression was now different. She bit her bottom lip. Her eyes were staring at Pearl intently. 

 

“Um,” Pearl said with a small, nervous giggle. “I think I should go home.” 

 

“Okay,” Whitney said. She walked with Pearl down the hallway and into the living room in silence. 

 

Pearl shuffled the straps of her guitar case onto her shoulders. Whitney was staring at Pearl’s almost full glass of wine on the coffee table. 

 

As she picked up her bag, Pearl said, “I think this will be a one-time thing.”  

 

“Huh?” Whitney said, snapping out of her daze. 

 

“I think one song will be sufficient,” Pearl said. She took a pen our of her bag, signed the contract and then held it out for Whitney. 

 

“You sure you don’t want a lawyer to look at that?” Whitney said, raising her eyebrows. 

 

Pearl shook her head. “I don’t believe I will need to write another song for you.” 

 

“And why is that?” Whitney asked with amusement. 

 

“Because I guarantee this will be a hit and I will get more than enough money in royalties,” Pearl said. 

 

Whitney looked down at the ground end smiled. She crossed her arms and let out a small laugh. “Oh, Pearl. We both know royalties don’t last forever.” 

 

“I know,” Pearl said. “I just need to get back on my feet and--” 

 

“And once you have ‘enough,’ it will eventually not be ‘enough,’” Whitney said. She walked closer to Pearl and stood in front of her. Whitney’s hands adjusted the strap of Pearl’s guitar case. The sleeve of her cashmere sweater grazed Pearl’s cheek. Pearl closed her eyes. It was softer than she imagined. 

 

“Your sweater is scratchy,” Whitney said. 

 

“Yeah,” Pearl said. “It is.” 

 

"If I were you, I'd want to stop wearing scratchy sweaters." 

 

'It's not so bad," Pearl said. 

 

“Sweetie, I think we both know you’ll be back,” Whitney said. She then kissed Pearl on the cheek and said with a whisper into Pearl’s ear, “I look forward to seeing you again and hearing your voice.” 

 

Pearl cleared her throat. She could feel goosebumps forming on her arm. “I need to go now." She backed away from Whitney and walked into the foyer. 

 

The elevator door was already opened. Pearl went into the elevator. 

 

At the time, Pearl was sure that she would not be tempted to make this a long-term arrangement. That all would change when Pearl’s first song for the Diamond Trio would be released. 

 

When Pearl got home, she got into into her pajamas pants and put on her Kinks t-shirt. She got into bed and tried to fall asleep. However, her mind raced, trying to find ways to tell Amethyst that she sold a song. Pearl knew Amethyst would make her feel guilty, but she felt giddy and accomplished. 

 

Hours later Amethyst came home. She hung her coat on the rack and took her shoes off. Even though it was dark, Pearl could hear Amethyst throwing her shoes across the room. Pearl’s brow crinkled in frustration. There was a designated spot for shoes at the door. Pearl sat up and turned the light on.

 

Amethyst jumped. “P! You need to warn me if you’re going to put the light on and freak me the fuck out!” 

 

“Just put your shoes where they’re supposed to go,” Pearl said. 

 

“Did I wake you up?” Amethyst asked as she gathered her shoes and carelessly tossed them toward the door. 

 

“I was already awake,” Pearl said. “I’m having trouble sleeping.” 

 

“I think I can fix that,” Amethyst said with a smirk. She plopped down onto the edge of the bed and crawled on top of Pearl so her chin was resting on Pearl’s breastbone. She looked down at Pearl’s shirt and sang, “ _As long as I gaze out on Waterloo Sunset I am in paradise_.” Her soft lips then kissed Pearl. “You know what I like the best about music?” 

 

“What?” Pearl asked with half-lidded eyes. 

 

“Once you find a song you and someone else knows, you create an instant connection with them. You become musical soul mates. All because you love the same song.  Suddenly a song for everyone becomes a song just for those two people. Music creates love in a way. It’s beautiful. I guess all art does that, but I think music is something special in that sense.” 

 

“That’s because a song doesn’t need to be for everyone,” Pearl said with a whisper.


	17. No Repeat Button

Lapis Lazuli stood in a white and teal living room, sipping on a green health drink she forced herself to swallow. Out of the corner of her eye, she glanced at a picture of the Crystal Gems from the early 1990s. Pearl had long, strawberry blonde hair. She was hugging a youthful, happy Rose Quartz, who returned the hug. Amethyst was giving an oblivious Pearl bunny ears while Garnet laughed. 

 

In front of Lapis, Felicia Vaquez babbled on about her workout routine. 

 

“I do cross-fit in the morning and yoga in the afternoons. I also try to get a run in whenever possible. I also make sure I adhere to a strict diet. For example this drink is--” 

 

“This is all very interesting,” Lapis said. “But I think my readers have other things they would like to hear from you.” 

 

“I just want to say I’m so psyched _FeminstMS_ wants to interview me. I really like your articles for them,” Felicia said. 

 

Lapis, as a freelance journalist, wrote for several publications. Instead of reveling that she actually needed information for her Crystal Gems article for _Torch_ magazine, Lapis said she was writing an article on Felicia for another online magazine Lapis occasionally wrote for. This, in Lapis’ opinion, was not a lie. She would submit this interview for publication, so it did not breach any ethics. 

 

“So great,” Lapis said with a lack of enthusiasm. She cleared her throat. “A lot of Victoria’s Secret Angels don’t like to call themselves feminists. Would you call yourself a feminist?” 

 

“Most definitely,” Felicia nodded. “I mean, my girlfriend was in a riot grrrl band.” 

 

“Are you a fan of that kind of music?” Lapis asked. 

 

“Of Pearl’s music?” Felicia asked, tilting her head. Her eyes narrowed slightly, like she was trying to solve a math equation. 

 

“Riot grrrl music in general,” Lapis said. 

 

“In high school I was really into it,” Felicia said. 

 

“Interesting,” Lapis said. “What made you want to become a model and how do you think that is connected to your favorite music genre as a teenager?” 

 

“I don’t know if the two are related,” Felicia said. “I like modeling. I like the music.” She shrugged and took a sip of the green health drink. 

 

“I mean you seem to think that dating Pearl LeBlanc makes you a feminist, so I’m interested to hear why that’s the case.” 

 

“You’re coming off a bit combative,” Felicia said. She crossed her legs and leaned forward. She was wearing sweatpants and no make-up. Lapis wished she looked as refreshed as Felicia did without any effort, but that would probably require drinking three of these disgusting green drinks a day. Felicia’s long, wavy brown hair fell over her face. “You don’t like my job, do you?” 

 

“I never said I--” 

 

“Underwear modeling. Seems like the most ridiculous thing in the world. But I fucking love it. I like being the center of attention and working so fucking hard to be conventionally attractive. Stupid? Yes. I mean, the fashion show is not the greatest example of what it means to be truly beautiful. Pearl wouldn’t cut it in the show.  Does that make her less attractive than me? No. Most definitely no. She’s fucking gorgeous. There are problems with the idea of the fashion show. I know. But that shouldn’t diminish how much I love doing it. Feeling confident is the most important and empowering thing in the world. For everyone.” 

 

Lapis smirked as he shut off her tape recorder. “Very nice.” She started to scribble on her notepad. “Do you think I could interview Pearl for the article?” 

 

Felicia let out a short laugh. She smiled, like she knew what Lapis really wanted. “Pearl doesn’t do interviews. But I think you already know that.” Felicia stood up and started to walk toward the door. Lapis followed. “Besides,”Felicia said as she opened the front door. “Pearl’s been in Delmarva all weekend. She’s not even here.” 

 

“Oh,” Lapis said. She played with the strap on her purse. “Thank you. Great quotes. I think people are really going to connect with this piece.” 

 

Felicia cleared her throat. “You’re writing an article on Pearl.” 

 

Lapis froze. She was not expecting Felicia to be this blunt. “ I-uh-I...” 

 

“You write for _Torch_ magazine. You know, she wont tell you anything,” Felicia said. “She doesn’t tell anyone about her time being in the Crystal Gems. Not even me.” 

 

“Can you at least tell me if they’re doing a reunion show?” Lapis asked. 

 

“Who the hell knows with Pearl’s new song being released.” 

 

“Whitney Hammond?” 

 

Felicia bit her bottom lip and shook her head, “Whitney Hammond is a narcissistic bitch. You can quote that.” 

 

“I can?!” Lapis asked with wide eyes. 

 

“Pearl has at least six shelved albums,” Felicia said. “I’ve heard some of them. They’re freaking amazing. Whitney has shelved all of them. She doesn’t want Pearl to be successful on her own terms.” 

 

“And why is that?” 

 

“Who the hell knows,” Felicia said. “Pearl and Rose must have drove Paisley Hammond so wacky that she had to retire at thirty-one and move to a farm in Nevada. I’m sure Whitney wasn’t too happy with that.” 

 

Lapis wrote down, _ask Pearl about Paisley Hammond. Rose? Lovers quarrel?_

 

Felicia snuck a quick look at what Lapis wrote down on her notepad. “You think she’s going to tell you that stuff?” I’ve been dating her for five years. I love her more than anyone else in the world, but even she wont tell me any of that.” 

 

Before she could fully process Felicia’s comment, Lapis darted out of the brownstone and onto the streets of Empire City. On her walk home, Lapis wondered how she was going to finish the article if no one had any answers. 

 

* * *

 

Pearl offered to drive Steven home from her house. Garnet insisted she and Amethyst could drop him off, but Pearl wanted to spend more time with Steven. 

 

In the passenger seat, Steven was fiddling around with the Tesla’s radio. 

 

“You could watch TV on this thing,” Steven said. " _Crying Breakfast Friends_ on the go!" 

 

“That wouldn’t be safe,” Pearl said. 

 

Steven found a radio station he liked and sat back in his seat. He looked out at the window and stared at the beach as they drove down the coast to Greg’s apartment. When Pearl's song started to play, Pearl reached over for the dial and turned the radio off. They drove in silence for a while. 

 

“I will be back Tuesday,” Pearl said. “We can get pizza or something before practice.” 

 

Steven’s forehead crinkled. He began to stare at his hands as he picked at a hangnail. “Pearl, I know you’re not going to have time for the Crystal Gem reunion. It’s okay.” 

 

“Steven,” Pearl pulled over and looked at Steven in the eyes. “I promise you, I wont let this song ruin our plans for the Crystal Gems.” 

 

“I just don’t understand,” Steven said. “Why did they release the song without telling you?” 

 

“Whitney Hammond is used to me being her songwriter. If I become preoccupied with other things put of her realm of control, she’s worried I’ll stop writing songs for her.” 

 

“Do you want to stop writing songs for her?” Steven asked. 

 

Pearl didn’t say anything. Her mouth was parted slightly in bewilderment like no one had ever asked her this question before. She tilted her head at Steven and said, “Of course I do.” 

 

“Then stop,” Steven said. 

 

“If it were only that simple,” Pearl said with a half-laugh. 

 

“Amethyst seems to think it’s simple to stop,” Steven said. 

 

Pearl sighed. She smiled and shook her head. “Amethyst and I have differing opinions on this.” 

 

“Well, what would my mom’s opinion on this be?” Steven asked. 

 

Pearl’s eyes widened. She couldn’t believe Steven just asked her that. She brushed her strawberry blonde hair away from her face. Her eyes reddened. “She would tell me to do what makes me happy.” Pearl said with a whisper. 

 

“What makes you happy then?” Steven asked. 

 

Pearl bit her finger nail. She stared toward the road in front of them. “People never know what is going to make themselves happy. That’s the great tragedy of life. There is no right choice. Whether if you’re choosing a person, a job, a move. None of it will be a guarantee that it will make you happy.” 

 

Steven looked down at his shoes until Pearl reached his driveway. When she parked the car, Steven’s father was detailing a car in the driveway. When he saw the Tesla, he began to wave enthusiastically. 

 

Pearl sighed and rested her chin on the steering wheel. Steven considered how Pearl must have felt about his father. He knew they did not get along. They were barely civil to one another. Pearl returned Greg’s happy wave with a short, forced wave. 

 

Steven unbuckled his seat belt. “Thanks, Pearl.” He then hugged her. 

 

“You’re welcome, Steven,” Pearl said. “I love you.” 

 

“I love you too,” Steven said. 

 

“I promise you I will figure this out by the time I get back,” Pearl said. 

 

Pearl jumped when she heard the faint, jarring sound of tapping on the window. When she turned her head, she saw Greg motioning for her to roll down the window. Pearl reluctantly complied. 

 

“Pearl!” Greg said. “How are you?! I heard your song on the radio today. Congrats! It’s really catchy.” 

 

“I hate the song,” Pearl blurted out. Her voice had a touch of venom. 

 

“You do?” Greg asked. He looked puzzled. His forehead crinkled. “But it’s really great. It’s like a Daft Punk b-side.” 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes and let out an audible sigh. “They released it without consulting me and now I’m stuck performing it.” 

 

Greg’s face dropped. “I’m sorry to her that. Really.” He tilted his head to the side like he was searching for something to sy to make Pearl feel better. “Well, even Bonnie Raitt had to make a hit to perform her other stuff. But we all know she was a great blues guitarist.” 

 

“Your point being?” Pearl said. 

 

“She had to make a popular song to be able to perform her blues songs,” Greg said. 

 

Pearl then stared forward. She looked like it was taking every fiber of her being to resist saying something callus in front of Steven. “Thank you for the input, Gregory.” She then turned to Steven and said, “I really should be going.”

 

Steven nodded. He embraced Pearl one last time before leaving the car. 

 

“Oh!” Greg said. “I almost forgot. I’ve been meaning to tell you this. I’m cleaning out my storage unit this week. I was hoping you could stop by and see if you wanted some of Rose’s old stuff.” 

 

Pearl’s eyes began to water. She frantically reached for her sunglasses and put them on. She cleared her throat and tried to casually say, “I would like that.” 

 

On the four hour drive back to Empire City, Pearl’s mind raced, thinking about all the possible items that Greg probably had in his storage unit.

 

In Empire City, Pearl parked her car in garage and walked back to her brownstone. Before she entered the house, she took in one, deep breath. 

 

“I’m home,” Pearl said as she hung up her coat in the closet. She could hear Felicia dropping something on the floor upstairs. Thud. 

 

At the top of the stairs, Felicia stared down at Pearl in the foyer. “I am so glad you’re home,” Felicia said. “I missed you like you couldn’t believe.” 

 

Pearl smiled. “I missed you too.” She walked up the stairs until she was on the same step as Felicia. 

 

Felicia took the ends of Pearl’s bobbed hair in-between her fingers. “Did you know about the song?” 

 

Pearl shook her head. “Of course not.” 

 

“It’s a good song,” Felicia said. 

 

“I hate it,” Pearl said. 

 

“I knew you would,” Felicia said with a laugh. She leaned in and slowly kissed Pearl. Pearl pulled her in so their bodies were touching, breathing together as one. Pearl pulled away and gasped for air. Felicia said, between breaths, “A journalist was poking around here for you.” 

 

Pearl winced. “I knew that would happen.” 

 

“What are you going to do?” 

 

“Avoid them like the plague,” Pearl said. Felicia’s hand crept under Pearl’s shirt. The feeling of her cold fingers on Pearl’s warm skin made Pearl shiver. When Felicia’s hand grazed the lace on Pearl’s bra cup, Pearl looked down. “I’m going back to Delmarva on Tuesday.” 

 

Felicia rested her chin on top of Pearl’s head. “And you don’t want me to go with you?” 

 

“I’m not sure,” Pearl said. She heard a small, whimper and realized it was Felicia. 

 

“You always keep me out of this stuff,” Felicia said. Her eyes started to water. “It’s like there’s this whole part of your life you’ve been keeping from me. It’s like I’m this whole separate thing.” 

 

Pearl shook her head. “No. That’s not what--” 

 

“You’ve never taken me to Steven’s birthday party. Every year you go. You’ve never taken me,” Felicia said. 

 

“It’s--it’s not...” Pearl shook her head. “Baby, I don’t even know where to begin. I-I don’t mean to keep you from it. It’s just so....painful to explain.” 

 

"You don't need to explain, Pearl. I'll just accept it. All you need to do is include me." Felicia pulled way and went down the hallway into one of the guest bedrooms.

 

Pearl stood in the hallway, alone. Instead of going into their bedroom, she ascended the stairs to the third floor. In the hallway, she stopped in front of Rose’s picture and stared at it. She started to reach for the picture, but when her left hand hand touched the cold metal of the frame, she recoiled away.

 

Pearl wished she would ask Rose for advice. Rose would know what to do. Rose always knew what to do. 

 

She entered the extra room. The room where she kept her guitars. The walls were lined with photos of The Crystal Gems and framed magazine articles. Pearl tilted her head as she looked at Felicia’s favorite picture of her. Pearl, dressed in distressed, baggy jeans and her grey leather jacket, sat next to Rose on a stoop. Rose’s chin rested on Pearl’s shoulder. Her eyes were looking up at Pearl with admiration. A cigarette hung out of Pearl’s mouth as she played the acoustic guitar. 

 

Pearl took the photo down and put it into an open box. She walked over to her desk and opened the bottom drawer. A pack of cigarettes rested on top of some old cassette taps.  Pearl took out a cigarette, lit it, and inhaled. 

 

She blew out a mouthful of smoke with relief. Her lungs stung. Her head felt a bit dizzy. She looked down into the drawer and saw a cassette labeled “Rose.” 

 

Pearl grabbed an old walkman out of the drawer. She put the headphones on and jammed the cassette into the player. Her finger pressed, “play.”

 

The sound of Rose’s giggles filled her ears. Pearl was overcome with emotion. She could feel tears falling down her cheek. 

 

 _“This is a song for Pearl,”_ Rose’s voice said. _“It’s only for you, Pearl. That’s what so beautiful about it. You’ll be the only person who will ever hear it.”_

 

An acoustic guitar began to play. Rose's soft, singing voice began to fill Pearl's ears. Usually when Rose sang, she used her punk rock vocals, but for this song, her rich, soft tone made Pearl wishing there was more recordings of Rose singing like this. 

 

_When I wandered into the music room_

_I saw your fingers wander up and down the fret_

_You sang like it was your last song._

_Voice filled with sadness._

_You squeaked. I startled you._

_I said, “Keep playing.”_

_I knew then._

_I knew then._

 

_Come back to me._

_We fit together._

_Even though they can’t see it._

_I do. I do._

_I am lost without you._

_Pearl, I am lost without you._

 

_Your name is more than part of a necklace_

_That housewives wear._

_You know there's more than that._

_You tell me "I want them to know."_

_Your room is off limits. L_ _ate night sneak out._

_In the moonlight you sat in my car. The Who played._

_I knew then._

_I knew then._

 

_Come back to me._

_We fit together._

_Even though they can’t see it._

_I do. I do._

_I am lost without you._

_Pearl, I am lost without you._

 

 _Behind blue eyes. "A_ _song by a lead guitarist"_

_You move with grace like Pete._

_At your ballet recital I want to be the one to catch you._

_I'm lurking in the back. They see me anyways._

_"Never come again. Never come again."_

_I ignore them. I ignore them._

_I knew then._

_I knew then._

 

_Pearl, you left it all behind for me._

_I can't go on without you._

_Dye your hair or keep it red._

You're beautiful anyways. 

_Wear a dress. Wear pants._

_I don't care._

_Although I prefer only underwear._

 

Pearl could hear a snicker in Rose's voice at this line, intending it to be a half of a an actually sincere joke. Pearl couldn't help but smile. 

 

_I want to always come home to you._

_The beautiful, authentic you._

 

_Come back to me._

_We fit together._

_Even though they can’t see it._

_I do. I do._

_I am lost without you._

_Pearl, I am lost without you._

_Pearl, I am lost without you._

_Pearl, I am lost without you._

 

Pearl rewinded the cassette. She could heard the tape making a snapping sound as it traveled through the two plstic gears. Back in 2002 there was no repeat button. 

 

 


	18. The Launchpad

Pearl woke up to the subtle sound of a blender in the kitchen downstairs. She had slept on the couch in her office the night before. She had apparently used a coat as a blanket, which was ridiculous. Pearl had at least three cabinets filled with spare blankets. Above her was a picture of Rose standing outside a club the Crystal Gems played at once. Pearl pinched the bridge of her nose and cursed her sinuses. Her temples were pounding. She did not drink last night, so she concluded this was a stress-related migraine headache. 

 

Downstairs, Felicia was in the kitchen. She bobbed her head up and down as she listened to music on her headphones.  As Pearl entered the kitchen, she nodded to Felicia, who rose her eyebrows back. 

 

Pearl motioned to Felicia to take her headphones out. Felicia poured a green drink from the blender into a travel mug. She then removed the headphones. 

 

“I’m doing the Tonight Show taping this afternoon,” Pearl said. 

 

“Cool,” Felicia said. She then took a passive aggressive sip from the glass without removing her stare from Pearl. 

 

“Would you come?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Are you going to look like hell like you do now?” 

 

“Excuse me?” Pearl asked with wide eyes. 

 

“I’m joking. Baby, you slept in your clothes,” Felicia said with a small smirk. “And even though I think you look cute with your bed head hair, I don’t think it’s going to be appreciated on national television.” 

 

“Point taken,” Pearl said. She walked over to the coffee bean grinder, took out a bag of coffee beans from the cabinet and poured it into the appliance. 

 

Felicia turned around and embraced Pearl from behind. “We should do something with your hair.” 

 

“My hair?” Pearl asked. 

 

“When was the last time you were on TV?” Felicia asked. 

 

Pearl shrugged. She then cracked a smile. “Victoria Secret Fashion show last year. They cut to me watching you walk.” She felt Felicia kiss the back of her neck. Shivers ran down her spine. 

 

“I can’t believe I went to the Empire City Ballet three times so you’d agree to go to the fashion show.” 

 

“I can’t believe you don’t like the ballet,” Pearl said with a short laugh. 

 

“Why do I need to go to the ballet when you can just dance for me in the privacy of our own home?

 

“It’s culture,” Pearl said. 

 

Felicia rubbed her cheek against Pearl’s and said. “So soft. You know what?” 

 

“What?” 

 

“You need a new look,”

 

“A new look?” Pearl asked.

 

“Nothing radical. A trim and maybe a cooler hair color.” 

 

“You don’t like my natural hair color?” Pearl asked. 

 

“I like it. It’s beautiful,” Felicia said. “I just want you to look sexy. This is gonna be on Youtube.” 

 

“Youtube?” Pearl said. Her voice got higher and her brow furrowed. The permanency of the internet unsettled her. A cassette tape could be yours and only yours. A video on the internet was for everyone. “I don’t want to be on Youtube.”  The concept of listening to a song being a private experience had become lost in recent years. 

 

“Baby,” Felicia said as she pulled Pearl’s shoulders to turn away from the counter and to face her. “You’re already all over Youtube.” 

 

Panic overcame Pearl’s eyes. “Show me,” Pearl said. 

 

“You’ve really never Googled yourself?” 

 

“Why would I do that?” Pearl said. 

 

“To see what people are saying about you,” Felicia said.

 

Felicia took out her phone and showed Pearl the google results for her name. 

 

The first link was a new article, which read:  _Model Felicia Vasquez and musician Pearl LeBlanc seen leaving New York Coffee Shop_. A picture of Pearl and Felicia holding hands as they left a coffee house was shown.

 

Pearl shook her head, “It should be illegal to take pictures of people.” 

 

“If that was a law, I wouldn’t have a job,” Felicia teased. 

 

Pearl pressed the “back” button to the search results. A video result for a video clip from a concert for the song “The Other Night” showed up. Pearl pressed her finger on the thumbnail of Rose standing on a stage. Pearl’s eyes scanned the small screen and focused on the view count. ‘“Four million people have watched this?!” 

 

Felicia bit her lip and said, “Well yeah. Actually since your new song’s been released, The Crystal Gem videos have gotten like a million more views. It must show up as a related video.” 

 

“You’re kidding,” Pearl said. When the video cut to a close-up of Rose, Pearl nearly had a heart attack. 

 

Felicia shook her head. “You okay?” 

 

Pearl then saw a younger, shaggy haired version of herself, dressed in a Dinosaur Jr. T-shirt, drenched in sweat, shredding it on the guitar. As her unscarred fingers moved gracefully up and down the neck of the guitar, the younger Pearl turned around and walked over to Amethyst on the drums. Pearl jumped up and down as she played a guitar solo. When Pearl smiled at Amethyst, Amethyst made a goofy face back, causing Pearl to crack up.  The camera cut to Garnet, who was trying not to laugh as she kept the steady beat on the bass. 

 

As she watched the video of her younger self, Pearl couldn’t describe exactly how she felt, only that the person on the video was different than Pearl was now. She supposed that it was because when you were twenty everything seemed possible. When you’re thirty-six, everything seems like perpetually climbing a mountain. When the video cut back to Rose, she felt like an anchor was sitting on her chest. Pearl paused the video and scrolled down to comments. 

 

 **Mr.Manager1987** : I miss guitars in mainstream music :( 

 

 **\--blatantdonutsconspiracy:** the Crystal Gems were never mainstream. 

 

 **broadstrokes6738:** Glad to see Pearl is back! Still love her old stuff more though

 

 **Blondie4ever:** What’s Garnet up to now? 

 

 **luckylouie4671:** Dont get me wrong, I love These Freaks, but this video is living proof that Amethyst is wasting her drumming talents plying the guitar for These Freaks. 

 

 **\--beckyisTheBest2970:** What’s These freaks? 

 

 **\----luckylouie4671:** @beckyisTheBest2970 its Aamethyst’s new band. They formed a couple years ago. Amethyst is lead singer and rhythm guitar.  They sound like a cross between Young The Giant and Haim. 

 

 **\------beckyisTheBest2970:** that sounds freaking awesome! Gonna check them out!

 

 **moneyisinthebananastnd:** Pearl used to be so hot. She looks like a mom now. 

 

Pearl crinkled her brow as she read that comment. “Do I look like a mom now?” 

 

Felicia began to laugh. “What?” 

 

“This person, moneyisinthebananastand, says I look like a ‘mom,’” Pearl said. 

 

“You don’t look like a mom,” Felicia said. She rolled her eyes. “I think people just miss the way you used to dye your hair.” 

 

“I’m not sure if I want to dye my hair again,” Pearl said. 

 

“Why not?’ 

 

“Because when I did it, it was because I was not comfortable with who I was,” Pearl said. 

 

“And you are now?” Felicia asked. 

 

Pearl looked down at the ground, unsure of how to answer the question. “It’s not a permanent thing, I suppose.” 

 

“I’ll call my girl,” Felicia said. 

 

* * *

 

Chris stood in line at the Big Donut in Beach City. After a long drive from Empire City, he  desperately needed caffeine. A quick Yelp search on his phone confirmed his paranoid suspicions. This was a town completely devoid of any establishment that served gourmet, fair-trade coffee. As a result he was now in a place called, “The Big Donut.” An irritated kid in his late teens or early twenties, who had a red mohawk, asked, “Hot or cold?” 

 

“Hot,” Chris said. He peered into the back of the counter, trying to see if there was only a drip coffee machine. “Do you have a French press?” 

 

“A what?” the kid asked. 

 

“A French press,” Chris said. “It’s this, like, glass thing where you put the ground up beans in and--” 

 

“Beans?” the mohawk kid asked. His forehead crinkled as he played with one of the gears in his ears. 

 

After the transaction was processed, Chris waited for his coffee. Pearl’s song began to play on the radio. To Chris’ surprise, the mohawk kid was quietly singing along as he made the coffee. Chris looked up from his phone, completely forgetting about the reddit thread he was reading on his phone and stared at the mohawk kid, who was now talking to a small, blonde girl. 

 

“Steven’s aunt sings this song, you know,” the blonde girl said as she began to unload the pre-made donuts from a box into the display case. 

 

“No way,” the mohawk kid said as he put the cap onto the coffee cup. 

 

“Totally. She was in his mom’s band back in the nineties,” the blonde girl said. “He’s been talking about it all week.” 

 

“Oh and next he’ll say she’s going to let him play with her at Coachella or some shit,” Lars said with sarcasm. He set Chris’ coffee down on the counter and said, “Chris.” Then Lars turned to Sadie and said, “Steven Universe is, like, ten years old. You actually believed him?” 

 

The name, “Steven Universe,” echoed in Chris’ mind. There was only one guy in the entire world -- universe --  who had the gaul to change their last name to “Universe.” Chris began to type on his iPhone. 

 

 **Chris:** While you were out avoiding going on a date with that cute sound engineer, I found Rose’s kid. 

 

 **Lazuli:** Are you fucking with me? 

 

 **Chris:** Most definitely not. He claims his “aunt,” is Pearl and his last fucking name is “Universe.” 

 

 **Lapis:** Do not interview Greg Universe without me. 

 

 **Chris:** You’re like five hours away!!! I can’t wait that long. 

 

 **Lapis:** I’m covering the Tonight Show thing this afternoon. I’ll drive down after. 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Pearl followed Blaine Hammond’s assistant down the hallways of the Diamond Records offices. When Whitney Hammond saw Pearl through the glass doors, she looked up from the document she was reading, adjusted her glasses and stared at Pearl with an elated half-smile. She exited the office and embraced Pearl in the hallway. “Your hair! Holy shit your hair! It looks amazing!” 

 

“Thanks?’ Pearl said. As she ruffled her hands through her newly dyed pink hair. She decided not to cut it any shorter, but thought a dye job would possibly breathe life into her when she got on stage later that day.  

 

“You don’t look like a mom anymore!” Before Pearl could respond, Whitney grabbed her by the hand and began leading her down a hallway. “We need to rehearse for the Tonight Show taping. I know you wrote the song, but theres some stuff we added in and I want you to be the only person on stage.” 

 

“The only person?” Pearl asked. She then felt herself being pulled into one of the rooms, which turned out to be a recording studio. A tall, wiry blonde teenager was standing in the middle of the studio.  

 

“This is Sour Cream,” Whitney said. Her nose scrunched up and she shook her head at the ridiculous name. “he helped fix your song.” 

 

“Fix?” Pearl said with malice. 

 

Whitney ignored Perl and pushed her toward the middle of the recording studio. Next to Sour Cream was a table with a launchpad and a guitar set on a stand near some looper pedals. 

 

“Sour Cream,” the blonde boy extended his hand to Pearl’s. 

 

“Pearl,’ Pearl said. 

 

“I just want to say I was so excited to do this,” Sour Cream said. 

 

“You were?” 

 

“Of course! I grew up on The Crystal Gems. My mom was a big fan,” Sour Cream said. “He then focused his attention to the launchpad. “I take it you’re going to have no problem with looping the guitar parts.” 

 

“Correct,” Pearl said. She stared down at the colorful, lit up buttons on the pad. 

 

Sour Cream began to show her the sound each button on the launchpad made. “This will help you create a beat. No need for a bass. No need for drums. The drums are synthetic.” He moved his fingers across the pad, which made beeping trance pluck sounds. The buttons lit up into a colorful array. 

 

Pearl’s face dropped when Sour Cream said she wouldn’t need anyone else. 

 

“Let’s get practicing then,” Whitney said. “We only have a few hours until we need to get over to The Tonight Show set.” 

 

* * *

 

Steven paced back and forth in Connie’s room. On the wall was a giant poster with names and lists connected together. 

 

_Mom+Pearl = back together in Paris_

 

_Pearl hates Paisley Hammond_

 

_Amethyst tells Pearl Mom’s plan to sign to a new label_

 

_Mom + Pearl alone in dressing room_

 

_Garnet is asleep in her dressing room_

 

_Mirror hurt Pearl’s hand._

 

“I don’t understand,” Steven said. “If Mom and Pearl were back together, then why did they get into an argument that night in Paris?” 

 

“Maybe they didn’t get into an argument?” Connie said. She sat at her desk. She adjusted her glasses. 

 

“Then how did Pearl break her hand?” 

 

“An accident?” Connie said. 

 

“Maybe,” Steven said. He sighed and sat down on the floor. “We’re missing too much information.” 

 

“Do you think your dad’s storage locker will have anything?” Connie asked. 

 

“Probably,” Steven said. “But he’s not cleaning it out until Thursday.” 

 

“I don’t think it would be so bad to wait until Thursday,” Connie said. 

 

“I’m going bananas though!” Steven said. He stood up and began to pace the room again. “Do you think Pearl martyred herself so the Crystal Gems wouldn’t sign with a big label?” 

 

“Does that sound like something Pearl would do?” 

 

“Back then or now?” Steven asked. 

 

“Back then.” 

 

“Yes.” Steven said. 

 

“I mean, it’s a possibility,” Connie said. “But then again, anything is a possibility.” 

 

“Right,” Steven said. He picked up his backpack. “I need to go home and do homework.” 

 

“Okay,” Connie said with a weak smile. 

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

 

“You bet,” Connie nodded back. 

 

Steven left Connie’s house. He grabbed his bike from the front lawn and began to ride down toward the boardwalk. He passed the tourist carousing the boardwalk. This was the beginning of the summer season and inevitably it would get more crowded. Instead of turning left to go home, he decided to go to The Big Donut for a quick snack. Before he had to go home and do his homework. 

 

He chained his bike to the rack. As he was about to walk inside, he heard a car horn beeping at him. Steven turned around and saw Amethyst in the passenger Garnet’s truck. 

 

“Steev-O!” Amethyst yelled. “Yo!” 

 

“Hey! Amethyst!” he said as he waked over to her. He then saw Garnet in the driver’s seat and greeted her. 

 

“Amethyst, are you staying around here for a while?” 

 

“I have to fly to Seattle on Thursday night for a These Freaks show, but I’m gonna come right back on Saturday,” Amethyst said. “Besides I’m AirBnB-ing my place in Empire City.” 

 

“Does your landlord know you’re doing this?” Garnet asked. 

 

“I’m my own landlord. My building’s co-op,” Amethyst said. 

 

“A co-op board let you into their building?” Garnet said with a smirk.

 

“It’s Lookland. Everyone is just as irresponsible as I am there. Most of them even have kids. Being a musician helps too. I add culture to the building. Makes people think they’re ‘with it,’ or something.” Amethyst said."I also paid for my building shares in full. They couldn't say no then." 

 

Garnet smiled and said, "Amethyst, are you secretly responsible?" 

 

Amethyst cleared her throat, ignoring Garnet. “So Steven, Pearl’s going to be on the Tonight Show or something tonight. Do you and your dad want to come over to Garnet’s to watch it?”

 

“Sounds fun!” Steven said. 

 

“I know,” Amethyst said with a smirk. “Either her performance will transcend space and time or she will royally freak out. It’s gonna be awesome!” 

 

“She wont freak out,” Garnet said, with a scolding tone. “Besides it’s pre-recorded. If she freaks out, they just wont air her segment.” 

 

“Good one,” Amethyst said. She then looked back at Steven. “See yah at eight?” 

 

“Eight is good,” Steven said. “I should be done with all my homework by then.” 

 

When Amethyst and Garnet drove off, Steven grabbed his bike to go home and finish all his homework in time. 


	19. Pearl's Tonight Show Song

Pearl sat in the back of an Uber with Felicia. Felicia was fawning over Pearl’s performance from  _The Tonight Show_ taping they had just left. Pearl tuned her out. Pearl took a strand of her pink hair and stared at it. 

 

“People are gonna watch the shit out of your performance,” Felicia said. “I saw the camera guy do this close up of your hand going up and down the guitar neck. It was just so fucking cool.” 

 

Pearl cringed at the thought of her scarred hand being featured in a close up. She decided to not watch any clips of the performance. “Cool,” Pearl said, forcing a close-lip smile. 

 

Felicia leaned in and pecked Pearl on the lips. In the front of the car, the Uber driver looked back in the rear view mirror in amusement. 

 

Pear sat up, ignoring the gawker Uber driver who she would most definitely be giving three or less stars to. “I’m going back to Delmarva,” Pearl said. 

 

Felicia crinkled her forehead. She sat back in her seat, pursing her lips in disappointment. 

 

“I need to see my mom,” Pearl said. 

 

“You don’t like your mom,” Felicia said. 

 

“She knows I was there. I have to make it up to her,” Pearl said. 

 

“Whatever,” Felicia said. “I might have to go to Belize for a shoot next week anyway.” 

 

“Do you really have to go to Belize?” Pearl said. 

 

The brunette remained silent. She began to play with the strands of her hair. 

 

“You should come with me,” Pearl said, looking at the ground. “You can take a flight from DC to Belize if you need to. It’s only a couple hours train ride way.” 

 

“Are you sure you want me to come with you?” 

 

“Of course,” Pearl said. She rested her chin on Felicia’s shoulder and looked up at her with large blue eyes. 

 

* * *

 

 

Lapis sat in her office franticly typing. She was supposed to be on a date right now. Instead she was writing an article about Pearl LeBlanc’s Tonight Show performance. Lapis scored seats in the back. The performance wasn’t exactly what she expected. For one person on stage, Pearl was mesmerizing. However as a fan of The Crystal Gems, Lapis missed the on-stage chemistry she had seen in their Youtube videos. Without the group, Pearl was a good performer. With the group, all of the women were legendary on stage. She typed the last sentence and posted the article to the magazine’s website. 

 

Lapis ran out of the office. She jogged and weaved her way through the tourists crowding the streets of Empire City’s Midtown. She almost passed by the restaurant, but managed to grab the glass door handle. She busted into the restaurant, looking like a stressed out weirdo. Her eyes panicked, scanned the restaurant, hoping the blonde she had a date with was still there. Then her eyes locked with a pair of green eyes across the restaurant. The blonde Peridot, gave Lapis a cute wave. Lapis practically ran over to the table and plopped down in the chair across from Peridot. She felt like a hot mess. 

 

 

“Sorry I’m late,” Lapis said. She blew her stray hairs away from her forehead. 

 

“No problem,” Peridot said. “I get it. We both have really stressful jobs.” 

 

“Then please don’t hate me for this,” Lapis said. She cringed. Peridot would surely hate her after this, but Lapis was on to the story of her career. Covering The Crystal Gems reunion would mean bigger things. She could stop blogging and write for a real magazine. Lapis took a large breath in and said, exhaling, “I’m going to have to cancel this. I feel like a total ass. I keep rebuffing you through text and rescheduling and--and...My life is a mess right now. I mean this story...this story has consumed everything. I--I have to go to Delmarva right, like,” Lapis looked down at her watch, “now.” 

 

Peridot’s face dropped. Lapis felt guilty when she looked into Peridot’s disappointed, green eyes. When you stared into someone’s eyes, sometimes you could read their soul. Lapis felt, at the very least, one-tenth of the emotion Peridot was now experiencing and it broke Lapis. 

 

“I understand,” Peridot said. She waved to a waitress for a bill. “This always happens to me.” 

 

“I’m sorry, I just--” 

 

“You have a lot going on right now,” Peridot said. “I get it.” 

 

“You don’t understand,” Lapis said. “I really want to get to know you, but this is---” 

 

“Oh, I understand,” Peridot said with slight sarcasm. 

 

“I mean it though!” Lapis said. “I--I’m doing a story on The Crystal Gems.” Lapis waited for Peridot’s reaction. She hoped this would help Peridot realize the importance of the story. 

 

Instead, Peridot made a sour face and asked, “Who?” 

 

There was a long pause. Neither of the women knew how to respond to each other. 

 

“The Crystal Gems,” Lapis repeated. 

 

“I know,” Peridot said. “What the hell is a Crystal Gem?” 

 

“You don’t know who the Crystal Gems are?” 

 

“Uh...no,” Peridot said. 

 

The waitress put the check down on the table. She could sense the awkwardness between Peridot and Lapis. 

 

“I hope you two have a great night!” The waitress said with a wavering voice. She left them alone, both still staring at each other in silence. 

 

“They’re a girl rock band,” Lapis said. 

 

Peridot cocked her head to the side. She squinted one eye, thinking. “Oh. Those guys. That’s the band everyone thinks I’m supposed to like.” 

 

“The band you’re supposed to like?” Lapis asked, confused. 

 

“Well you know...because the lead guitarist is a lesbian,” Peridot said. She took a moment to think. “Hey, she’s the same one dating the beautiful model everyone also thinks I’m supposed to like. Sorry, I don't really like punk music or celebrities who are famous for being good-looking.” 

 

"No worries," Lapis nodded. “That’s why I was at Diamond Records the day we met.” 

 

Peridot nodded and took a sip of her water. “I get it now.” 

 

Lapis’ eyes lit up. “You do?” She nervously played with the pendant on her long necklace. 

 

“There’s a shit load of pressure on me to merely like their music. I can’t imagine what kind of pressure you’re under to write a good article,” Peridot said. 

 

For the first time in forever, Lapis felt like she could relax. “Cool.” She then shook her head and said, “This might sound kind of weird.” 

 

“Bring it,” Peridot said. 

 

“Do you want to come with me? I mean, we can get a room with two beds and, like no pressure...Shit. I just made everything weird didn’t I?” 

 

“Not at all,” Peridot said with a shy smile. She was blushing and Lapis found it incredibly adorable. “I would like to come.” 

 

“Really?” Lapis asked. 

 

Peridot nodded. “I haven’t used any of my vacation days.” 

 

Lapis smiled back. “You would be a person who never uses vacation days.” 

 

 

* * *

 

After the four hour drive from driving down to Delmarva from New York City, Felicia had, to Pearl’s relief, fallen asleep. Pearl pulled up to a small, white colonial with blue shutters. In the front yard was a white statue of the Virgin Mary. Pearl parked the Tesla and quietly got out of the car. 

 

Pearl walked across the small, perfectly manicured lawn and rang the front door bell. She shoved her hands into the pockets of her teal jogger pants and shuffled back and forth. A skinny, white haired woman with a somber expression answered the door. 

 

“You look like a bum,” Pearl’s mom said. 

 

“Nice to see you too,” Pearl said. 

 

“What did you do to your hair?” 

 

“It was Felicia’s idea,” Pearl said. 

 

Her mother paused. “It’s not so bad.” 

 

“Of course it’s not now,” Pearl said. 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

 

“Are you going to invite me in?” 

 

Her mother cleared her throat, “Is Amethyst with you?” 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes. 

 

“Don’t roll your eyes at me!” 

 

“No,” Pearl said with a sigh. “Why would Amethyst be with me?” 

 

“I was just, you know...” her mother trailed off. 

 

“Worried I was seeing her again?” Pearl asked before entering the house. 

 

The living room seemed bare. It looked like a normal living room, but it was clean in a way that made a place feel sterile. Above the fireplace was a picture of Pearl and her parents. Pearl’s father had passed away years ago. Now it was just her mother in the house. 

 

Pearl sat down on the white couch. 

 

“I can’t believe you wore sweatpants,” He mother said, looking down at her. 

 

“They’re from Lulu Lemon,” Pearl said with irritation. 

 

“Is that some rock and roll store?” 

 

Pearl couldn’t contain her short giggle. “It’s a store that sells yoga clothes. Very expensive yoga clothes. Like these pants are like one hundred dollars.” 

 

“Why would you buy clothes that expensive?” her mother asked, baffled. 

 

“I didn’t buy them, Felicia did.” Pearl said.  

 

“Oh. So you share clothes,” Pearl’s mother said. “Convenient.” 

 

“Mmmhmm,” Pearl said. She stared at the ground and at the pink and green carpet. 

 

“Oh,” her mother said. “How is Felicia?” 

 

“Great,” Pearl said. 

 

“Why didn’t she come?” 

 

“She’s in Belize,” Pearl said, lying. In reality Felicia was in the Tesla parked outside. 

 

“Such a shame,” Pearl’s mother said. “I love it when you both visit.” 

 

“Next time,” Pearl said. 

 

“Would you like some tea?” 

 

Pearl nodded. Her mother ducked into the kitchen. Pearl could hear her banging around in there; opening and shutting the cupboards. Pearl looked around the room. The walls were adorned with photos from some of her childhood dance and piano recitals. Pearl was supposed to have become a classical pianist. Instead she became a guitarist in a punk band. 

 

On the wall behind her was a gold cross with an ivory sculpture of a crucified Jesus on it.  

 

After Pearl heard the kettle whistle, Pearl’s mother emerged from the kitchen and handed Pearl a cup of tea. “Earl grey. Your favorite.” 

 

“Thanks,” Pearl said with a small smile. She took a sip and then rested the cup on her lap, holding it in place. “I, uh, I want to tell you something.” 

 

Pearl’s mother’s eyes lit up. She nodded eagerly. 

 

“I, um, I’m going to be on _The Tonight Show_ tonight,” Pearl said. 

 

“Oh, I know,” Pearl’s mother said, disappointed by the lack of news. 

 

“How do you know?” Pearl asked.

 

“Facebook,” Pearl’s mother said. 

 

“Oh,” Pearl nodded. She let out a half-laugh and said, “I don’t really use social media.” 

 

“I know,” her mother deadpanned. Her nose crinkled. “So that’s the news?” 

 

Pearl nodded and took another sip of her tea. 

 

Pearl’s mother then let out a loud, audible sigh. 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes again. 

 

“Would you please stop rolling you’re eyes at me!” Pearl’s mother said. 

 

“I wouldn’t need to if you weren’t so...so-so....” 

 

“Spit it out,” Pearl’s mother said. 

 

“No,” Pearl shook her head. “I am not falling into this trap.” 

 

They both remained silent for a moment. 

 

Pearl’s mother cleared her throat. “I, uh, I thought you were going to tell me you were going to marry Felicia.” 

 

Pearl’s eyes widened. Her jaw slowly dropped. “You, what?” 

 

“Well, it’s been five years,” her mother said with frustration. 

 

“You kicked me out and now you want me to get married?” 

 

Her mother didn’t say anything. Instead she just sipped he tea. After a minute of silence, her mother said with a small voice, “It has taken me a while to get to this point and I am sorry for that. I don't expect you to forgive me. She’s a nice girl. She makes you happy. I didn’t think you would want to string her along any longer at this point.” 

 

“String her along?” 

 

“Every girl I’ve known you to date has liked you way more than you’ve liked them. All but one.” 

 

All but Rose. 

 

In other words, to Pearl, this meant that Felicia was not Amethyst. To Pearl’s mother anyone was better than Amethyst. Amethyst had purple hair and a visible tattoo of a purple puma on her upper arm. She answered questions with flippancy. She did not care for authority. She did not like Pearl’s mother for various reasons and it showed. 

 

It extended to Rose. Rose wasn’t the one who merely made Pearl realize who she was as a person. Rose was the one who took their well-behaved, piano playing daughter away from them. She was the one Pearl snuck out at night with to park in Rose’s car near the cliff overlooking the beach. Pearl could hear the ocean now. Rose and her would sit in the back of hatchback with the trunk up. Rose’s arms would be around Pearl. They would listen to the waves crash into the rocks. During those quiet moments, music didn’t even seem to have a purpose. 

 

Rose was the reason she was here. She was the reason Pearl was on _The Tonight Show_ and was with Felicia. 

 

Rose’s death made her fall in love with Amethyst. Their grief, at the time, was something that could only be relieved through each other.  

 

For a moment, Pearl imagined what her mother would say if she knew about Pearl’s secret tattoo. A rose under her left breast. 

 

Pearl didn’t know how to process this. Her eyes filled with tears. “Oh,” was all she managed to say. 

 

“Sweetie, are you okay?” her mother asked. 

 

Pearl sucked on her bottom lip. “Yeah,” she said. She set her tea cup on a coaster on the coffee table. “I should probably go though.”

 

Her mother nodded and stood up as Pearl did. 

 

“I’m DVRing _The Tonight Show_ ,” he mother said. 

 

“Thanks,” Pearl said with a closed-lip smile. Her mother then tightly embraced her.

 

* * *

 

 

Steven sat on the floor. His back was against garnet’s couch. When no one was looking, he tried to get a glimpse of the picture of his mother and the Crystal Gems from when they were around his age. He wondered what his mother was like around them. Did she laugh at Amethyst’s crude sense of humor? Did she agree with Garnet on the matter-of-fact detail? Did she love Pearl as much as Pearl loved her? Suddenly Steven felt sad. He didn't eally know anything about his mother. Stories were not the same as experiences. You couldn't laugh with a story. You couldn't ask it questions. You couldn't give it a hug. 

 

In front of him the news was on. A story about some bank robbery was on TV. Behind him, his father was talking to Garnet about something called a Roth IRA. 

 

Amethyst plopped down on the couch and lay upside down. “Hey, man.” 

 

“Hey,” Steven said. 

 

“You look down,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I’m okay,” Steven said. 

 

“P’s coming over. She’s bringing her girl over too, apparently,” Amethyst said, rolling her eyes. 

 

“You don’t like her girlfriend, do you?” Steven said. His eyes were fixated on the television screen, where the wiry, bed-head haired host was delivering a monologue. 

 

Amethyst tilted her head to the side. “Doesn’t matter who I like. Besides, in two days I’m going to the Windy City! By the time I get back, Felicia will be on a beach, getting paid to be beautiful.” 

 

“Don’t you want Pearl to be happy?” Steven asked. 

 

Amethyst paused for a moment, thinking. “Pearl is never happy. It’s why she can write good songs. All that sadness creates deep shit.” 

 

Steven’s forehead crinkled. That sounded horrifying; the idea that you had to be sad to create “good art.”

 

Then the doorbell rang. Garnet opened the door to Pearl and Felicia. She embraced both of them at the same time. Steven’s father grabbed Pearl into what seemed to be an involuntary bear hug as Pearl’s eyes bugged out. Amethyst laughed at the situation before she hopped up from the couch to go and say ‘hi.’ 

 

“P,” Amethyst said, smiling at Pearl. 

 

“Amethyst,” Pearl said with a slight smile. She motioned for the shorter woman to hug her. 

 

Amethyst closed her eyes and allowed herself to enjoy the hug. 

 

Greg had introduced himself to Felicia by saying, “Nice to meet yah!” 

 

“Steven!” Pearl had said after she released Amethyst from the hug. She leaned over the side of the couch and looked down at him on the floor. “What are you doing on the floor?” 

 

“I like your hair!” Steven said. 

 

“Thank you,” Pearl said with a small grin. 

 

Steven jumped up and greeted Pearl with a hug. 

 

Suddenly Amethyst said, “He’s about to end the interview and introduce Pearl!” 

 

Everyone gathered around Garnet’s television, except Pearl. She stayed near the front door, lingering back near the staircase. 

 

“I had a poster of her above my bed in the early 2000s, but that was before I was married and she was dating a Victoria’s Secret model,” the host on the television said. “Now she’s back with a song that posed to be the hit of the summer. Pearl LeBlanc!” 

 

The camera cut to a stage. Blue lights illuminated the stage. A fog machine made the small stage feel larger. Pearl stood with a guitar around her neck. Next to her was a DJ launchpad. She wore a white dress that stopped at her mid thigh. It made her newly dyed pink hair pop among the blue lights. 

 

 _I’m alone on Seventh_ , Pearl sang as her fingers played the launchpad. Electronic notes and synthetic drums began to play. 

 

_You’re not here with me._

_I want to think you’re gone._

_But I feel you next to me._

_Always._

 

Pearl, on the television, then began to play the guitar, using the looper pedal to overlap parts of the song. 

 

_The void haunts me. Feeling nothing._

_I’m gonna get drunk on Captain Morgan._

_See where I am. Tag your location on Instagram._

_I don’t see the point anymore._

_Where do you go? Without me._

_Someday it wont hurt. I'm sore._

_You’ll be gone. Forever. No more._

_I want this feeling to end._

_I want to stop almost hitting send._

_How can I cope when you’re gone?_

_When you’re gone. When you’re gone._

 

 

After Pearl on the television sang the second verse, she played a short guitar solo. The camera cut to a close up of her hand moving up and down the guitar's neck. 

 

Pearl, standing in the back of the room, walked toward the television. She could barely see the scars on her hand. They were faint, but to the untrained eye, they did not exist. 

 

Did they put make-up on her hand? She couldn’t remember. The whole morning had been a blur. She concluded it was the lighting. The lighting made the now-faded scars virtually invisible. 

 

Pearl knelt down right next to the television. Garnet and Amethyst exchanged worried looks. 

 

“Pearl, are you okay?” Garnet asked. 

 

“You can’t see my scars,” Pearl said, tilting her head at the television. 

 

Everyone in the living room was quiet. 

 

Pearl stood up before the song ended and went into the kitchen. 

 

Unsure of what to do, everyone stared at the ground. Steven stood up and followed Pearl into the kitchen. 

 

Pearl stood in front of the stove, watching the tea pot. She was staring at her left hand, which was out in front of her. 

 

“I like the song,” Steven said. 

 

“It’s not a very good song,” Pearl said. “It’s okay, I know,”

 

“Pearl, don’t be so negative about--” 

 

“The truth is important, Steven,” Pearl said. “Remember that.” 

 

“You’re upset you can’t see the scars?” Steven asked. 

 

Pearl nodded. 

 

“Why?” 

 

“Because if they’re gone it’s like it never happened,” Pearl said. She poured herself a cup of tea and took a mug out of the cabinet for Steven. She poured the remaining water into the cup and put in a tea bag to steep. 

 

Steven looked down at his bare feet. “Can-Can you tell me what happened?” he asked with a stammering voice. 

 

“Someday I will,” Pearl said with a whisper. Her voice wavered, “Just not today.” 

 

She knelt down next to him so they were eye level, handed him the cup of tea, and embraced him. When she stood up, she said, “I’m going outside for a while. Okay?” 

 

“Okay,” Steven said with a nod. 


	20. Rose's Les Paul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sad chapter. Read with caution.

When Steven returned to living room, the adults were huddled in a circle, talking to each other with whispers. 

 

He caught Garnet saying, “We need to have her go back to the city.” She then looked toward the kitchen and saw Steven. Her serious demeanor changed. 

 

“Hey dude,”Amethyst said with a half wave. 

 

Garnet lowered her glasses and said, “Steven, how is Pearl doing?” 

 

“She wanted to go outside for a while,” Steven said. “What was everyone talking about?” 

 

“I uh” Greg said as he rubbed the back of his head, “Decided to not clean out the storage unit this week. I’m probably gonna wait. Like a while.” 

 

“Oh,” Steven said. “But there’s so much stuff in there. We’re running out of room.” 

 

“You could always get another unit,” Amethyst said. “That’s what I did!” 

 

“Sounds like a plan!” Greg said. He forced a large, toothy smile and gave Amethyst the thumbs up. 

 

“Problem solved!” Amethyst said. 

 

Garnet rubbed the bridge of her nose, clearly disagreeing with the solution to whatever problem they were discussing. 

 

“I assume this problem you’re referring to is me?” A voice coming from behind Steven said. 

 

Steven turned around. Pearl stood, leaning in the doorframe. Her arms were crossed. 

 

Felicia waited near the door. She grabbed her Marc Jacobs purse and said, “I think we should talk about this in the morning.”

 

“Or now,” Pearl said, not moving. “What’s the problem?” 

 

Amethyst and Garnet exchanged wide-eyed looks. Garnet subtly shook her head at Amethyst, who took a step toward Pearl. “P, we aren’t going to clean out Greg’s storage unit on Thursday. 

 

“Okay,” Pearl said casually. “Can you tell me why? Because from I understand, one can barely walk in there.” 

 

“You know why,” Garnet said. 

 

Pearl cleared her throat and let out a sigh. “I’ll be fine.” 

 

“We can always do it another time,” Greg said. 

 

“You mean another time when I’m ‘o.k.’?” Pearl said with flippancy. “Because I will never be o.k.” 

 

“That’s not what he meant,” Garnet said. She cleared her throat and motioned her head toward Steven. 

 

“Hey, dude!” Amethyst said to Steven. “Let’s go upstairs for a bit!” 

 

“I don’t want to go upstairs,” Steven said. 

 

Amethyst sighed and said, “Let me rephrase that. “Let’s go upstairs. Now.” 

 

Steven shook his head. “I know all about this! So you might as well just say what you want in front of me!” His teeth were clenched. His hands balled up into fists. 

 

Pearl walked up to Greg so they were staring at each other. Steven heard the front door creak and saw that Felicia had left the house. 

 

“You’re not o.k. either,” Pearl said. “When was the last time you went on a date?” 

 

Greg didn’t answer. He shoved his hands into his pockets. 

 

“Never. Never, Greg. See?” Pearl said. “You know that we don’t have to be okay. I know I wont ever be o.k.” She held out her hand. “Now, please give me the storage unit keys so I can find whatever you don’t want me to see.” 

 

Greg cocked his head to the side in disappointment. 

 

“Please,” Pearl said. Her eyes became watery and red. “It’s mine. You know it should be mine! I had it made for her!” 

 

“I think I should take you home,” Garnet said as she put her hands on Pearl’s shoulders. 

 

“I freak out because I had to perform unwillingly on TV and now you’re all treating me like some broken child!” Pearl said. She shook off Garnet’s grip and grabbed her keys off of a table. With a thunder, she slammed the door as she left the house. 

 

Amethyst sighed. “I’ll go and stop her before she gets a breaking and entering charge.” 

 

“I don’t understand,” Steven said. “What is in the storage locker?” 

 

“Your mum’s Les Paul,” Garnet said. “Pearl’s thought Greg’s had it for years.” 

 

“I honestly don’t even know if it’s in there,” Greg said. “That’s one of the reasons why I wanted to clean it out!” 

 

“When was the last time you saw it?” Steven asked. 

 

“Your mother and I put a bunch of stuff in storage while she was pregnant with you. I think then?” 

 

Garnet grabbed her keys from a hook on the wall. “We’re all going to go.” 

 

“Not enough room in the truck,” Amethyst said. 

 

“We can take the van,” Greg said. 

 

Steven followed the three adults outside. The sky was dark and the only light was from the large full moon. While his eyes were adjusting to the dark, he heard Amethyst say, “Shit.” 

 

Felicia was leaning against the van. “Can you give me a ride? There are no Ubers around here.” 

 

“Did she ditch you?” Amethyst said with anger. “She totally would do that.” 

 

“We can take you home. Hop in the van,” Greg said. 

 

Steven got into the back of his father’s van with Amethyst and Felicia. Garnet sat in the passenger seat. They turned the radio off. 

 

They all rode in silence as his father drove to the storage unit. Steven stared out of the tinted windows, squinting so he could see the moon’s reflection on the ocean. The ocean was supposed to calm people. But he felt anxious. 

 

When they arrived at the storage unit, the lock was clipped off. Greg hopped out of the van. “I’ll go in,” he said. I don’t want anyone to get stuck in there in the dark. Something might fall on them.” 

 

Still in silence, they waited. The only sound was Greg occasionally yelling, “Pearl!” What seemed like hours, but was only really ten minutes later, Greg entered the van. “She’s definitely not in there.” 

 

Felicia buried her hands in her face.

 

“Have you ever seen her like this?” Amethyst asked with a sympathetic tone. Her voice was soft like she was talking to a small child. 

 

Felicia shook her head. Amethyst patted her arm and said, “It’s going to be okay.” 

 

“Where would she go?” Steven asked. No one said anything for several minutes. Steven repeated, “Where would she go?” 

 

“Where she always goes when she gets like this,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Let’s go then,” Steven said. 

 

“When she always gets like this?” Felicia repeated to herself. 

 

For a moment, Greg rested his forehead on the steering wheel. He zipped up his coat and then started to drive. Ten minutes later he stopped in front of “Beach City Cemetery.” It was located on a large hill. If you ascended enough, you would end up at a cliff overlooking the ocean. Steven had been here before. He would ride his bike there every once in a while and leave wildflowers on his mother’s grave. When his grandmother was alive, she would take him and make him recite prayers with her. 

 

“I’ll go,” Steven said. 

 

“Maybe we should just leave her,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Leave her?” Greg asked. “It’s the middle of the night.” 

 

“I’ve seen Pearl punch a mugger in the face before,” Amethyst said. “She’ll be fine alone.”

 

“I’m not afraid of another person hurting her,” Garnet said. 

 

Felicia started to whimper. 

 

“Bud,” Greg said, “This might be over your pay grade. Understand?” 

 

“If one of you go, she’ll get angry,” Steven said. He opened the sliding door of Greg’s beat up van and walked through the cemetery gates. His mother’s grave was located on the top of the hill, overlooking the ocean. Steven could hear the chirps of the summer bugs. He swatted mosquitoes away from his face. 

 

He heard Pearl playing the guitar before he spotted her. She sat crossed legged on the ground. Rose's pink Les Paul guitar rested in her lap. She hugged it like it was the most important thing in the world. Perhaps, Steven thought, to her it was.

 

To Steven’s surprise, she began to sing. It was almost like the song she had on the radio, only different. This version was soft and sad. Instead of her hollow, unemotional tone, she was singing with passion. Some notes were out of tune. 

 

_Without you I don’t see the point_

_The void haunts me. Feeling nothing._

_I have no heart. I gave it to you._

_You kept it._

_Why did you go without me?_

_Return to me._

 

_They tell me, “someday it wont hurt.”_

_But I'm still sore._

_You’re gone. Forever._

_No more._

_They think I want this feeling to end._

_I don’t. Oh, I don’t._

 

_Without you I don’t see the point_

_The void haunts me. Feeling nothing._

_I have no heart. I gave it to you._

_You kept it._

_Why did you go without me?_

_Return to me._

 

_The only songs I write are about you._

_I don’t want to forget._

_They think I should._

_You rescued me from a locked room._

_We stared out at the stars._

_Then you would leave for days._

 

_That was painful enough._

_Now you wont ever return._

_My heart is buried with you._

_I wont dig it up._

_It’s okay._

_I will live the rest of my life wanting you._

 

_Without you I don’t see the point_

_The void haunts me. Feeling nothing._

_I have no heart. I gave it to you._

_You kept it._

_Why did you go without me?_

_Return to me._

_Return to me._

_Return to me._

_Return to me._

 

When Pearl stopped playing, she turned around and flinched. “Steven! You scared me.” 

 

“Sorry,” Steven said. He walked over closer and knelt down next to Pearl. He stared at the grave, engraved, “Rose Marie Cortez.” 

 

“I don’t think my dad knew he had that,” Steven said. 

 

“I know,” Pearl whispered. “That’s what’s so upsetting. She put it in there and didn’t tell anyone. Only she knew where it was. She was going to return for it.” 

 

“She didn’t want it there forever,” Steven said. “She probably didn’t think my dad would hoard all that stuff.” 

 

“He used to own barely anything,” Pearl said. 

 

“He just likes to collect things. For memories. It’s pretty innocent,” Steven said. 

 

Pearl smiled, “You sound like her sometimes.” 

 

“I do?” 

 

Pearl nodded. “You see the good in people, Steven.”

 

Steven adjusted his position in the grass. His eyes examined his mother’s grave.  There was no inscription, just a cross engraved into the stone, which he knew his grandmother had requested. Dried up wildflowers rested on the stone. 

 

Pearl stuck out her left hand. With her fingers, she traced the faded pink scars . “I was adjusting the large mirror in my dressing room,” Pearl said. “It was crooked. It was heavier than I thought it was. When it started to fall I instinctively tried to stop it from falling with my dominant hand.” She clenched her left hand into a fist, then released it. “But it was so heavy. The mirror broke. My hand broke. Glass was stuck into my hand. It was an accident.” 

 

“You didn’t martyr yourself so the band could get out of a record contract with Diamond Records?” Steven asked. 

 

“Have you been reading the internet forums?” Pearl asked. 

 

Steven shrugged. “Maybe.” 

 

“It’s natural to be curious about this,” Pearl said. She looked down at the ground and said. “I didn’t sacrifice myself, my hand. I agreed to the Diamond Records contract.” 

 

“You did!?” Steven asked with disbelief. “Why?” 

 

“Because she told me she was pregnant with you,” Pearl said. She gave Steven a small, closed lip smile. “We needed money to raise a baby. For clothes, diapers, health insurance.” 

 

“We?” 

 

Pearl began to tear up. “Yes,” she said with a hoarse voice.  “She told me that night. I agreed with her. I was so excited. When she left the room, I saw the mirror was crooked. When I got to the hospital, our manager, Paisley Hammond was there. The doctor told us that I tore a ligament in my wrist and it would take a year to recover. Hours later, Paisley sat us down and said Diamond Records was terminating The Crystal Gems’ contract because I was injured and couldn’t perform. We would have to give back the advance.” Pearl paused and looked down at the guitar, “I am sorry, Steven. I was supposed to be there more. I shudder to think of what she would think of me now.” 

 

“Well,” Steven said. “I think you’re pretty great.” 

 

Pearl then wrapped her arms around Steven and into a tight hug. He could hear her quietly sobbing. She pulled away, her face puffy and red. 

 

Steven felt the guitar being ushered into his hands. 

 

“This is yours,” Pearl said. 

 

He glanced down at the pink guitar in front of him. He had pictures of his mother. He could look at her. He could wonder what she thought, what she felt, what she liked. No one had ever given him something that once was hers. His chest tightened. He could feel that the guitar belonged to him. 

 

Back in the van, Felicia drummed her hands on her lap. Amethyst rested her head on a window. Garnet and Greg stared out their side windows. 

 

“H-have you seen her like this before?” Felicia asked Amethyst with a whisper. 

 

Amethyst nodded. “Yeah. A lot. I hate when she gets like this, but it’s--it’s how it goes, you know?” 

 

“When was the last time?” Felicia asked. 

 

“Every once and a while on Steven’s birthday, she freaks out like this,” Amethyst said. “She puts on face for the birthday party and stuff, but then she falls apart after. She can’t drive home to Empire City or anything. That’s why she stays over at the beach house.” 

 

“Oh,” Felicia said. “I guess now I know why she doesn’t take me.” 

 

“Yeah,” Amethyst nodded. “There were other times though.” 

 

“I thought you never see her,” Felicia said. 

 

“I don’t,” Amethyst said. “The last time I saw her freak out that was not on Steven’s birthday was when she broke up with me.” 

 

Felicia’s eyes widened. 

 

“You thought I broke up with her, didn’t you?” Amethyst said. “Because of the record contract?” 

 

“I did,”

 

“Well, now yah know.” 

 

“Now I know,” Felicia said. Her forehead crinkled with worry. 

 

Garnet spotted Steven walking down the path. He looked up into the passenger seat of the van and said, “We’re going to walk back to Pearl’s.” 

 

“At this hour?” Amethyst said. 

 

“They’ll be fine,” Garnet said. 

 

“She, uh, she doesn’t want anyone to see her like this,” Steven said. 

 

“We’ll go then,” Greg said. 

 

Steven nodded and turned back to the graveyard. He met Pearl halfway down the path. She joined him and they began to walk toward the beach. 

 

“Do you want to hear about our best show?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Of course!” Steven said. He carried the pink guitar on his back. Pearl began to tell a long story with small details. Steven thought he would get bored, but he became engrossed in the story. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're due for a flashback chapter. 
> 
> Next chapter preview: In 2004, Pearl takes Amethyst home for Christmas. While back in Beach City, they meet up with Garnet and some others from their past.


	21. Amethyst's Song for Pearl

 

 

 

 

 

> **2004**

 

 

 

“It should be a crime to take someone away in a taxi when they don’t know where they’re going,” Amethyst said. She sat in the middle seat and rested her head on Pearl’s shoulder. Pearl wore a cashmere peacoat and Amethyst couldn’t get over how soft it felt. “P, this jacket is like the jacket to end all jackets.” 

 

“I told you I can get you one too,” Pearl said. 

 

“It looks better on you,” Amethyst said with a smirk. “So are you gonna tell me why we’re going into the village?” 

 

Pearl blushed. “It’s your Christmas present.” 

 

“I think you already know what I want for my Christmas present,” Amethyst said. She liked her bottom lip and then bit it, suggestively looking at Pearl. 

 

Pearl loudly cleared her throat. She stared down the taxi driver, who looked amused. Pearl did not appreciate it when other people listened to their business, especially when it came to sex. 

 

Amethyst giggled. She rested her chin on Pearl’s shoulder and faced Pearl, who stared ahead. She began to kiss Pearl’s jawbone. Pearl appeared to be visibly uncomfortable and shrunk away. Amethyst would do this on purpose. She knew Pearl hated PDA in the back of taxis. 

 

“Ame,” Pearl said with a warning look. “Trust me, when we get inside, you wont be sorry you were patient.” 

 

“Are we going to a hotel?” Amethyst asked. “Is this to make up for the fact that we have to spend the next three days at your parents’.” 

 

“Oh, I have something else to make up for that,” Pearl said with a smirk. 

 

The taxi stopped in front of a large pre-war apartment building. Pearl took some money out of her purse and paid the taxi driver. She took Amethyst’s hand and gently pulled her out of the taxi. “Do you know someone who lives here?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. They both walked into the building. 

 

“Who?” 

 

“We do,” Pearl said with a beaming smile. 

 

“What now?” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl pressed the button to the elevator in the small lobby. Pearl shimmied her shoulders back and forth in an adorable dance, then she embraced Amethyst. “We live here.” 

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Amethyst said with a wide grin. “I can’t imagine what the rent is. Can we afford this?” 

 

“We can afford this,” Pearl said. “And we don’t rent. Like, don’t even worry about it.” 

 

“Don’t worry about it?” Amethyst asked. Her forehead crinkled. She didn’t want Pearl to pay the entire rent. 

 

“I bought it, Ame,” Pearl said. “You can pay the same amount you did at the last place.”

 

“But--” Amethyst was about to object to the notion they were going to move without her input, but the elevator doors opened. 

 

Pearl walked in. Amethyst followed. Her mouth was slightly opened and her eye was twitching. Pearl looked over at Amethyst and became irritated, crossing her arms. “What is it?” Pearl asked with a sigh. 

 

“You just never asked me,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Amethyst, there were rats the size of cats in the last place and the whole apartment was the size of a closet! I thought you’d be happy.” 

 

“I mean, I am, but I thought it would have been nice if yah told me first,” Amethyst said. 

 

The elevator doors opened to a light blue hallway with wood floors. Pearl left the elevator and fished for the keys in her purse. 

 

When Pearl opened the door, natural light poured through the large windows. The apartment was painted sky blue with white moldings. 

 

“Shit,” Amethyst said in awe. The apartment was not completely furnished. There was an area rug in the living room, but that was about it. 

 

“The furniture comes Tuesday,” Pearl said. 

 

“How much?” Amethyst said, not looking at Pearl. 

 

“I told you. Don’t--” 

 

“I am worrying about it,” Amethyst said. “How much did you make off the song?” 

 

Pearl looked down at the floor. “500,000 dollars.” 

 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Amethyst said loudly. She waved her arms in the air and began to pace back and forth. 

 

“They play it on the radio, like every ten songs!” Pearl said. “I-I didn’t know. This is the only song I wrote for her and-and I this is exactly why!” 

 

“Exactly why?” Amethyst asked. 

 

Pearl took Amethyst’s hand and held it against her cheek. “To get us a home.” 

 

Amethyst’s eyes began to water.  “Aw, P.” 

 

“I promise I’m not going to write any more songs for her,” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst reluctantly nodded. She didn’t like the idea of where this money had come from. She knew how Pearl could get carried away with whatever she was doing. Pearl’s strive for perfection was what worried Amethyst. “You wanna show me around?” Amethyst said with a half-smile. 

 

“Of course!” Pearl said. She grabbed Amethyst by the hand and led her down the hall. “There are two bedrooms. I’m turning one into a recording studio.” Pearl opened the door into a generic room. She embraced Amethyst from behind and then guided her out of the room and down the hall again. “And this is our room,” Pearl said in a low voice. She opened the door into a room with the furniture from their old apartment. 

 

“So our entire life fits into one bedroom,” Amethyst said with a giggle. 

 

“Used to fit in one bedroom,” Pearl corrected. Her hand slowly moved under Amethyst’s shirt. Amethyst leaned into the smooth touch of Pearl’s hand. 

 

“God that feels good,” Amethyst said, closing her eyes. She felt Pearl’s lips on her neck, kissing and sucking her skin. “Get in bed,” Amethyst said. 

 

Hours later Amethyst lay on the area rug, staring up at the tall ceilings of their new apartment. “Can we just stay here?” Amethyst asked. “I don’t need furniture.” They had, what Amethyst liked to call, “christened,” every room in the house. The living room happened to be last since it was the closest to the door.

 

Pearl giggled. She turned over so she was facing Amethyst. Her hand pushed away a strand of Amethyst’s purple hair. “I promised them I would go this year,” Pearl said. “Your hair is beautiful. It reminds me of lilacs.” 

 

Amethyst smiled back, trying not noticeably stare at the scars on Pearl’s dominant hand. “Thanks.” She pecked Pearl on the lips and then said, “The phone’s not set up yet, is it?” 

 

“No,” Pearl said. “What do you need?” 

 

“I wanna get Chinese,” Amethyst said. 

 

“You can use my cell,” Pearl said. She propped herself up on her elbows and gestured to the kitchen counter.

 

Amethyst hopped up off the floor and made her way to the alcove of the kitchen. She picked up Pearl’s phone and saw Pearl had three missed calls. “You’re a popular gal.” 

 

Pearl sighed. Her expression became serious. She stood up and met with Amethyst in the kitchen. Amethyst stared at her long legs as she gracefully walked over. Pearl listened to a message on the phone. Her nose scrunched up in frustration. 

 

“Not good news?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Whitney Hammond wants me to write another song.” 

 

Amethyst lightly kicked the kitchen cabinet. Her gaze moved up Pearl’s body, but it wasn’t a sexual reason. It was out of nerves. Amethyst did not want to see the eagerness written on Pearl’s face. “You’re not gonna do it, are yah?” 

 

Pearl pursed her lips, making an irritated expression that Amethyst would have thought to be cute if she was the one who caused it. “Of course not.” Pearl ushered the phone to Amethyst. “Order away.” She then walked away and went into the bedroom. 

 

“You want anything, P?” Amethyst asked. Pearl did not answer. The apartment was too large for her to hear in the other room. 

 

Hours later, now dressed in pajamas, Amethyst sat on the kitchen counter, eating Chinese food. Pearl walked out of the bedroom and said, “Must you sit on the counter? Food goes there.” 

 

“We have no furniture until Tuesday,” Amethyst said. “You threw out the couch and you wont let me eat on the bed.” 

 

Pearl crossed her arms and leaned against the counter. “That’s because we sleep in the bed. I don’t want to find remnants of dumplings in between my sheets.” 

 

Amethyst sighed and hopped off the counter, standing as she ate. “Better?” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. She looked up at the ceiling and suddenly asked, “What do you plan on wearing tomorrow?” 

 

Amethyst’s head dipped back in frustration. “What do you want me to wear?” 

 

“You can wear whatever you want,” Pearl said with a forced smile. 

 

“I’m gonna wear my Smashing Pumpkins’ Nixon t-shirt and no pants with no underwear,” Amethyst said. She took a bite of broccoli. 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes, causing Amethyst to crack-up. “You’re hilarious,” Pearl said with sarcasm. 

 

“I got a blouse,” Amethyst said. She then blushed, “And a dress for Christmas Eve.” 

 

“That sounds lovely,” Pearl said with a small smile. 

 

“Then when we go to my tia’s house on Christmas, I’m wearing my Smashing Pumpkins’ t-shirt and some ripped jeans that are still good to wear.” 

 

“None of your ripped jeans are still ‘good to wear,’” Pearl deadpanned. 

 

“So I was thinking,” Amethyst said as she threw out the empty Chinese food boxes. “What if you and I, like, you know, start another band?” 

 

Pearl’s forehead crinkled in confusion, but then she erupted into hysterical laughter. “That’s hilarious, Ame.” She kissed Amethyst on the cheek. Her hand became laced with Amethyst’s and she slowly pushed the shorter girl against the kitchen counter. 

 

Although she did not mind Pearl’s lithe, body pressed against her, all Amethyst could do was stare at Pearl’s Black Flag t-shirt. “I...I mean it, P,” Amethyst whispered. 

 

They were quiet for a moment. Pearl broke the awkwardness by kissing Amethyst. 

 

“Please don’t mean it,” Pearl whispered back. 

 

 

The next day, Amethyst stood by the door as she watched Pearl run around the apartment, making sure they had everything for their two day trip back to Beach City. 

 

Pear paced back and forth, mumbling to herself about her mental list of items they would need. She wore a conservative, navy blue dress that came down to her knees. “Mascara, underwear, pajama pants, pajama shirts, toothbrushes, tooth--

 

“We’re good,”Amethyst said. 

 

“I’m missing something,” Pearl said. “I know it. I just can’t figured out what it is.” 

 

“We can just buy it at a store,” Amethyst said. “You’ve got enough money to feed a small nation now.” 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Don’t guilt me.” 

 

“I’ll stop. Can we go then?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Fine,” Pearl sighed. She picked up the duffle bag and walked out of the apartment.

 

After Pearl locked the door and they were in the elevator, Amethyst looked down at Pearl’s feet and said, “Hey, P, you forgot your shoes.” 

 

“I-what?!” Pearl, with panic in her eyes looked down at the floor and was relieved to see that she did have navy blue flats on. Her eyes scolded Amethyst as Amethyst giggled in glee. “You’re a pain, but...” 

 

“But what?” Amethyst asked with a sly smile. 

 

“I love you,” Pearl mumbled.

 

“I love you too, P,” Amethyst said. She took Pearl’s hand, kissing the back of it. Their hands stayed laced together as they walked down the street to the car rental place. 

 

As they drove down the Jersey turnpike, Amethyst put in a mix CD. Her sea tbelt was unbuckled and Pearl was becoming increasingly uneasy. 

 

“Please buckle up,” Pearl said. 

 

“Live free or die, babe,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl shot her a disapproving look, which caused Amethyst to buckle her seat belt. “Happy?” 

 

“Yes,” Pearl said. Her phone began to ring. “Can you reject that call for me?” 

 

As Amethyst grabbed the black flip phone, she saw the caller ID said, “Whitney Hammond.” 

 

“What is with this chick?” Amethyst said. 

 

“Is it Whitney?” Pearl asked with a sigh. 

 

“Does she wanna fuck you or something?’ Amethyst asked jokingly. 

 

“Ha-ha,” Pearl said dryly. “Just cancel the call.” 

 

“P,” Amethyst said with a serious expression. “I’m going to answer this.” 

 

Pearl’s eyes bugged out like she was just given a death sentence. “Reject the call.” 

 

“I dunno!” Amethyst said with a giggle, breaking her demeanor. “This is probs important.” 

 

“Just let it go to voicemail!” Pearl said. 

 

Amethyst then unflipped the phone and said, “Yo.” 

 

“Pearl?” the confused voice asked. 

 

“This is Amethyst,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Is Pearl there?” the voice asked through gritted teeth. 

 

“She’s predisposed right now,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Give me the phone,” Pearl mouthed over to Amethyst. 

 

“Can I please speak to her for a minute? This is Whitney Hammond and it’s quite important.” 

 

“I would love to, really I would,” Amethyst said, ignoring Pearl. “But she’s kind busy now and, well just so you know, she’ll be busy forever. So don’t call again.” 

 

“Amethyst!” Pearl yelled. She pulled the car over and grabbed the phone from Amethyst. 

 

“I am so sorry,” Pearl said, pleading. “Yes, that was Amethyst...” Pearl then laughed at something Whitney said. “I will let you know tomorrow...” 

 

Amethyst narrowed her eyes at Pearl. 

 

“I will let you know,” Pearl said again into the phone. She hung up the phone and stared ahead. 

 

“Aren’t you gonna get mad?” Amethyst asked, crossing her arms. She was expecting a long winded speech about professionalism. “I know what you’re going to say and I don’t care. What I do care about is--” 

 

“Can we talk about this another time?” Pearl asked. Her voice was weak. 

 

“Uh, yeah...sure,” Amethyst said. 

 

They drove for a while in silence. The Pixies played on the car radio. Amethyst stared out the window and counted the roadkill. A couple hours later Amethyst was at dead animal number thirty-two when Pearl cleared her throat. 

 

“Please tell me your concerns,” Pearl said. 

 

“I’m concerned that enough is not enough for you,” Amethyst said. “One song. That was it.” Amethyst could smell the ocean. The salt burned her nostrils. They were close to home. 

 

“I know what enough is,” Pearl said. 

 

Pearl drove down the main street of Beach City. Amethyst looked out the window and smiled at the sight of the beach and the boardwalk. The town was empty though since it was the off-season, which was Amethyst’s favorite time of the year. She loved how the beach looked after a blizzard. 

 

Suddenly Pearl turned down a street, taking a detour. 

 

“Why didn’t you--” Amethyst started to say before she realized Pearl was avoiding Greg’s car wash. “Never mind.” 

 

“We’re meeting Garnet first,” Pearl said. “At The Temple” 

 

“Procrastination never got anyone anywhere,” Amethyst said with a playful tone. 

 

“Just be happy this is replacing dinner with my parents,” Pearl said as she pulled into the parking lot of the local bar. 

 

Amethyst unbuckled her seatbelt and said, “I’m sorry about the phone thing.” 

 

“I’m sorry too,” Pearl said. 

 

Pearl pecked Amethyst’s soft lips. As she pulled away, Amethyst crinkled her nose and asked, “What are you sorry for?” 

 

As Pearl was about to respond, there was a loud tap on their window. Amethyst saw that from behind Pearl’s head, Garnet was waving to them in the window. 

 

“G!” Amethyst said. She hopped out of the car and ran over to embrace Garnet. Amethyst looked up at the woman who’s height made her feel like a skyscraper in comparison to Amethyst. 

 

Pearl locked the car and then gave Garnet a hug. “It’s been forever.” 

 

“I know,” Garnet said. 

 

The three women walked toward the bar. “Are you excited you’re almost done with school?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“Actually,” Garnet said. “I’m going to go to graduate school.” 

 

“Why the hell would you do that to yourself!?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“I like going to school.” Garnet shrugged. “It’s easy. The objective is clear.” 

 

“I think it’s...great,” Pearl said. She gave Garnet a closed-lipped smile. 

 

Amethyst knew Pearl wanted to go so badly, but her parents refused to pay for it. Maybe Pearl could go now that she made money off the Diamond Trio’s song. 

 

The Temple was a small, townie bar. The walls were decorated with memorabilia from the town’s history along with having a nautical theme. Pearl vocally disliked the decorations every time they went there. However, this time, she appeared distracted and said nothing. 

 

At the bar, Amethyst ordered an IPA, while Garnet ordered a vodka. Pearl simply stated, “a water.” 

 

“Boring,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl rolled her eyes. “I’m not showing up at my parents’ with alcohol on my breath.” 

 

“That’s what gum is for,” Garnet said before taking a sip of her drink. 

 

Amethyst giggled and said, “Cheers to that, G!” Amethyst hopped up onto a stool. “Listen, so I know you’re into this school thing even though it’s lame, but I have this---” 

 

Pearl let out a loud, irritated, audible sigh like this was exhausting to react to. 

 

“Rude much?” Amethyst said.

 

Pearl ignored Amethyst and said, looking at Garnet, “She wants to start another band.” 

 

“You do!” Garnet said. She took off her sunglasses and cleaned the lenses with her shirt, revealing she had two different eye colors. Amethyst could see the excitement Garnet was feeling and it made her feel validated. 

 

“Would you be into that?” Amethyst asked. 

 

“I most definitely would be!” Garnet said. 

 

Pearl cleared her throat. Her nervous giggles were patronizing to Amethyst. “This might be a bigger project than any of us are able to commit to.” 

 

“I’m a bartender and Garnet reads books for a living,” Amethyst said. “I’m pretty sure we have the time.” 

 

Garnet put her sunglasses back on and said, “She’s talking bout herself, Ame.” 

 

“But, Pearl, you said, you were quitting the songwriting gig,” Amethyst said. 

 

All the color drained from Pearl’s face. She set her water down on the bar. “I don’t want to be in a band again. I don’t want to perform anymore.” 

 

“Why?” Amethyst asked bluntly. She shook her head, unable to comprehend why her girlfriend didn’t want the same thing she did. 

 

“I’m tired,” Pearl said. She took some cash out of her purse and set it on the bar counter. “I’m going to the restroom.” 

 

Amethyst watched Pearl walk away. She felt Garnet’s hand on her shoulder. 

 

“She doesn’t want to be in the spotlight anymore. All the press does is ask her questions about Rose,” Garnet said. 

 

“Why can’t she tell me that?” Amethyst said. 

 

“Perhaps she thinks it will upset you,” Garnet said. 

 

“That’s dumb,” Amethyst said. 

 

“Well does it?” Garnet asked. “Does it upset you?” 

 

“No,” Amethyst said. Her eyes shifted. She was lying. Of course it bothered her. But it was something she couldn’t be mad about. You can’t be mad at a person for loving a dead person. If Amethyst was being truthful with herself, she would give up her relationship with Pearl, despite loving her so much, if it meant she could bring Rose back. 

 

But Rose was not coming back. 

  

Later that night Pearl and Amethyst arrived at Pearl’s parents’ house. They were welcomed by a stiff lipped woman wearing a large wool sweater. Pearl gave her mother a weak hug. 

 

“Your father is already asleep,” Pearl’s mother said. “Perhaps next time you should get here before the talk shows come on.” 

 

Amethyst kept telling herself that it was only for three days. 

 

“I’ve set up the guest room for Amethyst,” Pearl’s mother said. 

 

“Guest room?” Amethyst asked, confused. She lived with Pearl. Sleeping in the same bed wasn’t a big deal. 

 

Pearl’s mother gave Amethyst an irritated look, pursing her lips. “Yes.” 

 

“You didn’t need to do that. It’s not like one of us is going to get pregnant,” Amethyst said jokingly. 

 

Pearl’s eyes widened in disbelief. She linked arms with Amethyst and said, “I’l lead you upstairs."

 

Amethyst followed Pearl as Pearl dragged her up the stairs and down the hallway to a light blue, sea shell themed room. 

 

Pearl set down Amethyst’s bag and asked, “Why did you do that? You said you wouldn’t be crude.” 

 

“I didn’t mean to,” Amethyst said. “I’m sorry. It was like word vomit or something.” 

 

Pearl sat down on the bed and buried her face into her hands. “I know. I know.” 

 

“It’s just that we have so much shit going on right now and we can’t even talk about it because we are here!” amethyst said. 

 

Pearl sat up and shut the door so no one else could hear them. “What do you want to talk about? The band thing?” Her hands rested on her hips. 

 

“Yes,” Amethyst said. “You’re going to write Whitney another song, aren’t you?’ 

 

Pearl was silent for a moment. The long, pregnant pause felt like forever for Amethyst. Pearl’s response to this would dictate how the rest of their lives would go.

 

“Yes,” Pearl said with a dry gulp. 

 

Amethyst’s eyes began to water. “But she’s the reason we lost health insurance. She’s the reason we had to pay the record company back the advance for the fourth Crystal Gems’ record. She’s the reason Rose had to get that shit health plan, which put her in a shit, overcrowded hospital. She’s the reason Rose died from sepsis.” 

 

Amethyst was expecting Pearl to erupt into anger. But Pearl didn’t. She just shook her head. 

 

“It’s no one’s fault. It was a freak accident,” Pearl said. “For a while, I blamed Steven.” Tears streamed down her face. “I blamed an infant. But he’s just an infant. He didn't do anything.” Pearl rested her head on Amethyst’s shoulder. Amethyst could hear Pearl whimpering. “I’m tired. I’m tried of being all high and mighty. I’m tired of being poor. I’m tired of my mother telling me I should have become a classical pianist. I’m tired of seeing you eat stale chips for dinner because we can’t afford food until we get our next paychecks. I’m tired. I’m fucking tired. I’m tired of being a fucking artist.” Pearl sniffed her nose. “That’s why I’m doing it.” 

 

Amethyst wanted to be mad at her. Pearl was against selling out for the entire existence of the band. But Amethyst understood. They couldn’t survive on it. 

 

After a few moments, Pearl wiped underneath her eyes. She stood up and said, “I’m gonna go to my room and go to sleep." 

 

That night, while lying in bed, Amethyst wanted to hold Pearl. The bed felt too large. There were too many pillows for one person. Without another person to spoon with, the blankets felt cold. 

 

Amethyst sat up from her bed and opened the door to the hallway. She tip-toed down to Pearl’s door. On the door were childhood drawings of ballerinas. Amethyst tapped on the door. 

 

Pearl, now wearing a light blue silk pajama set, gestured for Amethyst to come in. 

 

The lights were on and Pearl’s bed was still made. 

 

Pearl sat down at the piano bench. She patted to the seat next to her. Amethyst sat down and asked, “Are you writing a song?’ 

 

Pearl shook her head. “I’m playing Chopin.” Pearl’s fingers danced across the keyboard. She began to play. "The sheet music was still on the keyboard from when I left for the Crystal Gems' first tour." She took a finger and dragged it across the dust on the sheet music. 

 

“Can I play you something?” Amethyst shyly asked. 

 

“You can play the piano?” Pearl asked. 

 

“Not well,” Amethyst said. She cleared her throat and said, “Now, Imm gonna make this up as I go.” 

 

“Make it up as you go?” Pearl asked with a small smile. 

 

“That way it’s genuine,” Amethyst said. 

 

“I can’t think of a moment in the time I’ve known you where you weren’t genuine,” Pearl said before she pecked a soft kiss onto Amethyst’s cheek. 

 

Amethyst looked down at Pearl’s dusty keyboard. Above them was a cross. Amethyst’s fingers moved across the keyboard. After she had a consistent, upbet tune going, she began to sing. 

 

_Pearl speeds down the highway._

_Tells me to buckle up._

_Baby, get me to Beach City._

_The place where I grew up with you._

 

_You’re much better at this than me._

_Your fingers play Mozart with ease._

_I don’t really know what I’m doing._

_Can you tell?_

 

 _(Not at all)_ Pearl said with a giggle. 

 

_Pearl walks down Lookland street._

_Tells me we need groceries._

_Baby, take me to the bread aisle._

_I’ll go anywhere with you._

 

_You’re much better at this than me._

_Your fingers play Mozart with ease._

_I don’t really know what I’m doing._

_Can you tell?_

 

_Your lyrics are poetry._

_Mine are directions_

_And statements._

_So obvious._

_You can teach me the guitar_

_But you can’t teach me how to feel what you do._

 

_Pearl dances down the hallway._

_Tells me we live here now._

_Baby, I’d say take me home._

_But I’m already here with you._

 

_You’re much better at this than me._

_Your fingers play Mozart with ease._

_I don’t really know what I’m doing._

_Can you tell?_

 

 _“Can you?”_ Amethyst said with a cackle. 

 

“I really liked that,” Pearl said. “and, no I can’t.” 

 

Amethyst played a few low notes on the keyboard. “If I start a band without you, will you be upset?” 

 

Pearl shook her head. “No. I want you to be happy.” 

 

“I want you to be happy,” Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl reached for Amethyst’s cheek. She kissed Amethyst and then slowly pulled way. “Do you want to sleep here? I can’t sleep without you.” 

 

“Why do you think I snuck down here for?” Amethyst said with a giggle.

 

“I love you, Ame,” Pearl said. 

 

"I love you too,” Amethyst said. Amethyst had always wanted to tell Pearl that she had never loved someone as much as she had loved Pearl. But she knew Pearl had loved someone more than she loved Amethyst. 

 

 


	22. These Freaks' Song

Pearl stood on the rickety steps of her beach house. Her gaze focused on the weather beaten front door. The red paint was faded into pink. Chips peeled off, falling like snowflakes onto the oak steps. She did not want to go inside. Going inside meant facing Felicia. There was no way Felicia was okay right now. How does a person explain to their significant other that they will always be in love with a person who is dead?

 

Because if Pearl could chose anyone, it would be Rose. It would always be Rose.

 

Even Amethyst didn't understand. Pearl remembered how they broke up. Pearl admitted that she still loved Rose, that she would not be with Amethyst if Rose still existed. But Amethyst did not break-up with her. She just held in her sobs. Pearl had to do it. Pearl had to do it because she was still in love with Rose and Amethyst just reminded her of that.

 

Pearl opened the door. The house was dark. The living room was empty. Pearl called out, "Hey."

 

"Hey," Felicia said. Her voice echoed from the kitchen.

 

Pearl found Felicia sitting on the white counter tops next to Felicia's precious blender. Her feet dangled. Her heels lightly tapped the cup boards. A slim, tan finger twirled around the blender's many buttons.

 

"I don't know what to say," Pearl said. She picked at her dried cuticles, peeling the skin back until she felt a small, sharp pain and blood drew. The warm blood filled her nail beds. Manicure ruined.

 

"You don't have to say anything about it," Felicia said. "I wont understand. I can try to understand, but I never will be able to."

 

Pearl shook her head.

 

"What do you want to do?" Felicia asked.

 

"I don't know," Pearl said.

 

"Bull shit," Felicia said. "That's fucking bull shit and you know it."

 

Pearl sighed. "I want to stay here. I want to stop working for the Diamonds. I want to--"

 

"You want to be a Crystal Gem?" Felicia asked.

 

"Yes," Pearl said.

 

"Then let me help you!" Felicia said. "You can't just do everything alone!"

 

"I don't want you to help me like this," Pearl said.

 

"It's just money," Felicia said. "I don't need it"

 

"Then do something worth while with it," Pearl said. "Buying me out of a crap record contact is the least important thing you could do with that money."

 

"To me it isn't," Felicia said. She hopped off the kitchen counter. "I know why you wont let me help you. Because you'll feel like you owe me something. Even though you wont, you will feel like you do."

 

"I never said that," Pearl said.

 

"But that's how you feel!" Felicia said. "You're afraid."

 

"Of what?" Pearl asked.

 

"Of letting someone else in-like fully in. We've been together for five years. I love you. I don't think of this as a waste of my money," Felicia said.

 

"I can't take ten million dollars from you," Pearl said with a whisper.

 

"You either don't love me or you're too afraid of reuniting that band without Rose!" Felicia said. "You think it wont sound the same without Rose."

 

"It's not that we don't sound the same," Pearl said. "It's that it doesn't feel the same."

 

Felicia's eyes watered at that comment. "Just like how it doesn't feel the same with us?"

 

Pearl didn't know what to say.

 

"I know you'll never love me as much as you'll love her," Felicia said. Her voice wavered. "But I at least thought you felt deeply about me."

 

"I do," Pearl said. "That's not what I meant!"

 

Felicia leaned on the door frame between the kitchen and the living room. "I don't think I can do this anymore, Pearl. I'm going to get my stuff and go to Bali for the shoot early. When I get back to Empire City, I'm putting the brownstone on the market." Then she went upstairs.

 

Pearl followed her up the stairs and pleaded for her to stay. But Felicia told her she was done unless Pearl would let her help. Felicia told Pearl that Pearl's lack of acceptance of the money showed she wasn't committed to them.

 

Felicia left in an Uber headed to the airport.

 

* * *

 

 Lapis liked driving at night. The darkness of the highway calmed her. For most people, it meant traversing through the unknown, but for her it felt adventurous. Peridot sat next to her in the passenger seat. They were on their way to Beach City to meet Chris.

 

"So you don't like punk music," Lapis said.

 

"Poor sound production," Peridot said. "It's part of the 'aesthetic,' but that's a bunch of bullshit." She let out a short laugh.

 

"Kind of makes sense," Lapis said.

 

"You know," Peridot said. "This is the weirdest date I've ever been on."

 

"Same," Lapis said with a smile. "I didn't plan for it to end up being this weird."

 

"No worries," Peridot said. "It's kind of exhilarating."

 

"Really?" Lapis asked.

 

"We're tracking down some reclusive rock star," Peridot said. "If that's not exhilarating, then I don't know what is. I mean, that's pretty freaking cool! I've worked on her music and I've never even met her! Just to think, if you get an interview with her how big of a deal it will be!" Peridot nearly jumped up in her seat. She then realized how she was spazzing out and cracked her neck. "Sorry. This is like the most exciting thing I've done in a while. And I;m doing it with this really cool, beautiful girl."

 

"No worries." Lapis could feel her cheeks reddening. "I think you're pretty cool too by the way."

 

Peridot sat back in her seat, trying not to make her wide smile too obvious to Lapis. 

 

* * *

 

 

Since staying in Beach City, Chris had gone to the Big Donut and sat in one of the booths everyday, sipping on a cup of coffee. He waited for a lead, for that Steven Universe kid, for one of the Crystal Gems, basically anyone except that weird short kid who was named after a vegetable and never talked to come in and order something. It was five in the morning and he was about to fall asleep in the cheap, uncomfortable booth.

 

Pop music also played 24/7. Chris thought his ear drums would rupture if he had to hear that Pearl Leblanc song play on the radio again.

 

Chris sighed and sunk into his booth. He had been observing the two college aged kids working behind the counter for the past few days. The lanky mohawk kid and the short blonde girl were obviously in love. Yet they were too afraid to admit it to each other. It was like an episode of _Riverdale_ without the murder.

 

He sipped his lukewarm coffee and his mouth contorted into a sour expression. Then the music changed. It was different. The radio station in the Big Donut only played one music station. The station only played the same 10 songs on repeat. All day.

 

But this song was not like any of the bubblegum-EDM light stuff he heard for the past three days. No, this was an indie rock song.

 

* * *

 

Amethyst rested her head against the window of Garnet's truck. The car was quiet. Garnet never played the radio. Amethyst could not wait to get to Seattle and play with These Freaks. That way she could avoid dealing with the whole, "Pearl tried to commit breaking and entering to steal Rose's guitar," issue.

 

Helping Pearl with her problems proved to be pointless, in Amethyst's opinion. Pearl did not like to be helped. She fed on the martyrdom given to her.

 

"You think I should come back here after Seattle, G?" Amethyst asked.

 

"If that's what you want. I don't think it is what you want though," Garnet said.

 

"This whole reunion isn't going to happen. Pearl's gonna end up going on tour because her song is literally on the radio every ten minutes," Amethyst said. "I like Empire City. It's calming blending in there. It's a crowded place."

 

Garnet shook her head. "Let's get a coffee at the Big Donut before we go to the airport."

 

"And a dozen a donuts," Amethyst added.

 

Amethyst stared out the window and watched the people on the Boardwalk. Memorial weekend was over. The tourists were slowly disappearing until their ultimate return in late June. She wanted to go onto the beach, lie down in the sand and stare up at the pink dawn.

 

Garnet parked her truck. Amethyst hopped out and walked into the Big Donut. Terrible music was playing, as always. Amethyst strolled up to the counter. The irritating kid with the bright red hair was behind the counter.

 

"Yo," Amethyst said. "Two large regular coffees and a dozen assorted donuts. Side of mustard."

 

"Side?" the red haired kid asked. "Of mustard?"

 

"Uh, yeah," Amethyst said as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. "For the donuts." She read the kid's name tag. It said, "Lars."

 

"Of course," Lars said. He rolled his eyes and passive aggressively grabbed a box for the donuts.

 

Amethyst leaned against the glass display case. Her arms were crossed. Some weird dude sitting in one of the booths stared at her. Amethyst recognized him from somewhere. She just couldn't put her finger on where, exactly, she had seen this guy before. But then again, with his Warby Parker glasses and flannel shirt, he looked like most dudes who lived in Lookland. 

 

As Amethyst was about to chew this guy out for staring at her (she was a person, not a statue), she heard the overhead speaker play a familiar guitar chord.

 

"No fucking way," Amethyst said. Her eyes widened in disbelief. Her heart pounded. There was no way this was happening. Her song, the one she wrote about Pearl played on the radio.

 

“ _Hey, hey girl. We’ve been here before--”_ Her voice crooned over the speakers. _  
_

 

"Did they let you start playing any station you want?!" Amethyst asked the blonde girl behind the counter. She practically leapt across the counter.

 

The blonde girl, whose name tag read "Sadie," stared at Amethyst with concern. She handed Amethyst the two coffees and pushed the box of donuts toward her. "No. This is the regular station we always play. Are you okay?"

 

"Fine," Amethyst shook her head. "So you're saying this is a top-forty radio station?"

 

"Exactly," Sadie said.

 

"Oh my fucking god!" Amethyst said. She jumped up in the air, spilling her coffee on the ground. "I am so sorry," Amethyst said. She blushed from the embarrassment. Her shoulder straightened and she cleared her throat. She had to tell Garnet.

 

Amethyst turned to run out of the coffee shop.

 

"Do you want me to make you another one?" Sadie yelled after Amethyst, who was pushing open the door to the store.

 

"I'm good!" Amethyst said as she left.

 

Outside she sprinted toward Garnet's truck. Amethyst had never run a marathon. And if she did, she wouldn't have ran as fast as she was now. She opened the door to the truck and handed Garnet a coffee.

 

'Where's your coffee?" Garnet asked.

 

"Turn on the radio!" Amethyst said. "To the popular station. The one with crap music."

 

"Why?" Garnet asked.

 

"Just do it!" Amethyst said.

 

Garnet lowered her sunglasses, giving Amethyst a concerned look. She then turned on the radio and put on the correct station. "It's your song," Garnet said. She smiled. "It's your song."

 

"I know!" Amethyst said. "I'm gonna be rich! And...and it's my song. My song. Not something I wrote for another person. It took me twelve years, but I wrote a popular song."

 

When the song ended, the radio host said, "That's 'We've Been Here Before,' by These Freaks. Their lead singer is Amethyst Ruiz, who some of you might remember as the drummer from the ladies' rock group The Crystal Gems. It's currently number one on the alternative charts and rose to popularity after it was shared on the social media site Reddit under the speculation that it's about former bandmate Pearl LeBlanc. Leblanc's single, "Gone," is currently number five on the popular charts."

 

Amethyst sunk back into her seat. "Of course it's on the radio because of Pearl."

 

"It's still on the radio," Garnet said.

 

They were silent for a moment. Amethyst shoved a donut into her mouth.

 

"It's a good song," Garnet said. "That's all that should matter."

 

"I guess," Amethyst said with a sigh. "Let's just go to the airport."

* * *

 

 

Steven sat crossed legged on the floor across from Connie. Her face contorted into a worried expression. They were in her room. Behind her the white board they used to solve the Crystal Gems' break-up haunted Steven of his mistake.

 

"If I knew how many problems this would have caused, I never would have tried to make my Mom's band get back together," Steven said.

 

"Would your Mom have wanted that though?" Connie asked.

 

"Them separated?" Steven asked. "I guess not. But I don't think she would want them to all be miserable."

 

Connie put her hand on Steven's shoulder to console him. "I wouldn't say they're miserable. Maybe they just had to face some stuff they were ignoring or purposely forgetting for all these years?"

 

"You think?" Steven asked.

 

Connie nodded. "Most definitely."

 

"Sometimes, I just think about how different it would have been if it had...worked out," Steven said. "She, my mom, seemed like she wanted me to be closer to Pearl, to all of them."

 

"You can still do that," Connie said.

 

"I could," Steven said. He smiled at Connie. "Thanks. For your help."

 

"No problem," Connie said, blushing. "I mean, you're my best friend."

 

Steven stared at the whiteboard. He wanted to erase all their assumption because they were all wrong.

 

 


	23. Steven's Song

**7 Months Later - November 20, 2017**

 

Pearl lay in bed on her side. Her laptop was next to her. She had a page opened from London's _Daily Mail_. The headline read, "Felicia Vasquez and American Footbller Maya Nassar Seen Having Dinner Together." She promised herself she would not google Felicia, but it was so easy, especially since Pearl had nothing to do. She couldn't manage to leave her bed. According to the article, Felica had been dating a professional women's soccer player for the last three months. Pearl didn't like to deal with loss. Each time, it felt like a chunk of herself was gone forever. 

 

She could have closed the laptop and been done with it, but she didn't. Instead she found herself looking at Felicia's Instagram. Almost all the photos were of either a product Felicia was promoting or a selfie of Felicia. However, there was one picture of the new women with Felicia having lunch outside at some restaurant in the Village. Felicia sold the brownstone a month ago. Pearl had twenty days to make her way to Empire City and collect everything she left behind. Normally Pearl would have been on top of the details. She would have found a new apartment and rented a studio. Instead, she told Felicia to just send everything to the Beach House. 

 

Pearl judged the new, blond, muscular woman from the photo and concluded that this Maya Nassar person simply sucked. She made the mistake of looking at the comment section. 

 

 **Belinda_Bornsworth:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :( Pearl &Felicia forever. 

 

 **heyitsHannah** : I'm guessing her and Pearl broke up because of the 12 year age difference. Go live your life, girl! 

 

 **Brent.f.Mellow:** My wife and I have a 17 year age difference and we are happily married. My guess? She can't deal with Pearl's success. 

 

 

An alert from Pearl's calendar popped up on her screen, blocking the comments. It was a reminder that she was supposed to go back to Empire City to help record more vocals for her album. In the past six months, Pearl had to write and record a new album since the single released without her consent was doing so well on the charts. 

 

Pearl had no plans to get out of bed and go to Empire City. 

 

She snoozed the alert and moved her cursor into the search bar. Her slim fingers typed in "Amethyst Ruiz." The first result was an article titled, "Amethyst Ruiz and Travis Bennett seen at Venice Beach with Bennett's kids." Pearl, also regretfully, read this article. However, she became enraged. She could feel her skin getting hotter. Travis broke up with Amethyst over a decade ago and Pearl remembered the whole night. Amethyst discovered he was leaving her for some professional surfer.

 

_Amethyst Ruiz and old flame Travis Bennett were spotted at Venice Beach this past weekend. The two held hands as they watched Bennett's two children play at the playground. Ruiz and Bennett dated back in the early 2000s. After the break-up, Bennett married professional surfer Nina Heywood, the mother of his two children. In the years following the break-up, Ruiz would go on to reportedly date fellow Crystal Gems band member Pearl LeBlanc, abstract artist Liam Meagher, fellow These Freaks band member Craig Fellows, and tattoo artist Melody Kincaid._

 

_These Freaks newest single, "We've been Here Before," is believed to be about Ruiz's relationship with Pearl LeBlanc._

 

Pearl felt like a forgotten memento abandoned in a storage locker. When she closed her laptop, she stared at the white blinds covering her window. The room was dark. She wished she felt sad, but instead she simply could not feel a thing. Her chest felt tight, like a tree was growing and planting its roots in her breast bone. 

 

Across the room on the floor, her phone rang. Pearl purposely threw it over there so she would be forced to get out of bed. However, that strategy wasn't working. She let the call go to voicemail. 

 

Then she heard a clacking sound of a door opening. For most people, this would make them jump up and call 911 or something. But Pearl did not care. 

 

"Pearl?" Steven's voice said. "I got you some groceries!" 

 

Pearl closed her eyes for a moment and imagined she was back in Empire City in her studio apartment with Rose. When she opened them, a short, curly-haired kid stood in front of her. "Hey Pearl!" Steven said. 

 

"Hi," Pearl mumbled. 

 

"Are you okay?" 

 

"Tired from working," Pearl said. 

 

"Haven't you had the last two weeks off?" Steven said. 

 

Pearl ignored the comment and  looked down at his sandals. She wanted to tell him it was too cold to wear them. "You should be wearing sneakers," Pearl said. 

 

"I guess so," Steven said. 

 

"It's November," Pearl said. "You're going to get sick." 

 

"I think I still got a couple weeks of bare feet," Steven said.

 

Pearl's phone rang again. Steven noticed the phone sitting in the middle of the floor. He picked it up and said, "You wanna get this? It's Whitney Hammond?"

 

"Let it go to voicemail," Pearl said. She sat up in bed.

 

"Have you showered today?" Steven asked. He appeared concerned. His forehead wrinkled and his large brown eyes made Pearl's stomach drop. He had Rose's eyes.

 

"I'm not going anywhere, Steven," Pearl said. "Let me have a day?"

 

"I will," Steven said. "It's just that I know you're supposed to be recording that album and if you don't finish it, you're going to have to pay all that money to Diamond Records."

 

Pearl shrugged. Her arms were crossed. She didn't have anything left. She didn't see the point in finishing the album.

 

"I'm not going to finish the album, Steven," Pearl said.

 

"Really?!" Steven asked.

 

"It's not my style. It's not me. I hate all the songs," Pearl said.

 

"So you're just going to ignore Whitney Hammond?"

 

"I'm hiding out here. Besides I don't want to go into the city," Pearl said.

 

"Why don't you want to go into the city?"

 

Pearl tried to maintain her composure. Steven surely didn't understand how it felt to see pictures of your ex-girlfriend plastered all over the city. "I like it here," Pearl said.

 

Steven shoved his hands into his pockets. "All right then. You wanna try to jam sometime this week?"

 

"Sure," Pearl said with a forced smile.

 

"Bye, Pearl," Steven said. "Please try to do some stuff besides stay here all day." Steven then left the Beach House. 

 

Pearl clutched a ball of her sheets in her hand. Her phone rang again. She stayed in bed, closing her eyes and so she could think about other things. 

 

* * *

 

 

Steven rode his bike down the board walk. The cold November air nipped his nose. He put up his hood, protecting his ears from the frigid wind. Most of the seasonal businesses on the boardwalk were closed. He decided to go to Garnet's house near the college. He knew the school was out on Thanksgiving Break.

 

When he arrived at the old Victorian, he threw his bike onto the lawn and texted Garnet.

 

Garnet greeted him at the door. She wore a red turtleneck and black pants. "Hello Steven." She lowered her sunglasses. "How's Pearl?"

 

"Not so great," Steven said. "She's ignoring all the phone calls she gets and I'm pretty sure she hasn't left her bed in like three days."

 

"She gets like this sometimes," Garnet said. "Usually she snaps out of it in a couple days. But it's been too long."

 

Steven nodded in agreement.

 

"I'll call Amethyst," Garnet said. "She's usually pretty good about this kind of stuff with Pearl."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Amethyst felt the sun warm her skin. She sat outside on a chez lounge chair. Her fingers strummed a guitar, but she was focusing on a hummingbird making a nest in the lemon tree next to her. After These Freaks tour was over, she rekindled her relationship with Travis Bennett, the pro-skateboarder. Travis lived in Los Angeles and Amethyst thought it was a nice break from Empire City and Beach City.

 

It was a nice break from Pearl.

 

Travis' backyard was a small patch of yard, which Amethyst currently occupied and the rest consisted of a fenced-in skate park, complete with a quarter-pipe. Travis showed his younger son, Axl, how to do some kind of board flip. Amethyst didn't know the names of the tricks. 

 

The neighborhood was filled with flowering trees. Purple petals would occasionally fall and float down to the brown-patched grass.

 

As she messed around on the PRS A20 acoustic guitar, Amethyst thought about how Pearl gave it to her when Pearl was teaching her how to play.

 

"What songs can you play?" a voice asked her.

 

Amethyst looked up from the strings and saw a little blonde girl with a pink skate helmet and ripped jeans staring at her. It was Hannah, Travis' eight year old daughter.

 

"What songs do you like?" Amethyst asked.

 

"Selena Gomez," Hannah said.

 

"Uh, I don't think I know anything by her," Amethyst said.

 

"You don't know _Wolves_?" Hannah asked as if Amethyst was the most clues person in the world. She put her hands on her hip. " _In your eyes there's a heavy blue_ \--No? You don't know it?"

 

"Show me what you got on your playlists," Amethyst said. "I bet I can find something I can play."

 

Hannah picked up her cell phone off the patio table. She opened her music app and gave the phone to Amethyst. As Amethyst scrolled down the playlist, she realized, dealing with an eight year old's music sensibilities that she wasn't going to know any of the songs. But then she saw Pearl's song on the playlist.

 

"I know this one," Amethyst said. "You like Pearl's music?"

 

Hannah nodded with that kid enthusiasm, the kind where they're about to jump up and down for no reason other than that they have the energy for it. "Her voice is so pretty!" 

 

Most people, when hearing Pearl's song, would not appreciate the complexity of the musical arrangement. It was all about the catchy hook.

 

Amethyst found it ironic that people loved Pearl's hooks, when Pearl's favorite part of a song was the bridge. See, they really loved her bridges. A song can have a great hook, but without a good bridge, it just ends up repetitive. All those people who claimed Pearl had the secret code or formula to writing the perfect pop song were the ones who never realized that Pearl's bridges were what completed a song. The bridge makes you miss the chorus.

 

Pearl's favorite song bridge was the one in "Across the Sea," by Weezer.

 

Then again Pearl also loved bridges because it was where the guitar solo usually went.

 

"You know I can't sing as good as she can?" Amethyst said with a laugh.

 

"It's okay, Amy. You got a very original voice," Hannah said.

 

"Thank you," Amethyst said. She began to strum the acoustic guitar and she noticed how her purple nail polish was chipped. She deliberately slowed down the song so it sounded more like a ballad.

 

When Amethyst finished the song, Hannah clapped, stating, "Very good! I like your version."

 

"It's okay," Amethyst said, shrugging.

 

"It's got heart! And stuff. You know what they say," Hannah said. "It's very simpler than the one on the radio. Sadder, but in a pretty way."

 

Amethyst looked up at the sky for a moment. The clouds were a brownish color from the smog of the city. "How would you like this song if Pearl sang it like that?"

 

Hannah shrugged. "I guess so. But it would be boringer. Yah know?"

 

"Yeah," Amethyst said. Her chin rested on the body of the guitar. She spaced out for a moment, trying to envision a way to "fix" the song. She supposed if the lyrics were changed, it would be a better song. For some reason, she imagine Pearl had a word cloud listing the most popular words used by the target demographic of this song, and she used that list to write the lyrics.

 

"Yo, earth to Ame," a guy's voice said.

 

Amethyst shook her head. Travis waved his hand in front of her face. He had a skateboard deck tattooed on his forearm. 

 

"Wattup," Amethyst said.

 

"You zoned out, girl," Travis said. "You wanna go to Salt n' Straw?"

 

"The ice cream place?"

 

"Hell yeah," Travis said. "I thought we could take these two munchkins there before I drop them off at Nina's."

 

Amethyst made her way into the kitchen. Hunter, Travis' sixteen year old son, leaned against the kitchen island. After Travis' divorce to Nina Heywood, their son Hunter chose to live with Travis. The younger two children rotated weeks. Since the teen stayed with Travis full-time, he took Amethyst's presence with disdain.

 

"Hey dude," Amethyst said.

 

"You're like thirty-five. Don't call me 'dude,'" Hunter said. He took a sip from his energy drink and pushed his long hair away from his face.

 

"Hunter, how are you doing?" Amethyst said, trying with all her might to restrain sarcasm.

 

"Not so great, Amethyst," Hunter said with clenched teeth. "A strange woman has moved into my house and is getting all up in my shit."

 

"So you don't want to get ice cream with us?" Amethyst said. She cleared her throat and hoped that Steven would never get this way.

 

"On the way to my mother's house?" Hunter asked. "Fuck no. I don't want to see her."

 

"All right," Amethyst said. She looked down at the ground. The kitchen tiles were black and cobalt. "You know, I know people can suck..."

 

"You gonna tell me I should forgive my mother for screwing around with a fucking surgeon?" Hunter said.

 

"No," Amethyst said. "I was gonna say, I know people can suck. But treating them like shit and lashing out at them isn't going to make you feel better.

 

"How would you know?"

 

"Because I used to do the same thing and I had to apologize a whole fucking lot, which makes you feel better for sure, but it doesn't erase what you said to them," Amethysts said. "It's exhausting."

 

Hunter didn't say anything. Instead, he grabbed his cell phone off the table and left the room.

 

Amethyst found herself strapping Axl into his car seat. Amethyst didn't realize five year old kids still needed car seats. Apparently there was a weight you had to reach in order to be cleared to go without one.

 

"You good, bud?" Amethyst asked.

 

"Yup," Axl said.

 

Amethyst hopped into the Range Rover to begin the trek from Santa Monica to Silver Lake.

 

"I swear Nina moved to Silver Lake on purpose," Amethyst whispered to Travis.

 

"To make me drive over two hours every week to pick up and drop off?" Travis said with a short laugh. He added with sarcasm, "Ame, she wouldn't do that."

 

"Amy sang Pearl's song today," Hannah said. "She was pretty good."

 

"Really?" Travis asked. "Where did she get that idea from?"

 

"Amethyst looked at my playlist and it was the only one she could play," Hannah said.

 

"Oh," Travis said.

 

The stop go traffic on the 10 made the ride longer and more exhausting. Amethyst stared out her window at the rows of stucco houses. The kids were occupied with their iPads and their headphones were sound proof.

 

That's when Amethyst's phone rang. Garnet's name popped up for the caller ID.

 

"Hey, G! What's hanging? You on Thanksgiving break?" Amethyst asked.

 

"It's Pearl," Garnet said. "She hasn't left her room in over two weeks. Steven's been bringing her groceries."

 

Amethyst sighed. This had happened before, after Rose died. "Make her a list of things she's required to do each day. Start slow with stuff like 'take a shower,' or eat a sandwich."

 

This comment caused Travis to look over at Amethyst. His eyes were filled with worry.

 

"Amethyst," Garnet said. Her voice was strained. "She needs you. Steven said she's not answering any of her calls from Diamond Records."

 

"I can't be held responsible if a thirty-six year old woman breaks her record contract," Amethyst said.

 

"I understand," Garnet said.

 

"G, she'll be fine. Show her a spreadsheet of how much money she's gonna lose if she gets sued," Amethyst said.

 

"We've done that," Garnet said. "Ame, I'm out of answers. She wont get out of bed."

 

"She's probably stopped taking her medication," Amethyst said. She closed her eyes and squinted. She knew this meant she had to go back to Beach City. It wasn't because she felt guilty about Pearl. It was because she knew Pearl would go back for her. "I'll fly out tonight."

 

After Amethyst said goodbye to Garnet, she put her phone in the front pocket of her sweatshirt.

 

"You're not responsible for her, you know," Travis said.

 

"Yeah, I know," Amethyst said.

 

"Fifteen years ago, you stayed in Empire City for her," Travis said. "I asked you to move to San Diego with me and you said you had to stay and take care of Pearl."

 

"She didn't have anywhere to go," Amethyst said. "She lived with Rose and when Rose was gone...it wasn't like she could go home!" Amethyst remembered how Pearl thought her and Amethyst became roommates after Rose's death because Amethyst needed her. Instead, it was the opposite. Amethyst turned down moving in with Travis to live with Pearl. It ruined her relationship with him.

 

"Ame, I love you and I don't want to lose you again," Travis said.

 

Amethyst felt her eyes fill with water. "You don't know what it was like listening to her cry every night. Nothing, almost nothing, could make her feel better."

 

"You're not responsible for making her feel better," Travis said. "How many times do I need to say that?"

 

"I know, Travis," Amethyst said.

 

They were silent until Travis parked the car in Larchmont Village. He turned the car off and said, "You better get a flight now or they'll all be booked for Thanksgiving."

 

"I wanna come back to you," Amethyst said with a whisper. "I promise I will."

 

"I want you to come back too," Travis said.

 

* * *

 

 

Steven rested his back against Connie's twin bed. He sat on the floor. His guitar rested in his lap and his fingers danced across the fretboard. Connie sat next to him. They both stared off at Connie's wall, still filled with clues for what happened between The Crystal Gems.

 

"I wish there was a way for me to make her happy," Steven said.

 

"Maybe the board has an answer?" Connie said.

 

"The only thing I can see that would make Pearl better would be if Mom was back," Steven said. He played a couple chords on his guitar. Connie closed her eyes and listened.

 

"That sounds beautiful, Steven," Connie said.

 

"Thanks," Steven said.

 

"Are there words?" Connie asked.

 

_I can see the pink skies of the sunset_

_Down at Dewey Beach._

_Surrounded by ocean at the end of Delmarva._

_I can feel you here._

 

_What happened, I never understood._

_I've never met you and I wish I could._

_When you left, it destroyed her._

_It destroyed us. All of us._

 

_We sit in the dunes and stare out._

_The docks are shadows now._

_It's now dusk._

_I can feel you here._

 

_What happened, I never understood._

_I've never met you and I wish I could._

_When you left, it destroyed her._

_It destroyed us. All of us._

 

_The flowers grow without you._

_Your picture haunts every room._

_Your ghost stays with us._

_Let them go?_

 

_What happened, I never understood._

_I've never met you and I wish I could._

_When you left, it destroyed her._

_It destroyed us. All of us._

 

Steven looked over at Connie and saw the tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry that this happened to you."

 

"It's not your fault," Steven said. He set his guitar down and peered up at the ceiling. "I should try to write a happier song next time."


	24. Who the bleep is Arcade Fire?

Lapis sulked at her desk. The editor of _Torch_ magazine canceled the Crystal Gem's story when he found out Lapis and Chris disappeared in Delmarva for an entire week.

 

They hung out in a coffee shop for a week, waiting for a glimpse of the recluse Pearl LeBlanc. For Lapis, the only good thing about the trip was how she spent the first three days with Peridot, who had no problem waiting hours and hours for a minor celebrity to appear in a coffee shop.

 

Their editor told Lapis and Chris that no one cared about the Crystal Gems. Lapis argued that Pearl had the number 2 hit song in the world out. Her editor pointed out that Pearl had done one interview in the past five years and it was about a charity for inner city music programs.

 

Lapis gave up on any hope they would complete the story. For six months, she happily wrote about Kendrick Lamar and the Arctic Monkeys.

 

That was until Peridot revealed something that morning when they had coffee at the Starbucks across the street from Lapis' office.

 

"She's stopped answering Whitney's calls," Peridot said.

 

"For real?" Lapis asked. She nearly spit out her coffee.

 

Peridot smirked. "Yeah. Whitney was freaking out. Started yelling about how no one ignores her calls. " Peridot laughed to herself. "Pearl's gonna be on the hook for ten mill if she doesn't come in and record by the end of next week." 

 

"I wonder what's going on," Lapis said.

 

"Nothing too scandalous I imagine," Peridot said. "I mean, her and that model broke up. She's probably just upset about it."

 

"That was six months ago," Lapis said.

 

"When we started dating!" Peridot said.

 

"We really shouldn'y equate the start of our relationship with the demise of another one," Lapis said. A wide smile was plastered across her face.

 

"That might be true," Peridot said. She then pecked Lapis on the lips. Lapis loved how the blonde nerd blushed from embarrassment.

 

Now, Lapis stared at the black screen of her computer in her cubicle. Something had to be going on with the Crystal Gems. She refused to believe this story was over.

 

"You might wanna marry me after I tell you this," Chris said. His shaggy haired head poked up from the grey-blue cubicle dividers.

 

"The only way we'd get married is if I were in desperate need of health insurance," Lapis said. "And if I'm in desperate need of health insurance, I'm moving to Massachusetts," Lapis said.

 

"So you wouldn't have to marry me?" Chris said.

 

"Of course," Lapis said. She folded her arms. "What are you so freaking giddy about?"

 

Chris looked around the office as if he had the story of the century. His head ticked with anxiety. He sunk behind the grey-blue felt divider and entered into Lapis' cubicle. With a whisper, he said, "I found Paisley Hammond."

 

"Get the fuck out of here!" Lapis blurted out.

 

Chris motioned for her to quiet down. "Girl, you know we aren't supposed to be working on this story!" He composed himself and said. "She lives in a trailer in the Nevada desert on route 50. Also known as the loneliest highway in America."

 

"Why is it known as that?" Lapis asked.

 

"Cause no one lives there. Duh-doy!" Chris said. "It's a barren wasteland of nothingness. It's the perfect place to live if you want to be left alone."

 

Lapis cleared her throat and said with a whisper. "We need to follow this lead. Pearl hasn't been answering Whitney Hammond's calls."

 

"Dude, if we get an interview with Pearl LeBlanc, like a freaking complete disclosure of the entire history of the Crystal Gems from her--"

 

"Revealing the reason she punched the mirror," Lapis said, raising her eyebrows.

 

"We fucking win at rock journalism," Chris said. "There's nothing people want to read more about than a recluse."

 

* * *

 

 

Amethyst rushed through LAX airport. She loathed the bland design, confusing signs, and crowds of people, some of who tried to flag her down for a picture.

 

"My son loves your band!" One lady yelled.

 

"Fuck this shit," Amethyst muttered to herself as she rushed away from the fan. Her hands fumbled with her carry-on bag as she tried to fish her license out of the bottomless pit that was her purse. She sprinted over to priority check-in behind a much taller woman with wavy brown hair that looked like it should be in a shampoo commercial.

 

That's because the woman in front of her had been in a shampoo commercial. She also happened to have a huge billboard of herself up in Times Square. She also happened to be Felicia Vasquez, Pearl's ex-girlfriend.

 

"Fuck," Amethyst whispered. She tried to get out of line, but as she was about to turn and go hide in a bathroom or something, Felicia turned around.

 

Felicia's large, brown eyes were like wide saucers. "Oh, hi," she said.

 

"Yo," Amethyst said. She allowed her purple hair to fall over her eyes.

 

Felicia cleared her throat and looked down at her Nikes. "Are you going back to Empire City?"

 

"Yup," Amethyst said. "You?"

 

"Same. I was guest judging an episode of _Hell's Kitchen_ ," Felicia said with a half-embarrassed laugh.

 

"Can I just say, I love Gordon Ramsey," Amethyst said.

 

"Oh, my God me too!" Felicia said. "Have you seen his other show?"

 

" _Kitchen Nightmares_!?!" Amethyst said. She practically jumped up in the air from excitement. "Dude. That man is an angel. He doesn't just fix restaurants on that show. He--"

 

"Fixes relationships," Felicia said, nodding.

 

There was an awkward pause. Felicia looked around the airport. "Are we on the same flight?"

 

"12:30?" Amethyst asked.

 

"Yeah, I'm on the same one," Felicia said. The check-in line moved a half a foot. "Hows--"

 

"Not so great," Amethyst said. She knew Felicia was going to ask about Pearl.

 

"I think you're supposed to tell me she's doing great even if she's not," Felicia said.

 

"Well she ain't," Amethyst said. "Otherwise, I wouldn't be leaving my boyfriend and part-time kids behind to go back to Empire City."

 

"Part-time kids?" Felcia asked. Her eyebrows knitted together.

 

"He was married before," Amethyst said. "So they're not mine, which I'm fine with because that means I can be the fun one. Like, yesterday me and the kids had a flour fight in the kitchen."

 

Felicia let out a snort. "What the hell is a flour fight?"

 

"You take out the flour in your cabinet and throw it at each other," Amethyst said.

 

"I think I'd prefer baking," Felcia said.

 

The line moved forward again. They were quiet for the rest of the line through airport security. After she went through the TSA check, Amethyst was putting her Vans back on next to a bench. Felicia slipped on her flats next to Amethyst.

 

"I can see why you were with Pearl," Amethyst said.

 

"Excuse me?" Felicia said.

 

"You both hate fun," Amethyst said. She stood up after her knotting her sneaker and she picked up her bag on the floor. Amethyst walked away toward her flight's gate.

 

Apparently, Felicia didn't agree because she caught up with Amethyst and tapped the back of her shoulder. "I am fun!"

 

"You seem to not understand the joy a flour fight will bring to any person on Earth," Amethyst said. "One time I threw flour at Pearl and she walked away without saying a word to take a shower." Amethyst found her gate and sat down at the waiting area. The seats were hard and plastic, giving Amethyst another reason to hate LAX. Just as Amethyst was about to put on her Sennheiser headphones, Felicia sat down in the seat next to her. Amethyst sighed to herself. "What's up?"

 

"Is she that bad?" Felicia asked.

 

"She wont get out of bed. I'm like ninety percent sure she stopped taking her meds," Amethyst said.

 

Felicia slumped back into her chair. "I kind of feel respon--"

 

"Nope!" Amethyst said.

 

"What?"

 

"It's not your fault, dude," Amethyst said. "She's broken. You're not the reason why."

 

"Rose is why," Felicia said, nodding.

 

"No," Amethyst said with a half-laugh of disbelief. "Her Mom. Her parents fucked her up."

 

Felicia tilted her head to the side. Amethyst hated to admit it, but Felicia looked cute when she was in deep thought. "Really?"

 

"Let me guess," Amethyst said. "Your parents were super supportive?"

 

Felicia tilted her head left and right. "Well-yeah..."

 

"Pearl's mom was like a cross between those parents from _The Virgin Suicides_ and Mussolini," Amethyst said. "I mean, I joined the Crystal Gems when I was fourteen. Not a lot of girls play drums, so Rose was like, why not let the short eighth grader in. My mom had to drive me to every practice and stuff and she was like 100% in as long as no one was giving me alcohol or weed." Amethyst paused for a moment. "Pearl's mom didn't even know she played the guitar. She thought Pearl was going to piano rehearsal or something. She thought Rose was just Pearl's friend. And she thought that whenever we went to Empire City it was to go to use the telescope at the planetarium." 

 

"Well, I know she was strict," Felicia said. "Pearl did tell me that..."

 

"Yeah, but did she tell you what happened when she found out?" Amethyst asked.

 

Felicia shook her head.

 

"So Pearl and Rose used to sleep in the back of Rose's station wagon after gigs so they wouldn't have to drive all the way home," Amethyst said. "Rose would park it in an empty lot or something. One night, a police officer found them together. Rose gets to go back to her college dorm, but the officer brings Pearl home, because she's like -- let's see I was fifteen, so Pearl must have been seventeen otherwise they wouldn't have brought her home -- Anyway, all of Pearl's 'safe for mom clothes,' were in the station wagon and the police officer wouldn't let her change. So she comes home wearing this loose fitting Thin Lizzy tank top, baggy pants, a leather jacket, and a pair of Doc Martens. And the cop tells Pearl's mom what she was doing in the back of the station wagon with Rose and her mom, like, freaked the fuck out. Pearl's mom tells her she's gonna have to quit the band and burn the clothes. She's forbidden from seeing Rose ever again and her mom was going to homeschool or or some crazy shit like that. Pearl put up with it for three days. On the night of day three, she snuck out her window and basically lived with Rose in her dorm.'"

 

The flight attendant announced the plane boarding. Amethyst left Felicia sitting in the waiting area in silence. On the plane, Amethyst fell asleep. When she woke up, she was in Empire City. As she left the plane and went into the airport terminal, she felt someone tap her back.

 

"If she feels better," Felicia said as they stood in front of a Dunkin' Donuts stand. "Can you have her come to the Brownstone? I sold it, so I have to get out by the end of the month. I was going to mail her all of her, uh, Rose stuff, but I really want to talk to her in person. I don't know if texting her right now would be the best thing to do...Especially if she's that depressed."

 

Amethyst nodded. She stood in front of the coffee stand and watched Felicia gracefully walk down the nondescript hallway of the airport terminal.

 

 Amethyst arrived at Garnet's house in the mid-afternoon. After being greeted by Garnet at the door, she said, "Let's do this."

 

"She's not going to let you stay at her house, you know that, right?" Garnet said. She rolled up the sleeved to her red dress shirt.

 

"All I gotta do is make sure she takes her pill every day for a week," Amethyst said.

 

"Harder to do than you think," Garnet said. She crossed her arms.

 

"First I'm going to try a subtle approach," Amethyst said. "Then a more extreme approach."

 

"A more extreme approach?" Garnet said.

 

"You'll see," Amethyst said, brushing off Garnet's question. Amethyst turned around and headed toward Garnet's truck.

 

* * *

 

 

Pearl stared at the light blue sheet she lay under. The darkness and comfort of her cocoon made her feel as if time were not passing by and that comforted her. She appreciated the quiet until she heard the front door to her house open.

 

If there was an intruder in the house, Pearl could not have cared any less than she did at this moment. The idea of someone taking her stuff or possibly assaulting her in her own house did not concern her. Nothing concerned her.

 

The floorboards in the hallway outside her bedroom creaked. Someone was walking around. Then the door opened with a light banging sound of wood against someone's fist. Steps made their way toward her bed.

 

Pearl closed her eyes and allowed herself to stay in place.

 

Then she felt the sheets fly off her body. Suddenly she became cold.

 

"Get up," a woman's voice said.

 

Pearl didn't open her eyes. She knew it was Amethyst.

 

"I'm fine here," Pearl muttered.

 

"When was the last time you showered?" Amethyst asked.

 

Pearl didn't answer. Her eyes remained closed.

 

She heard Amethyst go into the on-suite bathroom, making sounds of cabinets opening and pills shaken in bottles like they were a percussion instrument.

 

"P, the date on this Celexa bottle doesn't match the amount of pills in here," Amethyst said. "In fact, it appears as if none of these pills have been taken."

 

"Using guilt is the perfect way to make me take those," Pearl said with sarcasm. Then she felt her ankles being grabbed. Pearl allowed her body to go limp. Amethyst started to drag Pearl to the bathroom, struggling to keep the taller woman upright.

 

"Shit, P. Help me out a little, will yah?"

 

Pearl opened her eyes for a second and saw a flash of purple hair. Before she knew it, Amethyst was helping her into the bathtub. She sat on the floor of the tub. Amethyst pulled off Pearl's dirty t-shirt and then tugged off Pearl's sweatpants. Then Amethyst turned on the shower. Pearl felt the lukewarm water fall over her face.

 

"Try to open your eyes," Amethyst said. Her voice was gentle.

 

Pearl heard the squirt of a shampoo bottle, then she felt Amethyst's hand massaging her scalp. Pearl opened her eyes as she the suds fell down her face. Amethyst stood over her, washing her strawberry blonde roots and pink ends. Amethyst grabbed a wash cloth from the bathroom cabinet and rubbed a bar of soap against it.

 

"We've been here before," Amethyst said with a half laugh. She lifted Pearl's arm and scrubbed underneath her arm pit. "But we'll get you get out of it, like we did last time." After washing Pearl's body, Amethyst turned the shower off. She threw a towel at Pearl, who did not respond, but finally opened her eyes.

 

Amethyst opened the bottle of pills. She took a rinse cup from the bathroom sink and filled it with water.

 

"Amethyst, why are you here?" Pearl asked.

 

"Because I love you and care about you," Amethyst said.

 

"Seems more like I'm burdening you," Pearl said. She positioned the pink towel so it covered her up.

 

Amethyst shook out a some pills from the bottle and onto her hand. "Do you still take three?"

 

"Two now," Pearl said. "Large dosage per a pill."

 

Amethyst presented Pearl the pills in the palm of her hand. Pearl reluctantly took them and tossed them into her mouth. Amethyst pressed the cup of water to her lips so Pearl could wash the medication down.

 

"I forgot to take them one day," Pearl said, embarrassed. "I was too busy working on writing my new album. Then I felt like I didn't need them, so I stopped taking them. But then one day I was strumming the guitar and I felt nothing. And all I could think about was if I actually liked this. I mean, two decades ago, Rose walked into a classroom where I was practicing for my intro to guitar class and now I'm here. And she's not.Then I thought about Steven and how he'll never meet Rose and how there's this large chunk of his life that's missing and he'll never experience. That's when I felt empty like nothing mattered now. Nothing would ever matter. Tomorrow the sun could explode and we would be gone and everything would be nothing. So why not just lie here?"

 

"Things matter," Amethyst said. "I know it might seem like it doesn't matter, but it does. I mean, I love you. That matters."

 

"Did you read that in a 'How to Support a Loved One with Depression,' self-help book?"

 

"If it's a book about helping someone else, it's not self-help," Amethyst said. She left the bathroom for a moment to get a t-shirt and some sweatpants for Pearl. Pearl had a white dresser embedded into the closet. Amethyst opened the door and then opened the drawer to the dresser. Inside were some band t-shirts. Amethyst decided to give her the shirt that said, "Who The Fuck is Arcade Fire?" in reference to the 2011 Grammy win of the band Arcade Fire when they won for Best Album. Apparently Twitter freaked out because they beat Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Eminem.

 

It was a night that made Amethyst believe there was justice in the world. Her mind raced with ideas for a way to make Pearl get out of bed.


	25. Steven Asks for Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT! I cannot believe that revelation in the last episode. Like, wow. Anyway, as much as I would like to stay close to canon, I've already created a separate character for Pink Diamond.
> 
> We're nearing the end of this fic. I'd say there are about three chapters left.

The harvest moon created a glow, illuminating what would otherwise be hidden in the darkness. Amethyst made tea in Pearl's kitchen. As she waited for the water in kettle to boil, Amethyst looked out the window with an aimless stare. A Mercedes Elite town car pulled up into the drive way, which made Amethyst remove the kettle from the stove and sprint for the door. She waited with anticipation for either a knock or a door bell ring. She had forgotten which alert system Pearl had.

 

A light, well-timed knock echoed from the front door.

 

Amethyst opened it, not even checking the peep-hole to see the identity of the visitor. Behind the door was a tall, attractive women dressed in a white fur coat.

 

"Go back to Empire City," Amethyst said.

 

"My dear, you are certainly a great friend to Pearl, but interfering in her business matters may not be in her best interests," Whitney said.

 

"Making her record shitty music might not be in her best interest either," Amethyst said.

 

"Shitty? Tell that to the US Top Forty charts," Whitney said. She tapped her foot, revealing overpriced designer heels. "I'm sure you already know this, but Pearl needs to get back to Empire City and in my recording studio by Monday or I will be suing her for re-reimbursement on her contract. I know that she may be taking this break-up with that model quite hard, but she needs to remember the world goes on without her whether she likes it or not."

 

"You came all the way here to say that to me?"

 

"No I came all the way here to talk to her, not some purple-haired gutter punk. Please let me in or I'm going to be forced to call for her myself."

 

Amethyst allowed her right foot to hover an inch over the floor for a moment before she made herself move aside and allow Whitney Hammond in.

 

"Quaint," Whitney said. She kept her coat on and paced around the room, only stopping to look up at the picture of Rose above the door. "Such a shame."

 

"Maybe if you didn't take away her health insurance, she'd be here now," Amethyst said.

 

"I didn't take away her health insurance," Whitney said. "What are you talking about?"

 

"I know what you did!" Amethyst said with a harsh whisper so Pearl could not hear her from upstairs. "When Pearl broke her hand, you cancelled our contract! And we were fucking broke!"

 

Whitney's forehead crinkled. She began to stammer, confused, until she said, "What are you talking about? Rose cancelled the contract after we gave her our one condition."

 

"She would never do that!"

 

"We gave her our one condition and she did not agree to it," Whitney said.

 

"Yeah, that we change our music style to make it more radio friendly. We were okay with it, dude!"

 

Whitney shook her head. "That wasn't the one condition. We wanted Pearl to sing lead. That was the one condition."

 

Amethyst felt like there was a small explosion occurring in her chest. She grabbed her opposite shoulder and hugged herself. "You're lying."

 

"Why would I lie about something like that?" Whitney said.

 

"To mess with me!"

 

"I'm not messing with you," Whitney said. "Pearl's voice was more radio friendly. Everyone knows that. I mean, she's on the radio every five minutes now."

 

"Look, Rose loved Pearl. She'd never do something like that to Pearl, to all of us," Amethyst said.

 

"I don't know what to say other than that she did," Whitney said. "After she, well, passed... I knew you and Pearl were living in poverty. That's the reason I initially approached Pearl with the songwriting gig. Of course I didn't think the song would become that popular." She turned to go upstairs. Amethyst followed her.

 

Without knocking, Whitney strolled into Pearl's room. She stood in front of the bed and looked down at Pearl, who stared at the wall. "I would ask you how you're doing, but I already know the answer."

 

Amethyst stayed in the doorway. She felt like she was invading the other two women's personal space.

 

Pearl managed to adjust her body to sit up. Her eyes were half-closed. "Sorry, I've been...."

 

"You need no excuse," Whitney said. She huffed, then took her coat off with unneeded precision and set it on the keyboard stand. She sat on the bed next to Pearl and laced her hand into Pearl's scarred one. It was suspiciously intimate.

 

Amethyst felt a weird jealousy that made her want to tackle Whitney Hammond. Her mind flashed back to how much Whitney Hammond used to call Pearl when Amethyst and Pearl lived together. Pearl's giggles as she walked around their former apartment's living room, just wearing a t-shirt and underwear, as she talked to Whitney Hammond for well over an hour had haunted Amethyst's memory for the past thirteen years.

 

"Once we record the album, you can start touring," Whitney said.

 

Pearl's eyes closed at the mention of a tour. "I don't...I can't do this anymore."

 

"We all loose what we love eventually," Whitney said. "You, most of all should know that."

 

"I suppose," Pearl said.

 

"Sometimes what we love isn't something we think about every day. Sometimes it's something that may indirectly affect those that we love. Understand?"

 

Pearl cleared her throat, "Understood."

 

"Also, we got you a spot headlining Coachella in April," Whitney said. "Please show up Monday or I'll be forced to take legal action. Try to embrace the success and stop hiding in the shadows."

 

Pearl didn't say a word as she watched Whitney Hammond put her coat back on and leave the room. Amethyst was frozen in the doorway. It felt like they had been visited by a ghost.

 

Amethyst wanted to ask Pearl if she knew that Rose cancelled the contract. She wanted question Pearl about her relationship with Whitney Hammond. She wanted to go in and lie down on the bed and hold Pearl like she used to when they were together. Instead she said, "I'll finish making you some tea."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Amethyst unloaded a van outside of Pearl's beach house. She handed Steven, who stood next to her, a snare drum. "Do you think this will work?" he asked.

 

Last night, Amethyst had successfully made Pearl drink some tea. With a little work, Amethyst knew she could get Pearl to play the guitar again.

 

"I mean, It's a complicated thing, bud. You can't just, like, will the depression out of a person."

 

"Has she been like this before?" Steven asked.

 

"Eh, a couple times," Amethyst said.

 

"Oh," Steven said. He held the snare drum under his arm pit.

 

In the living room, Steven and Amethyst set up the drum kit. Garnet silently entered the living room through the front door. Above the door, a picture of Rose tilted to the side from the thump of the door closing.

 

"Hi Garnet!" Steven said.

 

"Hello," Garnet said. She leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. "The chances of this working are quite slim. You can't play music and make someone not depressed any longer. This isn't a Disney movie."

 

"I know," Amethyst said. "Just set up your bass. I'll give you the signal when you should play." Amethyst then took her time going up the stairs. Everything felt quiet. Making a noise now would seem sacrilegious.

 

Amethyst walked down the skinny hallway of the second floor, passing pictures chronologically ordered by year on the wall that contained the moments of Pearl's life. The closer she got to Pearl's room, the less Amethyst was in the pictures. She lightly knocked on the door frame to Pearl's room. Pearl was curled up in to a little ball, hugging her knees.

 

"Yo," Amethyst said.

 

"Hello," Pearl said.

 

Pearl looked a bit healthier than yesterday. Her hair was not greasy and her clothes, although the same Arcade Fire T-shirt from last night, were technically clean compared to the other clothes she was wearing when Amethyst found her yesterday. Amethyst almost tripped over Pearl's keyboard, which was disassembled on the floor, and sat down on the bed next to Pearl. Against her better judgement, with slow, patient movements, Amethyst lay behind Pearl, next to her on the bed and embraced her into a spoon. To Amethyst's surprise Pearl loosened up and allowed the smaller woman's arms to take her in closer. Pearl sighed.

 

Amethyst rested her forehead on the back on Pearl's neck. She inhaled Pearl's natural scent and she often tried to describe to herself how Pearl smelled, only she couldn't come up with anything. It was only clear to Amethyst that she loved Pearl's aroma and she missed falling asleep with her every night.

 

"P?"

 

"Yes."

 

"I was thinking..."

 

"I'm going back to Empire City."

 

"Seriously?!"

 

"Yes."

 

"I was going to tell you tell Diamond Records to shove it and for us to go rogue and record a new Crystal Gems album," Amethyst said.

 

"As much as I would like to rebel with you," Pearl said. Amethyst could sense the sarcasm in Pearl's voice. "I cannot."

 

"Why?"

 

"I own 51% of Greg's car-wash," Pearl said. "If she sues me, she'll take my part of it and sell the business for profit. That's what she was hinting at last night."

 

"You own part of the car-wash?!"

 

"I was supposed to take care of Steven," Pearl said. "I promised Rose I would. Greg's mother had just died and he was going to have to move out. He was planning on living in his van with a three year old child."

 

"This was right after we broke up," Amethyst said. "I remember seeing you at Greg's mother's funeral. You didn't stay long and we avoided each other."

 

Amethyst felt Pearl nod.

 

"Regardless of what my financial situation is...we won't sound the same," Pearl said.

 

"I know," Amethyst said. She knew Pearl was referring to The Crystal Gems. "Is that why you won't revive the band?"

 

"It was Rose's idea and without her, it just seems...strange," Pearl said. "Her voice will be erased."

 

"What if we sound better?" Amethyst asked.

 

Pearl shifted over to her other side so she could face Amethyst. She took Amethyst's hand and brought it to her lips. They were dry and chapped, but Amethyst had been yearning for their touch for the past twelve years.

 

"P?" Amethyst said. "What if we sound better?"

 

"I don't want to answer that question," Pearl said.

 

"I feel like you're holding on to what Rose thought was best for the band and what she thought sounded good. What if she was wrong?"

 

"If she was wrong, then I wasted my life," Pearl said. "That's why."

 

Pearl moved her face closer to Amethyst's so they were inches apart. Her warm breath tempted Amethyst to go in for a soft kiss, but she thought about Travis and stayed in place. Pearl's eyes seemed to be begging Amethyst to make the move and go for it.

 

"I still love you, you know," Amethyst said. "But I can't go back to you."

 

"Okay," Pearl said. She stayed in place. They lay like that for a while, until Amethyst felt she could let go of Pearl's hand.

 

* * *

 

Steven and Garnet waited downstairs in Pearl's living room. Steven leaned against Pearl's bookcase. It was filled to the brim with a variety of books ranging from astronomy to the history of classical guitar. He kept his gaze away from the portrait of his mother looming over the room and instead stared down at his pink guitar, but that reminded him of his mother too. His stomach turned.

 

"This is such a mess," Garnet said.

 

"Yeah," Steven said.

 

"We should get pizza after this," Garnet said.

 

"I would love that," Steven said.

 

Heavy footsteps pounded down down on the stairs. Amethyst held her head low as she stood at the base of the staircase. "Scrap the plan." She waved her hand.

 

"What happen to bringing the joy of music back to Pearl?" Garnet said.

 

"Playing our old songs for her isn't gonna make her happier and it's not gonna make her play," Amethyst said.

 

"I'm sorry, Ame," Garnet said. Her forehead crinkled. "You wanna go get some pizza? Might make you feel better."

 

"I don't really feel like eating right now," Amethyst said.

 

"That might be the first time you ever said that," Garnet said with a smirk.

 

"Probs," Amethyst said with a half-laugh.

 

Steven look up at the staircase.

 

"You wanna get pizza still, Steven?" Garnet said.

 

"I...um, I'm gonna go say hi to Pearl."

 

Garnet and Amethyst exchanged looks. As Steven began to walk up the stairs.

 

"Good luck," Garnet said.

 

Steven had his mother's guitar slung on his back. He made his way down the hallway and into Pearl's room. The walls were painted pink and framed album cover art were on the walls. Pearl was curled into a ball in the middle of the bed, holding on to her white comforter.

 

"Um...Pearl?"

 

"Yes, Steven?"

 

"I was wondering if you could help me with something."

 

"Did Amethyst set you up for this?"

 

"What? No," Steven said. "I, uh, I need help writing a song."

 

Pearl sat up with an ethereal movement. Her head tilted. "I believe your father can help you in that department."

 

"I guess he could," Steven said. He looked down at the ground. "But I want you to help. It's a song for Connie."

 

"Connie?! Your cru-I mean best friend?!" Pearl's eyes widened and her lips curled into a small smile. "Then we shall make it the greatest song she's ever heard. This is a delicate line to cross." Pearl stood up and grabbed her disassembled keyboard on the floor. "What do you have so far?"

 

"Not much."

 

Pearl put the keyboard back together and set it on the stand. She sat down on the chair in front of it. She had messy bed-head and her strawberry blonde roots had grown in so her ends were pink, but she didn't seem to be bothered by it.

 

"What did you mean that it's a delicate line to cross?" Steven asked.

 

"Well, you want her to like you back, right?"

 

"That's the general idea," Steven said.

 

"So you have to make the song good. Otherwise she may find it...um embarrassing?" Pearl said.

 

"Have you written a song for someone?"

 

"Of course," Pearl said as she smiled down at the keyboard. "For Rose." Pearl cleared her throat. "Show me what you have so far."

 

Steven took the pink guitar off his back and hung the strap around his shoulder. "Okay." He began to sing as his fingers plucked on the guitar strings as if they were delicate and would break at any moment. Then he stopped. "That's it."

 

"So, no lyrics?" Pearl asked. She put her hands together like she was praying.

 

"No lyrics."

 

"Okay," Pearl said. She mumbled to herself for a moment. "What do you want to say to her?"

 

"That she's very important to me."

 

Pearl nodded. "Elaborate more. How does she make you feel?"

 

"That when I'm with her nothing else in the world seems to matter," Steven said.

 

"Write that down," Pearl said. She stood up, grabbed a notepad off her desk, and handed it to Steven. A candid photo of Felicia laughing in front of the Golden Gate Bridge sat on the desk. Next to it was an old picture of his mother at a party drinking out of a red cup.

 

"Hey, Pearl?" Steven asked. "What are you doing for Thanksgiving on Thursday?"

 

Pearl crinkled her forehead. "I don't really eat turkey, so nothing."

 

"You wanna come to my house?"

 

"You mean have Thanksgiving with you and Gregory?

 

"Yeah!"

 

"Oh Steven, I don't really eat Thanksgiving food. I would probably be a waste of a seat."

 

"What kind of food do you like?"

 

"You don't need to go out of your way or-"

 

"Pearl!" Steven said. "I want you to come!"

 

"I-um-o-okay," Pearl stammered. "I guess I like pie." 

 

As Steven began to write down his thoughts on the notepad, Pearl looked down that the keyboard and smiled to herself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	26. A Song for Her

Amethyst lounged on the bench outside of the Big Donut. Her aviator sunglasses hung on the tip of her nose and her lilac hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun. She planned to leave Delmarva tomorrow and go back to California. Despite the air chilling her cheeks red, she loved the Boardwalk in the winter. The energy felt dead, but that made everything so much more peaceful. Instead of hearing the cries of children and the chatter of loud tourists from Jersey, you could hear the calm of the waves crashing onto the cold sand. She pulled her fleece collar over her mouth to feel warmer. 

 

Garnet pulled up to the Big Donut in her truck and rolled down the passenger side window. "Steven texted me for us to meet him at Pearl's house." 

 

"For real?" Amethyst asked. 

 

Garnet nodded. Amethyst got into the truck and put her hands in front of the heater, feeling the sting of her frozen fingers warming. "I called her mom." 

 

"Seriously!" Garnet said. "She's gonna kill you. Why'd you do something like that?" 

 

"Cause I gotta leave and go back to Santa Monica. I can't leave her unsupervised," Amethyst said. 

 

"I could've watched her," Garnet said. 

 

"It's not a one person job," Amethyst said. She took a sip of her coffee and almost choked on it as she said, "G, I gotta tell you something."

 

"Shoot," Garnet said.

 

"So Whitney came over the other night," Amethyst said. "You know to threaten Pearl with legal action."

 

"Of course she did," Garnet said. Her grip on the steering wheel tightened.

 

"And she said something kinda, like, upsetting?" Amethyst said.

 

"I wasn't there Ame, I can't answer that question for you," Garnet said.

 

"No," Amethyst shook her head. "What I mean is, well, she said that Rose was the one who cancelled our record contract, not Diamond Records."

 

"What are you talking about?" Garnet said. "Diamond Records cancelled our contract because Pearl broke her hand."

 

Amethyst shook her head. "Rose cancelled it because she didn't want to meet their one demand. They wanted to move Pearl to lead singer and Rose said no without asking us."

 

Garnet was didn't respond. Amethyst supposed that she was stewing over the information. "Don't tell Pearl," was all she said.

 

"But, G, I have to!" Amethyst said. "She needs to know! She thinks...she thinks Rose died because she broke her hand and lost us the record deal. Cept that's not true!"

 

Garnet shook her head. "I don't know what to say, Amethyst."

 

Garnet and Amethyst drove in silence as they traveled to Pearl's neighborhood. When they pulled in front of Pearl's stilted, cedar-shingled house, they heard faint music playing. Amethyst rolled down the window and identified the instruments as an electric guitar, specifically a Gibson, and a piano. 

 

"You think it's her using a piano?!" Amethyst said. 

 

"Most definitely." 

 

They hopped out of Garnet's truck and approached the front door. Without knocking, Amethyst opened the door to reveal Pearl and Steven playing their instruments in the living room. Pearl played a jazzy rhythm piano while Steven strummed his guitar. When Pearl made eye contact with a smirking Amethyst, she stopped playing and signaled for Steven to cease his strumming. 

 

"Amethyst! Garnet!," Steven said.

 

"You're here! Great!" Pearl said. She still wore her Arcade Fire shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. "We need some help."

 

"Oh my god are we--" Amethyst began to say.

 

"No," Pearl said.

 

"So we're not--"

 

"No," Pearl said.

 

"Getting..." Amethyst said, smirking.

 

"No," Pearl said.

 

"The."

 

"No," Pearl said.

 

"Band," Amethyst said.

 

"No!" Pearl said, but this time more forceful. "If you say 'back together,' I swear I'll--"

 

"Back together?!" Amethyst said. She jumped up in the air and sprinted for the drums. The sticks blurred as she pounded on the snares.

 

"No, we are helping Steven write a song for Connie!" Pearl said.

 

"Sounds fun. I'm in," Garnet said.

 

Amethyst fake gagged and said, "Come on, P. You know you want to."

 

"You know she can't, Ame. Stop pressing the issue," Garnet said as she tuned her bass.

 

"I want to try and get a bit further on this song," Pearl said. "So we can leave a recording for Steven when we all go our separate ways for the holiday. We haven't written all the lyrics yet and It might be easier if we finish an instrumental. Especially since I have to go back to freaking Empire City later today." She sighed.

 

"Why don't you want to go back to Empire City?" Steven asked.

 

"Because there are giant billboards of her half-naked ex-girlfriend everywhere. It's like you're walking down seventh and bam! You have to look at a smokin' hot Felicia for the next three miles."

 

Pearl rolled her eyes and sat down at the piano bench. "You could say that's partly why."

 

Amethyst hopped over to the piano bench, pushing Pearl over. Pearl put her hands on her hips in annoyance. Amethyst  started playing and sang.

 

_Pearl walks down Lookland street._

_Looks down at her feet._

_Pictures of Felicia eveywhere._

_But, hey girl, don't despair._

_She probably hears your song_

_And thinks, damn! Where did I go wrong?_

 

"That was lovely, Amethyst," Pearl said with sarcasm. "Now can we get back to the matter at hand?"

 

"I thought it was catchy," Steven said.

 

"Rock pop," Garnet said. "I like it."

 

Pearl ground her teeth. "Can we worry about improving Steven's song?!"

 

Pearl started playing rhythm piano and nodded over to Steven for him to start playing his guitar.

 

"How come you playing the piano, P?" Amethyst said. She rested her chin in her hands as she leaned against the piano. Pearl sighed and stopped playing. Steven followed suit.

 

"Please don't lean against the Yamaha. That's a five thousand dollar instrument," Pearl said.

 

"I think she means, where's your guitar?" Garnet said.

 

"When Steven performs this for Connie, he should be the one in the spotlight," Pearl said. "Besides I think the piano-guitar combo sounds more like Steven."

 

"Let's do this then," Amethyst said. She sat down on her stool in front of the drum set and tapped the two drum sticks together.

 

"You're the one who keeps interrupting, Amethyst!" Pearl said.

 

"So nothing's changed then?" Garnet said with a small laugh. "Pearl tries to keep us on track. Amethyst gets distracted every five minutes. I try to keep the peace."

 

"And Rose finds it all wildly entertaining," Pearl said.

 

"You guys want to start?" Steven asked.

 

"Except Steven doesn't'!" Amethyst said with a giggle.

 

Over the next couple hours, Amethyst and Garnet added the much needed rhythm section, which allowed Pearl to be more creative and free on the piano. After a while, they had a complete instrumental.

 

"I think we got it!" Pearl said.

 

"Now I just need to write the lyrics," Steven said with a sigh.

 

"Just carry around that notebook and write how you feel in it," Pearl said. "Something will stick."

 

"When was the last time you did that to write a song?" Amethyst said. "Not to be curt or anything."

 

Pearl's nose scrunched up. "I think we are both well-aware of the last time I--"

 

"Guys!" Steven interrupted with a manic, forced tone of happiness. "How about we play something for fun!"

 

"I know where you're going with this," Garnet lowered her sunglasses. "What do you guys say?"

 

"Hells yeah. P, get your guitar on and up to that mic, girl!" Amethyst said.

 

Pearl ruffled her hands through her faded pink hair. She stood up from the piano bench and picked up her teal Les Paul from the guitar stand. Steven moved to the side so she could sing into the mic. "The Other Night," Pearl said.

 

Amethyst tapped the symbol.Pearl played the first chord and sang, " _There’s a girl. I saw/The other night. "  
_ But then she stopped. "Let's start over."

 

"Why?" Amethyst asked. "You sang like one line."

 

"You sing," Pearl said.

 

"I sing?" Amethyst gestured to herself.

 

"It will sound better," Pearl said.

 

"What the hell are you--"

 

"She's right," Garnet said. "Your voice is more suited toward this song."

 

Amethyst's forehead crinkled. Nervous laughter spilled out of her mouth. "Wh-nah. No. Rose sang this song. There's no way--"

 

"It's just for fun," Steven said.

 

"Yeah," Pearl said. Her tone and smile were smug. "Just for fun."

 

"All right then," Amethyst said. She took in a deep breath.

 

"What's wrong?" Pearl asked. "The indie rock star can't play drums and sing at the same time?"

 

"P, you know the rhythmic pattern in this song contradicts the melody!" Amethyst said. "You know what? Get the gooseneck mic and I'll play!"

 

"Fine," Pearl said.

 

Steven and Garnet exchanged looks.

 

"Perhaps we should stop and have pizza," Garnet said. "I think maybe I was wrong to support the continuation of this."

 

"I'm not hungry," Pearl said.

 

"You never are," Steven said.

 

"Well neither am I," Amethyst said. Her eyes narrowed at Pearl who was setting up the microphone stand.

 

"You've been saying that a lot this week," Garnet said.

 

Pearl leaned in close to Amethyst as she adjusted the mic. "Ready?" Pearl asked, keeping intense eye contact with Amethyst. Her head tilted and the smirk on her face almost transformed into a full-blown smile.

 

"Stop flirting or I'm gonna stop playing," Garnet said.

 

"We're not flirting!" Amethyst and Pearl both said at the same time.

 

"Well I'm gonna puke if you two keep looking at each other like that," Garnet said.

 

"You were always the romantic," Amethyst said.

 

This actually made everyone laugh. It was a nice way to break the tension.

 

"Alright," Amethyst said. "I'm gonna try it."

 

"Good," Pearl said with relief.

 

"For you though, P" Amethyst said.

 

"For me?"

 

"I know why you want me to sing this," Amethyst said.

 

Pearl looked over at Amethyst. Her guitar hung from her shoulder. "You do?"

 

"It's about you," Amethyst said. "And Rose wrote it for you. So, I get it."

 

No one said anything. Instead Amethyst played the cymbal, signalling the beginning of the song. Pearl's eyes reddened.

 

_There’s a girl. I saw_

_The other night._

_I want to know her._

_She kills it_

_When she strums._

_I want to be near_

_Her all the time._

_And never let go._

 

_We’re best friends._

_Together all the time._

_Never apart. Never alone._

_Can’t you see._

_What this does_

_To me. Never alone._

_Never again._

_She's my best friend._

 

Amethyst sang differently than Pearl did. She was brash, nasally, and more punk-rock. As Pearl played her guitar solo, Amethyst watched Pearl's nimble fingers dance up and down the guitar fret and it caused her to misspeak as she sang one line. 

 

When the song was over. Pearl, now a bit sweaty from playing, said with a sigh, "Thank you."

 

After the song was over, Garnet asked "Pizza?"

 

Amethyst and Steven agreed to go to Fish Pizza. Pearl decided to stay home.

 

"I have to go to Empire City in like an hour," Pearl said.

 

"Can I hitch a ride?" Amethyst asked. "My flight leaves from there."

 

"Of course," Pearl said.

 

* * *

 

Pearl drove up to Fish Pizza in her Tesla. She had changed out of her three day old pajamas and into a Black Flag t-shirt and a black beanie to cover up her faded pink hair. She sipped a coffee.

 

Amethyst walked out of Fish Pizza with a suitcase. Pearl popped the trunk and allowed Amethyst to dump her suitcase. Amethyst hopped into the passenger seat and said, "Thank god you showered."

 

"Of course I showered," Pearl said.

 

"Cause I was getting a bit worried there," Amethyst said.

 

Pearl began to drive. She had a feeling this was going to be a long three hours.

 

"I honestly appreciate what you did today," Pearl said.

 

"I feel like it would be weird to sing a song about yourself," Amethyst said.

 

"It's quite weird," Pearl said.

 

Amethyst hooked up her iPod to the car. "My War," by Black flag played.

 

"Who needs a playlist when you can look at Pearl's shirt?"Amethyst said. "So..."

 

"So?"

 

"You know if you stay in an Uber the whole time, you can probably avoid all of Felicia's billboards."

 

Pearl turned the volume on the radio down. "What's up, Ame?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"You've been weird," Pearl said. "Is this because I tried to, you know?"

 

"You tried to fuck me?" Amethyst said, raising her eyebrows. A mischievous smile was plastered across her face. 

 

"I did no such thing," Pearl said.

 

"Whatevs," Amethyst said. "And no, it's not because you tried to fuck me."

 

"I didn't try to--"

 

"It's actually about Rose," Amethyst said with a sudden seriousness.

 

"Oh," Pearl said. "Well get on with it then."

 

"When Whitney came over the other night, she said something interesting. She uh, she said that Rose cancelled our record contract back in 2002. Diamond Records didn't cancel it because of your hand. It was because they wanted you to sing lead and Rose told them no."

 

Pearl let out a small gasp. Her eyes blinked in rapid succession as tears formed. "I need to pull over."

 

"I can drive if you need me to."

 

"Please."

 

Pearl pulled over to the high way and got out of the car. In the breakdown lane, she walked away from the and bent over to rest on her knees. Amethyst stood behind her. Pearl did not see Amethyst leave the car.

 

"I've spent most of my life thinking this was my fault," Pearl said.

 

"It's no one's fault," Amethyst said.

 

"I know. I know," Pearl said. She could feel warm tears running down her cheeks. "I think the worst of this is that she never told me. She never told me." Pearl coughed until she felt Amethyst's hand on her back. "I would have said no anyway though, Ame."

 

"I know," Amethyst said.

 

"She should have at least told me," Pearl said, restraining a sob.

 

Pearl looked out the window as Amethyst drove into the city. The bright lights used to feel welcoming. To her, they used to represent freedom. But now she wanted to turn away. She wanted to go back to Delmarva and forget about Empire City. Empire City was where Rose took her to. The thought of Rose taking her hand as they danced together in their small, studio apartment, made her think about how she will never get any of her questions answered. Rose was not there to provide any.

 

* * *

 

 Pearl stood in the foyer to her empty brownstone for at least twenty minutes after Amethyst had dropped her off. She could not stand the idea of walking into her house and seeing it empty. Avoiding this moment had been her existence for the past six months. She mustered up the confidence to walk into the house.

 

Although it smelled the same, pictures were gone. The lack of photos made Pearl regret the amount of pictures she put up of Rose. All the furniture was gone, probably sold. She walked into the now empty living room. All that was left was her Steinway and Sons grand piano.

 

Pearl sat down on the bench and began to play Chopin's Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 in E major. At some point she must have lost track of time because the sound of jingling keys echoed from the front door.

 

"Hello?" a voice said. "Pearl, is that you?"

 

"Yes," Pearl said, at first with a whisper. Then more hoarse, she said, "It's me. It's Pearl!"

 

Felicia emerged into the darkness of the living room. She wore a puffy winter coat and a bright red snow hat. Pearl stopped playing the piano.

 

"Hi," Felicia said.

 

"Hi," Pearl said.

 

"I'm glad you texted me," Felicia said. She sat down next to Pearl on the piano bench and said, "I didn't sell this in case you wanted it."

 

"It's a ninety-five thousand dollar piano," Pearl said. "Such a waste. I could have sent three kids to Empire City University instead."

 

"Don't think about your stuff like that," Felicia said.

 

"I guess I shouldn't," Pearl said.

 

"I would like to give you something," Felicia said.

 

Pearl looked away from the piano keys and up into Felicia's brown eyes. Sometimes they reminded her of Rose's. And that was fucked up. Pearl knew that.

 

"But I want to preface it with something," Felicia said.

 

"Preface?" Pearl said. Even she didn't use that word.

 

"I've loved you since the day I found a picture of you on the internet smoking a cigarette on a stoop. When I was a kid, everyone had Jonas Brother posters from Tiger Beat magazine on their walls, but I had you. And that is fucked up, I know that. Especially since I never told you that. But you made me realize...You made me realize who I was and...And thank you for that."

 

Pearl didn't know what to say. There was not anything she could say to make it better. Felicia sniffed her nose. In any minute there would be tears.

 

"I'm sorry I never wrote you a song."

 

"Why didn't you?"

 

"I don't know," Pearl said.

 

After a moment, Felicia said, "I want to give you all the proceeds from the sale of the brownstone."

 

"No," Pearl said.

 

"Stop doing this!" Felicia blurted out. "Stop martyring yourself!"

 

Pearl tilted her head. "No. Let me explain. I am going to sell everything. Then six months from now I'm going to break my contract."

 

'What?!" Felicia's eyes widened. "That's financial suicide."

 

"I know," Pearl said. "I'm okay with it though. I have a plan." Pearl played a scale on the piano. "Can I interest you in buying 51% of a moderately successful car wash for a dollar?"

 

"You want me to buy the car wash?" Felicia gestured to herself. "Why not give it to Amethyst or Garnet?"

 

"Because I love you," Pearl said. "And I-I still want to be with you. And I guess if you bought the car wash, it would mean that we would be together forever."

 

Felicia smiled as she leaned in to kiss Pearl. "I still love you too," she said.

 

"You don't love that soccer player?" Pearl asked.

 

"God, no," Felicia said. "She's obnoxious. She only talks about soccer? And she thinks that because I'm half Venezuelan that I care about that and that's kinda of super offensive, you know?"

 

"It kind of is," Pearl said with a half-laugh as she cringed. "I just need some time to sort my stuff out."

 

"How much time?" Felicia asked.

 

"Couple weeks," Pearl said. "Until my album is out."

 

"I can do that," Felicia said.

 

Pearl kissed Felicia. The familiar soft lips and taste made her feel as if no time had passed.

 

"I'm playing the long game," Pearl said when she pulled away. 

 

"The long game?"

 

"It's going to take me six months to get out of my contract," Pearl said.

 

"Okay," Felicia said. Her hand wiped her eyes. "Pearl, I know this isn't true for you and that's fine. But you're the love of my life."

 

"I love you very much," was all Pearl could say back.

 

Felicia rested her head on Pearl's shoulder. "Are you going to miss this house?"

 

"It was too big," Pearl said.

 

"I agree with you," Felicia said.

 

Pearl decided she needed to write a song for Felicia. Because she deserved one.


	27. Forgive me. I don't know why.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So there are probably two chapters left after this one. 
> 
> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos!

 

The sound of breathing blew by Pearl's ear. A sleeping Felicia had her arms wrapped around Pearl. Pearl, who could not sleep, had been lying there for hours. The act of another person holding her made her feel comforted. It was like the void she was always searching to fill was momentarily closed. 

 

The memory of Rose haunted her. She thought about how Rose sat her down and told her the Crystal Gems' record deal was cancelled once Pearl broke her hand. They were in their studio apartment in Empire City. Rose told Pearl the band was taking a break. That Rose would go back to Beach City to have the baby. At the time, Pearl felt like this was all her fault. Rose had told her she was personally responsible for the band hiatus. In reality, Rose was the one who ended the band. 

 

Her phone started to vibrate on the table. Amethyst's name came up on the caller ID. With a gentle movement, Pearl unwrapped herself from Felicia's embrace. 

 

"One second," Pearl whispered. Her voice echoed. The room was bare since everything besides the bed and the table were in boxes. 

 

 "Whatcha sneaking around for?" Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl left the bedroom, closing the door slowly. "I got back with Felicia and she's sleeping." Her voice was still a whisper. She ascended to the third floor, passing by the now naked walls where her photos once hung. 

 

"Aw schucks, P! You off the market?" 

 

When Pearl was in her old office, now a room filled with boxes, she allowed her voice to reach a normal volume. "Yes." 

 

"That's great," Amethyst said. Her voice slurred. Clearly she had been drinking at an airport bar. Pearl knew Amethyst did not like flying and eschewed fear by getting as blasted as a college freshman. "I wanted to see if you're okay." 

 

Pearl patted down the tops of the boxes, looking for a sturdy one to sit on. "I'm not sure. I can't sleep. I just keep thinking about it." When she found a box, she sat down, only to immediately get up.

 

"I was just thinking about what you said. Why would-would you have said no?" 

 

Pearl paused. She would have said "no" because that's what Rose would have wanted. "You know why." Pearl said. 

 

"I think she was wrong," Amethyst said. "I know you'd never admit that or say that, but she was wrong. And I still love her like a big sister. Because that's what she was to me. But she wasn't very good to you." 

 

Amethyst was wrong, Pearl decided. Amethyst had not been there. She was not there when Pearl's mother had banned Pearl from leaving the house. Rose sneaked into Pearl's room and asked her to run away, giving Pearl the confidence to do and be whoever she wanted. Amethyst was not there for the quiet moments between Pearl and Rose. She did not understand that without Rose, Pearl would be some closeted classical pianist with three kinds and a husband. 

 

"You're drunk," Pearl said. 

 

"Cause I'm getting on a plane." 

 

"I'm selling the car wash to Felicia," Pearl said.

 

"Well, that's dumb," Amethyst said.

 

"Why?"

 

"Just sell the whole thing to Greg." 

 

"He'd run it into the ground," Pearl said. 

 

"Then let him."

 

"What about Steven?" 

 

"He's got us." 

 

"He does," Pearl said. She was quiet for a moment and listened to Amethyst breathe on the other line. 

 

"Are you okay?" Amethyst asked. 

 

"Of course not," Pearl said. 

 

"Do you remember the night you broke up with me?" 

 

"Why would you bring that up?" 

 

"Cause I can't figure out why," Amethyst said.

 

"You made me feel guilty." 

 

"About what?" 

 

"It was like I was betraying Rose. I kept wondering how she would feel about me loving you." 

 

"I think she would have been happy," Amethyst said. 

 

Pearl looked around the now empty room. The door was closed, but to be safe, she spoke with a whisper. "You made me feel love again. And for that I will never be able to repay you and I will always love you back." 

 

All Pearl heard on the other line was breathing. 

 

"I should not have been so pissed at you for all those years," Amethyst said. "I should have understood. Then I would..."

 

"What?" Pearl asked. 

 

"I might be with you now." 

 

Pearl set the phone to mute so she could let out a sob. When she composed herself, wiping away the small tears leaking from her eyes, she said, "I hope you have a good flight." 

 

"Thanks," Amethyst said. "I hope you figure out a way to play with us. You're so fucking good at the guitar Pearl. It's just a fucking shame for you to play this shit on the radio." 

 

"I know," Pearl said. "I, uh, I have to go now. Have a good flight." Pearl heard Amethyst mumble something into the phone. Then she hung up. Her hand clenched around the iPhone. She kicked the box, causing a flap on the top of the box to fall down. Inside was a video tape. Pearl knelt down so she could open the box to see its entire contents. Mostly it contained pictures of Rose. Pearl went against her better judgement and took them out.

 

At the bottom of the box, she found a carton of cigarettes and a lighter."Yes," Pearl whispered to herself. She took out one of the cigarettes and held it between her fingers. As she held it up to her lips, she lit it up and inhaled. Her lungs filled with smoke and she finally felt relieved.

 

After that she could look at the pictures:

 

1\. Pearl wearing a sheer, black shirt and a baby blue crop top underneath, at a party and smoking a cigarette while rolling her eyes at someone out of frame who was probably Amethyst.

 

2\. Rose lazily wrapping her arm around Pearl at the same party as she talked to another person who Pearl could not remember the name of.

 

3\. Rose embracing Pearl, pressing their foreheads together which Pearl concluded was right before a kiss. Pearl smiled wide as she held onto Rose's jean jacket as if the pink-haired woman would float away.

 

4\. Pearl sleeping in the back seat of Rose's station wagon while they were on tour. Her face was pressed against the window and Rose's jacket was thrown over her for warmth.

 

5\. Amethyst sitting on a fence in the middle of nowhere Iowa, because and Pearl could still quote, "We're literally in the middle of nowhere, I need proof I've been there!"

 

6\. Pearl playing a solo on the neck of the guitar during a performance. Her pink, shoulder length hair was damp from the sweat. She wore a black, string tank top and loose fitting jeans. She looked like a complete badass.

 

"Fuck, I was cool," Pearl whispered to herself.

 

7\. Garnet dipping Pearl in a parking lot. They both had on shorts and sunglasses and they were laughing hysterically.

 

Pearl remembered they were in Texas on their first tour. They stopped at a Walmart. Pearl put in her 'Waterloo Sunset,' tape to taunt Rose. The dancing was to exacerbate Rose's irritation. Not many things bothered Rose. Pearl would say practically nothing bothered Rose, except for Pearl being obsessed with this song. It bothered the living hell out of her and Pearl thought it was hilarious.

 

9\. A picture of Rose, Pearl, and Amethyst backstage after their sound test. They were on a black, faux leather couch. Rose was sleeping, Pearl was also asleep, resting against Rose's shoulder. An awake Amethyst lay her head on a pillow next to them. Her wide eyes looked at the sleeping Pearl with adoration.

 

10\. Greg and Rose playing acoustic guitars at a bonfire. It was dark, but you could see their faces illuminated by the fire. Rose smiled at him in a way she never did for Pearl.

 

Pearl took this photo out of the box and decided to give it to Steven.

 

11\. Rose and Pearl curled up together on the beach. Pearl leaned against Rose's chestas they sat on the beach. Pearl looked up at Rose, while Rose rested her chin on Pearl's shoulder.

 

12\. Rose and Pearl sitting on a motel room bed, playing guitars, and smoking cigarettes.

 

13\. A close-up of Amethyst flipping the camera off.

 

14\. Pearl and Garnet at Garnet's house, sitting in the kitchen, for seemingly no reason. You could see the elbow of Garnet's mother.

 

15\. Pearl holding the waist of a pregnant Rose in front of the Eiffel Tower. 

 

16\. A baby picture of Steven swaddled in blankets and yawning.

 

17\. What could only be described an archaic selfie, of Amethyst and Pearl kissing with passion.

 

18\. Taken from above, Pearl laying down on the couch and looking up directly into the camera with a slight smile.

 

19\. Pearl leaning against the docks at Dewey Beach, wearing sunglasses, and looking out at the ocean. The sun created a lens flair. The wind blew her shoulder length, strawberry blonde hair. It was clear Amethyst took the picture.

 

20\. Pearl sitting at her keyboard bench in her and Amethyst's old apartment, drinking right out of the bottle of a cheap, stolen bottle of wine form the restaurant Amethyst worked at.

 

21\. A close-up of Pearl's face as she lay in bed one morning. Her eyes were half-open as she smirked at the camera.

 

22\. Amethyst, Pearl and Pearl's parents in front of a Christmas tree.

 

23\. Pearl at the piano bench, wearing over-the-ear headphones, focused on writing something down in her notebook. She wore a tank top and just underwear bottoms. She was in a different world than the person who took the photo.

 

Pearl knew that person was Amethyst. She knew Amethyst took all the post-Steven photos and the fact that Amethyst did that broke Pearl's heart.

 

She took out a notebook from one of the boxes and started writing. As she did that, Pearl stayed in her office to smoke a couple more cigarettes. The carton soon became empty, so she walked over to look at the now-empty wall of her office. Guitars once lined the wall. Pearl looked around and saw all the guitars, not in cases in a corner of the room. She rifled through the cases to find an acoustic one. Her hand unzipped the black guitar case and found one made entirely of rosewood. She sat down on the floor and began experimenting with different chords. When she heard the birds chirping outside, she left her office and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. She didn't bother turning the light on. After, she took light steps down stairs to go back to her and Felicia's bedroom. She slipped back into bed and embraced Felicia by the waist.

 

* * *

 

 

Pearl slept in. Her meeting with Whitney was not until 11AM. Felicia briefly woke Pearl up to kiss her on the forehead and let her know she was going to some jazz-barre class.

 

When Pearl woke up, she showered and stood in her walk-in closet as she tried to decide what to wear. After sifting through her closet, she lay out two outfits; a green silk shirt, cashmere cardigan, and jeans or a black tank top, a black beanie, and ripped jeans.

 

Pearl chose the latter and grabbed a pair of Felicia's Prada sunglasses to borrow. After she put on her Vans, she left her brownstone and took an Uber to the Diamond Records offices. As Amethyst said, when she turned onto seventh, there was a giant billboard of Felicia that could be seen from a couple miles away.

 

Pearl looked down, staring at her Van sneakers.

 

When she arrived in the Diamond Records lobby, Blaine Hammond's uppity assistant tried to get Pearl to go straight to the recording studio.

 

"I need to talk to Whitney in her office," Pearl said. Above her was a large promotional photo of Pearl playing the guitar. The idea of a picture of herself that big hanging anywhere made Pearl roll her eyes.

 

"She's very busy," Monica said. "I can--"

 

"She's not here, is she?" Pearl said.

 

"She's been very busy. Let me take you to the recording studio. Would you like a bev--"

 

Pearl turned around and left the office building. She took another Uber uptown to Whitney's apartment. After leaving the car, Pearl stared up at the tall, glass building. When she entered the lobby, she corrected her posture and approached the doorman.

 

"Hello Ms. LeBlanc," the doorman said. "Is Ms Hammond expecting you?"

 

"Yes, she is. Thank you, Sam," Pearl said. Her teeth gritted together as she watched the doorman walk over to his computer and check the visitors' log. The elevator doors opened. Pearl stepped into the elevator.  "And don't worry," Pearl said with a wink. "I'll be enjoying the view."

 

Sam pressed a button on the computer, allowing the elevator to move. Pearl closed her eyes and inhaled shallow breaths. When the doors opened, Whitney stood in her foyer, holding a cup of coffee. Her white-blonde hair was tossed into a bun on top of her head. She wore a grey cashmere sweater and black leggings.

 

"Pearl," Whitney said, narrowing her eyes. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

 

"We had a meeting and you decided to not come," Pearl said as she walked into the penthouse.

 

"Sucks, doesn't it?" Whitney said. "Planning something only for that person to not show up?"

 

"I was depressed," Pearl said. "I'm back on my medication and I'm here to fulfill my obligation."

 

"That's great to hear," Whitney said, forcing a smile. "Tea? I know you abhor coffee."

 

"Sure," Pearl said.

 

Whitney popped into the kitchen, allowing Pearl to take in the apartment. The wallpaper from the early 2000s was now replaced with light blue paint. Whitney emerged from the kitchen and handed Pearl a navy-blue mug. "It's cinnamon. I still had some from when you'd stop by more often."

 

Pearl started to open her mouth, but she decided to wait to tell Whitney what she was going to say. Pearl found herself wandering into the living room to look out on the city skyline. Her lips met with the mug and she sipped the cinnamon tea. The feeling of hot liquid in her chest made her feel more relaxed.

 

"So," Whitney said as she stood next to Pearl. "What can I do for you?"

 

"I'm going to listen to you," Pearl said. "I'll show up for everything you want me for."

 

"Very good," Whitney said. "I knew you'd eventually come around."

 

"Come around?" Pearl asked.

 

"Pearl, your lack of desire to be in the spotlight has been quite frustrating these past fifteen years." Whitney let out a sigh. "I've been trying very hard to help you reach your full potential."

 

Pearl's eyebrows knitted together. Everyone her whole life had told her that.

 

_"Pearl, stop playing Bowie. Although it;s impressive you can play, 'Life on Mars,' on the piano, playing Liszt will make you better. Don't you want to play at Carnegie Hall?"  - her mother._

 

_"Pearl, I believe only applying to all-women colleges is going to limit you as a person."  - Mrs. Peterson, guidance counselor._

 

_"You're too good to limit yourself to a boring life at college. You're a fucking talented and sexy rock star. Baby, drop out of high school, run away, and go on tour with me. You wont regret it. I promise." - Rose, with a wink as she bit her lip._

 

_"You're too good for these other bitches. Go solo and we'll make millions." - Paisley Hammond._

 

_"You're wasting yourself on Rose. She'll never love you like she loves him." - a drunk Amethyst._

 

_"You can always go back to college. I'd hate to see you wasting your intelligence writing pop songs. - Garnet._

 

_"Pearl are you sure buying a car wash is a wise business decision? I feel like you have better things to do with your money. Can I interest you in a mutual fund?"  - Karl Longsgrove, Financial Advisor._

 

_"Pearl, I mean, it's a good song. You know I like your songs. I just like The Crystal Gems' stuff better. It's too bad you can't do stuff like that anymore," - Felicia._

 

It's never about what Pearl wants. Perhaps she didn't fully know what she wanted.

 

"Full potential?" Pearl asked.

 

"Why do you think we originally signed The Crystal Gems back in 2000?"

 

"You bought the indie label we were signed to," Pearl said.

 

"I bought that to get your contract. Now I have it and I'm not wasting you like Paisley did," Whitney said. "Listen to me and you'll never have to worry about anything ever again."

 

"Okay," Pearl said. Her voice was a murmur."I never wanted to do this you know."

 

Whitney raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? Do you know what people would give to be in your position right now?"

 

"I just wanted to go to college and be something normal. Like an engineer or an accountant," Pearl said. "But now I'm thirty-seven years old and my life is a complete mess because when I was seventeen and had only six months left of high school, Rose snuck into my room through my window and convinced me we would be rock stars if we left Beach City and went on tour that next morning."

 

"Well, she was right," Whitney said.

 

"I suppose," Pearl said. She sipped her tea. "Can I ask one favor?"

 

"What?" Whitney asked.

 

"Can I have one song?"

 

"One song?"

 

"On the album," Pearl said. "Can I have one song that's mine? One that's not messed with."

 

"That's it?" Whitney asked. She snorted. "Sure. You can have a B-side." 

 

"Thank you," Pearl said. She smiled at Whitney and set down the tea she barely drank on a coaster on the coffee table. Pearl then started to walk out of the room.

 

Whitney looked down at the cup of tea. "Are you going to finish your tea?"

 

Pearl stood in place. This was familiar. "No. I've had enough caffeine for one day."

 

Pearl took an Uber back to Diamond Records. When the car stopped at a red light, she saw a promotional poster for Amethyst's band, These Freaks. She thought about how things would be different if she took Amethyst's offer on starting a new band instead of taking Whitney's songwriting deal.

 

She supposed she would feel unfulfilled either way. Deep down in her being, she felt as if she had something that was unfinished; that Rose wanted to finish. She couldn't exactly figure out what Rose was trying to accomplish, only that it was not complete.

 

Pearl made her way into the lobby again. Monica greeted her and lead her into the studio. A blonde, nerdy looking sound engineer sat at the sound controls.

 

Pearl sat in the sound proofed booth. She spoke into the mic. "I'm going to record something new before we fix the other tracks.

 

"Are you serious?!" the blonde woman moaned. "Come, on, you're already late."

 

"Whitney gave me permission to do this," Pearl said. "I'm sure you would like to keep your job. Yes?" She picked up the acoustic guitar and recorded the instrumental part. After at least a dozen recordings, she was sure she got it right. Then she went up to the microphone to record the vocals.

 

_I'm the girl with the car._

_So quick to criticize._

_Forgive me. I don't know why._

_Forgive me. I don't know why._

_But I know it's true._

_I haven't written a good song since she's been gone._

 

_Ran away from so much._

_It's easier to erase who you are._

_Start over again with no regard._

_Pretend my hand's not scarred._

 

_Play me Waterloo Sunset._

_The first song you learned._

_Drive her mad all the way home._

_Pearl and Rose meet at Dewey Beach_

_And never come back._

_Mom can't cut me any slack._

 

_Ran away from so much._

_It's easier to erase who you are._

_Start over again with no regard._

_Pretend my hand's not scarred._

 

_Come to Empire City._

_Lie to myself that I'm here for you._

_But I know you stay for me._

_Pearl and Ame live in the village._

_This time I didn't try._

_My words are the reason you cry._

 

_Pull me out of the ocean_

_I'm stuck in a rip tide._

_I have no way to show my devotion._

_Please stay by my side_

_Please stay by my side_

 

_Ran away from so much._

_It's easier to erase who you are._

_Start over again with no regard._

_Pretend my hand's not scarred._

 

_I'm the girl with the car._

_So quick to criticize._

_Forgive me. I don't know why._

_Forgive me. I don't know why._

_Forgive me. I don't know why._

_Forgive me. I don't know why._

 

"Do we need to do more than one take?" the blonde sound engineer asked. "This sounds fine to me."

 

"Again," Pearl said. "It's not right."

 

The sound engineer dipped her head back. "Really?"

 

"Yes...eh?" I don't know your name." Pearl said.

 

"Peridot," the sound engineer said. "Now, can we get this over with?"

 

"Of course," Pearl said. She then sang into the mic again.

 

Even if this never made it to the radio, Pearl was sure at least one person would listen to this song.


	28. The Good Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: bigoted parents. 
> 
> Also this chapter ended up being way longer than I anticipated it being. So I guess I'm even farther away from finishing this story? 
> 
> Anyway, I'm hoping to finish the last couple chapters this week. It's been over a year since I started this fic and I'm eager to finish it.

 

 

 

> **1996**

 

Pearl stared as her mother plopped a scoop of mashed potatoes on her plate. The metal spoon hit the porcelain, making a loud ping. This was her mother's way of showing Pearl she was angry. Five nights earlier, Pearl was escorted home by the cops. The officers found Pearl and Rose together in Rose's station wagon. Pearl was in a compromising position between Rose's legs. In the span of a couple hours Pearl's life changed.

 

She had not seen Rose in five days. This was the longest they had been apart since they met.

 

There was silence as Pearl's family ate. Only the sounds of cutlery hitting together were heard. Pearl did not feel like eating. She hated turkey and did not like the idea of Thanksgiving. "Can I be excused?" 

 

"No," her father said. "This is a holiday and we are going to have a nice dinner for once." He then went back to eating his dinner. He focused on his plate. Neither of her parents looked at her and she felt like this burden of disappointment that was ushered onto them. 

 

"I didn't mean to upset anyone," Pearl said. Her fork played with the green beans on her plate. 

 

"Can I just say this?" Pearl's mother said. "Rose is damn lucky those police officers didn't charge her with anything." 

 

"I know what the problem is. So why don't you just say it?" 

 

Neither of her parents said anything. 

 

"Just say it!" Pearl said. 

 

"You know what I think?" Her mother asked. The cutlery rested on the plate. Her mother's eyes looked at Pearl like daggers. "I think you've been having romantic relations with Rose much longer than you claim to have been with her. I think Rose saw you as this quiet, impressionable person. She clearly manipulated you and turned you gay." 

 

"She didn't turn me into anything!" Pearl yelled. She stood up and shoved her chair, pushing it in. "I've always been like this!" 

 

"Until you decide to wise up and be normal, no more guitar. No more band. No more car rides. No more school--" 

 

"You can't keep me from going to school!" Pearl said. Warm tears burned her eyes. 

 

"I've already arranged for a tutor to come three days a week. He will be here Monday. When next semester starts, we can talk about enrolling you for your second semester of junior year at St. Mathias'." 

 

"Catholic school?" Pearl let out a sob. Her hands balled into fists. 

 

"I sent you to the art school so you could become a classical pianist. Not so you would become some lesbian rock guitarist." 

 

"Rose doesn't even go there anymore!" Pearl said.

 

"They were complicit in allowing this to happen and there's no way I am sending you back there!"

 

"You can't make me go to Catholic school!" Pearl said. 

 

"I am the parent. You are sixteen years old. As long as you live under my roof, you are to listen to me!"

 

"Do you know how lucky I was to find someone else like me, who also liked me back?! Do you know how hard that is?!" Pearl asked. She was seething. "Of course you don't! I love her and you can't stop me from loving her!" 

 

"When this phase is over, you will thank me," her mother said.

 

"I hate you," Pearl said. Her voice was quiet and defeated. She stormed out of the dining room and went upstairs. In her bedroom, she shut the door behind her and grabbed her discman from her bedside table. Her over the ear headphones made her feel safe as she lay on her bed.

 

The first song of Weezer's _Pinkerton_ played through her headphones. Pearl curled up in a ball and started to cry. She thought about how she would probably never see Rose again. She would be on lock down until college, that was if her mother allowed her to go to college. Her sobs were soft. She wanted to disappear.

 

Her eyes felt heavy and she fell asleep. Later, when she felt someone push her shoulder, she realized she had been asleep for about fifteen minutes; only because "Across the Sea," played through her headphones. When she turned over, she saw Rose kneeling besides her bed. Pearl figured she had to be dreaming because there was no way Rose could have broken into her house. "Rose? Is that really you?"

 

Rose lunged embracing Pearl. "Thank the fucking stars you're still here." Her lips met with Pearl's for a long, passionate kiss. "Amethyst said you hadn't been in school all week and I was freaking out that your mom might have sent you to one of those camps to 'pray the gay away.' Fucking terrible those places exist."

 

Pearl's arms tightened around Rose and she buried her face into Rose's brown hair, inhaling Rose's scent. "How'd you get here?" she whispered. Pearl noticed Rose was wearing jeans, a red t-shirt, and a black flannel. It was unusually casual for Rose.

 

"I used a ladder to get to your window," Rose said. "Which brings me to my point. Because I obviously have to get the hell out of here as soon as possible before your mom sees a ladder against the house. Pearl, come to Empire City with me."

 

"What?" Pearl let out a short laugh of disbelief.

 

"I got us an apartment there. It's all set up. Well it's small so there's only a bed and a kitchenette, but it's ours," Rose said. She brushed Pearl's hair away from her forehead. Her cheeks reddened as she let out an nervous breath.

 

"What about college?" Pearl said. "You're in the middle of the fall semester and--"

 

"I'm dropping out."

 

"Rose you can't--"

 

"It's not for everyone. I'm okay with that. Look, get this! You're just gonna flip. Marty booked us a tour!"

 

"You're kidding?!" Pearl said. Her voice was giddy. For a moment she allowed herself to be excited until she realized that her mother would never let her go on tour.

 

"It just seemed like it felt right to drop out," Rose said. "And now we can be together."

 

"I-I can't go."

 

"Of course you can," Rose said. "I'll leave your room. You pack a bag and meet me down the street. My car's parked there. We go to Empire City to the new apartment and in a couple days we're on the road for the tour. It's easy. So easy."

 

"That's insane!" Pearl hissed. Her voice was still quiet. "I'm still in high school. My mom will kill me if I run away to move to Empire City and go on tour."

 

"Fuck your mom! She's terrible to you. Okay?" Rose's voice wavered. "Baby, THE CRYSTAL GEMS ARE GOING ON TOUR!" she said this in a harsh whisper. Her voice cut through Pearl like a knife, creating a knot in Pearl's chest. "It's our chance to get away from all of this; from parents who don't understand us, from living a boring, normal life. I love you and this is the only way I could figure out how to be able to be with you."

 

"There has to be another way," Pearl said.

 

"Look, my parents don't care," Rose said. "I told them I wasn't going back to college during Thanksgiving and they just said, 'oh, alright then.' Then I told them your mom was holding you hostage and they said, 'she's fine.' But you're obviously not fine, Pearl. Are you?!"

 

Pearl shook her head.

 

"Thought so," Rose said. "Pearl, I can't do this without you. I need you. Baby, I need you so bad. You're the reason I'm doing this. From the moment I saw you play the guitar in the music practice room, I've just known that we are meant to do this together." 

 

Pearl should not have been turned on by that comment, but looking into Rose's brown eyes as the brunette haired woman said this to Pearl, made Pearl go wild.

 

"I-I need to stay here," Pearl said. "I need to finish school so I can go to Scripps College or something."

 

"Scripp's College?" Rose's forehead crinkled. "That's like on the other side of the entire country!."

 

"I know," Pearl said. "I, um, well. I would have told you first! Before I applied." Off of Rose's look, Pearl said, "I was going to tell you! I swear."

 

"Pearl," Rose looked at Pearl dead in the eyes. "There's no way your mom is going to let you go to Scripp's."

 

"It's something I like to hold on to," Pearl said. She looked down at her quilted comforter. "Especially when you've been taken away from me."

 

"Then don't let me get taken away from you. If we leave now, they can't stop us." Rose took Pearl's hand in her own. Tears filled her eyes. Her fingers laced into Pearl's. "My Pearl, you're too good to limit yourself to a boring life at college. You're a fucking talented and sexy rock star. Baby, drop out of high school, run away, and go on tour with me. You wont regret it. I promise."

 

Pearl looked up at her poster of Liz Phair on her closet door. She imagined herself on stage, next to Rose, playing her guitar. Her hands gripped her bedspread. A small yelp emitted from the back of her throat. "I want this so bad."

 

"Of course you do!" Rose said. She pulled Pearl in for a tight hug, which Pearl returned. Rose kissed Pearl on the cheek before moving to Pearl's lips, pecking Pearl over and over again. "Shit, I'm so happy," she whispered in Pearl's ear. It sent chills up Pearl's spine. All Pearl had ever wanted to do was make Rose happy.

 

"Me too," Pearl whispered back. Rose released her from her arms. She stood up from Pearl's bed and took a look around Pearl's room. A cross was above the bed. The Liz Phair poster stared at Pearl as Rose examined the room. She stood over the keyboard and read the sheet music. "I've never been in your room before."

 

"I know," Pearl said.

 

"It's sterile."

 

"It's not my room anymore," Pearl said. She forced a smile, which Rose returned. "I'll see you down the street."

 

"Can't wait," Rose said. "I love you."

 

"I love you too," Pearl said as she watched Rose leave through the window and go down the ladder.

 

For a moment, Pearl sat in the darkness. The aroma of her room filled her nostrils. Most of the time people can't smell the scent of their own house. But this time Pearl wanted to. She knew she would not be here again for a long time. After filling a duffel bag with clothes, Pearl stood in front of her keyboard. Her finger pressed down on the keys. She played part of Pachelbel Canon in D from memory. It was not a difficult song and this would be the last time she could play on this keyboard. When she was done, she went into the hallway.

 

"Pearl?" a voice said from her parent's room.

 

"Yes?" Pearl froze. It was her mother. The duffel bag on her shoulder suddenly felt heavy. Lightning bolts felt like they were hitting her chest. But her mother did not leave her room. Pearl stood in the dark hallway, shaking.

 

"Were you playing?"

 

"Yes," Pearl said.

 

"It's late," her mother said.

 

"Sorry," Pearl said. "I just need to get a drink of water."

 

"Please be quiet."

 

"I will," Pearl said. Then she turned around and walked down the stairs. She passed the family photos, which were mostly professionally done family portraits.

 

This was the last time she would walk down this hallway for a long time.

 

Her mother would surely kill her if she caught her.

 

Pearl would have to make sure she was not found for the next year and a half. Her birthday was in June. The birthday month that once allowed her to have pool parties was suddenly inconvenient. Before she opened the door, she paused and looked down at the shoe rack. Her Keds were lined up in a neat formation with the other shoes. She contemplated taking the Keds with her. Once she decided to leave them behind, she left her house.

 

The November air was biting against her naked face. She started to jog so she would feel warmer. Her feet took her to the next street over, where Rose was leaning against the car smoking a cigarette.

 

"Look who decided to show up," Rose said. There was a smirk plastered across her face. Pearl dropped her duffel bag on the pavement. Rose stared back at her, entranced by Pearl's mischievous smile. "Fuck them, right?'

 

"Yes," Pearl said. "Fuck them." She let out a short giggle. Rose offered Pearl a puff of her cigarette, which Pearl took between her two long, dainty fingers. She managed to inhale and breathe out without coughing. 

 

"We can finally be whoever we want to be," Rose said.

 

"I know," Pearl said. For some reason she felt her cheeks heat up, blushing.

 

"I'm gonna love the crap out of you," Rose said. "No college roommate to think it's weird you're staying over in my dorm. No parents to forbid us. There will be just us, being us."

 

"I like that," Pearl said. "I'm gonna love the crap out of you too."

 

"We should dye our hair," Rose said.

 

"Dye our hair?"

 

"I've always wanted pink hair," Rose said.

 

"Then let's do it," Pearl said. She rose up onto her tip-toes so she could reach Rose's lips.

 

"I will never love someone more than I love you," Rose said.

 

Pearl had never felt as much joy as she did in that moment than she had in her entire life. What she did not know is that she would never feel that happy again. It's unfortunate the feeling of euphoria is fleeting and people forget, in the moment, to cherish extreme periods of joy.

 

"You're the only person I will ever love," Pearl said.

 

Rose offered her hand to Pearl. Pearl extended her own arm out. Rose then pulled Pearl in so they were in an embrace. In Pearl's ear, Rose began to softly sing, "The Boy Done Wrong Again," by Belle and Sebastian.

 

 _What is it I must do to pay for all my crimes?_  
_What is it I must do?_  
_I would do it all the time_  
  
_All I wanted was to sing the saddest songs_  
_If somebody sings along I will be happy now_

 

They began to slow dance; something Pearl had never done before. Rose guided her as she sang to Pearl. Pearl started to sing with Rose as she knew the last lines of the chorus. Rose felt warm against Pearl. She dipped Pearl as they danced in the middle of the street and kissed. Pearl wanted to melt into Rose. She knew this was impossible, but in that moment, she could feel like she was almost one with Rose. 

 

"We need to get going," Rose said.

 

"Okay," Pearl said. Rose let go of Pearl and sat in the driver's seat of the station wagon. Pearl followed.

 

The next time Pearl returned home was for Christmas, almost ten years later, with Amethyst. By then, Rose was gone.

 

 

 


	29. Thanksgiving

The gold plate charger reflected light into Steven's eyes. He squinted and set it down on the table. Four places were set in Greg's small dining-slash-living room. A giant, cardboard turkey centerpiece sat in the middle of the table. Across from Steven Connie folded napkins. Steven felt his cheeks heat up. He had not performed his song for Connie yet. Crafting the perfect lyrics to express how he felt about her was proving to be more difficult than he anticipated. "Thanks for coming," he said.

 

"No problem!" Connie said. "My parents don't celebrate Thanksgiving, so this is pretty cool!" Connie dropped the napkins at each place setting. She sat down on the chair and said, "Is there anything I should avoid taking about, you know, because?"

 

"Of the non-traditional relationship my dad and Pearl have?"

 

"Precisely," Connie said.

 

"Well, I'm not so sure exactly," Steven said. "Like, I want this to be fun, because Pearl was important to mom and it feels like she's really sensitive to a lot of subjects."

 

"So...you have no idea?" Connie asked with a nervous giggle.

 

Steven nodded. He rubbed the back of his head. "She's also back with her girlfriend Felicia, so that means she'll probably be in a good mood." He paused for a moment and then said, "Also, she doesn't eat Thanksgiving food, so we're giving her a piece of pie. I wouldn't ask her about that, but everything else is on the table." 

 

Before Connie could respond, Greg yelled from the kitchen, "Steve-O, does Pearl have an ETA? If I keep this bird in the oven any longer or else it will be extremely dry!"

 

"She said she'd be here any--" Steven said, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. "That's probably her!" Steven hopped up from his chair and opened the front door. Pearl stood on the wooden steps, holding a box of Steven's favorite ice cream bars and two bottles of wine; one red and one white. She wore a baggy green and blue striped cashmere sweater and a pair of dark blue jeans. A large leather Kate Spade purse hung from her shoulder.

 

"Hello, Steven!" she said before embracing him. "I brought you those cookie cat bars."

 

"Thanks!" Steven said as Pearl shoved the box into his arms. He gestured over to Connie. "This is my best friend, Connie."

 

Pearl stepped into the house. A smirk was plastered across her face as she said, "Nice to meet you Con-nie." She shook Connie's hand in a business-like, formal manner.

 

"Nice to meet you too, ma'am," Connie said.

 

"Where's Gregory?" Pearl asked.

 

"He's in the kitchen," Steven pointed to the kitchen.

 

"Very good," Pearl said. "I have to ask him a question." She made her way over to the kitchen door.

 

Steven exchanged a look with Connie and shrugged. He followed Pearl to the kitchen.

 

Their apartment was small and the kitchen was galley style and closed off from the rest of the house. Pearl was setting down the two bottles of wine on the counter as Steven entered.

 

"You didn't have to bring wine," Greg said.

 

"I don't mind," Pearl mumbled. She leaned against the counter and tried to relax, which proved to be difficult for her as Steven saw her fidget.

 

Greg carved the turkey as Pearl opened the bottle of red wine and Steven put away his ice cream bars in the freezer.

 

"Gregory, would you like a glass?" Pearl asked.

 

"White, please," Greg said as he cut into the turkey.

 

Pearl opened the other bottle. While she poured a glass for Greg, she said, "I have a question."

 

"Ask away," Greg said.

 

"I'm going to be performing at Coachella and--" Pearl said.

 

Greg stopped for a second and said, "That's awesome! You haven't performed there since 2001!"

 

"You mean the official first one?" Pearl said. She laughed to herself. "Yes, I suppose that's the last time The Crystal Gems were there. It won't be the last though."

 

"Whatcha mean?" Greg asked. He had finished carving the turkey. A plate of carved pieces sat on a plate on the counter next to the various sides and Pearl's pie.

 

"What I mean, is I am going to use my time slot to perform with The Crystal Gems instead of performing that market tested pop music they force me to perform."

 

"For real!" Steven asked. He jumped up in the air.

 

"Woah-hold the phone a sec, Pearl," Greg said. "Wont you, you know get sued and--"

 

"I looked into it!" Pearl said. Her voice was sing-songy. "Apparently, my contract stipulated that I am allowed to perform any music that I own the rights to in a live performance! And I own all of the rights to The Crystal Gems' songs. I actually own the rights to a few Diamond Trio songs too." Pearl chuckled to herself.

 

"Okay, but what about," Greg cleared his throat and lowered it to a whisper. "The car wash?"

 

"I was going to sell it to Felicia, but she talked to her financial advisor and he suggested we put the car wash into Steven's trust. So it's safe from anyone who sues me."

 

"Steven has a trust?!" Greg asked.

 

"What's a trust?" Steven asked.

 

"It contains the IRA i set up for you ten years ago and some mutual funds in your name," Pearl said. "And now half the car wash!"

 

"Again, what is all that?" Steven asked.

 

Pearl took out a folder from her large purse and handed it to Greg. Greg opened the folder. His eyes bugged out. "Are you serious!?"

 

"He's eligible to withdraw when he's twenty-five, but educational expenses can be used earlier. Anyway, back to Coachella. I was wondering if--"

 

"Pearl! There's--" Greg said with a loud voice until he saw Steven staring at him, confused. He whispered. "There's over half a million dollars in this."

 

"That's just the mutual fund!" Pearl said. "Back to Coachella. I was wondering if--"

 

"When-when did you do this?!" Greg asked. His mouth was wide open.

 

"Ten years ago. When you bought the car wash. Can I ask you my question now?" Pearl asked.

 

"Wait, is Pearl giving me money?" Steven asked.

 

"Not giving," Pearl said. "I set up a mutual fund for you and I've been contributing anything I've been earning from my half of the car wash into an IRA and some other investments." Pearl looked down at the ground. "I kinda dropped the ball with helping Greg when you were born and, and I feel like this is what Rose would have wanted. So I'm not technically giving it to you. It's yours to begin with." She cleared her throat. "I kind of dropped the ball regarding a lot of things. I could have kept The Crystal Gems together, but I was too afraid to do it without Rose. I've been too afraid to do many things without her. But can't live like that anymore. Even if it still feels like I have this hole that can't be filled because there's no bottom. "

 

"I may be the only other person who can actually tell you that I know exactly how you feel," Greg said. "Thank you."

 

Steven saw Pearl's eyes redden. She collected herself and cleared her throat again. She paused and then said, "Can I ask my question now? Can I take Steven to Coachella so he can perform with us in place of--I mean, he can perform rhythm guitar." 

 

"Seriously!" Steven said. He nearly jumped up in the air. "DAD! Please can I--"

 

"You're going to watch him?" Greg asked.

 

"I mean," Pearl swallowed hard, cringing. She tried her hardest to force a smile, but it made her face look scrunched up. "You may come too. To see Steven perform of course."

 

Greg took off his apron and rinsed his hands in the sink. He then ran up to Pearl and embraced her so tight that he practically lifted her up off the ground.

 

"You're welcome, Gregory," Pearl said, clearly uncomfortable. She patted his back with an awkward, light motion.

 

Greg released her. "I'm sorry. I was just so happy!" He picked up the plate of turkey. "Let's go over the logistics over dinner."

 

Steven and Pearl helped Greg bring the side dishes into the dining-slash-living room. Connie sat at the table, waiting for Steven to come back. "Hey!"

 

"Hey," Steven said, blushing. He looked up to Pearl, who was glaring at the bowl of mashed potatoes she was carrying. "Pearl," Steven whispered."

 

"Yes?" Pearl whispered back. She bent down so she was closer to Steven's face.

 

"I haven't given my song to Connie yet. It's not finished. So don't talk about it," Steven said.

 

"My lips are sealed," Pearl said, smiling.

 

They sat down, each grabbing a serving, except Pearl who had a slice of pie on her plate. She sipped her glass of red wine. "I need to check with Amethyst, but I'm pretty sure we can stay with her the night before and then drive down to Indio for the weekend."

 

"This is so cool!" Connie said. She played with the food on her plate. "I wish my parents were cool enough to let me go to something like this."

 

"Shall I ask them?" Pearl asked. Her forehead was scrunched up. Steven believed this was probably because Pearl had no idea how to respond to Connie's remark.

 

"Oh, Ms. LeBlanc, they would never let me go to the middle of the desert for a concert," Connie said. "That's okay though. I can watch Steven on the live stream." She smiled at Steven, who blushed and then looked away and down at his plate.

 

"I think I understand," Pearl said.

 

After they were finished eating, Connie looked at the time on her phone. "Wow! It's almost 9:30! I better get going. My mom likes me to be home before ten."

 

As Connie rose from the table and walked over to the coat rack. Both Pearl and Greg nudged their head over to Connie, indicating for Steven to offer to go see her.

 

"Walk her home," Pearl mouthed. Greg enthusiastically nodded in agreement.

 

"Connie! I'll walk you back!" Steven said.

 

"Are your sure? It's kinda cold out," Connie said.

 

"It's no big deal. I'll wear sneakers," Steven said.

 

"Okay, then," Connie said, grinning.

 

On the way to Connie's house, Steven had his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. "Thanks for coming. I think that might have been awkward if you weren't there."

 

"Really?" Connie asked.

 

"Yeah," Steven said. "Pearl and my dad can be kind of unpredictable. Like one time, at my birthday, they both got me the same present. It was the same exact lego set."

 

"Oh no," Connie's brow furrowed.

 

"Yeah," Steven said. "They both fought about who was the one who was going to return theirs and buy me a different one."

 

Connie let out a laugh. "That is pretty ridiculous."

 

"Adults are ridiculous," Steven said.

 

"They are," Connie said.

 

When they made it to Connie's house, they both stood at the end of her driveway, facing each other. Steven could hear the sound of the ocean in the background. It calmed him. He let out a breath, which became smoke in the air due to the low temperature. "Well, here we are," Steven said. His voice trembled.

 

"Yeah," Connie said.

 

They both then talked at the same time saying, "I, um," and "You know."

 

"Have a good night," Steven said.

 

Connie looked at him in the eyes. She seemed to be leaning closer to him. Her eyes closed. Steven leaned in too and soon he felt his lips against Connie's. When she pulled away, Steven was frozen in disbelief.

 

"Okay," she said. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

 

He cleared his throat. "I'll text you."

 

She nodded and then walked up her driveway. Steven stood, dumbstruck for a moment. Did he really just kiss Connie? He could not believe it. He ran all the way home, taking periodic breaks to jump up in the air. When he returned, to his house, he found Greg and Pearl laughing as they sat across from each other and drank wine. They did not seem to notice him entering the house.

 

"My favorite is when we were in Iowa and Amethyst was so excited to see the farms," Pearl said, "so she wanted a picture on one of the fences. So I take a picture and the entire time she's just all giddy and says, 'P, I'm in the middle of nowhere!'"

 

"What about Rose in San Francisco?" Greg said.

 

Pearl giggled. "You mean when she ended up skinny dipping in the ocean?"

 

"She ran right in and then screamed about how cold the water was and--"

 

"Then she ran out, and practically buried herself in the sand!" they both said in unison.

 

"Oh remember St. Louis?" Pearl said. "When we lost Amethyst?!" 

 

"I should say that was terrifying because she was only fifteen, but it was kind of hilarious that she ended up being at the circus feeding the elephants." Greg said.

 

"Steven is turning fifteen this spring..." Pearl said with wide eyes. "Oh my god." Pearl buried her face into her hands. "I can't believe I lost her."

 

"Pearl, you were like a year older than her. How were you supposed to be responsible for her? Garnet or Rose should have been the ones taking care of you two."

 

"I was with Rose," Pearl said. "When we lost her."

 

"Oh," Greg said. "Look. No seventeen year old should have to tour without an adult. That's actually kind of insane. I know I asked my parents if I could go on tour and they said I could once I graduated high school."

 

Pearl took a gulp of her wine. "I never asked to go. I just did."

 

"Hey guys!" Steven awkwardly waved.

 

"How'd it go, bud?' Greg asked.

 

"Eh, pretty good," Steven said with a beaming smile as he tried to play it off as no big deal.

 

"Great!"

 

"I better get going," Pearl sighed. She stood up and said, " I have one last place to be tonight."

 

"You going to see Felicia?" Steven asked.

 

"She's in Keystone with her family," Pearl said. "'Since we just got back together, I decided to stay behind. So thank you for having me here."

 

"You're always welcome here!" Greg said.

 

"Thank you, Gregory," Pearl said. She gave Steven a tight hug. "I hope everything goes well with Connie."

 

"Thanks," Steven said.

 

"I love you," Pearl said.

 

"I love you too, Pearl," Steven said.

 

Pearl let go of Steven and nodded to Greg.

 

"You should stop by next week!" Greg said.

 

"I might do that," Pearl said. She walked over to the front door. It was clear she was a bit drunk. She bowed like a ballet dancer and said, "Don't worry, I am walking to my next destination."

 

"I hope it's not far," Steven said.

 

"Don't worry, it's right down the street," Greg said.

 

"Right you are, Gregory," Pearl said.

 

"If you need us later, call," Greg said. His tone was serious.

 

"Will do,"Pearl said as she put her coat on. She took her purse off the hook and left.

 

When Pearl was gone, Steven asked. "Where is she going? Garnet lives across town and Mom's grave is, like, really far away."

 

"She's going to her parents' house," Greg said.

 

"Oh," Steven said. He sat down at the table and rested his head against his arm.

 

"Pie?" Greg asked. "Pearl barely ate one piece."

 

"Okay!" Steven said. He yawned. "Dad?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"I'm glad we had Pearl over."

 

"Me too, bud," Greg said. He forced a smile and set down a piece of pie in front of Steven. With a whipped cream can, he sprayed a mountain of whipped cream over the pie.


	30. Nevada

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished this chapter. There's only one left after this. 
> 
> Also thanks to InformalFallacy for making a TV Tropes page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/RockStarsTheFallOfTheCrystalGems
> 
> Feel free to add to it if you want to. 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos!

Ghost towns always seemed like a movie construct to Lapis. When she heard the word "ghost town," she thought about that video game Silent Hill. Choosing the music journalism path made her believe she would always be in big cities interviewing artists or following them on tour. She never thought she would end up in the middle of Northern Nevada, in a small, run-down town where everyone seemed to hoard old car parts in their front yards, with Chris Freeman of all people.

 

"We're going to get cannibalized out here. Just like that messed up movie with the mutant people," Chris said. He stretched as he paced around the old, run down gas station they stopped at. The gas station had boarded up windows and chipped paint. Only one of the pumps worked. The cashier was a man with four teeth and an old, ratty hat. "I mean, I know we came here on Thanksgiving, but I don't want to be any mutant people's Thanksgiving dinner."

 

Lapis looked at her phone. She had no signal. It had been like this for the last three hours. They landed in at the Salt Lake City Airport and once they crossed into Nevada, Lapis' phone signal died. "You're probably right." She sighed. "Where's the map?"

 

"Beats me," Chris said.

 

Lapis opened the car door. She lowered her Ray Ban sunglasses to her nose so she could see inside the car. The map was one the floor. Lapis picked it up and shook off Cheetos crumbs that Chris dropped everywhere. She blew the gross, orange dust off the map and opened it. Her finger traced across what looked like a dirt road. "Here," she said. "That's where we need to go. Hop in and read me the directions."

 

"God," Chris said, "I never thought I'd say I missed Siri. That Joaquin Phoenix movie was on to something."

 

They both got into the car and started to drive across the flat, barren earth. Lapis' attention was fixed on the seemingly endless road ahead of her.

 

"So what do you think you're gonna say to this Paisley Hammond?" Chris said.

 

"I have a list of questions," Lapis said.

 

"Well, what's your first question?"

 

"I dunno," Lapis said. "I haven't decided yet."

 

"I need to know though."

 

"Why?"

 

"What if I have the exact same questions as you do?"

 

"Chris, there is no way you have the same exact list of questions I do," Lapis said.

 

"How do you know?"

 

"Because I'm smarter than you and I know way more about The Crystal Gems."

 

"I highly doubt that," Chris said.

 

"First show," Lapis said.

 

"December 19, 1996," Chris said.

 

"Wrong," Lapis scoffed. "That's the first show from their first tour. First show actually occurred on September 23, 1995 at Bill Dewey's house. He's actually the mayor of Beach City now."

 

"You did not specify," Chris said. "Are we quizzing each other now?'

 

"Do you wanna quiz each other?" Lapis said in a deadpan voice.

 

"Well we have no phone signal and the radio only plays country and weird conservative talk radio, so yes. Yes, I would love to quiz each other on Crystal Gem trivia!" Chris said.

 

Lapis sighed. "I was being facetious. Not really in the mood to answer trivia questions."

 

"Anxious?" Chris asked.

 

"Of course," Lapis said.

 

At the end of the dirt road was a small trailer surrounded by a white picket fence. Inside the fence was a green-yellow lawn and an Australian Shepard running around in circles. "Here we go," Lapis said. "Are you ready to find out all of the answers?"

 

They stepped out of the car an approached the trailer. A woman of medium height and long grey hair stepped out of the trailer. "Are you the reporter from Torch magazine?"

 

"That's me," Lapis said, raising her hand. Being self-conscious, she slowly let her hand drop to the side as she cursed herself for raising her hand like a total goof. "Is there a place where we can--"

 

"Let's do it in the yard," Paisley said. Her voice was harsh like she had been smoking cigarettes every day for the past three decades. She approached Lapis and Chris at the edge of the fence and leaned over it. Upon closer look, her wrinkles made her eyes seem sunken in. Her maroon t-shirt was tucked into her jeans. Comparing her to her older sister Whitney was like comparing night and day. Plastic surgery and a well-balanced diet apparently made a difference.

 

"Can I record this?" Lapis held out her tape recorder.

 

"Sure," Paisley said.

 

"What led you to facilitate a contract re-negotiation with the Crystal Gems when Diamond Records bought Sneeple records?" Lapis asked.

 

"Going right to the juicy stuff, huh?" Paisley asked. She took out a carton of cigarettes. "Want one?" she offered Chris.

 

"I am a-okay," Chris said. "I have asthma."

 

"I'll take one," Lapis said. She took one out of the carton and put it between her lips. Paisley held up a lighter and Lapis inhaled. "You think my questions are boring?"

 

"Yes," Paisley said.

 

"Can you answer it and then I can get to the good stuff?" Lapis asked.

 

"We renegotiated their contract not only because we bought the indie record company. See, I had a plan. All the Alternative Billboard top 100 back in 2002 were male dominated bands of the pop-punk variety or of the hard rock variety. However. All of it was very polished. As you probably know--"

 

"The Crystal Gems were far from polished," Chris said. Lapis shot him a look. "Hey it's true. They were garage-punk. They had maybe three polished songs. The rest basically sounded like garage rock. Don't get me wrong, I love garage rock, but--"

 

"You can shut-up now," Lapis said. "So, Paisley what was your plan?"

 

"Step one, make them write a pop-punk song. Step two, demo it with Rose singing it. Step three, have Whitney veto the demo. Step four--"

 

"There are a lot of steps to this," Chris said.

 

"Can you let her speak, dude!" Lapis said. "Man, I literally can't take you anywhere!"

 

"Step four," Paisley continued with a cough. "Step four, re-record the demo with Pearl singing. Step five, give Pearl a makeover."

 

"Give Pearl a makeover?' Lapis asked with confusion.

 

"Now look who's interrupting," Chris laughed.

 

"Her look screamed 'I'm the lead guitarist and I only sing harmony.' See, I wanted her to be lead. She was the most musically talented and she had the most radio friendly voice," Paisley said. "I was in the business of selling music and my sisters were putting a lot of pressure on me to make it work."

 

"And why was that?" Chris asked.

 

"Why was what?" Paisley asked.

 

"Why the pressure to make The Crystal Gems popular? You could have made like a bunch of other ones successful. Why was there a push to make them popular?" Chris said.

 

"They were the only band I had signed. Right before The Crystal Gems went on their world tour, I had them record a demo for what their new music would sound like. This was to make sure Whitney would keep them signed to Diamond Records after Diamond Records bought Sneeple Records." Paisley said. "I feel like I should start with what happened that day to better explain everything. Also, it's got some juicy stuff in it."

 

"I love the juicy stuff," Chris said. "I mean I could care less about contract negotiation stuff."

 

"Thanks for being on my side," Lapis muttered.

 

"I'll start from the beginning. I signed The Crystal Gems in 1998." Paisley continued, "After managing them for a year and seeing how their recent release was not selling well, I convinced Sneeple Records to let Pearl have complete creative control of the new album. Only problem was Rose and Pearl decided to open their relationship. Rose became distracted by other people. Pearl became distracted by the jealousy."

 

"Hold the phone!" Chris said. "Rose and Pearl were fucking?!"

 

"Told you," Lapis said.

 

"They were doing more than just fucking," Paisley said. "Pretty sure they would have gotten married if they could have. Their relationship was not traditional by any means. But they were twenty and they were beautiful and they were in a band."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **1999  
>  **

 

The Crystal Gems had a show in Portland. The rainy city's misty air created the perfect storm for Rose to invite a handful of people back to the hotel for a party. Usually they went out to bars after. Pearl and Rose shared a suite that had two rooms, one bedroom and a living room area. A large archway diminished any privacy between the two rooms. Paisley Hammond had the honor of sitting on the living room couch next to a jealous, drunk Pearl LeBlanc. Pearl held a cup filled with white wine, probably a Chardonnay. Her eyes narrowed at Rose, who was in the next room, flirting with an attractive blonde woman. The blonde woman sat on Rose's lap. With the sound of each of Rose's giggles, Pearl took a large gulp.

 

"Looks like you're gonna have to find another place to sleep tonight," Paisley said.

 

Pearl snapped her head toward Paisley, narrowing her eyes. "We have an agreement. As if that's any of your business."

 

"Honey, anything that involves the life expectancy of this band is my business."

 

Paisley heard a giggling screech. Across the room, Amethyst was taking shots with her pro skate boarder boyfriend Travis. Garner stood next to her, stoic as she nursed a beer.

 

"We're fine." Pearl refilled her plastic cup with the bottle of Chardonnay on the floor.

 

"You know what I think?"

 

"What?"

 

"You're too good for these other bitches. Go solo and we'll make millions."

 

Pearl gave Paisley a side-eye. For a moment, Paisley allowed herself to imagine Pearl saying yes. Although Paisley could tell Pearl considered it. The chances of Pearl accepting were slim.

 

"I don't need millions," Pearl said.

 

"But you need Rose?" Paisley timed her rebuttle just as Rose pulled the attractive blonde woman onto lap. "Because it looks likes she doesn't need you."

 

Pearl let out a sigh. She sunk back into the couch. "I've made too many final decisions to let go of this now."

 

"You're not going to sell any records with that garbled, garage punk sound. We need to make it smoother, more relatable, catchier."

 

"I know." Pearl's voice was almost a whisper.

 

"The guitar rifts and solos we have you doing don't showcase how much better you've got." Paisley picked up the bottle of Chardonnay and refilled Pearl's plastic cup. "Don't you want to go down in history as one of the greatest guitarists of all time?"

 

"I think we can write better music." Pearl took a sip of her drink. Her eyelids were heavy. "This album is going to be so much better. I've-I've been making us record twelve hours a day when we don't have a shows."

 

"You mean you think you can write better music."

 

"I don't write all the songs alone."

 

"But you write most of them. Let's be real, Rose is the face of this band, but you? You're the fucking reason it's even on tour. You're the fucking reason people go to these shows and cheer Rose's name."

 

Pearl's face scrunched up like she was considering the weight of Paisley's statement. Her mouth parted slightly. Just as she was about to say something, Rose plopped herself on the couch next to Pearl so that Pearl was in the middle of Rose and Paisley.

 

"Hey," Rose's voice sounded smooth, although her body moved with abrupt and brash motions. "Guess what?"

 

"That girl you're talking to is awfully fun, gorgeous, and interesting?" There was a hint of sarcasm to Pearl's voice.

 

"Well, yeah, but!" Rose erupted into laughter. She kissed Pearl. When she pulled away her index finger traced Pearl's bottom lip. "She just told me she has a huge crush on you." Rose's voice lowered, but because she was drunk, it sounded like a stage whisper. "She wants to fuck you."

 

Pearl looked over at the blonde woman, who was propped up on her elbows as she sat on the bed. The woman waved to Pearl. But Pearl was frozen in place.

 

"Wave back," Rose said. Her arm wrapped around Pearl's waist.

 

Pearl allowed herself to give the blonde woman an awkward wave.

 

"Here's the thing though," Rose said. Pearl brought the plastic cup up to her lips. Rose took it out of her hands and set it down in the end table. "I want to make love to you tonight too."

 

"I think this is my cue to leave," Paisley stood up from the couch. She didn't hear what Pearl said to Rose after,but it must have been an acceptance of the proposition because Rose stood up and announced that the after party was over.

 

Outside of the room, the hotel hallway filled with people. Paisley did not see the blonde woman among the crowed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **Present**

 

"Rose Cortez was a...distraction? I don't think there's really a good word for it, but Pearl held onto that relationship for far longer than she should have," Paisley said. "Shortly after the Portland show, they broke up for a brief period of time. I'm not entirely sure when they got back together, but when they did, Sneeple records was bought by Diamond Records. My sisters had some new ideas for the direction of the band. Pearl wasn't having any of it so she became unnecessarily combative and irresponsible. Like she was slowing the wheels of progress on purpose."

 

"Can you recall a specific incident where she 'slowed the wheels of progress.'?" Lapis asked.

 

"You bet your ass I can," Paisley leaned against the paint chipped fence. "I can recall the very fucking moment I knew I was screwed. It must have been February of 2001. I just had a meeting with my sisters Blaine and Livie. They told me Whitney had plans to buy Sneeple Records. It just so happened the only band I managed was owned by Sneeple Records. They told me I had to "fix The Crystal Gems' sound or Whitney would drop them once Diamond Records bought Sneeple Records."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **2001**

 

Paisley entered the music studio. In the control room, Rose sat next to the sound engineer, Craig. Amethyst idly sat at her drums in the sound booth. Garnet, also in the sound booth, stood with her bass, waiting for something. In the center of the sound booth, Pearl was playing a guitar solo.

 

"What the hell are you girls doing?" Paisley asked.

 

Rose smirked. "Twenty minutes ago, Pearl took two bong hits in Amethyst's car and now she's going to play 'The Cliffs of Dover,' from memory."

 

"You're all high?!" Paisley said.

 

"Not me," Rose said. "Everyone else? Yes."

 

"I thought Pearl didn't smoke during practice to keep her mind sharp or some crap like that?" Paisley said. She folded her arms, irritated with this band of twenty-year olds that she had to deal with.

 

"Today she was feeling adventurous, apparently," Rose said. Her chin rested in her hands. "Also, she's pretty pissed at you for making her write songs she doesn't want to put on the next album."

 

"I feel like I'm the only one here who wants to make money!" Paisley said.

 

"Eh, not true," Rose said. Her eyebrows rose. "You should watch this though, it's going to be pretty awesome."

 

"Pretty awesome?' Paisley asked.

 

"I've seen her play this sober and it''s insane how fast her hands moves down the fret," Rose said. "Every note, every tab, is correct."

 

"Is this hard to play or something?"

 

"Very hard to do right," Craig said. "Like, I've seen people do it wrong before, but this?"

 

"I take it, it's all correct?" Paisley rolled her eyes, "How long is this going to take?"

 

"Ten minutes," Rose said.

 

"Can she stop?"

 

"Stop this?' Craig said. His mouth was wide open and he turned to Rose. "I feel like she has no idea what she's witnessing right now."

 

"Fine," Paisley sighed. "After this fuckery, we will have the meeting." She crossed her arms and watched Pearl play the guitar solo as Amethyst played the drums and Garnet strummed the bass. That's when she realized this was a calculated move by Pearl. "She doesn't want to have the meeting, does she?"

 

Rose let out a small laugh, "No."

 

Pearl's hand moved up and down the fret. Her eyes were red, probably from the marijuana. She was smiling at Amethyst, with her tongue out, between her teeth as she played. Amethyst was giggle as she kept the beat of the drums. Paisley watched the spectacle and decided it was fairly impressive. Pearl's hand was practically a blur.

 

"Why didn't you get high," Paisley asked as they watched from the control room.

 

"Didn't feel like it," Rose said.

 

"That's not like you," Paisley said. "Aren't you usually the ringleader of bull shit?"

 

"Usually," Rose said. "But I want to 'remain sharp,' at least for today."

 

"You with her again?" Paisley asked.

 

"What do you mean?" Rose said.

 

"You have to keep me in tune with the dynamic going on here. Otherwise I can't manage the band properly," Paisley said. "Are you fucking her again?"

 

Rose kept her focus on Pearl playing. "Yes. But no one else knows. I don't think Amethyst would take it well."

 

"That short, purple-haired kid, is hopelessly in love with her," Paisley said. "You can see it in her eyes."

 

Paisley watched Pearl looked down back at the fret to make sure her fingers were on the correct tab. Her view shifted to Amethyst, who still had a dumb-struck look on her face. Then Pearl glanced up from her guitar and looked over at the control booth. Pearl winked at Rose.

 

"And Pearl is hopelessly in love with you," Paisley said.

 

"I love her very much too," Rose said. She did not look Paisley in the eyes. Instead she held her view on Pearl.

 

"Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify stringing her along to keep this band together," Paisley said.

 

"I'm not stringing her along," Rose said. Her eyes narrowed. "You don't know what you're talking about."

 

When Pearl finished her guitar solo, Amethyst jumped up from the drums as everyone else in the studio clapped. Pearl wiped sweat from her forehead as Amethyst took her into an embrace.

 

"Oh my god, P! That was so sick! You were all like watch my hand move like a total boss. All from memory!" Amethyst said. "Shit you're so fucking good. How?" She grabbed a piece of the fabric from Pearl's light blue v neck t-shirt. "Teach me your ways."

 

Pearl smiled and said, "Amethyst you could probably play this too."

 

"I hate to break-up all this weird sappiness," Paisley said through the control room microphone. "But can you all get the hell out of there and into the control room so we can finally have a meeting!"

 

Pearl started to giggle uncontrollably, which seemed to spread to Garnet and Amethyst.

 

"Is she getting off on making me irritated?" Paisley asked Rose as Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst all left the sound booth and headed toward the control room.

 

"Probably," Rose said.

 

"You seem pretty blase about all of this," Paisley said.

 

"Do I?" Rose said. Her lips contorted into a smile as she made eye contact with Pearl as Pearl entered the control room.

 

Pearl opted to sit on Rose's lap instead of the couch. She let her head rest on Rose's shoulder. Amethyst sat down on the couch next to Garnet, her eyes narrowed in confusion.

 

"You sit on all of your friends' laps?" Paisley asked.

 

"You always question stuff that's none of your business?" Pearl asked. She did not move. "Just get on with this meeting."

 

"I know you got high on purpose so this would be as unproductive as possible," Paisley said.

 

"I put everything I had into the last album," Pearl said. "Barely anyone bought it. We're just going to follow your directions anyway." Her eyes rolled.

 

"Got a sick review at _Torch_ though, P!"Amethyst said.

 

"Reviews are nice, but paying rent is as well," Rose said.

 

"Perhaps you should just tell us what's going on," Garnet said. "Did Whitney like the song we wrote?"

 

"She loved the song!" Paisley said. "Although the recording, not so much."

 

"What was wrong with it?" Pearl asked. She played with the ends of Rose's pink hair. Rose had not dyed it in weeks. Her brown roots had grown down to her chin.

 

"Whitney wants it rerecorded with Pearl singing lead," Paisley said.

 

Paisley was met with silence. Garnet and Amethyst looked over at Rose and Pearl. They both had cautious expressions of disbelief.

 

"Did you just say what I think you did?" Amethyst asked.

 

Paisley nodded. Pearl dropped Rose's hair from between her fingers. Rose and Pearl's eyes met. Pearl searched for approval on her girlfriend's face, while Rose's forehead wrinkled.

 

"Sure," Rose said. She motioned for Pearl to get up. When the skinny strawberry blonde left Rose's lap, Rose left the control room and went into the studio. She picked up her pink Gibson guitar. "Rough recording again?"

 

"Full recording," Paisley said.

 

"Well, let's do this. Get in here, " Rose said.

 

Amethyst and Garnet followed Rose into the recording booth and picked up their respective instruments. They knew they'd be recording Amethyst on the drums first.

 

Pearl stood frozen in the middle of the control room. Her head turned toward Paisley. Without removing Paisley from the gaze of her irate blue eyes she sat down on the couch.

 

"I don't feel like singing today," Pearl said.

 

"Like hell you don't!" Paisley said.

 

"Pearl just sing," Rose spoke into her microphone from the recording booth.

 

Pearl teared up. "All right," she said, defeated.

 

After all the instrumental parts were recorded, Pearl stood in front of the mic in the recording studio. She looked over at Rose for approval and then took a long breath.

> **Present  
>  **

 

"You wanna hear the song?" Paisley asked.

 

"Wait, you have the fucking song?" Chris asked.

 

"Of course I do," Paisley said.

 

"Please get the song," Lapis said with wide eyes. Her mind raced with ideas of how Pearl sounded.

 

"Give me a second," Paisley said. She disappeared into the trailer for a while.

 

"You think they're going to sound like Bowling for Soup or Incubus?" Chris asked.

 

"They're gonna sound like Blink 182 had a love child with Avril Lavigne," Lapis said.

 

"Come one, Pearl sounds like ten times better than Avril Lavigne," Chris said.

 

"True," Lapis said. "Okay. If Blink 182 and Paramore had a love child."

 

"That makes more sense," Chris said.

 

Paisley emerged from her trailer, waving a CD case. "Got it!" A boom box was underneath her shoulder. When she reached the fence, she pressed play. An early 2000's bass and erratic drums played. Then Pearl's voice emitted from the speakers.

 

 

_Take me into the sunset._

_I'll go to the end of the world with you._

_They don't understand us._

_And they don't need to._

 

_You make me feel like myself._

_Before, I hid it from the world._

_Yes mother. My only vocabulary._

_You're my dictionary._

 

 

_I'll give my whole heart to you._

_Sneak out to your car and rendezvous._

_Spend the night. Break curfew._

_They tell me we don't belong._

_I will always tell them, they're wrong._

_They don't know you wrote me a song._

 

 

_Pluck the guitar strings._

_Show them how you--_

 

 

Paisley shut the song off. "You want the copy?"

 

"Of the CD?" Chris nearly jumped into the air.

 

"Yeah," Paisley said.

 

"Christmas has come early this year!" Chris said as she took the CD from Paisley's hand.

 

Lapis smirked as she tried to hide her amusement. "Do you know anything about Diamond Records dropping The Crystal Gems because Pearl broke her hand?"

 

"We didn't drop her for that," Paisley said.

 

"What do you mean you didn't--"

 

"Rose cancelled the contact. Or never signed the contract, might be a better term. We had it right in front of her, seven months pregnant in our Empire City office," Paisley said.

> **2003  
>  **

 

Paisley sat sat next to Rose in a boardroom on the top floor of an Empire City office building. Her sisters Blaine, Livie, and Whitney occupied the other chairs. Under Rose Cortez's pink sundress was a small bump. Whitney Hammond was not pleased when she found out Rose was pregnant.

 

"Where's Pearl?" Blaine asked.

 

"She's recovering from her hand surgery," Rose said.

 

"I believe you know why you're here," Livie said.

 

"And please be aware this has nothing to do with...your situation," Whitney said.

 

"You mean my pregnancy?" Rose asked. Her eyes narrowed. "I'm fully aware you were planning this before I revealed my pregnancy to everyone."

 

"I'm gonna be straight with you," Whitney said. "When we move Pearl to lead singer, we're going to have to fix her look."

 

"She looks fine," Rose said. Her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed. Plush, pink lips pouted.

 

"If we're going to sell any records, she needs to look like someone girls want to be like and men want to fuck. Right now, with her short hair and her band t-shirt look, no one is going to feel that way. I can't send her one TRL like that."

 

Rose leaned forward. "I feel like you don't understand this. Pearl doesn't want to change her look. She doesn't want to be on TRL. All she wants to do is play the guitar. The rest of this is a stupid concept to her. This isn't her. You can't make her into your little record selling pawn."

 

"Are you sure you're not salty about this change?" Blaine asked.

 

"If anyone's going to be salty, it's Pearl. Tell her to dress differently? She'll flip. At this rate, you'll tell her to go back in the closet too."

 

The Diamond Trio members were silent. Whitney cleared her threat. "Pearl can do as she pleases. Although this might be one of those things she doesn't discuss publicly."

 

"I think we're done here," Rose grabbed her jacket and struggled to get up as her large, round belly was in her way.

 

"You haven't signed the contract yet," Blaine said.

 

"And I wont be signing any contract," Rose said. "Like I said two seconds ago. We're done here."

 

"Let's not get irrational here," Whitney said. "Sit back down and we'll compromise."

 

"Well Pearl and I are going to be together a lot. Just so you know that," Rose said. "And we're not going to tell people we're roommates or 'gal pals,' any of those ridiculous excuses."

 

Whitney cleared her throat. "Fine. Anything else?"

 

"Pearl doesn't change anything about her--"

 

"That's not negotiable," Whitney said.

 

"See, Whit, I don't think there is anything we can compromise about," Rose said, now standing with her coat draped over her arm. "I'm going to have this baby and then I'm going to find another music label where I can make the music I want to make."

 

Present

 

"So Rose never signed the new contract with Diamond Records because she didn't want them to turn Pearl into a pop star. Yet, here we are fourteen years later and Rose is gone and Pearl is a pop star," Lapis scribbled in her notebook. Her desperation to write this article was beginning to take over. However, Lapis knew she could not publish this article without talking to both Pearl and Whitney Hammond again.

 

"What Whitney wants, Whitney gets," Paisley said. "Why do you think I live all the way out here in the middle of nowhere?"

 

"It's peaceful," Chris said.

 

"Cept you two," Paisley said.

 

"Is this you asking us to leave?" Chris asked.

 

"You bet," Paisley said.

 

"Can I ask one more question?" Lapis bit on the end of her pen.

 

"One more," Paisley's grip on the fence post tightened.

 

"Why did Whitney want Pearl to succeed so bad?" Lapis asked.

 

"Beats me," Paisley said. "For some stupid reason Whitney took a liking to her." Once she ended her statement, Paisley whistled for her dog. "You tow have a safe ride back. Use your lights and don't pick up anyone hitchhiking."

 

Lapis and Chris walked back to the car in silence. When the doors closed and they buckled their seatbelts, Chris said, "So this is a pretty big deal, huh?"

 

"We can't print anything without interviewing Pearl," Lapis said.

 

"Oh, come on! She's fucking impossible to get a hold of," Chris folded his arms.

 

"I'm not printing a story about a threesome that supposedly happened without interviewing Pearl first," Lapis said.

 

"She's a rock star, Lapis. They're all fucking everyone all the time. It probably happened. Who cares if it did?" Chris said.

 

"I just feel like it's the right thing to do," Lapis said. She started the car. Soon the small trailer became a dot in the distance on the desert terrain.

* * *

 

 

Pearl woke up face flat on a quilt with a flowery design. For a brief second she was confused about where she was, but she recognized the pattern and realized she was in her room in her childhood home. Her head rose up. Her head hurt and her body felt groggy. When she looked ahead, she saw her dusty keyboard and a faded poster of Liz Phair. It was like time had not passed.

 

"I think this might be the first time you snuck into the house," Pearl heard a voice say. She turned over and saw her mother, Joyce LeBlanc, wearing a rob and holding a cup of coffee. Her strawberry blonde hair had white highlights. Pearl wondered why her mother never dyed it.

 

Pearl smirked. "Oh, I've snuck in many times, mostly because I snuck out the night before. Had to get back in without you knowing." She sighed. "I was at Greg's and I drank and I didn't want to stay there."

 

"I don't blame you," Joyce said. "Do you want some coffee?"

 

"Sure," Pearl said. Her mother turned around and went downstairs, Pearl followed. She still wore her clothes from the night before. On the way downstairs, she caught herself in a mirror and saw her makeup was smudged underneath her eyelids. On the way down the stairs, she passed pictures of herself as a child. There was a considerable gap of time between the pictures of Pearl on the wall. The last one from her childhood was her junior year yearbook photo. Her hair was long, just past her shoulders and she had on a light pink scoop neck blouse. To Pearl's surprise, there was a photos of Rose and Pearl taken the summer before Pearl ran away. They were in the front yard of Pearl's house. Rose's arm was around Pearl. It must have been the day before Rose left for college. Pearl usually did not have Rose over.

 

Next to the photo of Pearl and Rose was a candid from the Christmas Pearl and Amethyst visited over a decade ago. Pearl had her arm over Amethyst as they sat on the couch. Pearl was whispering something in Amethyst's ear while Amethyst laughed. "I didn't know you took any pictures of us aside from the group photo we took."

 

"I didn't have many of you," Joyce said as they descended the stairs. "There are also some of you and Felicia downstairs too."

 

"I didn't realize you liked Amethyst," Pearl said. She followed her mother into the kitchen.

 

"I don't hate Amethyst," Joyce said. Pearl watched her pour coffee into a mug.

 

"No sugar please."

 

Her mother's hand froze just as she was about to put sugar in the cup of coffee. "Cream?"

 

"Please," Pearl said.

 

"That's a cute sweater."

 

"Thanks. It's cashmere."

 

"When did you stop putting sugar in your coffee?"

 

"Recently," Pearl said. She took the mug in her hands and took a sip from the cup and forced herself to not wince. Her preferred morning drink was tea.

 

"So why didn't you take an Uber back to your own house?"

 

"I felt like walking and it was cold and this was closer" Pearl said. She leaned against the counter and closed her eyes. "I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I feel like I need to tell someone about it. The other night, Amethyst told me she still loved me."

 

Her mother's hand shook before she stabilized the mug in her hand by drinking out of it. "Pearl, may I be blunt?"

 

"Depends," Pearl said.

 

"I was not around for when Rose passed. And I should have been. For that I a truly sorry and I know you probably wont forgive me," Joyce said. "But Amethyst was and from what I imagine, your relationship with her became strange."

 

"Us being wo-" Pearl began to say.

 

"Let me finish." Joyce took a sip of her coffee. "When your father died, I became very close with his best friend Carl. I was lonely and he would come over for dinner. We walked about your father a lot and then one night we kissed. I felt like my world was going to collapse on me. Your father was the only man I had ever loved. How would he feel about me seeing Carl? What would people say? Eventually I told Carl it was not appropriate for us to see each other anymore."

 

"I didn't know you were seeing Carl," Pearl said.

 

"I don't think 'seeing,' is the correct word. Anyway, I stopped it because I felt like I was replacing your father too quickly. It didn't feel appropriate no matter how much I had grown to like Carl. My point being though is, you, Pearl, have never followed nor cared about what was appropriate."

 

"Is this you making me feel bad about--"

 

"No. I suppose what I'm trying to say is why would you start doing that now?"

 

Pearl sipped on her coffee and made a face. Folgers was not her preferred coffee brand. "It wasn't that it didn't feel right or appropriate. I just felt as if I could not love her as much as she deserved to be loved."

 

"Don't be afraid of the joyous feeling in the entire world. There was a time when you dropped everything to run off with Rose. Perhaps you would have to drop everything again. But I would say it was worth it the first time, wasn't it?"

 

"Amethyst seems quite happy right now with the way her life is. I don't want to disrupt that," Pearl said. "And I care about Felicia."

 

"Okay then," Joyce said. "Do you want toast?"

 

"Sure," Pearl said. She sat down at the kitchen table and watched her mother make toast. She decided to not intervene in Amethyst's relationship with Travis. Felicia was great and perhaps Travis could love Amethyst more than Pearl could.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
